“Of course we are,” he fired back. “And now ye’re in on it too. I told ye that.”
“I don’t want to be in on anything,” she retorted. “I came here to save you and Malcolm from Obasi, and now I’ve done that. I’m going home. You can do whatever it is you do. You don’t need me anymore.”
“Ye can go back anytime ye like, lassie,” he replied. “Ye ken the spell. Ye could have gone back to Aberdeen, and none of this would have happened. Ye chose to stay, remember?”
She turned her back to him, avoiding his gaze. Her hands flew out at her sides, and her mind spun in a thousand directions, and none of them made sense. “I am not Angui. Get that through your head. I never was, and I never will be. This was all a big mistake. I’m getting out of here.”
He crossed his arms over his barrel chest and leaned against the doorpost, cocking his head at an angle. “Go ahead. I want to see how ye do it. I’ve heard of Falisa doing it but never seen it in person. Go on. This should be something.”
“You dimwit! Get out of here.” She flew at him and gave him a hard shove. “You would just let me waltz on out of your life just like that, wouldn’t you? You don’t give a crap about me. You used me for one night of hanky-panky, and now you’re going to throw me out on my ear. That’s just great.”
“Hold yer flamin’ tongue, woman,” he spat back. “Ye never said anything about one night of…whatever ye call it. If it meant anything to ye, ye’ve a fine way of showing it. Ye’ve no’ said a word to me about it since it happened, and ye made it clear from the first day ye didnae plan to stick around this cesspit of a country. What was I supposed to think?”
She smacked him on the shoulder. “You rat! How dare you? Go on and insult me to my face. I’m nothing but a tramp to you. You got what you wanted—now get the hell out of here before I smash your skull on that post.”
He slapped her hand away before she could hit him again. “Are ye daft? Did ye no’ just hear me say ye were Angui? Christ Almighty, what a cock-up! I should have dumped ye at the nearest crossroads, but no! I had to play the knight in shining armor and take ye with me out of Aberdeen, and now I’m saddled with a mad woman raving about hanky-panky and Lord kens what all.”
“That would have been just great!” she bellowed. “You should have dumped me at the nearest crossroads, so I could go back to my own world and you never had to look me in the eye after you had your fun with me. Is that it? You didn’t want to face up to betraying the memory of your precious warrior women. Is that it?”
Before she could think straight, he rushed at her and roared in her face, “Dinnae ye dare speak of them to me again! Do ye hear me? Never let me hear any mention of them pass yer lips, or I swear by Heaven I’ll slit yer throat where ye stand.” Spittle flew out of his mouth and spattered her cheeks from the sheer force of his outburst. “No’ ye nor any woman alive, now or ever in the future, can touch them. Ye’re naught compared to them. Ye’ll never be aught compared to them. Ye’re as the lowest dust in the road to me. Do ye understand?” His whole countenance shivered with the power of emotion breaking out of him in an overpowering torrent.
Ellen stared at him, thunderstruck.
Maniac rage blazed in his eyes.
She barely recognized the man in front of her.
He bent forward at the waist to glare in her face for one more terrible moment, then a bolt of lightning hit him and his features changed. His expression cleared, and realization crept into his eyes of what he’d said and done. He eased back, but the mounting horror in his face only got worse. He took a staggering step away, unable to tear his eyes away from her. He stared down into her impassive face in soul-shaking dread.
Ellen was numb all over. How could he say those things to her after everything that had passed between them? She’d never meant anything to him. Why did that bother her so much when she’d insisted he never meant anything to her, either? She never intended their tryst to be anything more than a one-night stand. She had no need of entanglements. Why did she object to leaving him to his own business now? She would return to her own time, and he would understand when she saw him again that nothing could ever exist between them again. It happened once, and that was all it would ever be.
Louis stumbled back against the door and pawed around in search of the latch. His eyes remained riveted to her, so the process of freeing the door took longer than it should have. When he finally got it unfastened, it fell open behind him. His weight tumbled into the companionway outside, and he vanished.
The door slammed, startling Ellen. Then peace and silence settled over the cabin. She was alone, exactly the way she wanted to be. Why did she ache for some company now—and not just any company?
Why did she have to part with him like this? Why couldn’t they at least be civilized about it? He’d never let on that he wanted anything but a one-night dalliance. She didn’t want anything more, either, so why did it have to turn into a fight? Why couldn’t they shake hands and say, “See ya later”?
She staggered across the cabin. Curved windows afforded a perfect view of the sea behind the ship. While she stood there staring at nothing, the vessel shuddered to its stern post, quivered once, and eased out of the quay. It rolled and swayed, and Inverness began to dwindle behind the wake.
She glanced down at her hands. They looked so far away, they couldn’t possibly belong to her. They resembled two white moths fluttering around a flame in search of something that wasn’t there.
She had to calm down. She had to get her wits together and remember what she did to cast the spell so she could get back to San Francisco. She certainly couldn’t stay here a moment longer. She would explain the whole thing to Ree and…
She couldn’t explain anything to Ree. That was the worst part. Now that she’d taken the leap to copy Ree by coming here, she found herself in the same bind. So this was the torture Ree had suffered these last several weeks. But worse, Ellen harbored a dangerous secret, and she couldn’t tell her best friends as much as she wanted to. Couldn’t tell them that she’d killed Obasi and potentially the wizard too. The guilt and shame she already felt were too much to bear. She’d have to carry it with her for eternity.
Damn Ree, why did you have to send me back?
Then another thought struck her. Had she known? Had the other men in the future told Ree that Ellen had killed Obasi? Surely Ned told her and she hadn’t told Ellen of what she was about to do. Anger juddered through her. Did Ree know she was a murderer and let her go back knowing she was going to murder Obasi like she was some kind of time-traveling hit man?
The thought was heartbreaking. Her best friend since way back?
How could Ellen look Ree in the eye with this hanging over her head? She would have to quit Primary Industries and go her own way in the world, far away from her friends and loved ones. That would be better than knowing Ree had used her if that turned out to be the truth, or having to keep murderous secrets from the others. Sadness befell her.
With a sigh, she cast her mind back to that fateful night, the last time she saw Ree, and repeated the spell silently in her head, just to make sure she still remembered it all.
Eshmun Hamilcar hanno ashtzaph byblos rae
Zephon anana akilokipok silatuyok anik toe
Takiyok keorvik suluk yo
Uyarak ek chua lo.
That was the easy part, so what was the other part? The part Malcolm said came from inside her? He told her it would happen by itself, that the power would come through her to open the portal. She would just have to try it and see if it worked. She had nothing to lose.
She squared her shoulders and closed her eyes when the cabin door crashed aside. The noise startled her out of her wits, and she leaped around in readiness to meet an enemy attacking her. She wound up staring at Louis standing in front of her.
His shifty gaze skirted around the room, touched on her, and skidded away again. “I’m sorry, Ellen,” he barked. “I shouldnae have said that. It’s just…ye ken, the wom
en of the Angui are a sore subject. Ye go along home. I ken ye dinnae want to stay here with… Well, with a bunch of roughnecks like us. Ye’ve yer own world and yer own people to go back to.”
Ellen eyed him up with cool detachment. She’d come too close to walking out on this whole crazy project to let him off that easily. “Is that your idea of an apology?”
He shot her a fierce glare. “Well, what more do ye want? I shouldnae have blown up at ye like that. Ye couldnae have kenned what ye were saying.”
“I knew exactly what I was saying,” she fired back. “You’re just as stupid now as you were when I met you in Aberdeen. I could have gone back then, but I stayed for you, you big dunce.”
His eyebrows flew up. “For me! Whatever for?”
“How the hell should I know?” She threw up both hands and spun toward the window. “I ought to be sorry about it too, but I’m not. That’s the worst part. I knew hooking up with you was a mistake, but I’m still not sorry I did it. And then you had to go and throw it in my face like that. You guys are gonna have a hard time finding women to join you if you act like that.”
He stared at her in shock. “Ye stayed…for me?”
“Yes, you troglodyte. I stayed for you. You told me something in San Francisco. You kissed me, and you told me to remember that when I met you again. You said you would remember what happened here, and that made me think… Aw, forget it. I don’t know what I was thinking, but it was a mistake. It happened, okay? We spent the night together, and it didn’t mean anything. I get it, okay? It didn’t mean anything to me, either, and I don’t want to stay here anymore, but you didn’t have to be so flippant about it. You didn’t have to rub my nose in the fact that you could never care about me or anybody else the same way as… Forget it. Just forget it.” She stole a peek over her shoulder and couldn’t bear the stunned expression on his face, so looked back to the wide blue sea spread out behind the ship.
She would leave. She would cast the spell, and this boatload of cursed men would go on their way without her. That was the only answer. Whatever had happened between her and Louis belonged dead and buried in the past where neither of them had to remember it anymore.
She heard his footsteps drift toward the door, then pause.
His voice filled the silent hole in the cabin. “I did care about ye. Ye go on home, and I’ll no’ try to stop ye, but dinnae ever tell yerself I didnae care about ye. It meant something all right. I dinnae ken what, but dinnae tell yerself it was meaningless to me. I cannae hope it meant anything to ye after what ye just said, but just remember what I say if ye remember naught else. It meant something, even if it only meant a single night’s reprieve in a man’s life when he wasn’t miserable and lonely and wishing he was dead. Ye gave me that at least, and I’ll no’ ask ye for aught more.” His heels clipped across the wooden floorboards and vanished with the swish of the sea against the hull.
Ellen couldn’t move or even blink. A tearing ache bored a hole straight through her middle. That night they’d spent together meant something to her too. That was what hurt so much. She never intended to do anything with him but relieve the restless itch plaguing her all these lonely years. She certainly never intended to get with him, or commit to him, or marry him, or anything as extreme as that. Why couldn’t two consenting adults enjoy each other for one night and then walk away?
She ought to cast the spell right now, vanish off this floating nut house and reappear back in the world she understood. She ought to, but she couldn’t straighten out her own mind to think.
What if that night they’d spent together really did mean something? What if she wasn’t meant to be alone? What if she’d felt there was no one else for her because she needed more than mortal man could ever offer? What if her life was meant to collide with the Angui? And Louis Kirk? What if that’s what Louis had been trying to tell her all along?
No, it couldn’t be, she decided. They both carried too much baggage to get anywhere near each other for anything more than a night of wild passion.
Chapter 16
Louis rocked in his hammock in the crew’s quarters and stared up at the ceiling of the ship’s hold. He hadn’t seen Ellen since midday when he’d left her in the captain’s cabin. She’d be long gone by now, and he couldn’t summon the courage to go check.
If she was gone, that was the best thing for everybody. So why couldn’t he sleep? Why had he been lying here, hour after hour, all afternoon, thinking of nothing but her? So their dalliance meant something to both of them, but what did it mean? Why did it even matter what it meant when she was thousands of miles and hundreds of years away by now?
He’d really stuck his foot in it by losing his temper at her. It had meant something. He’d spent hundreds of years unwilling to entertain the possibility of sharing his life with someone like him again. Just three days ago, he still believed that was an impossibility. Cipher’s Kiss be damned, no one could ever replace Annella. He’d been charging forward with his brothers for the sake of his race, and for knowing his brothers suffered in loneliness too, but he’d never believed it held much hope for his own future. Then this fire of a woman dropped out of time itself, in his path, seeking him. She had the soul of a warrior. The lips of a goddess. And now he had to wait another three hundred years before he could see her again. What was he doing even thinking that way when he didn’t want to see her again at all?
He couldn’t make sense of any of this, but it didn’t matter. He only wished he hadn’t let her push his buttons like that. He cringed at remembering his behavior. What was she to him? She wasn’t…
He couldn’t think about this anymore. It was over and done with—all of it. He heaved himself out of his hammock and made his way out on deck, all the way forward, and leaned over the prow. Sea spray blew his hair back and cooled his forehead. He closed his eyes into it. If only he could fall to the bottom of the ocean and erase himself from the face of the Earth, all of this would disappear.
He had never hated this empty life more than in this moment. This whole business with Ellen was making it more intolerable than ever. Living a hollow shell of an existence was one thing. Tasting her and touching her and finding the possibility of loving again in her, only then to lose it all in one act of rash anger—no man could endure that.
He made up his mind to go have a word with Gilias. He would explain to the big first mate that he couldn’t stand the pain any longer. He would tell him he planned to end it. Angui did it all the time. What difference did a couple thousand years make here or there? Life wasn’t worth spit if he couldn’t enjoy it, especially now that he’d found a concrete, living example of what that enjoyment could look like.
He let out a shaky sigh, feeling one weight had been lifted off his shoulders but replaced by another.
Just then, a soft voice jolted him upright. “You okay?”
He spun around to confront Ellen. “Ye scared me. Ye shouldnae sneak up on a man like that.”
“Sorry. I didn’t know you would be out here. I just came up for some fresh air.”
He went back to staring down at the black depths, so inviting and cold and dark. “What are ye doing out here, anyway? Ye said ye were going home.”
“I will. I’ve just been thinking about stuff.” She cocked her head. “Are you okay? You don’t look too good.”
“Marvelous,” he snarled.
She chuckled. “I only meant you look tired. You haven’t slept since we left Aberdeen—not really. You should go below and rest.”
He humphed, hoping she’d go away. He didn’t want to talk to her. In fact, she was about the last person on the planet he could imagine wanting to talk to right now. At the same time, though, he didn’t want her to leave. Of everyone he knew, she alone understood what the last several days had cost him. He’d gone to his limit in every way and almost lost his life with that wizard. He and Ellen shared those moments between the two of them. No one else would ever know.
She lifted her arms from her sides an
d let them slap back down against her thighs. “Look, I’m really sorry I baited you before. I shouldn’t have needled you about your past. It was deliberately cruel. That’s why I did it. I wanted to get a reaction out of you. I guess I wanted to find a way to push you away.”
His head swung up. “Ye did? Why?”
“Well, you know…” She shrugged and glanced out to sea. “The other night—things got pretty intense, don’t you think? I’ve never experienced anything like it. I guess I wanted to prove to myself that I could leave, that leaving was the right thing even after what happened…between us, I mean.”
“If ye want to leave, go ahead,” he returned. “Ye dinnae need any excuse to do it.”
“I know it’s stupid,” she replied. “That’s what I’m trying to say. I’m sorry I did it. It was childish and hurtful—a lot more hurtful than what you said when you yelled at me. You had every right to get mad at me for doing it. I don’t blame you. I would have been just as mad at you if you had done the same thing to me.”
He kept his face turned away. What could he say to her? He had to come up with some way to make her let it go. “I must tell ye something.”
“What is it?”
“I made a mistake—that night, I mean—but not the way ye think. I didnae make a mistake spending the night with ye. That’s no’ the mistake I’m talking on.”
“What was the mistake, then?” she asked.
“I pretended ye were… I started it pretending ye were somebody else.” He stood up straight and faced her. If he was going to do this, he would face it like a man. “Ye look like her, is what I’m trying to tell ye. Ye look like a woman I lost. My wife. I pretended ye were her. I started it with ye to get all that…ye ken, the power out of me. I didnae realize it would be so strong.”
She blinked. “Are you saying you wouldn’t have done it with me if you hadn’t been pretending I was someone else? Is that what you’re saying?”
Spellbound by the Angui (Cipher's Kiss Book 2): A Scottish Highlander Time Travel Romance Page 11