Lore’s gaze shifted to M’Tek. Some form of communication must have passed between them, because M’Tek left our bedchamber without saying a word. Lore’s gaze settled on me for a moment, and then shifted to Ania.
“Ania, would you allow me some time alone with your sister?” Lore asked in an exaggeratedly calm tone.
“Of course, Mamma,” Ania said, standing quickly and glancing nervously at Lia who was still holding Astrid. Ania offered me a nervous smile before she left us.
After the door closed behind Ania, Lore’s attention settled on me. Her gaze shifted over me, stopping at Lia’s hand, her fingers tightly entwined with mine. She stared at our hands for what seemed too long before taking a deep breath and forcing her gaze to my face. Her eyes were red.
“Pet, my old friend, I know we haven’t seen eye to eye lately. For the love you once felt for me, will you give me a moment alone with my daughter?” Lore asked, attempting to sound confident, though I knew her well enough to realize she was extremely shaken.
“Pet won’t leave me simply because you ask it of her,” Lia replied. “You are in our bedchamber. If anyone is to leave it will be you,” Lia said firmly before looking down to Astrid who was still eating contentedly.
“What is wrong with you, Lia?” Lore asked. “I’m not angry with you any longer for running away, or for terrifying me by disappearing, or humiliating us in front of the Fae and Noge nobility. I didn’t even attempt to recover you. For your sake I never really even punished Pet for her transgressions against our family. You’ve won, Lia, both of you. You’re joined, and I’m in your home, paying my respects to your newborn child. What more am I supposed to do to show my supplication? You’re not unfeeling. Why are you being like this?
“What am I being like, Lore?” Lia asked gently, her eyes focused on her child, smiling in response to Astrid’s wide-eyed stare.
“Since when do you call me Lore? You’ve always called me Mamma,” Lore said sharply.
“Mata gave birth to me, not you,” Lia replied, still smiling at Astrid.
“But you were made from us both. And you were always closer to me,” Lore replied. “You used to scream anytime I was out of your sight. When we traveled, I carried you, while M’Tek held Ania. We’ve always had a strong bond, you and I. Do you remember when we stole Abri?” Lore asked. “Do you remember when you wanted to be a boy, and I took you to have suits tailored?”
“Of course I remember, Mamma,” Lia said, her gaze leaving Astrid to meet her mother’s eyes. Lia’s eyes became red as she focused on Lore. “But I also remember you turning the woman I love out in the middle of the night, despite my pleading with you not to,” Lia said. “I remember you slapping me, because I wouldn’t stop crying when my heart was breaking over losing her. I remember when you told me my beautiful Pet only wanted me because of an obsession she had with you,” Lia said. “And I remember being raped because of a situation you forced on me,” Lia added calmly.
Lore stared at Lia, her eyes showing incredulity at first. Long seconds passed with no one speaking as I watched Lore’s face became pale, and her eyes fill with tears. Her gaze shifted from Lia’s face down to Astrid. She reached out to touch her granddaughter’s hand. When Astrid’s tiny hand gripped Lore’s finger tightly, tears began sliding down Lore’s face. Finally, Lore looked up at me for confirmation of what she’d just connected. I gave a slight nod and Lore’s chest started rising and falling rapidly as she focused on Lia again.
“Astrid’s father raped you,” Lore connected, very quickly I thought.
“Astrid has no father,” Lia said, her pale grey eyes appearing almost wolfish in their ferocity.
“It happened when you ran, when you crossed that cursed pass,” Lore said. “Astrid’s not early.”
“It happened before I ran, Mamma. I was raped at Lareem Palace, directly under your ever vigilant eye,” Lia corrected calmly. “Now you’ll forgive me. I’m tired, and so is Pet. She’s had even less sleep than I have. We would like you to leave us now.”
Lore stood up, but stopped before leaving, turning back to her daughter with a look of such extreme anguish I actually felt pity for my nemesis. Lore was crying, and uncharacteristically, making no effort to hide the fact. Lore focused on me, her bright blue eyes seeming to penetrate my skin, her pain so palpable I could feel it in my gut.
“Tell me. Give me his name, Pet,” Lore commanded. “Tell me who raped my daughter in my own home.”
“I’ve explained enough to you,” Lia answered before I could respond. “You didn’t understand my anger before. Now you do,” Lia said gently. “But if you tell anyone, especially Mata, that I was raped, you’ll never regain my trust. You’ll have no place in our lives. Astrid will not be marked by the circumstances of her birth.”
“Lia, please, tell me his name. To protect Astrid from ever finding out, let me destroy him,” Lore begged of her daughter.
“Go. Now,” Lia said calmly. “I’ve given you enough.”
Lore left easily, closing the door softly behind her. Lia’s head fell to my shoulder, and I wrapped an arm across her back as she took a few deep breaths.
“Take this off, Pet. I need to feel your skin,” Lia finally said, tugging at my tunic. I lifted it off over my head as Lia moved to allow me more space beside her. “Lay down with us. I want to sleep for a month.”
-CH 11-
Lore’s behavior toward me changed the day Astrid was born. She stopped continuously glaring at me, and trying to bait me into reacting. She had a new, faceless, enemy to focus on. With me, she was respectful but distant, never addressing me directly, but always responding politely if I happened to speak to her, and generally keeping out of my way. It was an improvement, to say the least. I rode with M’Tek in the afternoons, racing with her through the snowy woods, jumping fallen trees, and ice packed underbrush, competing with her to prove I was unafraid. When Ania joined us on those few occasions, we were tamer, riding calmly. Lore never joined us.
For those first few days, Lore spent her hours patiently waiting in our hearth room for Lia to allow her to help with Astrid. Lore appeared almost fixated on the child, even insisting on changing diapers. Admittedly, diapers were my least favorite part of motherhood, as well as one of the many reasons I kept a staff, but Lore didn’t seem to mind them. She took Astrid any time Lia would allow it, quietly but insistently usurping my place whenever I tried to relieve Lia.
As the following weeks passed, the deep freeze of a Vilken winter set in. Lia’s strength returned quickly, and she craved escape from the confining walls of Lauderdam. We rode together through the dormant berry bush fields, bundled up in heavy coats, as Lia asked questions about the different types of bushes I wanted to plant, and what I was hoping to achieve by growing so many varietals. We left Astrid with her grandmothers during these excursions. As a result of the constant support Lore was offering, Lia began to relax with her mother again, though there was still an icy distance on Lia’s part. Lore was clearly trying, in every way she knew how, to regain her daughter’s trust and respect. It would be a slow process, but the foundation was laid in those first few weeks.
It was the final afternoon of their stay, and more than a month after their arrival, that Lore decided our estrangement had lasted long enough. Lia and I were returning from a short walk, in the thick falling snow, with Astrid. We passed the drawing room where Ania, M’Tek, and Lore were visiting and awaiting dinner. Lore stood in the doorway and watched as Lia passed, on her way to take Astrid back to the nursery for a nap. Lore then caught my arm as I was passing, hooking hers across mine, in that playful manner she had exhibited in those earlier, happier, times of our relationship.
“Pet, come, take a walk with me,” Lore said in that sweet, lilting, voice I remembered from when we were close.
M’Tek and Ania, who were sitting just inside the drawing room, both raised their heads to stare in astonishment at Lore. Gently, I shifted out of her grasp, and turned to face her.
; “You’re aware I’ve just come from a walk, Lore,” I replied sharply. “It’s bitterly cold out there, so, no thank you.”
“But I really want to walk with you,” Lore said firmly, taking my elbow in her grip.
M’Tek, who was watching our exchange with keen interest, rose from the sofa she was sharing with Ania and came over to appraise Lore with a perplexed expression.
“My love, I’d be happy to walk in this blizzard with you, but my cousin is not inclined,” M’Tek observed, raising one eyebrow as if she were slightly puzzled. “Or I could accompany both of you, if Pet doesn’t object.”
“Thank you, M’Tek, but I prefer to walk alone with my old friend, this one time,” Lore replied stiffly.
“Whatever for?” I asked, cracking a smile, in spite of myself, at the ridiculousness of the situation. “What could you possibly want with me out there in that brutal weather?”
“We have some things to discuss, Pet,” Lore said, forcing a smile in response to mine.
“Be careful, cousin,” M’Tek said to me, offering a wry smile. “Her intentions can only be lethal. Possibly she’ll slit your throat and bury you under a snow drift.”
Lore shook her head and laughed. “You know me well, M’Tek. At this particular moment, however, I have no desire to kill your beloved cousin,” Lore promised. “I simply want to discuss something with her in private.”
“Did no one see me, just now, returning from a walk, in the snow?” I asked. “Next Ania is going to offer to walk with me,” I observed.
“Would you mind very much, Pet?” Ania called, teasing me. “Maybe we can make a snow castle, and have a snowball war. What do you think?”
“I give up,” I said, turning back to the door. “Anyone who desires a walk, in this unforgiving and frigid cold, may accompany me. It will be a short one, though,” I called, heading back out to the garden.
In the next moment Lore was beside me, bundled in her coat, her arm hooked through mine again. She guided me toward the old maze. I’d only fully restored it the previous spring. She didn’t speak until we were well inside, and therefore had some level of privacy. Lore then released my arm and put some distance between us.
“I remember walking this maze with you and Faira when we were hardly more than girls. I was younger then than Lia is now,” Lore observed, smiling. Her light manner made me nervous.
“Why are you pretending to like me again, Lore?” I asked as we moved deeper into the maze.
“I’m not pretending anything, Pet. I’ve always both liked and loved you, even when you betrayed me. You must realize that,” she said quietly.
“M’Tek advised me to be wary if you seemed to have forgiven me,” I said, offering a derisive smile. “She suggested I might anticipate a knife at my throat soon after.
“Yes, I’m not dense. I heard her warning before. Honestly, though, Pet, if I wanted you dead, you’d be dead. I can assure you of that,” Lore said sharply. “I just need to talk to you,” she added.
“I won’t discuss Lia with you,” I said evenly.
“Deus! I’m not interested in discussing my daughter with you,” she snapped. “You know, you’re making this extremely difficult.”
“Well, I’ll make it slightly more difficult by leaving you in this snow filled maze to have this conversation alone,” I snapped, before turning around and starting to walk back.
“Pet, wait. Please,” she called softly, catching my arm again. “I’m sorry. You’ve actually been far more gracious than I deserved,” Lore said, managing to shift around in front of me to halt my progress. “This is hard for me. You must have some idea how uncomfortable it makes me, seeing you, of all people, with my daughter.”
“Why, precisely, me of all people?” I asked, allowing her to turn me around to walk with her again. “Why am I not good enough for Lia?” I asked calmly.
“You don’t understand at all, do you? Let’s forget for a moment that you broke protocol, by nurturing a relationship with the princess, without the consent of her parents,” Lore started, a cold smile spreading across her face.
“All right,” I agreed. “I can easily forget that.”
“Good, because that’s really a side issue,” Lore replied, sighing. “All right. You’re fourth in line to the Fae throne,” Lore said calmly. “From the perspective of birth, you’re the best match Lia could have made,” Lore admitted. “I wanted to give her Nogeland, and you were my exceptionally competent Prime. You would have been a valuable asset to her in that regard. You’re also, apparently, the richest person in the twin sovereignties. M’Tek tells me you’ve somehow amassed more wealth than she and I have combined,” Lore added. “From every vantage point, the match was acceptable, except one,” Lore summarized. “Do you understand?” she asked sharply.
“No. I’m more confused now than I was before you started explaining,” I admitted, curious to learn her true objection after all this time. “Please, enlighten me.”
“You belonged to me, Pet,” Lore replied, halting me. “You were mine, not Lia’s.” She turned to face me. “She had no right, taking you from me.”
“I haven’t been in love with you for some time, Lore. At this point, and this should come as no surprise, I don’t even like to be near you. I don’t hate you, though for a while I thought I did. Still, I’m extremely angry with you,” I said calmly. “If, and it’s a strong if, I ever belonged to you, it was years before I fell in love with Lia.’
“Be honest, Pet. You knew I would be hurt,” Lore observed quietly. I took a deep breath and shook the snow from my hair.
“I knew,” I admitted. “But that doesn’t mean I belonged to you.”
“You’re the only person alive that I might have been happy with, other than M’Tek,” Lore observed. “My feelings for you run very deep,” she added. “It’s taken me a long time to realize that I was, in a sense, in love with you,” she pointed out. “I never would have been unfaithful to M’Tek. She’s everything to me. Still, I always wanted to hold your hand, and to be near you, and to take in the gentle lemon tinted scent of your skin. You knew that. You once told me I felt more for you than I realized,” she reminded me. “You were right. I mourned the loss of you, every single day, after you left for Saranedam. My heart broke over you. Then, after you were sick, and I made you Lemu against your wishes, for some reason you came back to me. You were my sweet, loyal, beautiful, Pet again. I could have you near me, smiling and making life lovely.”
“I really don’t know what you want me to say,” I replied.
“Preferably, you’ll say nothing. Such an admission is actually embarrassing to me,” Lore admitted. “It’s obvious you don’t feel anything for me now. I don’t want further confirmation.”
“You’ve done a great deal to earn my anger, Lore,” I replied. “That doesn’t mean I feel nothing for you.”
“Which brings me to what I wanted to discuss with you,” she said, leading me over to the bench in front of the frozen fountain at the center of the maze. She scooped the snow away, clearing a space for the both of us, as I watched her. I was still waiting for her to reveal her true purpose. “I need to make amends, not with you, but with Lia. I want to deal with the monster that attacked her,” she continued as she sat down in half of the cleared space, and patted the area next to her. After hesitating only a moment, I sank down beside her. “Lia thinks she can continue her life, and put that brutal attack in the past. That’s unrealistic. Whoever he was, he had access to Lareem Palace, which means, staff, or someone involved with the joining ceremony. I don’t believe a member of my staff would be that audacious, or that stupid. That leaves us with my guests, all from the most powerful families in Nogeland and Faeland. If that’s the case, unless she hides here in Lauderdam Palace for the rest of her life, at some point Lia will come across this person again,” Lore surmised. “I want to prevent that. I’ll kill him quietly. No one will even know I was displeased with him, but I want him dead.”
“I’m dealin
g with him,” I assured her.
“I’m asking you to allow me to do it, Pet,” she argued. “I once told M’Tek you were the gentlest person I know,” she observed. “You’ve never killed, or even wanted to kill, before.”
“Because it’s never been part of my job description,” I said with a wry smile. “I’m efficient when I set my mind to a task, though. He will be dealt with.”
“All right. Use me as your weapon,” Lore offered. “Tell me his name, and how you want him to die, and it will be done, precisely as you ask.”
“No. I prefer to do this myself,” I replied.
“At least allow me to help you,” she demanded.
“That I’ll do,” I agreed with a nod.
“Tell me his name,” she said too quickly.
“Lore, I’m not a fool,” I said. “If I told you his name, you’d decide you have a right to kill him.”
“And I’d be correct,” Lore snapped.
“Astrid is my child. Lia is my mate,” I explained. “This monster is mine to deal with. You may help me if you choose, but I’ll be the one to actually kill him, either way.”
“Then what do you need from me?” she asked, clearly exasperated by my stubbornness.
“I’m not certain. I haven’t planned it out completely,” I admitted. “I’ll let you know when the time comes.”
****
The royal family left Lauderdam the following morning. It was a grim, frigid morning, and everyone was bundled in warm coats. Even the horses were wearing blankets under their tack. Lia stood in a thick coat on the front steps, offering hugs to her sister and her mothers. Lore had managed to make progress with her over the final weeks, and for that I was thankful. Lia would be happier being on good terms with Lore. After everyone was hugged, we waved the group off, and returned inside our warm and blissfully silent home.
“I know it’s awful to say, but I’m relieved they’re gone,” Lia confided as we walked back toward our apartment, with Astrid still tightly bundled. “I feel like I’ve hardly had a moment with you since they arrived.”
A Fortunate Woman (Fortune's Favor Book 2) Page 20