His fiery eyes narrowed for a second before responding. “Truth? If I thought you wouldn’t kill yourself, I probably would have left a long time ago.”
Frozen in shock, her mouth fell open forming a perfectly shaped O. Haven could only stare in utter disbelief.
After a few awkward moments, Dylan turned away and went into the bathroom. A second later, she heard the shower come on.
Thoughts of all the pain she’d endured over the past couple of years, the sacrifices made, and the love she’d freely given went through her mind like a movie.
Haven couldn’t understand how, only moments before, she was wanting to feel his arms wrapped around her knowing full well he had probably been with another woman.
Was that how low she’d sunk? Was she really this empty and needy to accept all of Dylan’s trifling ways?
Haven wasn’t perfect. It had taken her quite a bit of time to get over her loss, but she’d thought Dylan would always be there for her as she would be for him. Was he right that she’d lost her light?
Like a zombie, Haven got up from the bed and went over to the closet. She pulled out two banged up suitcases. They were the same ones she’d used to pick up everything and uproot her life and move across the country to be with him.
There was no rhyme or reason to the packing. Haven started throwing clothes into the suitcases, mumbling to herself and barely able to see through her tears. As much as she loved Dylan, something within her broke. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Haven knew all along there was only one way this relationship was going end.
“I deserve better than this.” She stalked over to the dresser and snatched open a drawer pulling things out then stomped back over to the suitcases and tossed them inside. With every step, Haven’s rage grew.
As she leaned over, her dark curly hair fell into her face. Angrily, she pushed it back behind her ear. Still speaking to herself, the sound of her voice was unrecognizable. “I just can’t do it anymore.” She was afraid her entire body was going to shatter into a million pieces. Maybe she hadn’t been able to put one foot in front of the other . . . until now.
After stuffing both suitcases to capacity, she zipped them up. Wrapped in nothing but a towel, Dylan walked out of the bathroom at the exact moment she’d finished.
He actually looked surprised. “You’ve decided to try being dramatic? It’s not a good look on you.”
“No. I’ve decided to show you I can ‘put one foot in front of the other,’ and I promise, I won’t be killing myself.”
Dylan grunted as if he didn’t believe her. He went over to the dresser for a pair of pajamas. “The jury is still out on that. I’ll wait to be sure. In the meantime, you’ve earned your Oscar.” He shook his head. “You know you’re not going anywhere. Put the props away so that we can get some sleep.”
“You’re right. I’m not going anywhere. You are. This is your shit! I agree. I haven’t been myself for a while, but I’m taking steps to fix that now. You want Jocelyn, Stacey, Gina, and all those other hoes that you can’t seem to stay away from . . . have at it. I’m done!”
For the first time since Dylan entered the apartment, his arrogant façade slipped. His confidence dropped a peg or two. “Where the hell am I supposed to go?”
“The list I named was kind of long. Maybe Jocelyn’s husband won’t mind if you bunk with them. Hell, I don’t know, but you’ve got to get outta here!”
“You’re acting like a lunatic!”
Haven went to the closet and snatched his coat out then threw it at him. “No, you’ve never seen crazy from me.” Her tone dropped, and it sounded almost unhinged to her own ears. “But, if you don’t leave now, my crazy will be Breaking News.”
Dylan must have understood that he’d pushed her too far. He didn’t argue. He grabbed his coat, the two suitcases, and left.
Haven wrapped her arms around her body, looking around the room she wondered, who had just invaded her body, and what the hell had she done?
Chapter 7
Haven’s swollen eyes didn’t close for even a few seconds as night transitioned into day. She watched the colors of the sky change from a mix of dark blues to various shades of purple then to orange until finally daybreak. Life went on regardless how disastrous things had become in her life.
Still, it was a relief when morning finally arrived. She no longer had to pray to fall asleep as her mind replayed the last four years of her life with Dylan. No, she could get up and go about her day using the mundane tasks as distractions to keep her situation from suffocating her.
Only Haven couldn’t stop thinking about problems that hadn’t existed just a week ago. For starters, she had no idea how she was going to move forward with her life. How she was going to pay the rent in the next couple of weeks had moved way up on her priorities list. Dealing with practical matters of living from day to day on top of the shattering of her heart was almost too much.
Not only had Haven been unable to sleep, but fatigue also settled within her bones. She managed to drag herself out of bed to go to the bathroom and clean up.
“Ughhh . . . “ Her groan matched not only her mood but how she looked as she gazed at her reflection in the mirror. The puffiness and dark circles under haunted-looking eyes were too pronounced. Zombies looked better than she did. Haven splashed cold water over her face hoping it would help. It didn’t. At this point, all she could do was put faith in the miracle of makeup. With luck, it should at least make her presentable.
An hour and a half later, she’d shown up to work. Ms. McKenna wouldn’t be down for breakfast for another thirty minutes.
Haven stood with her hands wrapped around her body looking out the picture window of the library. The crisp white snow covering the expanse of the grounds was spectacular. The tranquility of the image didn’t match the unrest within her soul.
“It must be nice not to have to worry about money.” She spoke, thinking she was alone with her thoughts. “Maybe I can find some work at the college.”
Ellis happened to walk in the room as Haven was mulling over her options. He’d just come from working out. “Work at the college?”
Her head snapped around the moment she heard his voice.
His eyes narrowed slightly as he took in the sight of her. Haven looked like shit. His eyebrows knitted together. “You’re not thinking of quitting, are you? My grandmother would be heartbroken.”
“No.” She slowly exhaled. “I just have a few new expenses, and I’m going to need to make some extra cash to pay for them. I’d never leave Ms. McKenna.” What Ellis didn’t understand was Haven needed the relationship almost as much as she did, if not more.
He continued to watch her intently. “That’s good to know. How’s the car driving?”
Her tone was listless. “Like a dream, thank you.”
Ellis folded his arms across his chest. “Alright. What’s up?”
Haven turned back around to stare out of the window. “What? What do you mean?”
“I’ve known you for two days, and in that time, I’ve learned a couple of things about you.” Ellis ticked his observations off on his fingers. “Number one . . . you have a slick mouth. I’ve been in your presence for more than five minutes and haven’t experienced it yet. Number two . . . there’s a fire in your eyes that’s missing today. Now, you’re talking about finding another job. You didn’t mention that yesterday. Did something happen last night?”
“Nothing I want to talk about.”
Ellis nodded slowly. “Okay.” Haven was being stubborn. If she didn’t want to discuss it with him, fine, Haven Shaw was not his problem. He started to leave the room then stopped abruptly and turned around. “You’re important to my grandmother, which means I have a particular interest in you. If you change your mind, I’ve been told I’m a good listener.”
The corners of Haven’s lips inched upward to something that almost resembled a smile but not quite. “Who told you that?”
“Ah, there she is.” The sarcasm
in her voice let him know that, whatever was going on, she would be alright. “I knew you couldn’t control yourself for too long. I live here, so you know where to find me if you change your mind.”
Haven lifted her head up and down as she watched him leave the room. She appreciated his concern but found herself in a situation that only she could fix.
*****
It was toward the end of Haven’s shift when Ms. McKenna finally brought up the elephant in the room. “Since you won’t bring it up, I will. What happened with Dylan last night?”
“Why do you think something happened with Dylan?”
“We’re kindred spirits. I’ve always know when something was going on between the two of you. It’s just sometimes, I mind my own business unless you wanted to talk about it. This time, something tells me that’s not the right thing to do. What happened?”
Haven shrugged even though her tears were close to the surface. She’d already shed way too many of them over Dylan and fought like hell not to let them spill over. “We broke up.”
That was the best news Bertha had heard all year but decided to keep that to herself. Dylan didn’t deserve Haven. She had sympathy for her pain but had to downplay her true feelings. “I’m so sorry. I know you loved him very much.”
“I really wanted our relationship to work.”
“I know you did.”
“I’m struggling with knowing it’s the right thing to do and feeling like an idiot because if he asked me to get back together, I would seriously consider it.”
“Why do you think you’d consider it?”
“Other than I’m weak?” Haven forced a shaky smile on her face. “I don’t know . . . maybe because I moved to Colorado from Chicago to make a life with him, and I haven’t thought past that. I would never have come if I didn’t think he wasn’t it for me. Yet, in a span of a few hours, my entire world has collapsed. I never saw a future without him.”
Bertha covered Haven’s hand with hers. “You might think you’re weak, but you’re strong. Keep putting yourself first. Take care of you, and you’ll get through this.” She patted her hand. “Please know that if you ever need anything, I’m here for you.”
“Thank you, Ms. McKenna.” Haven blew out a breath, no longer able to hide her emotional turmoil. “I should get going. I’ve got a few things to do before class tonight. Thanks again for always being a sounding board.”
Chapter 8
The past couple of weeks had been difficult, but Haven, somehow, had managed to get through them. And did what millions of other people did, she found a second job to make ends meet.
Burning the candle at both ends didn’t leave much time for rest, and it was taking its toll. She’d been with Ms. McKenna for several hours and couldn’t stop yawning.
“I’m so sorry. I can’t seem to stop.”
“That’s because you’re doing entirely too much. How are your classes coming along now that you’ve taken on the second job?”
“It’s a struggle, but I’m managing.”
“Hmm . . .” Concern was etched all over her face. “I’m always exhausted after my checkups, so when Dr. Lawrence leaves, I’m going to take a nap. Since I won’t be available to entertain you, I had Angela freshen up the spare room a couple doors down from me. You should consider taking a nap this afternoon too.”
“Ms. McKenna, after I take my hour break, I think I’ll do something else around the house while you’re sleeping. I won’t allow you to pay me for taking a nap.”
“Pish-posh, girl!” Bertha waved her hand back and forth. “I’m not asking you. I’m telling you to get some rest. You won’t do me any good if you get sick.”
“You’re too good to me. You know that?”
Bertha giggled, and a devilish glint lit her eyes. “Nope. I'm a little selfish. You need your rest, so you don’t get sick. Don’t forget I’m seventy-six years old. If you catch a cold, I’ll probably get pneumonia and die.”
“Ms. McKenna! I can’t believe you’re using your age against me!”
Her nurse seemed to appear at just the right moment. “It’s time to take you up, ma’am.”
“Thanks, Vanessa.” Bertha turned back to Haven. “If you won’t do it for yourself, then do it for me. Just so you know, I’d rather take a nap than being poked and prodded by the damn doctor.” She raised her hands to let Vanessa know she was ready. “Okay . . . wheel me up.”
There was a little bit of guilt roiling within Haven as she watched Ms. McKenna go upstairs because if she were honest, Haven was glad for the break.
She just needed a few minutes to relax and recharge to get through the rest of the day, but unfortunately, she didn’t have that luxury. While she would love to take a quick power nap, Haven had an exam tonight. So, she sat down on the sofa and opened her book to read over the chapters it was going to cover.
Twenty minutes later, Ellis walked into the library and found that Haven’s head had fallen backward, resting on the sofa while a book sat open on her lap. She was asleep. Before he woke her, he took an unguarded moment to admire Haven’s features. She was wearing more makeup than usual to hide the puffiness of her face. Even though the strain of her situation was evident, it still couldn’t hide how beautiful she was.
Her smile could light up any room. He’d seen it. So could those big, round chocolate eyes that always made his heart race just a little when she focused them on him. Haven was the very definition of eyes being the window to the soul. She always seemed to look right through him. It was a bit unnerving. But right now, they were closed from exhaustion.
Ellis didn’t want to wake her because he knew she was getting some much-needed rest but didn’t have a choice. He had an appointment and wasn’t sure if he’d see her again before she left. They needed to have this conversation today.
“Damn,” Ellis mumbled under his breath. “I’m getting soft.” He was admiring a sleeping woman who was so off-limits it wasn’t even funny. He needed a distraction—a woman. He’d been home the past couple of weeks and had given his grandmother his full attention. Ellis smiled to himself. Tonight, he was going release some stress and attempt to get into a little trouble. He’d called Layla to schedule a date. She was more than eager to hook-up. Gently, he placed his hands on Haven’s shoulder and shook.
One minute she was reading, and the next, Ellis was lightly touching her on the shoulder. Her eyes popped open. She jumped and sat straight up. Wide-eyed she looked up at him. “Sorry, I fell asleep.”
Ellis shrugged. “No need for apologies. You’re tired, and I think my grandmother mentioned she was going to take a quick nap once Dr. Lawrence leaves.”
Yawning, she responded. “There just aren’t enough hours in a day.” Haven’s cell phone rang, and she pulled it out of the back pocket of her denim jeans. Her face soured as she looked at the number on the display.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen that face before. It must really be someone you don’t want to talk to.”
“I think I’d rather take an acid bath.”
“Damn. I’d hate to be the person on the other end of that call.” Jokingly, he walked over to the desk and picked up the portfolio he’d left earlier. “I think there are only a couple of people who could get a reaction like that.”
“I’m thinking you’re right. It was Dylan. He’s been calling me like crazy over the past week.”
“You haven’t talked to him since the breakup?”
“A couple of times, but I’m doing my best not to fall into old habits. I just don’t want to do this crazy dance we do anymore.”
Ellis walked back over and took a seat in the chair opposite her. “What kind of dance is that? You told me you broke up but never gave me the full story.”
She hunched her shoulders. “It’s still too raw to talk about. The bottom line is he says and does awful things, only to come back later confessing his love and apologizing. Only somehow everything always ends up being my fault.”
“That’s . . . pretty
messed up. Not judging but you were with him for four years.”
Haven sighed. “It wasn’t always like this. In the beginning, we had some really great times. I fell in love with that Dylan, and I guess I was hoping one day the man I fell in love with would show back up.”
“So, do you still love him?”
Haven thought about it. “Love.” She sighed. “Do I still love him? Yes. No. Maybe. I know I’m an idiot for this, but I wish I could put the genie back in the bottle and go back to how things were a few weeks ago. Blissfully, ignorant. And, then I hate myself for feeling that way because that means I am willing to accept his cheating ass ways just to be with him. I’m not . . . at least not anymore. He’s been calling, begging to talk, and making all kinds of false promises. He and I both know that he’s never going to change. And, I’m an insecure mess when we’re together. I just want to be a better me. One who’s not willing to accept being treated like crap. That means I have to spend this time focusing only on my well-being for a while.”
Ellis nodded. He understood. “Makes sense.” It sounded as if she still loved the prick, but he kept his thoughts to himself. Haven had opened up to him somewhat over the past couple of weeks but still kept a lot to herself. He understood her distrustful nature completely. Dylan had done a number on her. In Ellis’ case, people always had ulterior motives for wanting to be in his company, and he’d lost interest in trying to figure out the truth behind all the lies. But, it was different with Haven. They both shared only what they wanted and didn’t feel any pressure to do more than that. So, while Ellis was naturally suspicious of people, his instincts told him Haven wasn’t one to keep at arms distance—well, she was, but not because of that. Ellis continuously reminded himself that his grandmother would kill him if he made a move on her. And, given the fact he had no plans for settling down anytime soon, it was a good idea to keep their relationship strictly in friend zone territory.
He wasn’t exactly sure when he’d softened toward her. Watching how hard she worked without ever complaining, and to his knowledge, never asking his grandmother for anything had a significant impact. Ellis wanted to help her more, but, she was too proud to allow it.
A Reservation for One (Untamed Love Series Book 1) Page 5