by Anna Bloom
Seventy-two hours had hurt.
“Where’s Daisy?” he asked, and my heart thudded that his first thought was of her.
“Asleep. She’s been asleep for hours.”
He pulled back a bit, that new frown, which he wore on his face like a new piece of furniture, deepened. “Leia.”
“The doctor’s visiting in the morning. She’s fine. I would never have left the hospital otherwise, no matter how much I hate the press and the attention.”
Sighing slightly, he dropped his forehead until it rested against mine. For a long moment we stood there, carved together. Harsh words and regret washing away, bringing a new dawn where only darkness had been.
His kiss when it finally found my lips burned with hunger. The fire he’d woken in me only weeks ago sparked and flamed, so hot that I winced.
“Sorry.” He pulled away. “I probably shouldn’t just turn up and think I can apologise and everything will go back to normal.”
I pulled him tighter. “Will you shut up?”
Three
“She asked for you as soon as she woke.” I handed him the coffee I’d made using the small welcome pack Jeannie had left when she’d cleaned the place up. Handing the future king a coffee in what should have been a moment of emotional turmoil seemed almost laughable. The pressure of having the world watching me. Knowing about me. It faded into insignificance as I watched him lean back against the Formica worktop in the orange and brown kitchen of the cottage. He made seventies garish colour schemes look good.
I wanted to kiss him.
Feel him; skin on skin.
I also wanted to talk, to be normal, just us.
What was normal for us? A few dates, a handful of weeks, and now here we stood in a Cornish kitchen with the press hounding our every move.
“She said she could hear you, that she’d dreamt of you.”
He studied me carefully, blowing on the steam rising from the mug. “When you made me leave, it was simply the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Every step I took down that corridor, it felt wrong. I kept stopping, ready to turn around, but you were so very angry. I knew you didn’t want to see me again, not right at that moment.” His gaze stormed. “I don’t blame you either, Leia.”
I shook my head and concentrated on staring at my own coffee. I clattered the tea spoon against the china while I tried to think of the right way to say what I needed to.
“The moment she said your name, I realised I’d been fighting something that had happened without me even knowing it. For the last six years, it’s just been Daisy and me. But it’s not just us anymore. It felt too quick, that just a few dates shouldn’t mean forever.”
I peered up to assess his reaction.
“The other day, Nana said something that I didn’t really take note of at the time.”
“What did she say?” His question rumbled low and melodic. That wave of desire he pulled from me with just the slightest touch or word, crested to life.
I dragged in a deep breath trying to force myself to keep talking. “She said I wasn’t like other people. That I’m not built to have dates and fall in and out of love. I’m not wired that way, it’s all or nothing.” He opened his mouth to speak, but I held up my hand. “And she’s right. When I look at how I’ve always been with Daisy; that almost fanatical desperation I’ve always had that she should be just mine. How I don’t try to make friends with people… and the way I feel for you.”
He nodded and placed his cup on the counter. Reaching for me, he picked up my hand and held it palm upwards, his finger sliding across my skin. “Leia. Everyone important knows I’m here: my parents, the palace. This isn’t a secret anymore. I was foolish to pretend that it could be.”
I stared at the place our hands met. His olive skin, holding my own pale palm.
“I can give you privacy. We can live and never tell anyone what we do; behind closed doors is our own private kingdom. But I will never love you in secret again. The risk of losing you is too great.”
“A private kingdom?” The warmth of my smile lifted my heart.
“Yes.”
“What happens in a private kingdom?”
His dark head dipped, and he pressed his lips to my hand. “You, me, Daisy. We get to love and be ourselves.”
“And what happens when the press doesn’t accept me; the people won’t accept me?”
His gaze lifted and searched mine. “I don’t for one moment think that will be the case.” He shrugged. “But I don’t care. My entire life has been shaped by who I am, what I will be. Surely now, Leia, I get to find some joy for myself?”
I stared at him for a moment. He made it sound easy. I could all too easily envision our world inside our private kingdom, but it wouldn’t be easy.
Loving him wouldn’t be easy.
No other option remained available though. I sent him away once and the scorch in my chest still ached from just three days without him.
“So the prince of the realm falls in love with a commoner?”
His lips quirked into my favourite smile. “The prince of the realm just fell in love.”
My eyes closed as he brushed his fingertips along my jaw. The air shifted and I held my breath waiting for his kiss. When it didn’t come, I opened my lashes. I blinked up into his heavenly face. The one everyone thinks they know, but really, it’s just mine; he’s just mine.
“Princess Leia,” he whispered, and my heart hammered against my ribs. “My princess.”
I tried to shake my head, a nervous giggle building in my throat. He held me still though; not letting me escape from the moment.
“I’ll worship you like a queen until there’s no breath left in my body.”
I sagged a little at his words. They bound me so tight in need and want, for a moment my brain stopped processing any thoughts at all. Then as my faculties came back, I pressed myself into his chest. My fingers pulling at his hair as my lips sought his, needy and hungry. He groaned as he leant into me, his arms pinning me as tight as could be. The hard lines of his body beneath his jumper made my blood rush with heat.
Placing his hands firmly at my waist, he lifted me onto the counter. My legs opened so he could move between my knees. I leant my head back so his lips could trail a path along my throat, moaning slightly as his warm mouth breathed against my skin. Shivering a little, I pulled him closer, clamping him with my knees, breathing him in as I melded my lips to his. My tongue probed, dancing with delight at the taste of coffee and mint.
A kiss to heal my aching heart.
“I’ve missed you so much, Leia. The word missed doesn’t do it justice.” He spoke against my mouth, not breaking contact.
“You could have come sooner. Saved me at least twenty-four hours of heartache.” I refused to stop the kiss. I wanted it forever; never-ending.
“I’m sorry.”
My fingers ran around the collar of his jumper, teasing at the skin I wanted to touch underneath. His own hand lifted my T-shirt, his palms spreading against my ribs, his thumb grazing under the edge of my bra.
“What were you doing?”
“Telling them I wasn’t backing down. That I’d made my choice.”
I almost paused, but he distracted me by unclipping my bra and bringing his hand back around to cup my right breast. I groaned loudly; not an adult conversation by any way, shape, or form.
“I love that noise.”
Jesus. Heat flooded me. It burned between my legs until I could have been sat on the stovetop and not on the kitchen counter.
“Mummy?” We both froze at the sound of Daisy’s voice. With wide eyes I met his stare.
“Oh fuck,” I mouthed.
Damn that man. His smile flashed and he pulled his hand out of my top. “To be continued later. May I?” His gaze held mine for a split-second and he nodded to where Daisy’s call had come from the top of the stairs. I nodded briefly and then he turned away, leaving me burning in his wake. His light footfall landed on the stairs, echoing through
the small cottage as he paced to Daisy. “Hey, soldier.” I could hear him through the floorboards.
“Ollie! Mummy said we wouldn’t see you again.” A piercing arrow of regret darted into my heart. I’d doubted him. Been so angry I couldn’t even see straight. A mistake… but one I didn’t plan to make again.
“I’m so sorry, Daisy.” His muffled voice easily reached my ears. “I’ve had a lot of things to organise, but I’m here now. How are you feeling?”
“Wide awake.” He chuckled which was then followed by a quiet pause. He must have been whispering.
“I forgive you,” she said, and it just made me ache all over again.
“Right then. Are you well enough to come down and watch some late night telly with Mummy and I?”
“I’m not allowed to watch the telly after seven.”
That girl. She had far too much cuteness for her own good.
“Well, you’ve been asleep all day and I want to see you. I’ll ask Mummy, okay?”
I waited for the clatter of their footsteps, but I only heard one set on the way back down the stairs. When he rounded into the kitchen, I realised why. He carried her in a piggyback. Her cheeks that had been pale for days tinged with a hint of pink.
“Look who came back, Mummy. I told you he would.”
“Yes, you did.”
“Nana said he would too.”
I nodded trying to not pull a face. “She did. Yes.”
Oliver smiled at me without her seeing. “Never doubt a prince, that’s the lesson to be learned here.”
“Oh, is it?” I shook my head. I still couldn’t really comprehend he’d come. In truth I never expected him to. My surprise, for the moment, numbed my utter terror at the prospect of what a future with him in my life could bring.
The prince and me…? It seemed utterly preposterous and at the same time completely right.
I’d lost my mind. He’d stolen it with his first kiss and there seemed little chance of me getting it back.
I walked over to Daisy and shifted her off his back. She didn’t look best pleased but really, playing horsey now wasn’t the best health choice to make. “How are you? You’ve been asleep for hours.”
“I’m fine, Muuuummmy, stop fussing.”
I rolled my eyes and Oliver snorted. “I’ll fuss all I want. Wait until I’m old and grey and get my own back on you.”
“Nana is old and grey and she never goes to hospital.”
“Oh, I’m so telling her you said that.”
Daisy’s eyes widened and then her bottom lip pouted. “Don’t tell her that, she’ll be upset with me.”
I nearly told her none of us would ever get upset with her again. That she had a free pass for about five years—that’s what almost dying gave you. But I managed to maintain some parenting authority.
I turned for the garish kitchen cupboards. “Well there’s no food here, and I think the little shop Molly told me about will be closed.”
“I’m hungry.” Daisy glared at the cupboards and my own stomach gave a little rumble. When had I last eaten? Sometime before my world imploded? Maybe last week.
“I’ve got some stuff in the car.” Daisy and I both turned to Oliver.
“What do you mean you’ve got stuff in the car?” I narrowed my gaze.
“Well, it wasn’t hard to look on Google maps and work out this place was in the back of beyond. I knew you’d only get here a few hours before me, so I made plans.”
“You were confident of a warm welcome then?”
His smile blinded the room. Total Disney.
“What plans exactly?”
“I asked the cook at the palace to organise us a supper picnic.”
“The cook at the palace?” I arched an eyebrow.
His air of innocence didn’t fool me at all. “I would imagine even the cleaning team know where I am by now.”
“Great,” I mumbled.
He stepped up and slid his hand around my back, squeezing me into his side, uncaring of Daisy watching, and kissed the top of my head. “All or nothing.”
“All or nothing,” I repeated.
“Okay that’s three Disney movies. I can’t take anymore singing.”
Daisy groaned but it only contained half her usual fighting enthusiasm. Her eyelids had been fluttering for the last quarter of an hour.
She lay in the middle of the chintzy sofa with her head on my lap and her feet on Oliver’s. Every so often I glanced at Ollie and met his eye.
Mind reading would be so useful right now. I hated not knowing what he thought.
We’d gone from zero to one hundred in the space of one evening. Daisy though looked happy. More than happy. I couldn’t stop looking at the way he rubbed her feet when they both laughed at something on the telly. I didn’t laugh, my attention solely remained on them. My two people.
Nana had been right. I’d been born into a situation I couldn’t control. I’d survived it by the skin of my own teeth, but it left me wired differently to most. For me there’d never be dating for fun. I’d never go and stand in a speed dating queue with Molly. For me it would only ever be these two people.
Maybe in a way it made me right for him. I’d never sell him out, he knew that. I had too much to lose, too much to protect. Maybe it was that about me that had attracted him in the first place.
Oliver lifted Daisy’s legs off his lap and stood, stretching slightly, giving me a gratuitous view of all the things I’d missed the last few days. I held in a nervous giggle when he caught me staring and raised an eyebrow. “How about,” he said turning his attention fully onto Daisy. “We get back to sleep now? Maybe if the doctor who comes to check you in the morning says you are well enough, we will walk to the beach.”
I opened my mouth to protest. He shouldn’t make promises he couldn’t keep. I didn’t think Oliver Beaufort would be strolling down the road holding our hands any time soon. We might not be a secret in his life anymore, but in mine I’d been run out of town for being the daughter of a drug addict who’d dared to date the future king.
“Can we?” Daisy’s expression lightened with wistfulness. As she turned to me, I had to stop myself from shooting her down with the Harbinger of Doom act I usually maintained.
“Maybe. Let’s see what the doctor says. Anyway, come on, you’re tired. I’ll tuck you in. Sooner you sleep, sooner it will be tomorrow.”
“Will I be going back to school soon?” she asked. I tried very hard to read her expression to see what she might think about that. After all, her last memories of being in school must have been terrifying, but just her normal optimism and enthusiasm stared right back at me.
“Well it’s half term next week anyway, but maybe after that. It really depends what the doctors say.”
She nodded and didn’t seem upset. Oliver however had a frown on his face. He looked at me like he didn’t understand the language I spoke.
Unnerved, I reached for Daisy to break the moment. She kicked her legs. “Ollie.”
“Daisy!” I chided.
“It’s okay. It will be my pleasure. Now I assume your toothbrush is upstairs.” Daisy groaned and I chuckled.
“Everything is in the bathroom between the bedrooms.” She was already in her pyjamas, so I let him take her up the stairs and do the daily brush. She didn’t make half as much fuss for him as she would for me. I sat and sipped the glass of red wine that had come out of his picnic basket until I heard his feet back on the stairs. With every tread my nerves crackled with flashes of painful electricity.
I needed him in almost indescribable ways.
But things had changed.
Whatever happened now had the prospect to be a promise carved out of stone between us. Not because of who he was, but rather because of me.
He’d come. He’d apologised. My daughter still loved him. But now, in the dark, we would be two adults with words to erase and promises to pledge. Promises that would change everything for both of us.
My fingers shook around my
glass. My heart told me this was unequivocally right. My world-weary brain, my battle scars of survival, told me to be careful.
So when he walked in with a frown still on his face I sat up a little straighter.
“What’s wrong? Does she want me?”
He flicked a glance over me, distracted, upset possibly? “No, she’s fine.”
Well that didn’t settle my nerves.
“What’s up then?” I asked, a lump forming in my throat. Please tell me he hadn’t changed his mind. Maybe my need for stability for Daisy had scared him off eventually.
No… he’d always known that. He’d wanted it as much as me…
I waited.
He sat on the sofa next to me, a careful distance apart. “You seem to be under the impression that Daisy will be able to go back to her school.”
“Well no, not straight away. I’m not exactly in a hurry to go back to London. I’m pretty sure Janine would rather I didn’t go back to the office.” I cringed when I thought of Janine; one of my oldest friends and the woman who’d looked after me when all else had been desperate. The woman who’d found my nana when I thought I had no one.
Oliver reached for my hand, careful, slowly, as though approaching a wild pony he didn’t want to scare. “Leia. There is no going back.”
Four
“What do you mean?” I looked at our tangled fingers, unwilling to meet the severity of the expression on his face.
“Once we are official, no matter how private we are. No matter how much we keep our lives to ourselves, there are things that cannot remain the same. Your safety, Daisy’s safety will fall under the remit of the palace. Daisy will need to go to a school that’s safe and private. I don’t think you will be able to go to work in London anymore. People will want to see you, talk to you, take photos with you.”
He paused as though he expected me to say something. I’m not sure what, because I had nothing.
“It wouldn’t have been this quick. Maybe if I’d handled things better, we could have had a few more months.”
I nodded almost dumbly.