by D. Fischer
Once my clothes settle over my skin, I steal one more look at the man I bared my soul to, rub the lingering sleep from my eyes, and leave the room.
My mind reels as I shuffle through the quiet, dark halls, my warm toes immediately chilling from the cold curling invisibly along the floor. It’s so early even the shifters aren’t awake yet.
When I turn a corner, running my fingers along the bricks for guidance, I almost screech in surprise. Just as startled as I am, Kaya abruptly stops and puts a hand to her heart.
“You frightened me,” she hisses, gripping her shawl tighter around her shoulders.
“You’re the one roaming the halls!” I hiss back. “What are you doing awake?”
“I couldn’t sleep.” She straightens. “I thought a walk might help.”
I sigh deeply and prop against the wall. The bricks dig into my shoulder. “Yeah, well, it’s not the easiest thing to catch sleep around here sometimes.”
“What are you doing up?” she asks, squinting.
I shrug. “I woke and couldn’t get back to sleep. I thought I’d go to the gym and get an early start.” I need space and quiet to sort myself out while I pummel a punching bag. But I’m not going to tell her that because it’ll come with more questions attached. I’ve only known the woman for a day.
She nods curtly. “Good. Meet me outside in thirty minutes. We’ll begin training early.”
Kaya doesn’t give me a chance to decline – to say ‘not today.’ I certainly would have. She briskly walks away and heads to her given room with footfalls as silent as a shifter’s. I mutter under my breath, knowing, all the same, she’s right. The sooner I can control my skinwalking abilities, the more independent I can become.
My heart aches at the thought. It implies I may not have Jacob to help keep me safe for the rest of my life. I may not have him to be my personal, devoted protector. A small voice in my head whispers that I haven’t ever needed someone to protect me, but I ignore it because the truth is harder to bear. The real reason is not wanting to be alone, and that . . . that’s too much pressure for an already bruised heart.
I stretch my neck at my dark thoughts, and the blaring mental image of Jacob’s lips sliding against mine, and squash them down, down, down, until there’s nothing but a sort of hollowness inside me. Then, I march away and head toward the gym, determined to think about it . . . never.
I love him, but I don’t need him, I lie to myself.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Jacob Trent
My dreamless state pulls away from me like water being drained from a sink. No matter how hard I try to stay in the deep slumber of blissful nothingness, sleep continues to tug and tug until I’m forced to fully wake. I groan and blindly reach to the other side of the bed. The tips of my fingers skid along the wrinkles, searching for the body I fell asleep staring at. They fumble along a cold sheet until I reach the edge of the mattress.
A cold sheet.
A chill pricks every nerve in my body. I abruptly wake, lifting my head from the pillow and blinking groggily at the vacant spot beside me. I frown and glance around the room. The fireplace gleams flames across the screen and hums softly as it pushes out hot air. The bathroom is dark, and the closet door is shut. Jinx is nowhere in the room, and as I sit up, rubbing my head, I try to recall if she had woken me before she left. Deep down, I know she hadn’t.
I fear the worst. It’s an irrational fear that causes my thoughts to burn through one heartbreak to the next. Maybe last night was all a dream. Maybe she regrets everything. Maybe . . . Maybe she was taken. We were up so late, and once my head hit the pillow, I fell into a deep sleep. Could someone have taken her from my bedside? Would I have even noticed?
Wrestling with the sheet, I jump from the bed. I stomp quickly to a pair of shorts and slide them on in a hasty manner, awkward and bumping into the dresser. Opening the door with more strength than necessary, I feel it slam into the wall as I nearly bump into Rex. His hand is raised to knock on the wood that’s no longer in front of him. He lowers it with a curious glance at the ferocity in my expression.
“Sorry,” he mumbles. “You weren’t in the guest room, so I thought maybe you were in here.” He looks past me to the bed. I glance with him, following his interest to the heap of sheets twisted around the comforter. The mattress has two body indents, the fitted sheet wrinkled where our hips had been touching.
“I slept here last night,” I murmur, my voice thick with sleep.
“I see that,” he says, a grin spreading across his face. “The date must have gone better than planned? Jinx never even hinted at it.”
“You’ve seen Jinx?” I ask, refraining from shaking the man.
His forehead wrinkles with worry. “Yeah.” He jabs his thumb over his shoulder. “She was in the gym before her aunt dragged her outside for more training. Didn’t she – Oh.” He blinks at me. Blinks hard enough that it offends me and my cracking male ego. “She left the bed without telling you.”
My shoulders slump as the tension releases through a sigh. She’s safe. She’s not kidnapped. And though she left the bed willingly, it’s a smack to my pride. She didn’t wake me. She didn’t tell me. Without a word, she snuck out.
Running my tongue over my teeth, I straighten my spine once more. I dare not tell him I thought she was kidnapped because somehow, being abandoned in my own bed after a night of sex and declaring we love one another feels worse than a kidnapping situation.
Did she regret last night? My wolf whines inside me as my heart drums a song of sorrow, an ache I can’t describe. It’s similar to when I watched Allie’s casket be lowered into the ground by Cinder and Damien. Yet somehow completely opposite. It’s a loss, all the same.
My hand instinctively goes to my wrist, rubbing the spot where the rubber band usually rests. I had taken it off last night. Taken it off and left it on my desk because Jinx fills the void Allie once partially occupied. And now that Jinx abandoned me in bed, I find myself wanting to run my fingers over the rubber to soothe the sting in my chest.
I never had a relationship with Allie. Nothing romantic. Nothing sexual. She was like my little sister. Biologically Cinder’s but emotionally mine. She understood everything about me, accepted me for who I am as well as my limitations. I thought Jinx had, too.
I don’t respond to his implications whatsoever. “Did you need something?”
I watch as he purses his lips, considering whether pressing me for more information regarding Jinx is in his best interest. Lucky for him, he doesn’t. Instead, he crosses his arms and says, “A few of our wolves were with Cinder at Be Deviled last night.”
I shrug and press my shoulder into the door frame. “And?” It’s not uncommon for the Riva wolves to end their night at the bar with pitchers of beer.
“And,” Rex presses, drawing the word out. “A few of the Bane were there. I know we pondered the idea of them being gone after . . . well, you know.” He pauses awkwardly, dancing around Jinx’s name. “But they’re not. According to Cinder, the Bane made themselves comfortable, front and center for our attention.”
I stiffen. “What?”
Rex nods. “They didn’t even try to hide themselves. Cinder said they watched him as much as they watched the door.” He scrubs at his jaw. “I’m guessing they were waiting for Jinx to arrive. Hoping, probably, that she would join the members of the pack who are protecting her.” He shrugs again. “Or, they were taunting our wolves with their presence.”
“Did anyone attack them? Did anyone get attacked?”
He shakes his head. “No. When the bar was close to closing, they left without a word or a punch or a threat. Much to Damien’s dismay.”
I close my eyes. “That was their threat. They’re watching us.” Just like we thought they were. But instead of invading our territory, they’re invading our business. Be Deviled is a safe haven. We can’t challenge them there. Not without losing business. The patrons depend upon the safety we promise, no matter the supernatural
species.
“What do you want to do about it?” Rex asks quietly.
My gaze is hard, pissed, and my earlier cold chill is replaced with white-hot anger. This is a deliberate threat and one I can’t allow. If we can’t confront them at Be Deviled . . . “Find out where they’re staying. Find which dark hole they squat in. I want to know where they crawl out of, where they shit, and what they eat.”
Nodding briskly, Rex firms his lips, turns on his heel, and jogs down the hall to organize my order. I grip the door frame, grinding my teeth against each other. I haven’t even had coffee yet, and this day has already proved to be a shit show.
Jinx Whitethorn
Sweat beads and drips down my back as I climb the rest of the hill to the compound. More than there ever was during yesterday’s torture session with Kaya. By sheer will of the briskly chilled breeze, my shirt uncomfortably clings to my damp skin, irritating me to no end, and my sports bra is suctioned to my breasts. The sun hasn’t warmed the earth yet, and I want nothing more than to take a shower. Cut myself out of these ruined clothes and stand under its hot scolding water until my skin peels off.
During the beginning of Kaya’s so-called training, I glared at her every chance I had. The rising sun made the grey strands of hair brighten like liquid silver. Despite her inability to sleep, she didn’t seem affected by it. No puffy eyes, no yawns. Even as we walk back the short distance to the compound, her strides show no signs of sluggish exhaustion. She’s as graceful as the moment she strode into the library. Perhaps she’s one of those people who don’t need a normal night of sleep. Maybe she’s used to it. Who knows? But I envy her ability to function.
Cafeteria door in sight, I wiggle my numb fingers, forcing enough sensation into them so I’ll be able to wrap them around the frosted metal handle. Coffee. I need coffee. Straight from the pot for all I care.
Kaya huffs, amused at my sluggish strides along the flat top of the hill. The tips of my shoes are nearly dragging across the browning grass and disturb the dead leaves that had long since abandoned the forest’s confines. Today was another day of not being able to skinwalk. I was able to produce the tingling fingers, but that was it. The whispers never graced their presence, either.
In all fairness, my mind wasn’t in it. Not being able to skinwalk only made my feelings of self-doubt worse.
My Divine, I hate this. This is why I’ve made it a habit to keep people at a distance.
When we’re almost to the door, it swings open, and Jacob steps into the brisk mid-morning air. This area of grass is shadowed and shielded by the compound’s high walls and towers. As a result, it’s frozen underfoot and crunches as the alpha settles his weight. He surveys the melting frost twinkling in the morning light across his land.
My stomach lurches at the sight of him, and I look away before the mere presence can snare my emotions completely. I saw it though – his face. His square stern jaw was set, and the hard leer betrayed his palpable annoyance.
Maybe I was right. Maybe I’m not what he wants. Maybe, after the passion and heat of sex, he decided I’m not what he’s looking for after all.
Damn him for making me feel.
“Alpha,” Kaya greets. Just then, a gale travels up the hill, licking at every exposed piece of skin. She pulls her shawl tighter around herself and shivers beneath its meager warmth while I hunch my shoulders in unpleasant surprise.
Jacob doesn’t say a word, instantly alerting Kaya to a taut tension between us. She glances back and forth with a narrowed, accusatory sneer. She knew I was distracted during the entire lesson and gently chided me for a wandering mind several times. My aunt is too observant not to notice, but at least she didn’t press for me to spill the issue.
“Is there something we can do for you?” Kaya continues with a bite to her words.
“Chip is waiting in the lab for you, Jinx.”
I snap my head back to him. My braided ponytail slaps at my cold and raw cheek. “Why?”
“He’s found something in your father’s book.” Without another word, he turns and plods back into the compound. A firm hand is settled on my shoulder, but Kaya doesn’t look at me as she follows him. They leave me in the frozen grass, sweating, shivering, and enduring a tumble of emotions. I jerk when the door closes at their backs, seemingly slammed out of the compound and Jacob’s life.
Sighing deeply, I tip my head to the sky. Why did I do this to myself? A dark sea of clouds pushes closer to the sun, and I watch it for a moment, waiting until it swallows the world’s brightness whole. My colorful surroundings are cast into a bleak and dim palate before I succumb to my presence’s request and grasp the door’s cold handle.
I head to Chip’s lab without an escort, waving and nodding to those who greet me in the cafeteria and halls. It’s an effort to keep my sullen attitude from my face, but I’m grateful for the compound’s warmth as it folds around me with each step. Soon, I find myself alone in the lab’s speck free hallway. I take my time, trailing my fingers along the brick walls, the roughness of them soothing.
As I approach the double swinging doors, I hear chatter from within. It’s all I can do to force my feet to keep moving. Light leeches out from the door’s gap, seeping across the floor. I stop before it, watching as the light ripples when people move within the lab itself.
I look back toward the stairs from where I came. I’m not ready to confront this book – to learn more about a past that’s damned my present and future. It’s part of Kaya’s life more than it is mine, and truth be told, I have half a mind to pass this burden over to her and walk away from this mess. I turn toward the door and chew on the inside of my lip.
I’m not that person anymore, remember? I tell myself. Though the . . . circumstance with Jacob has abruptly changed, there are people here who I care about – who I call family. People who want me here and make no pains to show it. I won’t pass it off to them. I won’t abandon this damnation in favor of being free from it. I’m not a monster.
I sigh, one deep push of air, and press my shoulder into the double swinging doors.
Gleaming under the brightly lit room is the polished metal table dominating most of the open space. The fraying leather book is in its center.
For just a moment, such a brief moment that any ordinary person would have brushed it off, a quiet wave of murmurs come from the concealed pages and seemingly press against my ears. Old and ancient male voices. Wise voices.
The whispers no longer startle me, but having been lost in my own thoughts, I stumble anyway. Thanks to the objects in the library once belonging to long-dead pack members, I’m starting to get used to hearing the echoes of the once-living, especially when their spirits still cling to an object. Why would a sacred shaman journal be any different?
Jacob, Kaya, and Chip are hovering over my father’s book, but Chip and Kaya are the only ones who look up when I enter. Kaya watches my stumble with a knowing smile, and Chip greets me with a small wave. He gestures to the tattered leather book on his table. My father’s book.
My hesitant perusal travels along Jacob’s back while he braces his hands on the edge of the counter. The muscle in his jaw flexes, but other than that, he shows no outward signs.
“Found something that might interest you,” Chip announces cheerfully. He’s blissfully ignorant about the tension rolling between Jacob and me. His hair is in absolute disarray, making him appear as rough and scruffy as a lab rat.
“Great,” I breathe as sincerely as I can then give him a nodding, business-like reassurance. His cheeriness fades as he sweeps me from head to toe. He’s a shifter, and shifters will pick up on moods, especially ones we can’t squash. “What did you find?”
Shoes squeaking against the white floor, I approach the table. Without a word, Jacob releases his death grip on the counter and makes room for me. Our shoulders nearly bump as I glide up beside him. There’s this hum, a tug and pull that makes my body tilt, only a little, and rest my shoulder lightly against his. I suck my cheeks
in and bite down hard enough to draw a little blood.
Ignoring his taunting scent and the warmth that seeps off him, I press my hips into the table and peer down at the whispering book. It smells of sage, burning wood, and tobacco smoke. It makes me wonder if this is what my father smelled like.
The whispers halt as Chip carefully flips the book open and points to a symbol on a stained page. “Recognize it?”
I nod along with Jacob’s grunt. “That’s the tattoo all the Bane Shifters have,” I whisper. Then frown. “But, it’s in an entry too old to be written by my father.” I can tell by the heavily faded ink, not to mention it’s at the beginning of the book. Anything my father would have written should be the last entries if he added anything to it at all.
I lean closer, studying the strokes of the faded symbol that forms the Bane Shifter diamond-shaped brand on their necks then the smaller different wolf symbols surrounding it. In the corners of the page, darker scribbled notes are etched in a sweeping cursive hand. Someone had made notes – translations or thoughts on whatever this page’s contents depict. The script is too fancy, however, and my untrained eye can barely make out a word.
“Exactly,” Chip says. “One of your ancestors drew it.”
“Obviously,” I murmur foully.
From under her lashes, Kaya tips her gaze to mine. Her palm, stretched flat on the table, curls into a loose fist. “You know what these say, don’t you?” I accuse her.
She pulls away from the table – away from the truth – and straightens her spine.
“Kaya?” Jacob presses.
My aunt touches her chin while her pointer fingernail rubs at her bottom lip. “This symbol means to ward off evil.” She pauses and takes a moment to sort herself. “It’s an old symbol. I wouldn’t be surprised if you see it more than once in here.”