“You are loved, and safe,” I said. Lia dropped her head against my shoulder and wrapped an arm across my back.
“I know I am, my beautiful Pet,” she whispered. “But do you know that you are?” I swallowed hard against the lump forming in my throat. “I want you to share with me, every hideous moment that flashes through your mind, every disconnected sound or odor that overwhelms your senses, and takes you back into your nightmare. I want to see your art, no matter how dark or violent it is. Trust me, the way I’ve always trusted you, and we’ll get through this. Let me show you that I’m as strong as you’ve told me I am. Will you do that, for me?” she asked gently. I nodded and her arm tightened across my back.
“Yes,” I agreed. “I can do that.” Lia pressed her lips to my temple and I felt lighter.
“Do you really need to return to your work?” Lia asked, studying me. “I wish you would walk with me in the garden. I’ve been away from you too much this past year. I’m not ready to let you disappear back into your sketches and ledgers.” She smiled and tucked a loose lock of my hair behind my ear, and I reached to claim her hand.
“Of course I’ll walk with you, Lia,” I said, squeezing her hand.
We made our way through the palace and out into the garden without speaking. Lia wrapped her arm around my waist as we entered the maze, and I dropped my head against her shoulder for only a moment. She was handling me as though I were delicate or fragile. I smiled to myself, planning to demonstrate how overpowering I could be.
My mind was moving along those lines when we turned down the final hedgerow toward the center of the maze, and then I halted, shocked as I watched Emma take Ania in her arms. The countess very gently, and cautiously kissed her, as if coaxing affection from an enraged coywolf. Ania, for her part, appeared stunned, her arms straight at her sides, her body rigid. Emma drew back, her hands shifting to Ania’s shoulders as she searched the princess’s expression for any reaction. But then the countess must have noticed us standing there. When her eyes met mine, she blushed deep red. Releasing Ania, she turned away from my gaze. Emma left Ania and walked over to where Astrid and Jestine were playing, giggling and splashing each other with water from the fountain.
“What in Deus’ name just happened?” Lia whispered to me.
“Our countess has finally fallen in love with your sister,” I replied, cutting my eyes back to Lia who, somehow, appeared stupefied.
“How? Why?” Lia asked, staring at her sister’s back.
“Emma, my dear,” I called, since clearly Lia and I had already thrown off the poor woman’s efforts at enticing Ania. “We came to collect Astrid,” I announced as I walked into the clearing. Emma turned slowly to face me. She was hesitant to meet my gaze, and apparently embarrassed to have been caught kissing my cousin. I walked across the clearing to my daughter and lifted her into my arms. At five Astrid was heavy, but I still carried her around often.
“But Mamma, Jestine and I are playing,” Astrid protested, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. She was drenched from splashing in the fountain, and quickly managed to soak my tunic.
“Then Jess can come along with us and play with you in the garden,” I said, reaching my hand out to the little dark haired water nymph. “Come with me, little one,” I said. Jestine took my hand hesitantly, her strange shadowy eyes focused on me as if I might do something peculiar. I smiled down at the stern little Vilkerling, but she only stared at me. “You don’t mind if I take the girls, do you, Em?” I asked, forcing Emma to acknowledge me.
“Of course not,” Emma replied, too quickly. After a moment she spoke again in a stiff tone. “Please allow me to apologize, Your Grace, for stepping beyond the bounds of propriety. Despite my behavior, I’m not a complete savage. I’m aware there are rules regarding the courtship of Princess Marania, and that I’ve broken them. I meant no disrespect to you or your family. You’ve shown me great kindness. I realize I’ve dishonored myself by my coarse behavior, and have trespassed horribly on your hospitality. If you wish for me to end my residence here in Lauderdam…”
The countess’s words trailed off, as her expression grew more distraught. After such a formal, and heartfelt apology, I placed Astrid on her feet again and walked over to Emma. I took the woman’s shoulders in my hands and leaned forward to quickly press a kiss to her cheek. She had never been particularly affectionate in the past, but her arms encircled me to claim a hug before I could release her. “You’re my family now too, Emma. You must know I love you dearly. You have not offended me,” I whispered next to her ear. “And we’re in Vilkerland, not Faeland. You’ve broken no rules here.”
“I had not seen you there, Pet, or I would have been more guarded,” she whispered when she finally released me.
“That much was obvious,” I said, teasing the countess. “And I didn’t mean to intrude on the two of you,” I added. “Stay out here with Ania. Lia and I will look after the girls,” I assured her. “You won’t be disturbed again.” Emma nodded slowly, appearing dismayed by my obvious approval of her pursuit of my cousin.
I claimed the small hands of our daughters and led the girls past Ania, who was watching Emma with palpable intensity, and paying not the slightest attention to me. When I reached Lia, she collected Astrid in her arms. I picked up Jestine. The dark haired little creature focused her rapt attention on my face first, and then my hair.
I was nearly a stranger to the child, having only returned from the war a few weeks earlier. Likely, I appeared very unusual to her, with my bright hair and green eyes. The Vilken staff in the palace all had dark hair and eyes like her mother. As for Ania, the child had seen her every day of her life. Jestine was accustomed to Astrid’s appearance, and therefore untroubled by Lia, who resembled her so closely. She found me peculiar, however, and up to that point, the child made no effort to conceal this sentiment, always offering me a wide berth, and suspicious scrutiny. Given this unexpected opportunity to inspect me, Jestine ran her fingers through the side of my hair, as if testing the texture. She then began winding and unwinding a lock of my hair around one of her little fingers. I walked on, unperturbed by the child’s obvious curiosity.
“Pet,” Lia finally said as we reached the tulip garden. “What was happening just now? You can’t have meant what you said. Emma’s not in love with Ania.”
I placed Jestine down on her feet and turned to face Lia. I collected Astrid from her other mother’s arms and placed her down on her own small feet. “Go change into a dry tunic, Astrid,” I told my daughter. Astrid took off at a run for the palace, but Jestine remained, standing at my side, her dark eyes fixed on me. I knelt down and faced the curious little Vilkerling, ruffing her hair until she beamed a grin at me.
“Don’t you want to go and play with Astrid?” I asked. Jestine only stared at me. I stood again and met Lia’s troubled gaze.
“You know my sister can’t become involved with Emma,” Lia said firmly.
“Your disapproval arrives too late, my darling,” I replied, shrugging. “They’re already involved.”
“Pet, don’t pretend you can’t understand what I’m saying,” she whispered.
“Because your mothers won’t like it?” I asked.
“Of course they won’t like it. Mamma will be…”
“It doesn’t matter what the Queens want for Ania,” I interrupted. “She’s a widow now, living outside of their realms, and in possession of her own income and holdings. The Kantok family left her without a home, but still, quite wealthy. As I see it, Ania can do as she pleases. It appears to me that the countess pleases her immensely. I’ve never seen your sister so happy. Have you?”
As Lia replied, arguing about the imprudence of such a joining I only half listened, because as she started speaking, Jestine reached for my hand, seizing it in her smaller one, and capturing my attention. I chuckled as the little girl dropped my hand and stretched her arms to me, silently requesting that I pick her up again. I obliged, carrying the child over to a stone bench, s
kirting the edge of the garden. I sat down and Jestine squirmed around in my lap to face me. She reached up to press her small hands to the sides of my face, and I smiled at her. She leaned forward and pressed her forehead to my lips and I obliged her with a kiss. She pulled back and grinned at me.
“Pet, put that child down and talk to me,” Lia said firmly. “This is a disaster and you seem to not care.”
“What?” I replied, turning my attention from Jestine to Lia, to see my beautiful mate was clearly irritated with me. “Oh. I’m sorry Lia. I’m listening, really.”
“You are not. That child’s distracting you,” Lia pointed out. “Have you heard anything I said?”
“I have,” I acknowledged. “There’s no reason to become upset, my darling.”
“Why is Jestine so fascinated with you all of a sudden?” Lia asked, clearly annoyed that the child was usurping my attention. I patted the space beside me on the bench and Lia sank down close to me. Lia tried to take Jestine from my lap, but the child tightened her arms around me, refusing to budge.
“It seems I have made a new friend,” I said.
“Where is Astrid?” Lia asked, scanning the area. “Maybe she can come and claim Jestine for a game.”
“Astrid went back inside the palace to change out of her wet clothes,” I replied. “She’ll return in a moment.”
“Fine. I give up,” Lia said, slumping back and rubbing her face with her hands.
“Why does it bother you to see Ania with Emma?” I asked, shifting to face Lia.
Lia shook her head. “Mamma nearly lost her mind when you and I fell in love. Imagine how she’ll react to Ania courting a Vilkerling,” Lia explained. “It might kill her.”
“The situations aren’t really very similar at all, Lia,” I replied.
“No, this might be worse. Emma’s a contemporary of Lore’s, just as you were, but instead of being her dearest friend, and near social equal, she’s an impoverished Vilkerling noble. Mamma won’t accept this. They can’t join,” Lia added.
“We’re getting ahead of ourselves, Lia. Your sister has had quite a few relationships that haven’t ended in joinings. But if it does come to that, Lore will resist the connection at first, of course, but she’ll come around. Emma is Kessa’s cousin, and Lore’s mother’s second cousin, not to mention a high-ranking noblewoman. She may be homeless at the moment, but Emma still has large and valuable land holdings. She’s far from impoverished. Lore won’t stand against a match with the House of Marinella.” Lia shook her head. “Does it bother you? Do you think Vilkerlings are beneath us?” I asked.
“Of course not,” Lia snapped. “I love Emma, and Jestine. It’s just that I was looking forward to having my life return to normal at some point.”
“You think if Ania and Emma are involved that won’t happen?” I asked. Lia shook her head.
“My sister will never leave now,” Lia whispered. I laughed, and Lia smiled self-consciously. “What?”
“I’ve already begun restoring Emma’s torppine vineyards,” I replied. “We can help rebuild Marinella Manor over the next few years. There’s no reason they need to live here with us forever.”
“But I don’t want Emma and Jestine to leave,” Lia replied. “Astrid would be heartbroken. She adores them.”
“Astrid adores Ania too,” I pointed out.
“I know. You’re right,” Lia admitted. “I never actually invited her, though, Pet,” Lia said, sounding defeated. “I only asked to borrow some books, and Ania showed up on my doorstep.” I reached an arm around Lia’s shoulders and eased her closer to me.
“Lauderdam is a large palace,” I assured her. “You can easily avoid your sister if you try.”
“It’s all right. She’s not that difficult,” Lia said, relaxing her head against my shoulder and reaching to brush Jestine’s dark hair back from her face. “You know I love Ania. It’s not really about her. It’s only that I miss the days in the beginning, just after we joined, when I had you all to myself. Now I share you with Astrid, Ania, and Emma. Even Jestine seems to want to steal your attention from me. Soon I’ll have to share you with every noble, tradesperson, or peasant in all of Vilkerland,” Lia complained.
“You could help me with Vilkerland,” I suggested. “You were born to rule, Lia. There’s no reason I should govern alone.”
“No, Pet,” Lia whispered. “Power changed Mamma. I don’t want that.”
“Ruling Faeland hasn’t changed M’Tek,” I argued.
“How could you possibly know that?” Lia snapped. I smiled and shook my head, eliciting a sigh of resignation from Lia. “Will you claim the throne now?” Lia continued, changing the subject from her own ambitions to mine.
“No,” I replied. “There’s no need. I really don’t care about the title for myself. I wanted to see you Queen Aurelia of Vilkerland,” I said wistfully. “But I already hold dominion over this land. Kieran insists that the nobles want to crown me. If she’s correct, and they step forward, I’ll allow it. Otherwise, Vilkerland will remain the Sovereign Grand Duchy of Baneland.”
“That doesn’t sound so bad,” Lia replied, brightening. “And I’ll still outrank you,” she teased.
“The Sovereign Grand Duchess of Baneland outranks a princess,” I replied. “As does the Prime of Nogeland.”
“Really?” she asked, scrutinizing me. “You honestly outrank me?”
“I honestly do,” I admitted. “I always have, darling. If you refuse to share power with me, your role as my consort will overshadow your status as a princess,” I added. “Our own daughter will rank as high as you, if I name her my heir.”
“I see” Lia said, raising her eyebrows at that bit of information. “Well, so be it,” she said with quiet resignation.
“Are you certain?” I asked, grinning at her.
“I’ll let you know if I change my mind, Pet,” she assured me.
Just then Astrid reemerged from the palace, wearing a sparring tunic, and looking almost identical to Lia as a little girl. Astrid ran through the back garden to Lia and me, intent on reclaiming Jestine. After some persuading, the little Vilkerling slipped down from my lap and took off after Astrid. Apparently, I’d lost my charm for the child. I turned to say as much to Lia and noticed a troubled expression clouding her beautiful face.
“Pet, you can’t name Astrid your heir,” Lia started, her gaze following the two girls. “Place a crown on my head if you must,” she added. “Spare Astrid, though. Allow her to live an ordinary life.”
-CH 24-
My nightmares certainly didn’t cease overnight, but they eased, after sharing my drawings with Lia. As for those bizarre breaks from the present I’d been experiencing since my return from the battlefield, over time they became less potent, my senses less engaged in the illusion of carnage surrounding me. Slowly, it was easier to differentiate between what was real, and that which my mind projected. Lia was a constant comfort over those following months, recognizing when I was having difficulties, and skillfully soothing me, and drawing me out of my own head, when those waking nightmares took hold of me.
It was during those early months, as I regained my strength, that Kieran and the remnants of the Vilken nobility visited Lauderdam several times. These visits always evolved into informal debates over the future of the nation, and whether or not Vilkerland needed a queen. At first it was simply a matter of parceling out land, as I reestablished the great estates of Vilkerland, desperately trying to shore up the nobility that had survived Lore’s reign of terror.
The first great estate I returned was the one Kieran’s family had held for centuries. When the land in southern Baneland that had once been called Trasfork was returned to Kieran, she actually cried. On that same day I informed her of what I knew of her brother. Lore had assured me that Kolten was still living in a cell beneath Lareem Palace, though she wouldn’t even broach the subject of his release, claiming he was not her prisoner, but rather M’Tek’s. I’m not certain the news of Kolten’s co
ntinued confinement was welcome to Kieran, but at least she knew his whereabouts, and I had fulfilled my promise.
On every occasion that the members of the Vilken nobility were called to Lauderdam, the question of proclaiming me the Vilken Queen was raised. Always this issue brought open conflict among the nobility. Kieran was by far my strongest supporter, while many still feared my ties to the Noge and Fae Queens. The debate over crowning me always broke down into disagreement, as one Vilken noble would claim offence, and threaten to draw his or her sword on another. At that point I would step between the two warriors, assuring everyone that the territory was sovereign, and the debate not important enough to warrant such a display of blood rage.
It was after one such conflict, as I held Kieran back, with one hand, and Lord Tarak with the other, that the stalemate was finally broken. I stood in front of Kieran, reading murder in her dark eyes. Her loyalty was mine to such a degree that any perceived slight against me was a mortal sin in her eyes. Therefore anyone speaking against me instantly became her sworn enemy. Lord Tarak, with sword still drawn, was diverting his gaze sheepishly, as I shielded him. At precisely that moment, Jestine came running into the meeting hall and wrapped her little arms tightly around my lower leg. “No hurt Aunt Pet!” she called, apparently fearing for my safety as a result of the raised voices around me.
Both Kieran and Lord Tarak immediately sheathed their swords in the presence of the young, and clearly frightened, Vilken viscountess. I glanced down at Jestine and smiled as her grip of my leg tightened.
“What are you doing in here, little one?” I asked, kneeling down in front of Jestine. The child only stared at me for a moment. She then released her grip on my lower leg, and stretched her arms out to me, in a silent demand to be picked up. I glanced around the room, seeking Emma, but she was nowhere to be found. The Vilken woman detested these political debates, as well as the obsequious manner of the nobles toward her. “Did you sneak away from your mamma and Ania again?” I asked Jestine, as I wrapped my arms around her, lifting the diminutive Vilken onto my hip. I grinned at the nobles gathered in the meeting hall, as they watched her with a mixture of rapt attention and doting eyes.
A Fortunate Woman (Fortune's Favor Book 2) Page 40