by Owen Wister
LIN McLEAN'S HONEY-MOON
Rain had not fallen for some sixty days, and for some sixty more therewas no necessity that it should fall. It is spells of weather like thisthat set the Western editor writing praise and prophecy of the boundlessfertility of the soil--when irrigated, and of what an Eden it can bemade--with irrigation; but the spells annoy the people who are tryingto raise the Eden. We always told the transient Eastern visitor, when hearrived at Cheyenne and criticised the desert, that anything would growhere--with irrigation; and sometimes he replied, unsympathetically, thatanything could fly--with wings. Then we would lead such a man out andshow him six, eight, ten square miles of green crops; and he, if hewas thoroughly nasty, would mention that Wyoming contained ninety-fivethousand square miles, all waiting for irrigation and Eden. One of theseEastern supercivilized hostiles from New York was breakfasting with theGovernor and me at the Cheyenne Club, and we were explaining to himthe glorious future, the coming empire, of the Western country. Now theGovernor was about thirty-two, and until twenty-five had never gone Westfar enough to see over the top of the Alleghany Mountains. I was not apioneer myself; and why both of us should have pitied the New-Yorker'snarrowness so hard I cannot see. But we did. We spoke to him of the sizeof the country. We told him that his State could rattle round insideWyoming's stomach without any inconvenience to Wyoming, and he told usthat this was because Wyoming's stomach was empty. Altogether I began tofeel almost sorry that I had asked him to come out for a hunt, and hadtravelled in haste all the way from Bear Creek to Cheyenne expressly tomeet him.
"For purposes of amusement," he said, "I'll admit anything you claimfor this place. Ranches, cowboys, elk; it's all splendid. Only, as aninvestment I prefer the East. Am I to see any cowboys?"
"You shall," I said; and I distinctly hoped some of them might dosomething to him "for purposes of amusement."
"You fellows come up with me to my office," said the Governor. "I'lllook at my mail, and show you round." So we went with him through theheat and sun.
"What's that?" inquired the New-Yorker, whom I shall call James Ogden.
"That is our park," said I. "Of course it's merely in embryo. It'swonderful how quickly any shade tree will grow here wi--" I checkedmyself.
But Ogden said "with irrigation" for me, and I was entirely sorry he hadcome.
We reached the Governor's office, and sat down while he looked hisletters over.
"Here you are, Ogden," said he. "Here's the way we hump ahead out here."And he read us the following:
"MAGAW, KANSAS, July 5, 188--
"Hon. Amory W. Baker:
"Sir,--Understanding that your district is suffering from a prolongeddrought, I write to say that for necessary expenses paid I will be gladto furnish you with a reasonably shower. I have operated successfullyin Australia, Mexico, and several States of the Union, and am anxious toexhibit my system. If your Legislature will appropriate a sum to cover,as I said, merely my necessary expenses--say $350 (three hundred andfifty dollars)--for half an inch I will guarantee you that quantity ofrain or forfeit the money. If I fail to give you the smallest fractionof the amount contracted for, there is to be no pay. Kindly advise me ofwhat date will be most convenient for you to have the shower. I requiretwenty-four hours' preparation. Hoping a favorable reply,
"I am, respectfully yours,
"Robert Hilbrun"
"Will the Legislature do it?" inquired Ogden in good faith.
The Governor laughed boisterously. "I guess it wouldn't beconstitutional," said he.
"Oh, bother!" said Ogden.
"My dear man," the Governor protested, "I know we're new, and our womenvote, and we're a good deal of a joke, but we're not so progressivelyfunny as all that. The people wouldn't stand it. Senator Warren wouldfly right into my back hair." Barker was also new as Governor.
"Do you have Senators here too?" said Ogden, raising his eyebrows."What do they look like? Are they females?" And the Governor grew moreboisterous than ever, slapping his knee and declaring that these Easternmen were certainly "out of sight". Ogden, however, was thoughtful.
"I'd have been willing to chip in for that rain myself," he said.
"That's an idea!" cried the Governor. "Nothing unconstitutional aboutthat. Let's see. Three hundred and fifty dollars--"
"I'll put up a hundred," said Ogden, promptly. "I'm out for a Westernvacation, and I'll pay for a good specimen."
The Governor and I subscribed more modestly, and by noon, with the helpof some lively minded gentlemen of Cheyenne, we had the purse raised."He won't care," said the Governor, "whether it's a private enterpriseor a municipal step, so long as he gets his money."
"He won't get it, I'm afraid," said Ogden. "But if he succeeds intempting Providence to that extent, I consider it cheap. Now what do youcall those people there on the horses?"
We were walking along the track of the Cheyenne and Northern, andlooking out over the plain toward Fort Russell. "That is a cow-puncherand his bride," I answered, recognizing the couple.
"Real cow-puncher?"
"Quite. The puncher's name is Lin McLean."
"Real bride?"
"I'm afraid so."
"She's riding straddle!" exclaimed the delighted Ogden, adjusting hisglasses. "Why do you object to their union being holy?"
I explained that my friend Lin had lately married an eating-house ladyprecipitately and against my advice.
"I suppose he knew his business," observed Ogden.
"That's what he said to me at the time. But you ought to see her--andknow him."
Ogden was going to. Husband and wife were coming our way. Husband noddedto me his familiar offish nod, which concealed his satisfaction atmeeting with an old friend. Wife did not look at me at all. But I lookedat her, and I instantly knew that Lin--the fool!--had confided to her mydisapproval of their marriage. The most delicate specialty upon earth isyour standing with your old friend's new wife.
"Good-day, Mr. McLean," said the Governor to the cow-puncher on hishorse.
"How're are yu', doctor," said Lin. During his early days in Wyoming theGovernor, when as yet a private citizen, had set Mr. McLean's broken legat Drybone. "Let me make yu' known to Mrs. McLean," pursued the husband.
The lady, at a loss how convention prescribes the greeting of a bride toa Governor, gave a waddle on the pony's back, then sat up stiff, gazedhaughtily at the air, and did not speak or show any more sign than a cowwould under like circumstances. So the Governor marched cheerfully ather, extending his hand, and when she slightly moved out toward him herbig, dumb, red fist, he took it and shook it, and made her a series ofcompliments, she maintaining always the scrupulous reserve of the cow.
"I say," Ogden whispered to me while Barker was pumping the hand of theflesh image, "I'm glad I came." The appearance of the puncher-bridegroomalso interested Ogden, and he looked hard at Lin's leather chaps andcartridge-belt and so forth. Lin stared at the New-Yorker, and his highwhite collar and good scarf. He had seen such things quite often, ofcourse, but they always filled him with the same distrust of the manthat wore them.
"Well," said he, "I guess we'll be pulling for a hotel. Any show intown? Circus come yet?"
"No," said I. "Are you going to make a long stay?"
The cow-puncher glanced at the image, his bride of three weeks. "Tillwe're tired of it, I guess," said he, with hesitation. It was the firsttime that I had ever seen my gay friend look timidly at any one, and Ifelt a rising hate for the ruby-checked, large-eyed eating-houselady, the biscuit-shooter whose influence was dimming this jaunty,irrepressible spirit. I looked at her. Her bulky bloom had ensnared him,and now she was going to tame and spoil him. The Governor was looking ather too, thoughtfully.
"Say, Lin," I said, "if you stay here long enough you'll see a bigshow." And his eye livened into something of its native jocularity as Itold him of the rain-maker.
"Shucks!" said he, springing from his
horse impetuously, and hugelyentertained at our venture. "Three hundred and fifty dollars? Let mecome in"; and before I could tell him that we had all the money raised,he was hauling out a wadded lump of bills.
"Well, I ain't going to starve here in the road, I guess," spoke theimage, with the suddenness of a miracle. I think we all jumped, and Iknow that Lin did. The image continued: "Some folks and their money aresoon parted"--she meant me; her searching tones came straight at me; Iwas sure from the first that she knew all about me and my unfavorableopinion of her--"but it ain't going to be you this time, Lin McLean. Gedap!" This last was to the horse, I maintain, though the Governor saysthe husband immediately started off on a run.
At any rate, they were gone to their hotel, and Ogden was seated on somerailroad ties, exclaiming: "Oh, I like Wyoming! I am certainly glad Icame."
"That's who she is!" said the Governor, remembering Mrs. McLean all atonce. "I know her. She used to be at Sidney. She's got another husbandsomewhere. She's one of the boys. Oh, that's nothing in this country!"he continued to the amazed Ogden, who had ejaculated "Bigamy!" "Lots ofthem marry, live together awhile, get tired and quit, travel, catch onto a new man, marry him, get tired and quit, travel, catch on--"
"One moment, I beg," said Ogden, adjusting his glasses. "What does thelaw--"
"Law?" said the Governor. "Look at that place!" He swept his handtowards the vast plains and the mountains. "Ninety-five thousand squaremiles of that, and sixty thousand people in it. We haven't got policemenyet on top of the Rocky Mountains."
"I see," said the New-Yorker. "But--but--well let A and B representfirst and second husbands, and X represent the woman. Now, does A knowabout B? or does B know about A? And what do they do about it?"
"Can't say," the Governor answered, jovially. "Can't generalize. Dependson heaps of things--love--money--Did you go to college? Well, let Aminus X equal B plus X, then if A and B get squared--"
"Oh, come to lunch," I said. "Barker, do you really know the firsthusband is alive?"
"Wasn't dead last winter." And Barker gave us the particulars. MissKatie Peck had not served long in the restaurant before she waswooed and won by a man who had been a ranch cook, a sheep-herder,a bar-tender, a freight hand, and was then hauling poles for thegovernment. During his necessary absences from home she, too, wentout-of-doors. This he often discovered, and would beat her, and shewould then also beat him. After the beatings one of them would alwaysleave the other forever. Thus was Sidney kept in small-talk untilMrs. Lusk one day really did not come back. "Lusk," said the Governor,finishing his story, "cried around the saloons for a couple of days, andthen went on hauling poles for the government, till at last he saidhe'd heard of a better job south, and next we knew of him he was roundLeavenworth. Lusk was a pretty poor bird. Owes me ten dollars."
"Well," I said, "none of us ever knew about him when she came to staywith Mrs. Taylor on Bear Creek. She was Miss Peck when Lin made her Mrs.McLean."
"You'll notice," said the Governor, "how she has got him under in threeweeks. Old hand, you see."
"Poor Lin!" I said.
"Lucky, I call him," said the Governor. "He can quit her."
"Supposing McLean does not want to quit her?"
"She's educating him to want to right now, and I think he'll learnpretty quick. I guess Mr. Lin's romance wasn't very ideal this trip.Hello! here comes Jode. Jode, won't you lunch with us? Mr. Ogden, of NewYork, Mr. Jode. Mr. Jode is our signal-service officer, Mr. Ogden." TheGovernor's eyes were sparkling hilariously, and he winked at me.
"Gentlemen, good-morning. Mr. Ogden, I am honored to make youracquaintance," said the signal-service officer.
"Jode, when is it going to rain?" said the Governor, anxiously.
Now Jode is the most extraordinarily solemn man I have ever known. Hehas the solemnity of all science, added to the unspeakable weight ofrepresenting five of the oldest families in South Carolina. The Jodesthemselves were not old in South Carolina, but immensely so in--I thinkhe told me it was Long Island. His name is Poinsett Middleton ManigaultJode. He used to weigh a hundred and twenty-eight pounds then, but hishealth has strengthened in that climate. His clothes were black; hisface was white, with black eyes sharp as a pin; he had the shape of aspout--the same narrow size all the way down--and his voice was asdry and light as an egg-shell. In his first days at Cheyenne he hadconstantly challenged large cowboys for taking familiarities withhis dignity, and they, after one moment's bewilderment, had concoctedapologies that entirely met his exactions, and gave them muchsatisfaction also. Nobody would have hurt Jode for the world. In time hecame to see that Wyoming was a game invented after his book of rules waspublished, and he looked on, but could not play the game. He had fallen,along with other incongruities, into the roaring Western hotch-pot, andhe passed his careful, precise days with barometers and weather-charts.
He answered the Governor with official and South Carolinaimpressiveness. "There is no indication of diminution of the prevailingpressure," he said.
"Well, that's what I thought," said the joyous Governor, "so I'm goingto whoop her up."
"What do you expect to whoop up, sir?"
"Atmosphere, and all that," said the Governor. "Whole business has gotto get a move on. I've sent for a rain-maker."
"Governor, you are certainly a wag, sir," said Jode, who enjoyed Barkeras some people enjoy a symphony, without understanding it. But after wehad reached the club and were lunching, and Jode realized that a letterhad actually been written telling Hilbrun to come and bring his showerswith him, the punctilious signal-service officer stated his position."Have your joke, sir," he said, waving a thin, clean hand, "but Idecline to meet him."
"Hilbrun?" said the Governor, staring.
"If that's his name--yes, sir. As a member of the Weather Bureau and theMeteorological Society I can have nothing to do with the fellow."
"Glory!" said the Governor. "Well, I suppose not. I see your point,Jode. I'll be careful to keep you apart. As a member of the College ofPhysicians I've felt that way about homeopathy and the faith-cure.All very well if patients will call 'em in, but can't meet 'em inconsultation. But three months' drought annually, Jode! It's slow--tooslow. The Western people feel that this conservative method the Zodiacdoes its business by is out of date."
"I am quite serious, sir," said Jode. "And let me express mygratification that you do see my point." So we changed the subject.
Our weather scheme did not at first greatly move the public. Beyondthose who made up the purse, few of our acquaintances expressedcuriosity about Hilbrun, and next afternoon Lin McLean told me inthe street that he was disgusted with Cheyenne's coldness toward theenterprise. "But the boys would fly right at it and stay with it if theround-up was near town, you bet," said he.
He was walking alone. "How's Mrs. McLean to-day?" I inquired.
"She's well," said Lin, turning his eye from mine. "Who's your friendall bugged up in English clothes?"
"About as good a man as you," said I, "and more cautious."
"Him and his eye-glasses!" said the sceptical puncher, still lookingaway from me and surveying Ogden, who was approaching with the Governor.That excellent man, still at long range, broke out smiling till histeeth shone, and he waved a yellow paper at us.
"Telegram from Hilbrun," he shouted; "be here to-morrow"; and hehastened up.
"Says he wants a cart at the depot, and a small building where he can beprivate," added Ogden. "Great, isn't it?"
"You bet!" said Lin, brightening. The New Yorker's urbane but obviousexcitement mollified Mr. McLean. "Ever seen rain made, Mr. Ogden?" saidhe.
"Never. Have you?"
Lin had not. Ogden offered him a cigar, which the puncher pronouncedexcellent, and we all agreed to see Hilbrun arrive.
"We're going to show the telegram to Jode," said the Governor; and heand Ogden departed on this mission to the signal service.
"Well, I must be getting along myself," said Lin; but he continuedwalking slowly with me. "Where're yu' bou
nd?" he said.
"Nowhere in particular," said I. And we paced the board sidewalks alittle more.
"You're going to meet the train to-morrow?" said he.
"The train? Oh yes. Hilbrun's. To-morrow. You'll be there?"
"Yes, I'll be there. It's sure been a dry spell, ain't it?"
"Yes. Just like last year. In fact, like all the years."
"Yes. I've never saw it rain any to speak of in summer. I expect it'sthe rule. Don't you?"
"I shouldn't wonder."
"I don't guess any man knows enough to break such a rule. Do you?"
"No. But it'll be fun to see him try."
"Sure fun! Well, I must be getting along. See yu' to-morrow."
"See you to-morrow, Lin."
He left me at a corner, and I stood watching his tall, depressed figure.A hundred yards down the street he turned, and seeing me looking afterhim, pretended he had not turned; and then I took my steps toward theclub, telling myself that I had been something of a skunk; for I hadinquired for Mrs. McLean in a certain tone, and I had hinted to Lin thathe had lacked caution; and this was nothing but a way of saying "I toldyou so" to the man that is down. Down Lin certainly was, although it hadnot come so home to me until our little walk together just now along theboards.
At the club I found the Governor teaching Ogden a Cheyenne specialty--aparticular drink, the Allston cocktail. "It's the bitters that does thetrick," he was saying, but saw me and called out: "You ought to havebeen with us and seen Jode. I showed him the telegram, you know. He readit through, and just handed it back to me, and went on monkeying withhis anemometer. Ever seen his instruments? Every fresh jigger they getout he sends for. Well, he monkeyed away, and wouldn't say a word, soI said, 'You understand, Jode, this telegram comes from Hilbrun.' AndJode, he quit his anemometer and said, 'I make no doubt, sir, that yourdespatch is genuwine.' Oh, South Carolina's indignant at me!" Andthe Governor slapped his knee. "Why, he's so set against Hilbrun," hecontinued, "I guess if he knew of something he could explode to stoprain he'd let her fly!"
"No, he wouldn't," said I. "He'd not consider that honorable."
"That's so," the Governor assented. "Jode'll play fair."
It was thus we had come to look at our enterprise--a game between awell-established, respectable weather bureau and an upstart charlatan.And it was the charlatan had our sympathy--as all charlatans, whetherreligious, military, medical, political, or what not, have with theaverage American. We met him at the station. That is, Ogden, McLean, andI; and the Governor, being engaged, sent (unofficially) his secretaryand the requested cart. Lin was anxious to see what would be put in thecart, and I was curious about how a rain-maker would look. But he turnedout an unassuming, quiet man in blue serge, with a face you could notremember afterwards, and a few civil, ordinary remarks. He even said itwas a hot day, as if he had no relations with the weather; and what heput into the cart were only two packing-boxes of no special significanceto the eye. He desired no lodging at the hotel, but to sleep with hisapparatus in the building provided for him; and we set out for it atonce. It was an untenanted barn, and he asked that he and his assistantmight cut a hole in the roof, upon which we noticed the assistant forthe first time--a tallish, good-looking young man, but with a weakmouth. "This is Mr. Lusk," said the rain-maker; and we shook hands,Ogden and I exchanging a glance. Ourselves and the cart marched up HillStreet--or Capitol Avenue, as it has become named since Cheyenne hasgrown fuller of pomp and emptier of prosperity--and I thought we made anunusual procession: the Governor's secretary, unofficially leading theway to the barn; the cart, and the rain-maker beside it, guarding hispacked-up mysteries; McLean and Lusk, walking together in unconsciousbigamy; and in the rear, Odgen nudging me in the ribs. That it was thecorrect Lusk we had with us I felt sure from his incompetent, healthy,vacant appearance, strong-bodied and shiftless--the sort of man to wearyof one trade and another, and make a failure of wife beating betweenwhiles. In Twenty-fourth Street--the town's uttermost rim--the Governormet us, and stared at Lusk. "Christopher!" was his single observation;but he never forgets a face--cannot afford to, now that he is inpolitics; and, besides, Lusk remembered him. You seldom really forget aman to whom you owe ten dollars.
"So you've quit hauling poles?" said the Governor.
"Nothing in it, sir," said Lusk.
"Is there any objection to my having a hole in the roof?" asked therain-maker; for this the secretary had been unable to tell him.
"What! going to throw your bombs through it?" said the Governor, smilingheartily.
But the rain-maker explained at once that his was not the bomb system,but a method attended by more rain and less disturbance. "Not thatthe bomb don't produce first-class results at times and undercircumstances," he said, "but it's uncertain and costly."
The Governor hesitated about the hole in the roof, which Hilbrun toldus was for a metal pipe to conduct his generated gases into the air. Theowner of the barn had gone to Laramie. However, we found a stove-pipehole, which saved delay. "And what day would you prefer the shower?"said Hilbrun, after we had gone over our contract with him.
"Any day would do," the Governor said.
This was Thursday; and Sunday was chosen, as a day when no one hadbusiness to detain him from witnessing the shower--though it seemed tome that on week-days, too, business in Cheyenne was not so inexorableas this. We gave the strangers some information about the town, and leftthem. The sun went away in a cloudless sky, and came so again when thestars had finished their untarnished shining. Friday was clear and dryand hot, like the dynasty of blazing days that had gone before.
I saw a sorry spectacle in the street--the bridegroom and the brideshopping together; or, rather, he with his wad of bills was obedientlypaying for what she bought; and when I met them he was carrying ascarlet parasol and a bonnet-box. His biscuit-shooter, with the lust ofpurchase on her, was brilliantly dressed, and pervaded the street withsplendor, like an escaped parrot. Lin walked beside her, but it might aswell have been behind, and his bearing was so different from hiswonted happy-go-luckiness that I had a mind to take off my hat and say,"Good-morning, Mrs. Lusk." But it was "Mrs. McLean" I said, of course.She gave me a remote, imperious nod, and said, "Come on, Lin,"something like a cross nurse, while he, out of sheer decency, made her agood-humored, jocular answer, and said to me, "It takes a woman to knowwhat to buy for house-keepin,"; which poor piece of hypocrisy endearedhim to me more than ever. The puncher was not of the fibre to succeed inkeeping appearances, but he deserved success, which the angels considerto be enough. I wondered if disenchantment had set in, or if this wereonly the preliminary stage of surprise and wounding, and I felt that butone test could show, namely, a coming face to face of Mr. and Mrs.Lusk, perhaps not to be desired. Neither was it likely. The assistantrain-maker kept himself steadfastly inside or near the barn, at thenorth corner of Cheyenne, while the bride, when she was in the street atall, haunted the shops clear across town diagonally.
On this Friday noon the appearance of the metal tube above the blindbuilding spread some excitement. It moved several of the citizens to paythe place a visit and ask to see the machine. These callers, of course,sustained a polite refusal, and returned among their friends with acontempt for such quackery, and a greatly heightened curiosity; so thatpretty soon you could hear discussions at the street corners, and bySaturday morning Cheyenne was talking of little else. The town prowledabout the barn and its oracular metal tube, and heard and saw nothing.The Governor and I (let it be confessed) went there ourselves, since thetwenty-four hours of required preparation were now begun. We smelled forchemicals, and he thought there was a something, but having been bred adoctor, distrusted his imagination. I could not be sure myself whetherthere was anything or not, although I walked three times round thebarn, snuffing as dispassionately as I knew how. It might possibly bechlorine, the Governor said, or some gas for which ammonia was in partresponsible; and this was all he could say, and we left the place. Theworld was as still and the hard, s
harp hills as clear and near as ever;and the sky over Sahara is not more dry and enduring than was ours.This tenacity in the elements plainly gave Jode a malicious officialpleasure. We could tell it by his talk at lunch; and when the Governorreminded him that no rain was contracted for until the next day, hementioned that the approach of a storm is something that modern scienceis able to ascertain long in advance; and he bade us come to his officewhenever we pleased, and see for ourselves what science said. This was,at any rate, something to fill the afternoon with, and we went to himabout five. Lin McLean joined us on the way. I came upon him lingeringalone in the street, and he told me that Mrs. McLean was calling onfriends. I saw that he did not know how to spend the short recess orholiday he was having. He seemed to cling to the society of others, andwith them for the time regain his gayer mind. He had become convertedto Ogden, and the New-Yorker, on his side, found pleasant and refreshingthis democracy of Governors and cow-punchers. Jode received us at thesignal-service office, and began to show us his instruments with thecareful pride of an orchid-collector.
"A hair hygrometer," he said to me, waving his wax-like hand over it."The indications are obtained from the expansion and contraction ofa prepared human hair, transferred to an index needle traversing thedivided arc of--"
"What oil do you put on the human hair Jode?" called out the Governor,who had left our group, and was gamboling about by himself among thetubes and dials. "What will this one do?" he asked, and poked at a wetpaper disc. But before the courteous Jode could explain that it hadto do with evaporation and the dew-point, the Governor's attentionwandered, and he was blowing at a little fan-wheel. This instantlyrevolved and set a number of dial hands going different ways. "Hi!" saidthe Governor, delighted. "Seen 'em like that down mines. Register airvelocity in feet. Put it away, Jode. You don't want that to-morrow. Whatyou'll need, Hilbrun says, is a big old rain-gauge and rubber shoes."
"I shall require nothing of the sort, Governor," Jode retorted at once."And you can go to church without your umbrella in safety, sir. Seethere." He pointed to a storm-glass, which was certainly as clear ascrystal. "An old-fashioned test, you will doubtless say, gentlemen,"Jode continued--though none of us would have said anything likethat--"but unjustly discredited; and, furthermore, its testimony is wellcorroborated, as you will find you must admit." Jode's voice was almostthreatening, and he fetched one corroborator after another. I lookedpassively at wet and dry bulbs, at self-recording, dotted registers;I caught the fleeting sound of words like "meniscus" and "terrestrialminimum thermometer," and I nodded punctually when Jode went throughsome calculation. At last I heard something that I could understand--aseries of telegraphic replies to Jode from brother signal-serviceofficers all over the United States. He read each one through from dateof signature, and they all made any rain to-morrow entirely impossible."And I tell you," Jode concluded, in his high, egg-shell voice, "there'sno chance of precipitation now, sir. I tell you, sir,"--he was shriekingjubilantly--"there's not a damn' thing to precipitate!"
We left him in his triumph among his glass and mercury. "Gee whiz!" saidthe Governor. "I guess we'd better go and tell Hilbrun it's no use."
We went, and Hilbrun smiled with a certain compassion for the antiquatedscientist. "That's what they all say," he said. "I'll do my talkingto-morrow."
"If any of you gentlemen, or your friends," said Assistant Lusk,stepping up, "feel like doing a little business on this, I am ready toaccommodate you."
"What do yu' want this evenin'?" said Lin McLean, promptly.
"Five to one," said Lusk.
"Go yu' in twenties," said the impetuous puncher; and I now perceivedthis was to be a sporting event. Lin had his wad of bills out--orwhat of it still survived his bride's shopping. "Will you hold stakes,doctor?" he said to the Governor.
But that official looked at the clear sky, and thought he would do fiveto one in twenties himself. Lusk accommodated him, and then Ogden, andthen me. None of us could very well be stake-holder, but we registeredour bets, and promised to procure an uninterested man by eight nextmorning. I have seldom had so much trouble, and I never saw such auniversal search for ready money. Every man we asked to hold stakesinstantly whipped out his own pocketbook, went in search of Lusk, anddisqualified himself. It was Jode helped us out. He would not bet, butwas anxious to serve, and thus punish the bragging Lusk.
Sunday was, as usual, chronically fine, with no cloud or breezeanywhere, and by the time the church-bells were ringing, ten to one wasfreely offered. The biscuit-shooter went to church with her friends, soshe might wear her fine clothes in a worthy place, while her furloughedhusband rushed about Cheyenne, entirely his own old self again, his wadof money staked and in Jode's keeping. Many citizens bitterly lamentedtheir lack of ready money. But it was a good thing for these people thatit was Sunday, and the banks closed.
The church-bells ceased; the congregations sat inside, but outsidethe hot town showed no Sunday emptiness or quiet. The metal tube,the possible smell, Jode's sustained and haughty indignation, theextraordinary assurance of Lusk, all this had ended by turning every onerestless and eccentric. A citizen came down the street with an umbrella.In a moment the by-standers had reduced it to a sordid tangle of ribs.Old Judge Burrage attempted to address us at the corner about the vastprogress of science. The postmaster pinned a card on his back with thewell-known legend, "I am somewhat of a liar myself." And all the whilethe sun shone high and hot, while Jode grew quieter and colder under thecertainty of victory. It was after twelve o'clock when the people camefrom church, and no change or sign was to be seen. Jode told us, witha chill smile, that he had visited his instruments and found no newindications. Fifteen minutes after that the sky was brown. Sudden,padded, dropsical clouds were born in the blue above our heads. Theyblackened, and a smart shower, the first in two months, wet us all,and ceased. The sun blazed out, and the sky came blue again, like thoserapid, unconvincing weather changes of the drama.
Amazement at what I saw happening in the heavens took me from thingson earth, and I was unaware of the universal fit that now seizedupon Cheyenne until I heard the high cry of Jode at my ear. His usualpunctilious bearing had forsaken him, and he shouted alike to strangerand acquaintance: "It is no half-inch, sir! Don't you tell me"' And thecrowd would swallow him, but you could mark his vociferous course ashe went proclaiming to the world. "A failure, sir! The fellow's animpostor, as I well knew. It's no half-inch!" Which was true.
"What have you got to say to that?" we asked Hilbrun, swarming aroundhim.
"If you'll just keep cool," said he--"it's only the first instalment. Inabout two hours and a half I'll give you the rest."
Soon after four the dropsical clouds materialized once again aboveopen-mouthed Cheyenne. No school let out for an unexpected holiday, noherd of stampeded range cattle, conducts itself more miscellaneously.Gray, respectable men, with daughters married, leaped over fencesand sprang back, prominent legislators hopped howling up and downdoor-steps, women waved handkerchiefs from windows and porches, thechattering Jode flew from anemometer to rain-gauge, and old JudgeBurrage apostrophized Providence in his front yard, with thepostmaster's label still pinned to his back. Nobody minded the sluicingdownpour--this second instalment was much more of a thing than thefirst--and Hilbrun alone kept a calm exterior--the face of the man wholifts a heavy dumb-bell and throws an impressive glance at the audience.Assistant Lusk was by no means thus proof against success I saw him puta bottle back in his pocket, his face already disintegrated with a tipsyleer. Judge Burrage, perceiving the rain-maker, came out of his gateand proceeded toward him, extending the hand of congratulation. "Mr.Hilbrun," said he, "I am Judge Burrage--the Honorable T. ColemanBurrage--and I will say that I am most favorably impressed with yourshower."
"His shower!" yelped Jode, flourishing measurements.
"Why, yu' don't claim it's yourn, do yu'?" said Lin McLean, grinning.
"I tell you it's no half-inch yet, gentlemen," said Jode, ignoring thefacetious puncher.
"You're mistaken," said Hilbrun, sharply.
"It's a plumb big show, half-inch or no half-inch," said Lin.
"If he's short he don't get his money," said some ignoble subscriber
"Yes, he will," said the Governor, "or I'm a short. He's earned it."
"You bet "' said Lin. "Fair and square. If they're goin' back on yu',doctor, I'll chip--Shucks!" Lin's hand fell from the empty pocket;he remembered his wad in the stake-holder's hands, and that he nowpossessed possibly two dollars in silver, all told. "I can't chipin, doctor," he said. "That hobo over there has won my cash, an' he'sfilling up on the prospect right now. I don't care! It's the biggestshow I've ever saw. You're a dandy, Mr. Hilbrun! Whoop!" And Linclapped the rain-maker on the shoulder, exulting. He had been too wellentertained to care what he had in his pocket, and his wife had not yetoccurred to him.
They were disputing about the rainfall, which had been slightly underhalf an inch in a few spots, but over it in many others; and while westood talking in the renewed sunlight, more telegrams were brought toJode, saying that there was no moisture anywhere, and simultaneouslywith these, riders dashed into town with the news that twelve miles outthe rain had flattened the grain crop. We had more of such reports fromas far as thirty miles, and beyond that there had not been a drop or acloud. It staggered one's reason; the brain was numb with surprise.
"Well, gentlemen," said the rain-maker, "I'm packed up, and my train'llbe along soon--would have been along by this, only it's late. What's theword as to my three hundred and fifty dollars?"
Even still there were objections expressed. He had not entirelyperformed his side of the contract.
"I think different, gentlemen," said he. "But I'll unpack and let thattrain go. I can't have the law on you, I suppose. But if you don't payme" (the rain-maker put his hands in his pockets and leaned against thefence) "I'll flood your town."
In earthquakes and eruptions people end by expecting anything; and inthe total eclipse that was now over all Cheyenne's ordinary standardsand precedents the bewildered community saw in this threat nothing moreunusual than if he had said twice two made four. The purse was handedover.
"I'm obliged," said Hilbrun, simply.
"If I had foreseen, gentlemen," said Jode, too deeply grieved now tofeel anger, "that I would even be indirectly associated with your losingyour money through this--this absurd occurrence, I would have declinedto help you. It becomes my duty," he continued, turning coldly tothe inebriated Lusk, "to hand this to you, sir." And the assistantlurchingly stuffed his stakes away.
"It's worth it," said Lin. "He's welcome to my cash."
"What's that you say, Lin McLean?" It was the biscuit-shooter, and shesurged to the front.
"I'm broke. He's got it. That's all," said Lin, briefly.
"Broke! You!" She glared at her athletic young lord, and she uttered apreliminary howl.
At that long-lost cry Lusk turned his silly face. "It's my darlingKate," he said. "Why, Kate!"
The next thing that I knew Ogden and I were grappling with Lin McLean;for everything had happened at once. The bride had swooped upon herfirst wedded love and burst into tears on the man's neck, which Linwas trying to break in consequence. We do not always recognize ourbenefactors at sight. They all came to the ground, and we hauled thesecond husband off. The lady and Lusk remained in a heap, he foolish,tearful, and affectionate; she turned furiously at bay, his guardianangel, indifferent to the onlooking crowd, and hurling righteousdefiance at Lin. "Don't yus dare lay yer finger on my husband, yousage-brush bigamist!" is what the marvelous female said.
"Bigamist?" repeated Lin, dazed at this charge. "I ain't," he said toOgden and me. "I never did. I've never married any of 'em before her."
"Little good that'll do yus, Lin McLean! Me and him was man and wifebefore ever I come acrosst yus."
"You and him?" murmured the puncher.
"Her and me," whimpered Lusk. "Sidney." He sat up with a limp, confidingstare at everybody.
"Sidney who?" said Lin.
"No, no," corrected Lusk, crossly--"Sidney, Nebraska."
The stakes at this point fell from his pocket which he did not notice.But the bride had them in safe-keeping at once.
"Who are yu', anyway--when yu' ain't drunk?" demanded Lin.
"He's as good a man as you, and better," snorted the guardian angel."Give him a pistol, and he'll make you hard to find."
"Well, you listen to me, Sidney Nebraska--" Lin began.
"No, no," corrected Lusk once more, as a distant whistle blew--"Jim."
"Good-bye, gentlemen," said the rain-maker. "That's the west-bound. I'mperfectly satisfied with my experiment here, and I'm off to repeat it atSalt Lake City."
"You are?" shouted Lin McLean. "Him and Jim's going to work it again!For goodness' sake, somebody lend me twenty-five dollars!"
At this there was an instantaneous rush. Ten minutes later, in front ofthe ticket-windows there was a line of citizens buying tickets for SaltLake as if it had been Madame Bernhardt. Some rock had been smitten,and ready money had flowed forth. The Governor saw us off, sad that hisduties should detain him. But Jode went!
"Betting is the fool's argument, gentlemen," said he to Ogden, McLean,and me, "and it's a weary time since I have had the pleasure."
"Which way are yu' bettin'?" Lin asked.
"With my principles, sir," answered the little signal-service officer.
"I expect I ain't got any," said the puncher. "It's Jim I'm backin' thistime."
"See here," said I; "I want to talk to you." We went into another car,and I did.
"And so yu' knowed about Lusk when we was on them board walks?" thepuncher said.
"Do you mean I ought to have--"
"Shucks! no. Yu' couldn't. Nobody couldn't. It's a queer world, allthe same. Yu' have good friends, and all that." He looked out of thewindow. "Laramie already!" he commented, and got out and walked byhimself on the platform until we had started again. "Yu' have goodfriends," he pursued, settling himself so his long legs were stretchedand comfortable, "and they tell yu' things, and you tell them things.And when it don't make no particular matter one way or the other, yu'give 'em your honest opinion and talk straight to 'em, and they'llcome to you the same way. So that when yu're ridin' the range alonesometimes, and thinkin' a lot o' things over on top maybe of somedog-goned hill, you'll say to yourself about some fellow yu' know mightywell, 'There's a man is a good friend of mine.' And yu' mean it. Andit's so. Yet when matters is serious, as onced in a while they're boundto get, and yu're in a plumb hole, where is the man then--your goodfriend? Why, he's where yu' want him to be. Standin' off, keepin' hismouth shut, and lettin' yu' find your own trail out. If he tried to showit to yu', yu'd likely hit him. But shucks! Circumstances have showedme the trail this time, you bet!" And the puncher's face, which had beensombre, grew lively, and he laid a friendly hand on my knee.
"The trail's pretty simple," said I.
"You bet! But it's sure a queer world. Tell yu'," said Lin, with the airof having made a discovery, "when a man gets down to bed-rock affairsin this life he's got to do his travellin' alone, same as he does hisdyin'. I expect even married men has thoughts and hopes they don't telltheir wives."
"Never was married," said I.
"Well--no more was I. Let's go to bed." And Lin shook my hand, and gaveme a singular, rather melancholy smile.
At Salt Lake City, which Ogden was glad to include in his Westernholiday, we found both Mormon and Gentile ready to give us odds againstrain--only I noticed that those of the true faith were less free.Indeed; the Mormon, the Quaker, and most sects of an isolated doctrinehave a nice prudence in money. During our brief stay we visited thesights: floating in the lake, listening to pins drop in the gallery ofthe Tabernacle, seeing frescos of saints in robes speaking from heavento Joseph Smith in the Sunday clothes of a modern farm-hand, and inthe street we heard at a distance a strenuous domestic talk between thenew--or perhaps I should say the original--husband and wife.
"Sh
e's corralled Sidney's cash!" said the delighted Lin. "He can't betnothing on this shower."
And then, after all, this time--it didn't rain!
Stripped of money both ways, Cheyenne, having most fortunately purchaseda return ticket, sought its home. The perplexed rain-maker wentsomewhere else, without his assistant. Lusk's exulting wife, having themoney, retained him with her.
"Good luck to yu', Sidney!" said Lin, speaking to him for the first timesince Cheyenne. "I feel a heap better since I've saw yu' married." Hepaid no attention to the biscuit-shooter, or the horrible language thatshe threw after him.
Jode also felt "a heap better." Legitimate science had triumphed.To-day, most of Cheyenne believes with Jode that it was all acoincidence. South Carolina had bet on her principles, and won from Linthe few dollars that I had lent the puncher.
"And what will you do now?" I said to Lin.
"Join the beef round-up. Balaam's payin' forty dollars. I guess that'llkeep a single man."