“It’s fine,” I lie. None of the guys says anything right away, so I force myself to ask, “What’s up?”
Sebastian crosses his arms, his mood darkening. Elliot looks almost as irritated as he does, and Remy and Liam share a look before Liam shrugs at me. “We wanted to talk to you about Charlotte.”
“She’s out getting her nails done with your moms,” Sebastian adds.
I don’t bother telling him I already knew that. My moms woke me up earlier to let me know they were leaving. After Charlotte told us about her past yesterday, and about her sorry fucking excuse for a mother, I didn’t want to let her out of my sight. I wanted to hold her and make sure she knows she has people who love her and care for her now, and I wanted to make sure she knows we’re not going anywhere, ever.
But eventually, I had to come home for dinner. I didn’t last more than five minutes before breaking down and telling my moms everything that happened to Charlotte and how absolutely devastating it was to hear that such a sweet, incredible person ever had to go through anything like that.
“I know.” I sigh. “They’ll probably end up taking her shopping afterwards. You know how they are.”
Liam rubs his hand over the back of his neck and grimaces at me. “I know you’re feeling like shit, dude, but we really need to talk before Charlotte gets home. This might be the only chance we get.”
Assuming they want to talk about everything Charlotte told us yesterday, I groan in frustration and roughly rub my hands over my eyes. Why can’t they just leave it alone? Charlotte obviously wants to move on. And to be honest, I don’t think I can handle talking about everything she said again either. I know there’s probably still so much she left out, that she didn’t want to tell us.
Sebastian huffs angrily and asks, “Do you like her?”
I blink in surprise as a warm, giddy feeling stirs in my chest. Fuck. We’re finally talking about this. I don’t know why I didn’t expect this. I’ve thought about this conversation so much, but now I’m at a complete loss for words.
“Uh, yeah...” I clear my throat. My face feels hot and I feel stupidly embarrassed. “Yeah, of course I like her. I’ve been meaning to talk to you guys.”
“I can’t fucking believe this,” Sebastian mutters angrily, clenching his fists at his sides.
Remy adjusts his glasses and glares at him. “I told you.”
The two of them look like they’re going to start beating the shit out of each other any second. Maybe I’m too stupid or oblivious, but I don’t get where their hostility is coming from. I mean, I guess I haven’t straight up said I like Charlotte before, but I haven’t exactly tried to hide it from the guys or from her.
“What’s the big deal?” I ask.
Elliot rolls his eyes. “We all like her, bro. Remy’s talking about asking her out, and Sebastian’s throwing a fucking conniption because he’s jealous. They’re going to ruin everything!”
My heart pounds faster, and I have to force myself not to smile. I knew Seb liked her, and I was fairly certain the other guys did too. I mean, Jesus, I walked in on Remy and Charlotte just as they were about to kiss the other day! I’m so fucking relieved and excited, but I know that’s weird and wrong. So, how can I tell them what I’m thinking? How do I even start?
“Well, um...” I push my hair off my forehead, desperately trying to think of something cleverer and more coherent to say. But my head feels so heavy and tired. All I want to do is curl up into my bed and ignore my friends and this conversation until later.
But I know the guys will do something stupid if I don’t talk to them now. Dr. Collins says that when my depression is really bad like this, it’s best to focus on one task at a time.
“Can I take a shower first?” I feel gross, and it will probably buy me at least a little time to get my thoughts together.
“Sure.” Elliot shrugs. “But hurry up!”
After grabbing a pair of basketball shorts, boxers, and a towel, I lock myself in the bathroom down the hall from my room. My shoulders slump and I let out a long sigh while I wait for the water to heat up. I already feel completely fucking drained after talking to the guys for not even five minutes. I know it probably won’t make much of a difference, but I still hope hanging out with them makes me feel a little better. Maybe by the time Charlotte gets home, I’ll feel more like my usual self.
Taking my time in the shower, I think about what I’m going to say to the guys.
I like Charlotte so much. The first time I saw her, after stupidly shooting her with a water gun, I thought she was the prettiest girl I’d ever seen. At first, I thought there would never be any way she could be interested in me. But in such a short amount of time, she’s become one of my best friends in the universe, and I know she feels the crazy amount of chemistry between us. The way she looks at me sometimes fucking kills me, and a big part of me wishes I had kissed her when we were hanging out at the mall the other day.
But, I know she has chemistry like that with the guys too. I think sometimes it scares her or makes her feel guilty, like when I’ve caught her checking us out when our shirts are off, or how I walked in on her nearly kissing Remy. But now that the guys are ready to finally admit how they feel about her, why can’t we all be with her? She’s already our best friend and we spend all of our time together anyways. If she was our girlfriend, everything would be more amazing and fucking perfect than it has been since she moved here.
My stomach flutters excitedly and anxiously. I know people generally wouldn’t be accepting of a relationship like that, and it will probably be super fucking awkward asking Charlotte, and figuring out how to make things work. But I’ve heard Elliot call her our girl, so I can’t be the only one thinking like this, right? Charlotte deserves all the love, warmth, and affection in the world.
After I turn the shower off and slip my shorts on, I towel-dry my hair and steel myself for what I need to say to the guys. I know this is going to sound insane, but why don’t we all ask Charlotte out and try dating her at the same time?
When I walk back into my room, the four of them are sitting in a circle on the floor. I snort at them and raise my eyebrows, and Liam shrugs and motions for me to sit between him and Remy.
“You feeling any better?” Sebastian asks me in concern.
I shrug noncommittally. I feel more awake and prepared to have this conversation. But there’s still a sad, empty feeling in my chest that’s difficult to explain or describe.
After a few awkward seconds, Remy breaks the silence with a loud sigh as he adjusts his glasses. “I know you guys all like Charlotte as more than a friend, and it’s understandable. Elliot, I know you didn’t want any of us to try and get with her because you were worried about ruining our friendships with her...”
I look up at Elliot in surprise. He flirts with Charlotte more than any of us, so it’s funny to hear that he said something like that to Remy. Elliot frowns, but he doesn’t interrupt Remy.
“...but I can’t not tell her how I feel anymore. I’ve never met anyone that just gets me like she does, and I can’t stop drawing her. She’s all I fucking think about anymore. I’m going to give her a few days to get back to normal after telling us about her past, and to get adjusted in school, but then I am going to ask her out.”
Sebastian’s gaze has turned murderous. I half expect him to reach over and punch Remy as soon as he’s done talking. But then Elliot blows up before Seb can get the chance.
“So, you’re totally fucking fine throwing away our friendship, then? You seriously don’t give a shit that you’ll be hurting your best friends, and that you’ll also be ruining the friendships Charlotte’s formed with the rest of us? She doesn’t have any other friends besides us!”
“It doesn’t need to be like that,” Remy says defensively. “Of course you guys will still be friends with her! And I’m not the one who would be throwing away our friendship over some stupid fucking jealousy on your guys’ part!”
“How are you so sure
she’d even say yes?” Sebastian practically growls. “I spend more time with her than any of you, and she always looks to me first when she needs something! If Arthur didn’t give us this stupid fucking rule, Charlotte would already be my girlfriend!”
Sebastian has always been jealous when it comes to Charlotte, so I knew he’d be the hardest to convince. But Remy’s acting nearly as bad as he is, so I’m starting to get a little worried. Liam meets my eyes and shakes his head in exasperation. Maybe if I can convince him first, this might all be a little easier?
“You know what, fuck you guys.” Elliot’s voice is cold, completely devoid of his usual playfulness. It’s shocking enough that we shut up and focus our attention on him. “I’m going to ask her out too. She already knows I like her, and she’s basically already admitted she likes me. We agreed we didn’t want to make things weird between the six of us, but if you guys don’t give a shit...”
I raise my eyebrows in surprise. When did he tell Charlotte he liked her? They haven’t hung out just the two of them since earlier in the summer when we first made friends with her, so maybe then? Then again, Charlotte and I talk on the phone and text a lot, especially at night after everyone’s gone to bed. For all I know, she talks to the other guys just as much when I’m not around.
“What if...” I clear my throat a few times when my voice comes out scratchy, gaining everyone’s attention. I suddenly feel unsure, and it’s hard to meet any of their eyes when I shrug. “What if she likes more than one of us?”
It’s totally silent, long enough for me to wish I’d stayed in bed after all. I hesitantly look up and meet Elliot’s eyes, but it’s impossible to read his expression.
“Dude, no.” Sebastian finally scoffs. “That’s impossible. You can’t have feelings for more than one person. She’s probably just being nice to you guys.”
I whip my head up in his direction, feeling angry and ashamed. He dismissed the idea so easily, and also insulted me and the other guys. “Why not?”
Remy looks like he’s trying really hard to meet Seb’s eyes, and he sighs and glares in my direction. “I kind of agree, Gray. I doubt she actually likes more than one person, if she likes any of us. We’re probably being fucking stupid and are picking up on signals that aren’t actually there.”
Doubt creeps in, and I frown to myself without responding. Are they right? Maybe it really is just me who thinks some sort of poly relationship sounds fun or even possible. How am I so sure Charlotte likes me, or that she likes the other guys too? And why did I ever think in a million years she’d be okay with pursuing something as outrageous as I’ve imagined between us?
I push my wet hair off my forehead and sigh quietly. Charlotte and I have a great connection and I can’t imagine ever liking any other girl more than I like her. But Charlotte deserves more than just me.
“So, the three of you are still going to ask her out?” Liam asks when nobody else says anything.
Elliot’s still giving me a weird look, but he nods. Remy does too, even while he and Sebastian glare at each other. I peer at my red-haired best friend, hoping I don’t look as worried or desperate as I feel.
“What about you, Liam? Don’t you like her too?”
“Yeah.” He rubs the back of his neck and gives me a small, grimacing smile. “But she makes me so nervous, sometimes I can’t even talk to her. I’d never be able to ask her out, and there’s no way she likes me as more than a friend.”
I want to tell him that’s not true, but Remy and Sebastian have really made me second guess myself. I can’t tell if it’s because of how shitty and closed off I feel right now, or if maybe they have a valid point. Maybe I should have talked to Charlotte first after all, before bringing the idea up to the guys. After hearing them argue over Charlotte, it’s obvious they would never consider it. Not right now, anyways.
“What if we, like, try to figure out who she likes first?” I ask with uncertainty. Anything to buy some more time.
“So, what? You want to just go up and ask her if she likes one of us?” Sebastian brushes a nervous hand through his hair.
I shake my head because I don’t know what I mean. Luckily, Liam jumps in for me and suggests, “Maybe instead of asking her and potentially freaking her out, we can figure out a way to get her to admit it first?”
Sebastian nods like this is the greatest plan ever. “Nobody can ask her out or tell her how they feel until she says it first. That’s fair!”
Elliot laughs humorlessly. “So, we’re fucking competing for her now. Great.”
I don’t like the way that sounds either, but the rest of the guys look like they’re on board. Remy messes with his glasses like he’s nervous and says, “That means we can flirt with her as much as we want, and without being interrupted by the rest of us.”
Remy narrows his eyes at me, and I flip him off without thinking. Before the other guys can ask, I raise my eyebrows at Sebastian. “Are you gonna be able to deal with that? Seeing us flirt with her without punching us?”
Sebastian’s face turns red and he shakes his head. “I don’t want anyone kissing her.”
I roll my eyes and Elliot grunts. “Are you fucking serious, bro?”
Remy looks pissed off at the idiotic request, and Sebastian is quick to defend himself. “Yes, I’m serious! If we all start kissing her, that’s really going to freak her out and confuse her. And besides, Grayson, you’ve never even kissed a girl before. Do you really want your first kiss to be with a girl who’s already kissed all of your friends?”
My face flames in embarrassment and I nervously press my tongue against my bottom lip. The guys have more experience with girls than I do, but not much more. Sebastian’s question still stings, and it makes me feel even weirder for being okay with the idea of sharing a girlfriend with my best friends. Clearly, I was right to not say anything. I can only imagine what they’d think of me for suggesting Charlotte date all of us.
“You’re such a dick, you know that?” Elliot shakes his head.
Sebastian is adamant, so the rule sticks. We can flirt with Charlotte, but we can’t kiss her or tell her how we feel. I just have to hope I can find the courage to ask Charlotte what she would think of a polyamorous relationship.
“No matter what happens,” Liam says calmly. “I want you guys to promise we’ll still be best friends, and we’ll be happy for whoever Charlotte likes if she likes any of us in the first place.”
Everybody agrees, which makes me feel a little better about the whole thing. If Charlotte ends up with one of the other guys, I know I’ll be happy just to call her my best friend.
When the guys leave a short while later, I turn on some music at a low volume and crawl into bed. I feel emotionally exhausted after talking to the guys, and I want to shut my brain off and not think about anything.
I must have fallen asleep at some point, because I’m startled awake when someone touches my face. I expect it to be one of my moms, coming to wake me up, and I sit up in surprise when I find Charlotte smiling down at me.
“Hey, Princess.” I yawn and stretch my arm out as I push my hair away from my face. “What time is it?”
“Almost four,” she whispers, moving to sit on the edge of my bed beside me. “Your moms said you weren’t feeling well, so I wanted to come and check on you before I went home.”
I avoid her gaze and shrug, hating how embarrassed and ashamed I feel. “Yeah, it’s not a great day, mentally.”
I’m such a fucking pussy. Such a weak waste of a human being. Here’s this girl who’s literally been through hell, and I’m whining about nothing.
Charlotte threads her fingers through my hair, smoothing it down before wrapping her arms around my neck in a tight hug. I bring my arms up around her small frame and pull her closer to me. She holds me for what feels like a long time, never once questioning me or judging me. It makes my throat feel thick and I wish I could tell her how lucky I am to have her in my life.
Before I do something stupid or say
something mushy and idiotic, I clear my throat and pull away. “Did you get your nails done?”
The gorgeous girl in my arms nods, gives me a dazzling smile, and holds her hand up so I can see. “Yes, it was so much fun! I’ve never had a manicure before. Do you like it?”
I make a mental note to thank my moms again. I wonder if they realize how much this meant to Charlotte. I hold her tiny hand in mine, softly brush my thumb over her knuckles, and smile at the light pink color of her nails.
“Very pretty,” I murmur quietly. “Did you go shopping too?”
Charlotte nods and threads her fingers through mine. “Yeah, I got two new dresses. Arthur keeps telling me to spend my allowance money, but it still makes me feel bad.”
“You shouldn’t feel bad, Princess. You deserve the world, and I’m sure Arthur will be happy you bought something for yourself for once.” I stare into her mesmerizing green eyes, and I trail my fingers over her cheek and tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear before I can stop myself.
Smile Like You Mean It (Charlotte Reynolds Book 1) Page 31