Harrison said nothing for a moment. Jessica felt his gaze upon her. It lingered and it made her feel very self-conscious but it didn’t feel as if he was judging her. Quite the opposite; it was a look of something that felt like pride. Which was crazy because he didn’t know her and she worried from her harsh comments that she might be perceived by him as borderline jaded.
He suddenly averted his gaze and turned to Melissa. ‘I hope you get a good block of rotation time in our Paediatric Unit with Dr Ayers. I think she’ll be invaluable in your journey. She’s certainly opened my eyes to many things this morning. There were definitely a few things I didn’t expect to hear.’
CHAPTER FOUR
‘HAVE YOU UNDERTAKEN the hospital induction or did the Professor just bring you straight to the ER?’ Harrison asked, interrupting Jessica’s thoughts and his own.
And his own thoughts needed interrupting. They had been filling his mind for longer than just the short time since he and Jessica had been formally introduced. Once again, he silently admitted that he had given the gorgeous doctor more space in his head than he’d planned after their airport encounter and he had hoped their paths would cross again. Maybe at the grocery store or a restaurant. He’d pictured potential scenarios and wondered if she would run over his foot with a shopping trolley...or sit at a table adjacent to his and drop a fork on his shoe. His thoughts did not shift from recalling her beautiful, slightly embarrassed smile when they’d first met and he’d caught himself smiling too. For the first time in a very long time.
He also remembered the sense of relief that had washed over him as he’d alighted the plane, realising that the custody battle was over. His son would never be at risk of being taken from him again. Bryce was too young to understand that the two of them ever being parted had been a threat, but it had consumed Harrison for most of his son’s life. Not knowing if or when his son could be taken for months, or longer, to the other side of the world, to a woman his son couldn’t remember, but one he would need to acknowledge as his mother.
But those worries were gone. Now all Harrison had to do was lodge the divorce papers once they were sent over from the attorney in the US. He had done his part; now his soon-to-be ex-wife just had to do the same. He knew there wouldn’t be a problem, as she had a new partner and wanted to move on, which was why she had agreed to give him full custody. It was almost a cliché. The new man in her life was considerably older, very wealthy, well connected in the film industry and he didn’t want anything to do with children.
Last night, as he’d thrown another log onto the open fire, having tucked his son into bed, Harrison had leant on the fireplace staring into flames that danced and leapt and finally enveloped the new wood. He had sipped on his gin and tonic as the wood snapped and split along a jagged crevice, releasing steam and filling the softly lit room with a warm glow and a burst of heat. And he’d felt a glimmer of hope. It wasn’t relief; it was more than that. He wasn’t sure what he was hopeful of but he knew he felt that he had left his worries behind. And, unexpectedly, he also had something to look forward to and that was just the chance that he might see the mystery woman again. It didn’t make any sense to him, but he couldn’t pretend his mood hadn’t changed in the last twenty-four hours. It had. And he believed there were two reasons.
Perhaps the second had been born of the first. Finally, he could let down his guard. The battle was over and he felt as if he had let the weight of the world fall in pieces on the ground. Pieces so small they were like dust.
And now, in the light of day, he felt he was letting go of the anger and disappointment. Maybe, just maybe, it hadn’t been just a chance meeting. Perhaps it had been more than a coincidence.
There was something fragile about Jessica, yet something equally strong. She intrigued him. And after hearing her beliefs about parenting, and knowing how they were aligned to his own, she was getting a little further under his skin. Warmth spread through him, along with a stirring in his gut. It felt good but he couldn’t ignore that it still caused him a degree of angst.
The woman, pretty as a picture and clearly a competent doctor, while strangely dressed on her first day, was making him second-guess his resolve never to feel anything close to what he felt at that moment. Quickly he realised it wasn’t the leftover melancholy of a lonely winter’s night, the relief of having the signed custody papers...or the gin from the night before that made him feel that way. It was a Monday morning in a frantic Emergency Department and she was still bringing feelings to the surface that he’d believed he would never, could never, experience again. But was he actually ready for those feelings? Was he prepared to potentially let someone into his life, on whatever level? In the light of day he suddenly wasn’t so sure.
‘I said, Dr Wainwright, I haven’t undertaken the induction yet.’
Harrison pulled his thoughts together and realised by Jessica’s response that she was repeating herself. It was ironic that he had been too preoccupied with thoughts of her to hear her words. He was more than a little unnerved. He was never distracted by a woman, let alone while on duty.
‘I’m sorry. I was distracted.’
‘Yes, I can see that. As I’ve only seen the ER, I should probably head up and arrange an induction now.’
Harrison paused for the briefest moment, filling his lungs with air. He was worried. He wanted to say that he would be her guide. He wanted very much to take the opportunity to get to know Jessica better, but he hesitated. In almost five years he had not felt attracted to anyone the way he felt himself drawn to the locum Paediatric Consultant. The speed at which he was feeling so comfortable in her presence was disconcerting. He knew he was putting himself at risk but equally he was struggling to deny that he wanted to get to know her a little better. What harm could come of it? he asked himself. They might be great friends, with so much in common.
A simple display of professional politeness, he told himself, but he knew he was lying. There was so much more behind the way he was feeling and it was unsettling but he pushed those fears away as quickly as they surfaced. Once before, he had travelled at a similar speed and he knew the danger signs but this felt very different and he chose to ignore them. It had been a long time ago and, while he still bore the scars, he had an intangible feeling, a feeling deep down inside his gut, that getting to know Dr Jessica Ayers might be worth the risk. He could hear the alarm bells ringing loud and clear and yet he wanted to know more about this woman, take the time to personally show her around the hospital. He was all too aware that he was heading in a direction that was dangerous but something about Jessica was making that very difficult to refuse. He prayed his fears were unfounded.
‘I would be happy to show you around, if you like.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes, really,’ he almost laughed.
‘That’s very kind of you.’
‘I like to get to know new staff. Put it down to my curious nature.’ Again, he lied but he could hardly admit the truth. ‘I’ll ask one of the nurses to direct you to HR on the second floor so you can complete any requisite paperwork and then, once you make your way back down here, I’ll take you around the rest of the hospital and introduce you to the senior staff.’
‘Thank you. That’s very nice of you.’
‘We’re a friendly country bunch here.’
Harrison watched as Jessica considered him for a moment in silence. He suspected that she could see through him but she seemed happy enough.
‘I’d appreciate that,’ she finally said with a sparkle in the most beautiful green eyes he had ever seen.
Harrison felt himself teetering on the edge of something that he couldn’t define but wanted to explore. It was crazy to feel anything for someone so quickly but it felt right. There was a familiarity about Jessica that he couldn’t explain or define.
‘No doubt you’ve done most of the paperwork online but occasionally they need a sig
nature in person,’ he said, finally breaking the spell under which he felt himself falling. ‘The staff will also provide you with a security pass and a designated car park space if you have a car.’
‘I do, a rental for six weeks,’ Jessica said as she nodded. ‘I parked in the general car park this morning.’
‘Six weeks?’ he asked curiously.
‘Yes, I’m covering long service leave for your Paediatric Consultant.’
‘Of course.’ Harrison physically withdrew as he spoke, taking a step back from Jessica. He was deflated by the news. It had slipped his mind that Jessica’s residency was to be so short. Perhaps she might be testing the water, he wondered. Checking if she liked country life, trying it on for size, so to speak. Seeing if she liked the pace of Armidale.
‘I have a short lease on the house too. My next position’s in Adelaide in seven weeks’ time. That role is just four weeks, but fi-fo suits me.’
‘Fi-fo?’
‘Fly in, fly out.’
‘Of course.’ Harrison knew he was repeating his words...just as he had almost repeated his mistake of wanting to know a woman passing through town. God, he was doing it again. Hadn’t he learnt his lesson? Last time he had stupidly believed the woman who’d married him and had his baby might actually want to stay. And he had been wrong. So very wrong. Nothing could’ve been further from the truth. He should have known better and this time he had to make sure he did.
‘You’re filling in for us while Stan Jefferson and his new bride enjoy their honeymoon to Europe. Some time on the Greek islands and then heading to the French Riviera.’
‘So I heard,’ she said flatly then continued. ‘I mean I knew the purpose of my placement, just not their actual destination. Oh, well, I wish them luck.’
Jessica’s monotone, lacklustre reply was not lost on Harrison and his eyes narrowed. Everything he had first assumed about the woman was perhaps not as he had thought. He wasn’t expecting her to be gushing about the honeymoon of two people she had never met, but nor had he expected her response to be so devoid of emotion.
‘You don’t sound too excited for them.’
‘I don’t know them.’
‘That’s true.’
Jessica paused. ‘Maybe I should have said good luck to them.’
‘Maybe? That doesn’t sound too definite.’
‘It’s not,’ she said, shifting a little on her feet. ‘Look, I’m sure the Mediterranean will be superb at this time of year. I’m just...well...you know what—it truly doesn’t matter what I think.’
Harrison felt a knot tighten in his gut and a wall rising between them very quickly. She had become almost flippant about the subject and that brought with it a level of concern.
‘No, I suppose it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks as long as they’re happy.’ His intuition, together with the cold hard facts, made it clear that Jessica was not the settling-down kind. Not that it bothered him, he reminded himself. He wasn’t either now, but it did remind him that he had to keep a professional distance. Jessica had stirred emotions he had forgotten he could feel and he had to rein them in; he felt as if he was stepping into deep waters and he couldn’t afford to be swept away. It wasn’t something that happened often to him. Quite the opposite—only once before—but, even then, it hadn’t been as immediate a connection as he was feeling with Jessica.
Harrison rubbed his chin with his lean fingers. This new side of her seemed cold and detached and abruptly brought back memories of the way his ex-wife had been able to turn her back and walk away from the life he’d thought they would share. And it reminded him that he truly did not read women well at all.
‘I’m all about my career. It’s my sole focus now and I suspect always will be.’
Harrison had temporarily slipped into a strange space where he had been thinking... Actually, he didn’t know what he had been thinking, or feeling, for that matter, but suddenly he realised he should have known better. He felt stupid. Jessica was another career woman. Point-blank. No room for any debate. Her announcement was an unexpected but much needed and timely awakening. It was the cold hard slap back into reality that Harrison knew he needed. He was at least grateful that she was upfront about it. Perhaps his ex-wife had been too but maybe he hadn’t looked for the signs back then. He wasn’t sure. Perhaps everything that had happened between them had been at such a lightning pace that he couldn’t have seen them anyway. With the passing of time came the knowledge that he had to look out for any signs to ensure that he and his son would never be hurt again.
Harrison knew now that he didn’t need a woman he found even mildly interesting, let alone intriguing. Certainly not one who wasn’t the staying kind. He was doing just fine as a single father and Jessica had brought him to his senses. Being a single parent had sufficient challenges and he knew he didn’t need to make it more difficult by letting himself become involved with a woman like her. He had been swept up in a crazy moment he’d thought was serendipity when in fact it was just a distracted locum doctor who had run over his foot. Nothing more. It wasn’t a sign of anything other than what it was. An accident. End of story.
No matter how aligned their values and interests had momentarily appeared, they were in fact miles apart. Brick by brick, an impenetrable wall was being erected in his mind. And the construction was happening at breakneck speed. She was everything he didn’t need in a woman, all tied up in one beautiful package. Dr Jessica Ayers was heartbreak about to happen for any man who thought long-term or happily ever after. And he wasn’t sure why for a split second he might just have been one of those men. He thought he had learnt his lesson and for five years he hadn’t thought about love. Then, since meeting Jessica, for some inexplicable reason it had entered his mind again. And he needed to send any thoughts like that packing.
Harrison cleared his throat. ‘Actually, I don’t think I’ll have time today to show you around the hospital after all.’
Jessica’s delicately creased brow didn’t mask her reaction to his sudden change of heart. ‘Is something wrong?’
‘No, it’s just that I’ve remembered that I promised to visit a patient later so I won’t have time to show you around. I’m sure HR will assign you someone anyway.’
‘Of course. I understand...’
‘And there’s one other thing, Dr Ayers.’
‘Jessica,’ she corrected him.
‘Fine, Jessica.’ His eyes narrowed as he spoke. ‘As a senior member of the hospital, there is something I need to mention.’
‘That sounds serious.’
‘Not overly serious, just good professional practice and I think it needs mentioning.’
‘Go on,’ she said, with the frown slowly creeping over her entire brow.
The tone of Harrison’s voice had purposely shifted from warm to aloof. He needed to define their relationship to himself, if no one else. Remind himself that he didn’t know the woman standing before him. It didn’t matter how almost instantly he had felt a connection. It wasn’t real. They were just feelings passing through his mind, just as she was passing through town. Both would be gone in the blink of an eye.
Jessica had folded her arms across her delicate frame. She was preparing for a fight. The irony was that the battle was an internal one, actually going on inside Harrison. His actions were all about setting personal boundaries that he suddenly felt he needed.
‘Professionally speaking, I have to tell you that you should have cleared it with me before you acted in any capacity in the ER since you hadn’t officially started.’ He paused to regroup his thoughts and stay on track. ‘There’s no delicate way to put it, Jessica, except to say it how it is. You overstepped the mark and I hope it doesn’t happen again.’
CHAPTER FIVE
JESSICA FELT THE wind being knocked out of her sails. She had stepped up to help out. She’d hardly expected a medal but she also hadn’t ex
pected a dressing-down about it. She could understand if he had called her on her unprofessional attire. That was very real in her mind. But he’d made no reference to her clothing at all, focusing on her stepping in to help.
Could the man have a twin brother? she asked herself silently as she dropped her gaze. If not, then she surmised she must be quite delusional to have thought of him as kind or charismatic in any way. He was abrupt at best and plain rude if she was to be honest with herself. She found herself in a situation that felt so unsettling she wanted to exit as soon as possible. She felt like a teenager being reprimanded. Again, she realised she was a terrible judge of character.
Not that it came as a surprise to her but she had hoped she had improved over time. Clearly not.
Nothing had changed, not her nor the men she found herself drawn to on any level, however fleetingly.
Jessica wasn’t sure what to say. Her thoughts ran the gamut from a transfer to another hospital to eating an entire tub of chocolate ice cream or perhaps having a stiff drink at the end of her shift. All of them would solve the problem in very different ways and all were overly dramatic but that was how she felt. Her judgement, she accepted, was below poor before she’d arrived in Armidale but Dr Harrison Wainwright had, in a few minutes, convinced her that her personality assessment skills were hitting a new low. How and why she had even for the briefest moment thought that the man was worthy of head space before she’d fallen asleep the night before was nonsensical.
Drawing breath, she gathered her thoughts. They were threadbare at best. He was condescending in his approach. As a fully qualified professional, she had stepped up to help out. How dare he speak to her that way? She should have taken another role. There was no shortage of locum positions and if she had gone elsewhere there would be no Dr Wainwright and she would be wearing a suit and not something she felt more suited to the stables than a hospital. Alternatively, she could have taken the day off to wait for her clothes and blamed the airline. But no, she’d turned up feeling like Little Orphan Annie, helped out and got a telling-off for stepping up.
Mending the Single Dad's Heart Page 6