by Belle Aurora
Happiness fills me, warming me. I smile brightly. “You’re amazing. A goddess. I love you like a siste—”
Beep. I check the display. And scowl. Bitch hung up on me. My phone beeps. It’s a text from Nat. I almost squeal in delight. It’s the address to Icing on the Cake Bakery, and it isn’t far from my work. Using the internet map on my phone, I can see it’s four blocks away from me. And five blocks in the opposite direction is Safira and The White Rabbit. Not exactly around the corner, but not far either.
I need a car. As soon as I make some money, that’s the first thing on my to-buy list. Just as I approach the block my work is on, I shoot out a quick text.
Me: I hate you.
A few seconds pass before I get a reply.
Nina: Hate you more, turd. x
I walk into work smiling, knowing today will be a good day.
***
Helena
James leads me into a large room filled with workout equipment. He waves out a hand. “You’ve probably seen most of this stuff before, but if you see anything unfamiliar, let me know and we’ll go over what it is and how it’s used.”
After a quick scan of the equipment, I shake my head. “I’ve used it all before, but if I see anything that looks new to me, I’ll tell ya.”
He claps his hands together and smiles. “Great! This is great. You’re the easiest person I’ve had to train. I feel like it should be harder than this, but you’re making it too easy for me.”
I’m mock an apologetic, “Sorry.”
Laughing, he shakes his head at me. “I’ve never met a small girl with so much attitude before.”
I walk over to him and playfully push him away. “It’s not attitude. It’s spunk.”
He nods in agreement. “Yeah. Your pep.”
I laugh at his choice of word. “You could even say I have moxie.”
He shudders. “I don’t even think my grandma used the word moxie. And she died at ninety.”
My face bunches. “You callin’ me old, boss?”
“Nah. Just an old soul, I think.” For a reason unknown to me, his words make my chest pang. My smile slides off my face. I suddenly feel very awkward. James is by my side in an instant. “Hey. I’m sorry.”
I paste on a small smile. “No, don’t be sorry. You’re right on the money.” He looks down at me expectantly. “Really, it’s not what you said, more of me not being happy with how I’ve been doing things lately.”
Without a word, he walks across the room and picks up two chairs. He brings them over to me and places them facing each other. I sit in one while he sits opposite me. “Talk to me, Helena.”
James is a friendly guy. I can talk to him. At least, I feel like I can talk to him. It would be nice to cement a friendship here in New York. Opening up to him may be the way to do that. We’ve already spoken about so much already. I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. I try again. Nothing. Finally, I swallow and start, “Why is it that the reason I started to like a person is also the same reason I started to dislike that very person?”
It’s true. The reason I started to like Max was for his flirty, lighthearted ways. So it doesn’t make sense for me to dislike him being flirty now, does it?
James’s lips purse in thought as he thinks on his answer. “Maybe you saw something in that person that you wished you had in yourself. And maybe, because you’re very different from that person, you started to develop a jealousy towards them for not being able to adapt that trait to your life.”
A sad smile tugs at my lips. “He rejected me.” I watch James wince and quickly add, “But I don’t think he evens knows it.”
He shrugs. “Lena, from what I know about guys, being that I am one, is…we can be very stupid sometimes.”
I chuckle, but cover my face with my hands in embarrassment over having this conversation with my boss. “It’s just that I’ve seen him recently, and he’s been sweet. Like, too sweet. Annoyingly funny too. It’s really pissing me off.”
“Oh, yeah. Sweet, funny guys totally suck,” he deadpans.
I laugh-cry, “See what I mean? I’m an ass!”
When he reaches over to take my hand, I look up at him in surprise. He responds gently, “You’re not an ass. I don’t think you’ve been an ass a day in your life.”
“I told my sister to fuck off this morning, and when the guy next to me looked at me funny, I told him to fuck off too. Then I sent my other sister a text telling her I hate her.”
He blinks.
And blinks.
And blinks again.
He shrugs. “Yeah, I got nothin’.”
We laugh together. “I’m sorry. I don’t even know why I brought this up.”
“You brought it up ‘cause it’s bothering you and you needed to talk to someone.” He smiles. “I’m actually happily surprised you talked to me about it. Thank you for trusting me.”
I roll my eyes. “Oh, please. You know you’re awesome.”
He tilts his head slightly and deliberates, “I do. I really do.” He winces when I play punch his arm. “Ouch! Okay, okay, I’m joking! But thanks.”
We stand and I ask, “Have you been to Icing on the Cake? It’s a bakery somewhere around here.”
He exaggerates heavy breathing. “Uh, yeah. It only has the best cakes, cupcakes, and pie in New York.”
I’m overcome with jealousy. I scratch at my arm like a junkie needing her next fix. “I need a cupcake, James. I need it soon. I’m a once-a-day kind of girl. It keeps me sane. I’ve already been a day without one; I can’t go another.”
He grins. “Sweet tooth?”
I breathe, “You have no idea.”
“I can take you there after work, show you where it is.”
Relief flows through me at knowing I’ll have delicious baked goods soon enough. “Thank you. I just need you to show me once and I’ll be set.”
He smiles. “No problem. We’ve got Ceecee in at three o’clock. We don’t have any other afternoon appointments. We can go after that.”
Can this guy be any more awesome? Really? “You’re my hero.”
He winks at me, and then walks out of the room. All I’m left asking myself is why I’m so unaffected by that wink. My brain answers for me.
It’s not the wrong wink.
It’s the wrong guy.
***
Helena
James and I stretch before Ceecee gets in. Honestly, I can’t wait to see her. I haven’t seen her since Nat’s wedding, and even then, I didn’t get a chance to speak to her before Nik and Max’s mom, Cecilia, took all the kids for a sleepover so the adults could party on. I wonder what James will do about her derision to exercise. After all, if a teenager doesn’t want to do something, it doesn’t matter about the reasoning; they aren’t going to do it.
A knock at the door sounds, and James and I both lift our heads.
Max pops his head inside the room. “Hey, I thought you’d be in here.” He walks over to us, and in comes Ceecee right behind him.
My smile fades when I see she looks about ready to spit fire. Her auburn hair is braided, and she wears a loose tee and sweats. She’s grown since I last saw her. She’s stuck somewhere between a child and a woman, in that awkward stage when your body is changing. You start to get boobs, and suddenly, there’s hair where there wasn’t before. Being a teenager sucked. I feel for her.
James smiles down at her. “Hey, C. How you doing?” She shrugs with a face of stone, not willing to look up at him.
I try. “Hey Ceecee, remember me?” She nods once without looking up. My bravado fails, but I fake it. “You’ve grown so much. You’re becoming a fine young woman.” I look over at Max. “I can see why your dad is so proud.”
He smiles at me. A warm smile I hadn’t yet seen before. It almost knocks me on my ass. She looks up at me cautiously before lowering her gaze again. Her jaw steels.
Max looks down at his daughter, eyes narrowed. “Don’t be rude.”
Ceecee mutters
through gritted teeth, “Hi.”
Damn. We’ve got our work cut out today.
James looks to Max, then jerks his chin towards the door. “Mind if I have a word outside?”
My eyes widen as panic settles over me.
No! Don’t leave me alone with the broody teenager!
Max nods, but looks over at me. “You gonna be okay?”
The concern on his face is palpable. No way am I telling him his daughter is a little scary. I wave him off. “Go. We’ll be fine. Won’t we, Ceecee?”
She sighs, long and drawn out, resting her chin on her balled fist. He hesitates.
I mouth, ‘Go.’
He does, but he does it reluctantly. James follows him out the door and I’m left here, alone with Ceecee. She’s a completely different girl to the happy one I remember.
“How was school?” I ask with interest.
“Fine.”
Form a connection. “What’s your favorite subject? I loved art.”
“I hate art.”
Of course you do. “Do you like to read?”
She looks around the room, eyes trained on the equipment in the far corner. “Not really.”
Okay. This isn’t working. Be blunt. “Ceecee?” She looks up at me. “Honey, you look a little tense. Is something wrong?”
Her eyes blaze at my question. “I don’t want to be here. The only reason I came, was because my dad brought me. If I had a choice, I wouldn’t have come.”
Okay. Fair enough. “Is the exercise so bad?”
Sweet, little Ceecee long gone, she rolls her eyes at me and turns her chair around. “You don’t get it. You don’t understa—” A sharp yelp has me kneeling by her side in an instant. Her face screwed up with pain, her body is so stiff the tendons in her neck bulge. This is a spasm. A bad one.
“Breathe, honey. Breathe.”
Her mouth parted, she huffs in short, jerky breaths. I see the pain in her tear-filled eyes, and I finally understand a small portion of what Max goes through every single time this happens. “Look at me, Ceecee.” Her eyes meet mine. She’s panicking. “Breathe with me.” I reach out to hold her hands tightly. “Breathe in deeply, and release slowly.”
I show her exactly what I want her to do, and I’m relieved when she takes in a long albeit jerky breath. “Good. Again.” The second time around, she manages a smoother inhale and a longer exhale. “Excellent, Ceecee.”
Her tightly strung body begins to loosen. Sweat beads on her forehead. We breathe together for another thirty seconds, and when I move to release her hands, she grips mine, not quite ready to do this alone. Eventually, her body relaxes completely and she sighs. She looks exhausted.
I move to the water cooler and fill a glass of cold water. I hand it to Ceecee and rub her back as she drinks. “Good job. You handled that really well. I’m impressed.”
She looks up at me, eyes filling with tears. Her bottom lip trembles as she mumbles, “It hurts.”
I nod in agreement and respond in the gentlest tone I can muster, “Yeah. That’s bound to happen though, when you stop exercising, honey. Your body is really tightly strung. You need to help loosen it.”
She looks down at her now-empty cup. “Thank you. For helping me.”
I smile at the uncertainty in her voice. “You’re so welcome.”
Chapter Fifteen
Max
I watch from the door as Helena talks Ceecee through the spasm. Part of me told myself I should step in¸ the other part was curious to see what she would do. She handled it like a pro. Even though the pain has ebbed, they continue to breathe together, long and slow. And it might sound cruel, but I’m glad Helena got to witness this. Maybe I can ask her for advice. Whit is great and all, but he isn’t a woman. I need to talk to a woman about this, a woman who has experience with people having a spinal cord injury.
Helena walks to the back of the room to get Ceecee a glass of water. She’s so focused on my little girl she still doesn’t see me. Ceecee drinks the water in one gulp. Helena rubs her back, still looking mildly concerned. It’s probably going to sound stupid, but she’s never looked sexier to me than she does right now. If it weren’t completely inappropriate, I’d lay one on her, nice and slow, kissing those full, pouty lips.
Ceecee looks down at her hands. “Thank you…for helping me.”
Helena smiles down at my baby. “You’re so welcome.”
In that moment, a decision is made. What’s that saying?
Oh yeah.
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
***
Helena
“Sweet baby Jesus,” I breathe.
James replies, “I know.”
I’m awestruck. “It’s just so…” I can’t even finish my sentence.
He nods next to me. “I know.”
“Is this heaven?”
He snorts. “It may as well be.” He moves forward in the line, but I’m so busy looking at the list above the counter that I don’t see it. A hand attached to my wrist pulls me forward. He laughs when I don’t even stop to look at him. “You weren’t kidding, were you?”
“Sshhhh. You’re ruining the moment,” I whisper. Every time the line moves forward, James has to tug me along with him. I’m like a kid in a candy store. Or, more accurately, an adult in a cake store.
Before I know it, we’re at the beginning of the line. The woman in her fifties with kind eyes smiles and says, “Hi there. Welcome to Icing on the Cake. What can I get you today?”
I still. My breathing heavies. I’m in a panic. “I don’t know! I want it all!”
She smiles harder. “That can be arranged. We have a sampler box option for cakes and cupcakes. It comes with one of everything.”
My eyes widen and my mouth gapes. I’m pretty sure my heart stops. “You’re shitting me.”
She chuckles. “I assure you I’m not.”
I look up at James with a goofy smile on my face. He shakes his head at me, lip twitching. “We’ll take two sampler boxes, one cake, one cupcake. One for you and one for me.”
I should get a box for the ho I call a sister. After all, she did lead me here. “Make that two cupcake boxes.” James looks at me funny. I promise him, “For my sister.”
He mutters, “Sure it is.”
I kick at his leg and he dodges it with a chuckle.
Another woman appears by my side. In front of her, she holds a tray of white cupcakes. They look incredible. She smiles from me to James and asks, “Would you like to try our newest flavor combination?”
My brain can’t form words to answer this question. I look back up at James with a smile that is so goofy it borderlines special. His shoulders shake in silent laughter. “Yes, please.”
We both take a cupcake, and without thinking, I remove the wrapper and shove the entire thing in my mouth. As soon as the sweetness hits my tongue, I have a mouthgasm. My eyes roll into the back of my head as I garble, “Holy shit, that’s amazing.” James nods in agreement, biting into his cupcake like a normal person.
The older woman tells us, “This one’s a light vanilla base with white choc macadamia ganache.”
But I physically can’t right now. I lean back into my boss and rest my head on his shoulder. “Jesus C. I can’t even. That was just…I’m not even…so, so good. So damn good.” His shoulder bobs and I know he’s laughing at me again, but I don’t even care.
The woman smiles at me. “You like?”
Prying my now-sleepy eyes open, I respond through a sigh, “I love.”
Her nose wrinkles with amusement. She turns to her co-worker. “Verna, add one of these to this young lady’s sample boxes.”
My eyes snap open. “No way.”
Behind the counter, an amused Verna replies with a soft shoulder shrug, “Way.”
I turn to James, bottom lip trembling with emotion. “Best day ever.”
I’m not surprised when he wraps an arm around my shoulder and squeezes. But I am surprised when he lowers his li
ps to my ear and whispers, “You’re adorable.” I’m surprised, because James ticks all the boxes for me. He’s attractive, tall, and sweet as sugar, but the spark…it’s missing.
Stupid son of a spark bitch. Show yourself! I know he said he doesn’t date employees, but he didn’t mention anything about having sex with them. I mean, I’m due, for crying out loud! It’s been forever since I’ve had sex, and right now, James is looking like a mighty fine contender. He’s also been giving all the go-ahead signs. Or, at least, I think he has. Maybe I’m just hoping he’s sending those signs, and because I’m horny, the horniness is fogging my intentions radar.
What’s worse is that my once-a-night happy time has come to a halt. Imagine my surprise when my first night in New York, I settle into bed and reach for Mr. Squeal-A-Lot, only to be reminded I removed the batteries before I packed it. If I had gone to Nat’s at eleven pm and asked her for batteries, the skank would’ve given me that look. The one that says ‘I know what you need these for, you dirty Gertie’. Not to mention, she probably would’ve told Ash. Screw that.
Mental note: Buy a pack of batteries.
On second thought…
Revised mental note: Buy a bulk pack of batteries.
Maybe James can be my very own personal happy time friend. I must look into this, but not too far. I don’t want to end up being that girl. Or better yet, that employee.
Mental shudder.
Testing the waters, I wrap my arm around his waist and squeeze back, smiling up at him. “Back at ya.” I allow my arm to linger around his solid body, liking the feel of him very much. I expect a reaction of some sort, a change in demeanor even, maybe for him to stiffen in uncertainty or for him to give me sexy eyes, but I’m shafted. I get nothing.
Friendly James is just that. Friendly. So friendly that as I reach into my pocket to get money to pay for my cupcakes, James reaches over and pays for all three boxes without ever releasing his hold on me. I’m speechless, and quite frankly, I feel slightly uncomfortable about it. That is until he pulls me closer to him and utters, “Don’t be pissy. It’s just a welcoming gift.” Nose bunched in annoyance, I glare at him. He just smirks. “Welcome to New York.”