She balanced the tray on the edge of the table while she transferred both coffees and sandwiches to the table top.
‘Thank you,’ Rachel said, glancing at the food but not rushing to have any of it.
‘Lunch is Dr Wainwright’s treat; he called down and covered it.’
‘He’s such a sweetheart.’
Jessica couldn’t help but shake her head a little as she looked away and rested the tray on a spare seat. Was he? She was quite confused—and she hated being confused. She was starting to think that maybe she had actually overstepped the mark and should have sought approval before stepping up in the ER earlier. Was Harrison just being responsible and following protocol and she was being the defensive one? Perhaps her past was impacting on the way she saw everyone. It could be that she was looking for a reason to dislike the man.
It didn’t matter. Whether Harrison was the salt of the earth or arrogant bore no relevance. She was done trying to work out men’s intentions or personalities. She was just done with the lot of them.
‘He’s been my rock since my husband died. I don’t know what I would’ve done without him. He took charge of everything, even organising and paying for the funeral. I didn’t want him to do it; we had enough savings and my husband had life insurance, but Harrison said he wanted me to keep that tucked away for Chloe’s education. He insisted, not in an overbearing way, more a caring big brother way. He’s taken on the role of Chloe’s godfather very seriously. But that’s Harrison. When he commits, he gives it a hundred per cent.’
Jessica had to admit that his management of the ER did reflect that same philosophy. He was clearly a man who wasn’t half-hearted or casual about anything. He was a puzzle she didn’t expect or think she was equipped to face.
‘My life was a blur,’ Rachel continued, bringing Jessica back to reality. ‘I truly didn’t know which way was up and which down. I was drowning in disbelief, shock, worry, all of it, so Harrison stepped in and let me just look after Chloe and myself without the additional burden of the arrangements.’
Jessica nodded. The fact that Harrison had stepped up for Rachel and Chloe when Sam had died was indisputable, just as Jessica’s immediate and unexpected attraction to the man was undeniable. But neither mattered now. The task at hand was preparing Rachel for the journey ahead in managing Chloe’s illness. Her personal feelings about anything or anyone would, as they always did, take a back seat at this time.
‘I can answer your questions about Chloe’s ongoing treatment while we eat if you like,’ Jessica told her to change the subject.
Rachel nodded and then picked up her coffee and took a sip. ‘Thank you.’
‘Ask anything you need to know and don’t hold back. If for some reason I don’t know the answer, I will find out.’
Rachel sat in silence for a moment, her eyes wandering again to somewhere in the distance. Jessica unwrapped her sandwich and took a small bite of the wholemeal bread and vegetarian filling.
‘Will my daughter die?’ Rachel suddenly asked. Her voice was shaky.
Jessica’s hands dropped quietly with her sandwich onto her plate and once again she drew a breath. The question was honest but confronting. So the answer needed to be the same, but tempered with enough bedside manner to not cause unnecessary grief or worry.
‘No, not if we manage her condition correctly,’ Jessica returned after a moment. She was aware of everything that had transpired in Rachel’s life in the past twelve months and, prior to that, with the loss of the other babies and knew the woman needed hope in her life. ‘And we have to do that to the absolute best of our ability until Chloe’s old enough to manage it herself—and then to see that she does the same. Never forgetting the seriousness of her condition is the key to Chloe having a healthy and fulfilling life.’
‘But what if we get it wrong? What if we miss something...? I don’t know...mess up somehow? What then?’
‘We won’t. Medical research is advanced and we know what medications are the most effective and we’ll have a treatment plan that ensures Chloe’s condition does not deteriorate.’
‘But what about the times when she’s not with me?’ Rachel asked, firing another question about yet another scenario and not hiding how scared she was feeling. Her fear was escalating and Jessica could see she was becoming more overwhelmed by the minute.
‘You will educate family and friends and, most importantly, Chloe herself so, for those times you’re not with her, she’s still safe,’ Jessica continued in a calming manner. ‘And you want your daughter to enjoy increasing independence as she grows up and, with that independence, comes responsibility for making the right choices.’
‘And if she doesn’t. What will happen then?’
‘She could become seriously ill.’ There was no easy way around that question. Choosing honesty was the only response. If Chloe was not responsible as she grew older then the outlook was not good. ‘But you don’t need to consider that at the moment. You have a six-year-old daughter who is going to learn to adapt. Just as you will.’
Jessica watched Rachel slump a little further into her chair.
‘Chloe will fully understand the disease as she grows up and, with a healthy respect for herself, she will ensure she does not take unnecessary risks. It’s about balance and each day she will be faced with choices that ordinary children don’t have to consider but Chloe will know that she needs to factor in her diabetes.’
‘It’s a big ask of a little girl.’
‘It’s a big ask of her mother too but you’ll both step up. I have no doubt that your daughter will be as strong as you’ve been for a long time now.’
Jessica watched as Rachel took another sip of her coffee.
‘Please eat something,’ Jessica said kindly but with a level of firmness as a health professional. Her eyes travelled down to the uneaten sandwich still on Rachel’s plate. ‘You’ll be no use to Chloe when she needs you if you’re rundown and get sick from both worry and lack of nutrition.’
‘I guess,’ came Rachel’s muttered reply before she took a few tiny bites of the sandwich.
Jessica followed suit but there weren’t any bite-size mouthfuls. She was hungry and wolfed down the sandwich and coffee in a few minutes. It had been hours since breakfast.
‘Would you like me to explain the disease in more depth—and the treatment plan?’ Jessica asked as she swallowed the last rushed mouthful.
‘Yes. I need to know everything. And as soon as possible.’
Jessica dabbed her mouth with the paper napkin and began. ‘With diabetes, a treatment plan is a lifelong treatment plan. It may alter over the course of time but it will be a continuous plan, as we will be treating Chloe’s diabetes not curing it. Right now, there’s no cure for the disease but that’s not to say there won’t be a cure one day.’
‘But she can live a long healthy life, can’t she?’
‘Most definitely. With proper care, Chloe will look and feel as healthy as any girl her age. And live a long life.’
Jessica watched as Rachel shifted in her seat, her posture improving with the optimistic prognosis. Jessica had never wanted to add to Rachel’s stress; however, she did need to explain the seriousness of Chloe’s chronic illness.
‘Chloe’s treatment plan will be based on her very specific needs and the hospital will also provide a diabetes healthcare team.’
‘So not just you then, Dr Ayers?’
‘No. I’m just standing in for the resident paediatrician’s leave. He’ll be back in six weeks and, together with a number of medical professionals across the hospital, he will provide advice and support,’ Jessica told her, unsure of the identity of the individuals, though she knew the various medical specialties who would be represented in a hospital of that size. ‘But, before we get to the team’s role, let me explain a little about the illness and the treatment plan.’
Rachel nodded and took another bite of the egg and rocket sandwich.
‘Treatment is never the same for every child or adult. The types of insulin given and the schedules for giving insulin each day vary between patients.’
‘So Chloe will need an injection of insulin every day?’
‘Yes.’
‘For ever?’
‘Yes. This illness is not something that Chloe will grow out of. It will be something she manages for life.’ Jessica paused for a moment. ‘I’m sorry that I’m giving you so much to think about now. I thought that it all would have been explained to you yesterday.’
‘It was, and I know diabetes is a lifelong condition,’ Rachel replied with a look of sheer exhaustion crossing her drawn face. ‘I was just too emotional to take anything much in. It washed over me like a tidal wave and I just tried to keep my head above water and focus on Chloe’s immediate needs and not break down in front of her.’
‘That’s understandable,’ Jessica reassured her. ‘You’re doing an amazing job. I’ll let you know what’s important for now and the rest can wait. I’m mindful you’ll want to head back to Chloe.’
And no doubt Dr Wainwright would need to head back down to the ER, she mused. And she wanted to give him a wide berth. Spending as little time with him as possible was her aim for the time she had in Armidale. She feared that he could complicate her life unnecessarily. She prayed he would leave the minute they arrived back in Chloe’s room and she could avoid any further awkwardness.
‘Harrison did promise he would send a text if she woke,’ Rachel replied before she took a deep and worried breath that filled her lungs then deflated just as quickly. ‘I think I’m in a better mind-set today. Do you have the time to explain everything to me? I worry that Harrison might leave something out so I don’t worry. But I need to know everything.’
Jessica had the remainder of the afternoon free, so she could afford the time. And she didn’t care to spend any more time than necessary with Dr Wainwright so she was happy to tell Rachel everything she needed to know.
‘Chloe will need insulin to manage her blood glucose level,’ Jessica began. ‘The blood glucose level is the amount of glucose in the blood.’
‘So, is insulin all she needs or are there other things we need to do and how will we manage this when she starts school?’
‘If there is a school nurse or first aid officer, they could help until Chloe can do it herself,’ Jessica said as she met Rachel’s gaze levelly. ‘And the hospital will provide ongoing assistance.’
Rachel nodded but didn’t look convinced.
‘I do feel better knowing I’m not left alone to deal with everything,’ she said as she picked some stray alfalfa shoots from her plate and nibbled on them.
‘You must ask for additional support if you need it,’ Jessica said firmly. ‘You can’t go it alone on this, Rachel.’
The young woman nodded. ‘I won’t, I promise. And with all that assistance, I won’t have to rely on Harrison as much in the future.’
The mention of his name brought a little knot rushing back to Jessica’s stomach.
‘He needs a life too. He has a lot on his plate to manage—he doesn’t need me on top of everything else,’ Rachel continued with a wistful smile. ‘He’s such a wonderful man and he needs to find someone to share his life and he can’t do that if he concentrates on helping me.’
Jessica swallowed. The last thing she wanted to hear was that Harrison Wainwright was eligible and apparently not as dreadful as she had come to believe. On top of the fact he was also, from first impressions in the ER, a highly skilled doctor with a genuinely kind and understanding bedside manner to children and adults alike. All the ingredients for a disaster when she was, for some unknown reason, feeling vulnerable around him.
Suddenly Jessica had been catapulted out of her comfort zone. And she was nervous.
Of him...and of her own feelings.
CHAPTER SIX
THE NEXT FEW days passed quickly. Jessica did her best to avoid Harrison. Her patient load kept her in Paediatrics and away from ER. She passed him in the corridor once or twice, acknowledging him with a polite nod. It was working for her and she hoped to keep it that way for as long as possible. The nights were a little different because, for reasons not understood by Jessica, his face wandered into her mind just before she fell asleep. Every night.
She had almost succeeded in making it to the end of day four without being too close to the handsome medico until he happened upon her in Chloe’s room when the little girl was being released into her mother’s care.
‘Now, you have the hospital number and the individual numbers for each of the diabetic healthcare team,’ Jessica told her as she signed the hospital discharge papers and gave them to Rosie.
‘Yes,’ Rachel answered, patting her oversized handbag. ‘It’s all in here.’
Jessica watched as Rachel lifted Chloe onto her hip. The little girl clung to her like a baby koala.
‘You’re going to be fine, both of you. We have a district nurse calling in tomorrow to check up on how you’re progressing so you don’t have to unsettle Chloe by bringing her back here.’
‘Don’t forget about me,’ Harrison’s voice boomed from across the room.
Jessica turned to see his tall silhouette in the doorway. His white consulting coat couldn’t hide his muscular physique. The shapeless coat was hanging open but he had a caramel-coloured fine-knit sweater that skimmed and accentuated his toned body. Navy trousers and brown loafers completed the picture that Jessica wished she was not witnessing.
‘It’s Uncle Harry, Chloe,’ Rachel said happily. ‘He’s come to say goodbye.’
‘Is he going on a trip?’
‘No.’ Rachel laughed as she looked her daughter in the eyes. ‘We are. Well, sort of... We’re going home. And he’ll visit us there soon, I’m sure.’
‘Bye, Uncle Harry,’ the little girl muttered, then put her thumb back in her mouth and nestled against the warmth of her mother’s chest.
Harrison crossed the room with long purposeful steps that covered the space quickly. And with each step Jessica felt the air escaping and her face becoming flushed. She took a few steps back. She was finding the room a little close, and suddenly it became difficult to breathe.
‘I will visit you on the weekend. I promise,’ he told her and kissed the top of her head before he took a small step back and gently turned her to fully face him. ‘Now, you need to be a good girl, the best, in fact, and get lots of rest and do just what Mummy says.’
‘Do I have to have needles every day, Uncle Harry?’
Harrison paused for a moment and his gaze wandered over to Jessica. It took her by surprise that he looked a little lost. She’d never expected to see that expression and it tugged at her heart.
‘Yes,’ Jessica said, moving closer to the three of them again. It was instinctive for her to save him. He was Chloe’s godfather and she felt the need to remove the pressure from him. Pressure that he oddly didn’t seem to be coping with at that moment. Jessica needed to be the one to deliver the bad news and he could be the one to console the little girl. It was almost as if they had unintentionally adopted aunt and uncle roles.
‘But it hurts.’
‘I know it does, Chloe. But it’s only for a minute and then the little stinging feeling goes away—and you need the medicine to stay healthy and run around like the other children. And Mummy needs you to be healthy so you can help her around the house too. I bet you’re a big help.’
‘I make my bed and I feed our cat, Snowflake, and—’ Chloe paused and her eyes glanced from side to side ‘—and I give the hens water. We have seven girl hens but no boy hens because they’re noisy and wake us up in the morning,’ she continued, shaking her tiny head. ‘The boys in my class at school are like that too. They’re so noisy.’
Jessica smi
led at the little girl’s words and continued, ‘Boys can be noisy and seven hens must keep you busy. And making your bed and feeding Snowflake are all things that Mummy needs help with. If you aren’t well because you’ve not had your medicine, then she’ll have to do all of it and—’
‘She’ll get tired and cry again, like when Daddy died,’ the little girl cut in.
Jessica fell silent. She wasn’t sure what to say. She had been blindsided by the honesty of Chloe’s words. Rachel’s emotional state and the recent loss of her husband had momentarily been forgotten in the fuss over Chloe.
Instantly, as if he knew that Jessica was searching for the right thing to say, Harrison cut in. It was a tag team that Jessica hadn’t expected to be a part of at all.
‘Yes, Chloe. Mummy might get tired and mummies cry when they are tired and sad, so you must try your best to be strong. But if you have days when you’re not strong, then you get Mummy to call me and I can help you to look after the cat and the hens. I’m only ten minutes away from the farm,’ he told her.
Jessica looked over at Harrison, just as he turned to her. It was a knowing look. A look of gratitude and something more...something that Jessica couldn’t quite define.
‘Let’s get the pair of you out of here and back home before the rain hits,’ Rosie added, breaking the moment as she attempted to bustle Rachel and Chloe out of the room.
Jessica wasn’t sure if she was relieved or disappointed. But she was confused that she didn’t know how she felt. Of that she was certain.
‘I’ll take you down to Reception to complete the paperwork,’ the nurse continued as the three of them headed out, leaving Jessica and Harrison alone.
‘Again, I’m sorry about the other day,’ Harrison said, running his hand over his forehead. ‘You stepped up and, instead of thanking you, I told you off. It was wrong of me. I guess I’m accustomed to running things and I was taken aback. But that’s no excuse.’
‘You’ve apologised already and I’ve accepted. Let’s leave it at that,’ Jessica responded, eager to get away from the man who was making her pulse race and her heart flutter when she wanted to harbour some sort of negative feelings towards him. It wasn’t a fleeting interest that had passed, as she had hoped. Just being near him was causing a reaction that unsettled her. And she didn’t want or need to be having that sort of reaction. She didn’t need any complications during her short stay in Armidale. She wanted to keep it purely professional and keep him at arm’s length. No unnecessary chit-chat, no reason to learn more about him and, as a result, find him even more attractive than she did already. An apologetic handsome man was the absolute last thing on her wish list.
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