“Do you want me to come see you tomorrow in Austin or—” Because she would see him. She had not given up. She just didn’t want to hash this out over the goddamned phone while oceans separated them.
“Can I pick you up at the airport?”
“That’s a bit out of your way, isn’t it? I was going to rent a car.”
“If you don’t want to be trapped in a car with me, I understand, but I really need to be trapped in a car with you for a few hours.”
She smiled, her heart lightening at memories of their road trip from New Orleans to Galveston. How well they’d clicked. How much better they’d gotten to know each other. They did need to be trapped in a car together for a few hours to sort their mess out.
“I’d like for you to pick me up. If it’s not too much of an inconvenience.”
“I miss you,” he whispered. “So much it hurts.”
That was a great sign that they could work things out.
“I’ve never felt as alone as I do right now,” he continued. “Not even when Sara passed.”
Dawn realized that by damaging his friendship with Owen, he’d lost more than a good friend. He’d lost a family he considered his own. He’d lost an important connection with his turbulent career. He’d lost so much and gained nothing. Over a kiss. Just a kiss. The kiss that shattered his entire world. She wouldn’t let it destroy them as well.
“Things will work out with Owen,” she said, not wanting Kellen to feel the pain that would come if the opposite proved true. Owen was important to him. He needed Owen, and she wasn’t selfish enough to push a larger wedge between them even though she knew how easy it would be to take Kellen all for herself. All she had to do was make him feel guilty about cheating, and he’d be hers, but she refused to break him. He’d been broken too many times already.
“You’re beyond terrific,” he said. “I think I’m starting to have feelings for you.”
The hint of laughter in his voice made her heavy heart lighten.
“Starting? You should be full out in love with me by now,” she teased.
“Oh, I am. I’m just playing it cool. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She was so stunned by his claim that she didn’t answer immediately. Was he in love with her or just teasing? Because she wanted that—his heart. She wanted it more than she was willing to admit.
“Dawn?” he said after an awkward silence.
“See you tomorrow.” She hung up before she did something as stupid as confess her own strong feelings.
Chapter Eighteen
Kellen spent the day in his car. It was only a few hours to the Houston airport, but he needed the time to clear his head. He called Owen every hour or two, hoping he’d eventually wear the guy down or annoy him enough that he’d answer. So far, his plan wasn’t working.
What Kellen wouldn’t give for a time machine. For as magical as that kiss had been, no moment of bliss was worth losing their friendship. He felt like part of him was missing, and he didn’t know how he’d go on with yet another piece of himself taken by someone he loved. He didn’t have Sara’s piece of him back; he’s just finally found a way to live without it. And his grandfather’s piece? Yeah, Dawn didn’t know about that missing piece yet, but he planned to show her during her visit. He told himself that he wasn’t attached enough to Dawn to lose more of himself if she left, but deep down, he knew that wasn’t true. He’d already willingly handed over another piece of himself, and when she left him, there wouldn’t be much left of Kellen at all.
Although Owen wasn’t answering his calls, Kellen did manage to get a hold of Joan, who had moved beyond despair to a place of hope and gratitude that Chad was alive. Chad had made it through surgery, survived the most critical night, and was currently sedated in a hospital in Germany. His commanding officer had been kind enough to video chat with Joan and James while at Chad’s bedside and show them that their son was breathing, that his heart was beating, and though he was unconscious and his body was scarcely recognizable from the damage he’d suffered, that he was likely to recover if no complications arose. When Joan asked why Kellen had called her instead of Owen, he hadn’t told her the real reason. He wasn’t sure how she’d take the news that Kellen had done something as foolish, impulsive, and hurtful as make a move on her younger son when he’d just been stricken with devastating news about her older one. Jane was a wonderful, loving woman, but she was fiercely protective of her sons, as she should be. And as much as Kellen longed to be hers, he would never be her son.
He reached the airport about an hour before Dawn was scheduled to land. Inside the parked Firebird, he pulled on the white T-shirt he’d tossed into the passenger seat over the gift-wrapped box that now seemed trivial, and then he hurried inside the busy terminal to wait. He wanted to make sure she knew he was sorry, sure she knew he’d never meant to hurt her, sure she knew he’d never cheat again. Not with Owen. Not with anyone.
He watched the departures/arrivals board, fixated on her flight data and its “on time” status. When her plane landed, he stood and stared at the spot where she was likely to emerge from the terminal. He knew it would be a while before she could make her way through customs, but he didn’t want to miss his first possible glimpse of her. Had it only been days since they’d parted? It felt like an eternity. His entire life had changed since he’d kissed her goodbye in this very airport, and so had hers. She’d do great with Everlong and Pierre, and Kellen knew how lucky he was that she’d put her career off for even a few days to be with him.
When he spotted her, his breath caught. Her gorgeous, deep red hair was tied back at her nape, accentuating her graceful throat. He wanted to press his face into that neck—breathe her in, taste her skin, feel her pulse race beneath his lips—but he held back, even when her eyes found him and she smiled. He had no right to touch her, to take what he wanted. Not when he’d betrayed her.
She raced forward and dropped her bags at his feet before capturing him in her arms. The leash he’d used to tether himself snapped. His trembling hands rose to cup her lovely face, and he searched her green-flecked eyes for signs of hurt or mistrust. He found none. She looked damned happy to see him. Lucky, lucky man, he told himself as he bent to accept the kiss she offered and he did not deserve.
When he drew away, he held her gaze as he said, “I’m so—”
She shook her head. “Give me a minute to be happy to see you before you remind me of what an ass you were in my absence.”
So she wasn’t going to let him off the hook. He silently thanked her for knowing her worth, for not giving him an easy out. He was so much harder on himself than she could ever be on him. She probably didn’t know she was doing him a favor by holding him accountable for his actions.
“Did you have a nice time in Prague?” he asked, kissing her again before she could answer, because she was beautiful and wonderful and caring and perfect and he just couldn’t help himself.
“I did. Wes followed me there. Did I mention that?”
Wes? Her agent? That seemed odd. “Do I have a reason to be jealous?”
“Of Wes?” When he nodded, she smiled. “Not unless you really wanted to see me perform.”
“Of course I did.”
“He’s happily married. And his wife was with him.”
“Then why was he—”
“To pressure me into signing that contract. Do you think I did the right thing?”
He kissed her crumpled brow. He really was an ass. She’d called him from Prague for reassurance about her life-changing decision, and he’d been so focused on himself, he’d basically brushed off her concerns.
“What’s done is done,” he said, and she tilted her head to look up at him.
She lifted both eyebrows. “I’m still not letting you off the hook, Kellen Jamison.”
“I wasn’t referring to what I did. I expect to do a lot of groveling.”
Her little smirk made his heart tremble. “Good. Grab my bags, will you? And point me in the dire
ction of your car.”
He slung her carry-on over one shoulder and grabbed the handle of her small suitcase. His free hand sought hers and when she looked at him, he said, “Groveling will include lots of hand-holding, stolen kisses, lovesick looks, and oral pleasure.”
She bit her lip, the tiniest of moans escaping her, and allowed him to hold her hand as they made their way to his car.
“Do they even make these things anymore?” she asked as he opened the trunk of his perfectly restored ’73 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am.
“No, ma’am. It was my grandfather’s.” Most of the material possessions he loved and held dear had once belonged to his grandfather.
“Should have known you’d drive a badass car.” She grinned at him. “I didn’t think that Toyota was you.”
“That was a rental.” He stowed her luggage in the trunk and opened the passenger door.
She pointed at the small box on her seat.
“That’s for you,” he said. “When you’re ready to start hearing my apologies.”
She lifted the box before settling into the leather bucket seat and setting her gift on her lap. He waited a breath to see if she’d open it and when she didn’t, he carefully closed her door and ventured to the driver’s side. He took a deep steadying breath before climbing in beside her. She still hadn’t unwrapped the gift or even fingered the ribbon he’d tied in a complicated design around the box. She was staring straight ahead at the dashboard, as if opening the small token of his regret was her forgiveness and she wasn’t quite ready to take that step yet. He wouldn’t push her. He had no right to.
“Did you enjoy kissing Owen?” she asked quietly. The fist on her lap was clenched so tightly that her knuckles were white.
He could lie and lessen her pain, but she deserved to hear the truth. “Very much.”
“And you want him, don’t you?”
“Not as much as I want you.”
“And he wants you?”
“Not at all.”
Her tongue wet her lips. “He told you as much?”
“He hasn’t spoken to me since it happened. I’d say there’s my answer.”
Her finger traced the black ribbon crisscrossing the shiny red box. “I don’t think it’s the answer you believe it to be,” she said quietly, and then, as if she hadn’t spoken the most confusing words he’d ever heard, she asked, “Can we stop somewhere for lunch?”
“Whatever your heart desires.”
She reached over and covered his hand, which was gripping the steering wheel. “You. My heart desires you. That’s why all of this is so damned hard.”
Her lashes flicked upward, and all the hurt he’d expected to see in the terminal was now written in her troubled gaze.
“Your heart already has me,” he said.
“Then I want a hamburger.”
His snorted laugh was laced with agony. He hated that he’d caused her to doubt his feelings—his sincerity. Hated that he’d broken her trust.
“I love you.” The words slipped out before he could consider what he was saying or how it would make her feel at that moment.
Her hand slid from the back of his, but he caught it before she could take her touch from him, and pressed her knuckles against his thudding heart.
“You’re not allowed to say that to me right now,” she whispered, a single tear streaking down her cheek.
“Then I’ll just think it.”
She swallowed and turned to look out her window. He’d yet to start the car, so her view was of the big white SUV parked beside them. “I want fries too.”
He blew out a breath and released her hand so he could start the car. It roared to life, its familiar rumble steadying him as he shifted into reverse. They’d get through this. They had to. He couldn’t take another heartbreak.
Chapter Nineteen
As hungry as she was, Dawn only took a few bites of the hamburger she’d claimed to want. She didn’t even touch her fries. She’d thought being trapped in a car with Kellen for a few hours would allow them to talk and sort through their differences. Instead, the silence that spread between them seemed unbreakable. She pretended to nap, but her thoughts were too full to allow anything as restful as sleep.
“We’re almost there,” Kellen said when they were close to Austin. “Aren’t you going to open your gift?”
The smallish red box sat on her lap, its ribbon laced in an intricate pattern that reminded her of a spider web. She found the end of the black satin tucked into the underside and began the long involved process of untying the binding. It was strangely cathartic, as if each released knot allowed her to let go of her pain one piece at a time.
She could still hear Kellen’s whispered confession—I love you—echoing through her thoughts and squeezing at her heart. But could she bring herself to truly believe it when she knew he longed for another?
When the ribbon finally fell free as one long silky piece, she fingered the box lid with indecision before lifting it. Inside was a small wooden music box. Hadn’t Kellen proposed to Sara by putting her engagement ring in a music box? A dolphin-shaped music box. Dawn clearly remembered him telling her that.
She glanced at him, looking for clues, but his eyes were on the road. She lifted the music box out of its container and the lid opened slightly, causing it to release the sound of a single tinkling note. Just one note, but she already knew what song it would play—her favorite of Chopin’s nocturnes.
Her hands trembled as she opened the lid. Would there be a ring inside? What would she do if there was? They hadn’t known each other long enough to consider such a hefty commitment. She had yet to tell him she loved him.
When the lid was fully lifted, she found she’d been right. The song was Nocturne 20. A folded note was nestled among the black velvet lining of the box. She looked at Kellen—still minding the road like a first-time driver—and then unfolded the paper.
Were you expecting a ring?
She laughed and tossed the paper at him. “That was mean.”
“Did you want it to be a ring?” he asked.
She had, damn him, but bit her lip so she didn’t let that desire slip from her blurty mouth. She’d already forgiven him, damn him even more, and wished they could just put this mess behind them, damn him again.
“You want the grand gesture,” he said, looking at her at long last. “Remember?”
How could she forget?
She turned her attention to the now-empty box, listening to the soft tinkling it made. “I should make you squirm,” she said. “Make you feel as terrible as I feel.”
“I’m dying on the inside, if that knowledge is helpful.”
The song played slower and slower until the pin drum got hung up on a note and fell silent.
“I love you,” she said, not looking at him. She’d say it again later while staring into his dark eyes, but not this first time. This first time was much too terrifying.
“You’re sure? I have issues, you know.”
She laughed and closed the music box. “I’m sure. Take me to Owen’s house. I need to talk to him.”
“It wasn’t his fault. Don’t place the blame on him because you have feelings for me.”
“Who said I had feelings for you?” she teased.
“I think it was you.”
“It’s going to take a lot of mind-blowing orgasms to get me to admit that again.”
He laughed. “Challenge accepted.”
*****
Owen’s little blue cottage was even more adorable than the man himself. They’d tried to call him, to warn him of their arrival, but he still wasn’t answering Kellen’s calls. The anguished look on Kellen’s face as he shook his head and hung up for the third time tore at Dawn’s chest.
“Maybe you should have one of your bandmates call him on your behalf,” Dawn said.
“That might work,” he said, “assuming they’re speaking to me. I doubt Jacob and Adam will answer.”
“What about Gabe?”
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