He kept his promise to make me scream.
I screamed in delirium as he rammed his cock inside me. Thicker than fingers. Longer than digits.
Wider, deeper, all-encompassing.
Thoughts, gone.
Fears, gone.
Horror, terror, panic…all gone.
My legs wrapped around his hips as his mouth crashed over mine. I clutched him close. His naked chest to mine better than anything. We stuck together, sweat to sweat as he drove into me again and again.
I lost track of being alive or dead, fiction or real, captive or free.
Elder was my sun, my air, my world.
And I let him ride me.
I held on as his hips drove faster and faster. His kisses wet and fierce. I didn’t know where he began and I ended. We were one. We were wild and manic and dazed and searching. Questing and begging for a finish line where we could rest and breathe.
Heaviness. Heat. Rocking and moaning.
He didn’t stop fucking me, and I didn’t stop wanting him.
I had no panic attack. No tears. With him holding me, I remained his and only his.
And when his breath caught for the second time, and he reared up to drive like a raged stallion inside me, I cried out from a heart release rather than superficial body.
He came, flooding me with a second climax.
I came, but with everything that made me human. I didn’t know if the orgasm originated in my belly or soul, but every extremity tingled and unwound. Every cell sparkled and unspooled. Every hatred and anger I held toward the opposite sex was calmed, letting me inhale with pure joy.
We clung to each other, coming down from our vicious high.
Finally, after we’d caught our breath and shed our animalistic hides for human skins once again, Elder slowly propped himself up over me. Watching me from above, his face hadn’t lost any of its sharp secrets or shadowy agony, but his eyes were calmer, less black rapids and more obsidian ocean. “I’m sorry.”
Why was he apologising?
He hadn’t done anything wrong.
Rolling to his side, he pulled his cock out, leaving me with sticky dampness from shared releases. Placing his arm over his eyes, he muttered, “We’ll go to the doctor tomorrow. Get you the morning-after pill.”
Chills crept down my spine. As long as he was touching me, I could do this. I could pretend I was normal. The minute he stopped, memories of being a slave returned. I couldn’t have the best sexual experience of my life be ruined by history.
Curling into him, I burrowed deep until his arm slipped around me, cradling me close. “I don’t need it. The injection Alrik gave me is valid for another few months.”
“Oh.”
One little word but a thousand unsaid things behind it.
Our thoughts returned to less happy places, and a mixture of disappointment and odd sadness filled me.
I bobbed around on a lake of melancholy, unable to fully understand who I was, where I was, or what I wanted to become.
“We should sleep.” Kissing the top of my head, Elder let me go and climbed out of bed. Hoisting his trousers back up to his waist, he disappeared into the bathroom. The splashes of a tap filled the suite before he returned and shed his remaining clothes.
His tie was ripped off, the shirt shrugged free, and trousers abandoned on the floor.
Turning out the light, he kept the curtains open, and the night sky painted him in a ghostly silhouette of starlight and streetlight.
Climbing into bed, I waited until he rested on his side. I didn’t know if he wanted me to go into the other room. To give him space. Was I allowed to touch him?
He removed my questions by pushing my shoulder until I lay on my side just like him then hooked his arm around my waist and dragged me into his front.
I didn’t expect a hug or after-care. I didn’t want him to give me something he wasn’t comfortable giving.
But when I wriggled away, his embrace turned harsh with no way out. “Stay. I need to feel you.”
I sighed heavily, wanting to be honest. “I need to feel you, too.”
His slight inhale was the only sound that I’d surprised him. The mattress rocked, and his legs touched mine before his bicep tightened around me, half in protection, half in possession.
I stiffened for a moment, claustrophobia appearing on the edges of my comfort.
He kissed behind my ear. “Relax, Pim. Sleep like you did that first night. Trust me to keep you safe.” His fingers stroked my back, encouraging me to arch into him like a domesticated cat. “Sleep. Tomorrow is a new day.”
Tomorrow was a new day.
Tomorrow was a day for conversation.
Tomorrow was a day for more of tonight.
And tonight was the night I found heaven.
And Elder was a man I’d never hoped to find.
And I was better because of him.
Chapter Twenty-Five
______________________________
Elder
MY EYES KEPT drifting to the hand-painted decorative ceiling three stories above me, picturing Pim still in bed, waking up alone, seeing the origami horse made from a hundred dollar bill and the small note inside.
Only a few words because even a thousand alphabets couldn’t convey what last night had meant to me. What her orgasm had done to me. What her trust had made me feel.
I’d stared at her sleeping form and pondered how to carve out my heart so she could read what was imprinted on there, rather than try to scribble something incoherent.
In the end, I’d decided to keep it simple and almost emotionless.
It was for the best.
For both of us.
Gone for a morning meeting with Selix. Be back soon.
What would she think when she unfolded the origami horse and read those impersonal lines?
“Are you listening to me or what?” Selix cleared his throat, taking a sip of his macchiato as the sun stencilled the carpet around us in the hotel café.
Snapping my mind away from Pim, I matched him with a coffee sip of my own. “Of course.”
“What did I just say then?” He sat back with a cocky smirk on his lips.
I cursed the day I’d asked him to come with me all those years ago.
Should’ve left him on the streets, arrogant bastard.
“You said my mother and uncle are no longer at the Monte Carlo house.”
He scowled as if annoyed to find I had been listening, after all. He didn’t need to know I’d only half listened. Pim had successfully taken up most of my brain.
“Do you know where they’ve gone?” Selix asked, finishing his coffee.
“I do.”
“And are you going to go after your mother? Talk to her?”
I shook my head, smoothing my jeans even though they weren’t creased. “No. No point.”
I hadn’t let myself think about her since that unfortunate evening when I’d told Pim far too much. And I wouldn’t chase around the world as I’d done before, begging for forgiveness.
I’d done what I could.
The rest was up to them.
And if they never wanted me back in their lives, then fine and fucking dandy. I’d continue to protect them from afar and remain in my lonely existence.
I’d survived this long with no one. I could survive lifetimes.
Selix narrowed his eyes. “Family always has a point. If I had one, I wouldn’t take no for an answer.”
Selix had been on the streets because of a clerical error in the Child Adoptive Services after his parents were shot at a local cinema. He had no one…just like me.
I waved away his comment with a jaded hand. “My family prefers to think of me as dead.”
“Your family is a jackass.”
I huffed, giving him a smile for loyalty. “My family has their reasons.”
Reasons I had no intention of telling Selix, but knowing him, he’d probably already either figured it out or would snoop until he did.
“Okay, so ignoring the mother and uncle visit, even though I think you should follow and make them talk instead of using your place as their own vacation home and then fucking off without a thank you, we have other topics to cover.”
I rubbed my chin, savouring the last flavour of coffee. “I offered it to them. I don’t need thank-you cards.”
“Moving on then.” Selix pulled out his phone and glanced at whatever agenda he had to cover today.
In an hour, I was due to return to the warehouse and approve some hefty orders for new steel and a one-of-a-kind pool table that weighed more than my car for my latest client. It upset the ballast to the point our mathematicians were having trouble with the arrangement of galley and bedrooms compared to where the game room should be.
“Pim has a dentist appointment tomorrow morning before we leave port, along with an optometrist test and gynaecological exam. Michaels arranged them to ensure her overall health isn’t impaired now he knows her body is on the mend.” Selix looked up to make sure I was paying attention. “He also said the gynaecologist is a woman—for obvious reasons. He didn’t think Pim would be happy for him to perform the examination or any other man for that matter.”
Anything to do with Pim had my utmost concentration.
And it wasn’t because of last night.
I wouldn’t tell her, but I’d smoked another joint this morning. All night, I’d barely slept. I’d counted the stripes on the curtains. I’d done arithmetic and recited countries. I’d played my cello in my head until the chaos Pim caused in me quietened enough for me to sleep.
Only, my dreams had been worse than being awake.
I dreamt of fucking Pim again and again. Of her begging me to let her rest but my needs not permitting it. She was crying by the time I woke, and dawn gave me an excuse to smoke, shower, and get the hell out of there.
“Got it.” I jiggled my leg, impatience starting to build. “Share the location and time with my phone. I’ll escort her myself.”
Selix gave me a strange look before nodding and tapping a few things on his cell which in turn made mine beep with new notifications.
“We’ll depart at sixteen hundred hours tomorrow. New catering and supplies are being delivered today along with fuel. We’ll be set to travel to South Hampton, as you requested.”
“South Hampton?” I frowned. “Why the hell are we going to England again?” I couldn’t recall building a yacht for someone there, and there wasn’t anything coming up—
Ah shit, yes there is.
I groaned. “I don’t want Pim rubbing shoulders with those criminals.”
Selix laughed under his breath. “Says you with one of the largest theft records I’ve ever known.” He lowered his voice. “What’s the prison time for stealing over three quarters of a billion again?”
“Shut the fuck up,” I growled low, glancing at fellow breakfast goers. “That’s different.”
“Just because they deal in diamonds and not money doesn’t mean—”
“It means they have blood on their hands, Selix. The Hawks are not a family to be taken lightly. Especially that oldest son…whatever his name is. Ever since he took over from his father, their business has been deathly quiet. No rumours. No info. Signs that he’s either even more ruthless than the previous successor, or he has a knack for killing off rumours before they start.”
Selix consulted his phone. “His name, for your records, is Jethro Hawk. And you might be right about the ruthless part, but he’s throwing the most prestigious ball in the Northern Hemisphere. Countless clients will be there, along with others who want your skills and quality. You’re going. Who said you had to take the girl?”
My temper hissed. “She isn’t just a girl.”
His gaze tightened, judging me. “Yes, I can see that. Careful there, El.”
He knew I hated that nickname. However, for some reason, if Pim ever used it, I doubted I’d mind so much.
Hypocrisies be damned.
“Could say the same for you, Selix. Shut it.”
He smirked. “Am I confirming your attendance or cancelling? Plus one or no plus one?”
I glanced at the ceiling again. Pim had already been around enough evil without her being subjected to the Black Diamonds of Buckinghamshire. The rumours surrounding that family and ancient debts wasn’t something I wanted Pim to be involved in.
But then again, it wasn’t up to me to protect her from life. It was up to me to show her she was strong enough to handle anything with or without me.
Fuck it.
“Confirm. With a plus one.” I stood, ready for this meeting to be over. I needed to get to the warehouse, but first, I wanted to check on Pim.
I wanted to see her one last time before the weed faded from my system and I was back to being fucked up and would either have to self-medicate again or avoid her.
“Ah, before you go.” Selix stood, tucking his phone into his blazer pocket. “We have a problem.”
“Problem? What problem?”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “Some of the leads you were tracking down on Pim’s mother came back.”
I froze. “And?”
“And I know where she is.”
My heart fucking charged. I didn’t know if I was happy or gutted. Pim had a family looking for her. She had others who loved her. She was someone to them while I would forever be the man who stole her.
Would that mean she’d leave? That I’d have to let her go just like I’d promised? Goddammit, that would be impossible. I’d given into the craziness she made me feel. There was no way I could go back now…
Shit.
“Where is she?” Already my mind ran ahead with ways to inform Pim. To change my travel plans to return her home. We were on our way to the UK. She was from there (I think)—thanks to her accent—even if she hadn’t come out and told me exactly where.
The visit to the Hawks might begin with her on my arm and end with her leaving me.
I won’t do it.
I didn’t want to let her go.
But I knew I would because it was the right thing, regardless of what I wanted. I’d made my choices. I would stand by them. And I would do the right thing where Pim was concerned.
Always.
Raking a hand through my hair, I barked, “Tell me, Selix.”
A few diners looked up at my outburst, reminding me our conversation wasn’t private. Lowering my voice, I commanded, “Come with me. We’ll discuss this outside.”
Selix nodded and followed me.
We pushed through decadent lobbies and into vibrant sunshine and then he promptly scrambled everything in my future.
He told me about Pim’s mother.
About what she’d done.
About where she was.
About everything.
* * * * *
“There you are.” Pim stepped from the bathroom.
Every muscle locked into distress. The addiction fought away the mellowness of weed and made me crave. Fucking crave to have her again.
Goddammit, couldn’t she stop trying to kill me for one fucking second?
Dressed in a towel, her hair clinging like melted chocolate around her collarbone, she was my every fantasy come to life. Her skin glowed. Her lips smiled. She had a looseness—a sexiness about her that she’d never had before. A sensual calmness that stole my breath, sucker-punched me in the gut, and made me want to attack and kiss her all at once.
I was already screwed up when it came to her.
I was even worse now I knew about her mother.
Looking away, I clenched my fists to combat every dirty desire swirling in my head. “Sorry, meeting with Selix.”
I know what happened to you.
I know who you truly are.
Her secrets were my secrets.
And I couldn’t tell her any of them.
Her feet thudded softly on the carpet. “So your note said.” She smiled brighter, coming toward me with intentions in her gaze. Intentions of
kissing me or touching me or maybe even boldly dragging me back to bed to deliver on the promises I should never have fucking said. “I missed you.”
I held up a hand, backing away from her and toward my duffel. “Not now, Pimlico.” I threw the clothes I wore last night—the same ones that reeked of sex and her—into the bag and zipped it tight. “I have other things on my mind.”
Things like distracting myself so I don’t throw you to the floor and spread your legs. Things like preventing myself from locking this hotel room and never letting you out of my bed.
The ache in my balls almost made me violently ill. Last night, I’d come twice in quick succession, and it still wasn’t enough to fully satisfy. My body had no limit on pleasure when it latched onto what it wanted. Some men might call me lucky. I called myself damned.
I’d slept with her back to my front with my cock hard all night.
It wasn’t that I was a sexual deviant with no end to his libido. It was because my addiction made everything—including my cock—obey its needs in its quest to conquer and control.
I was just a tool to achieve the highest manipulation possible. And Pim was swiftly replacing my obsession with martial arts, origami, and cello.
I couldn’t let that happen.
Because if it did, nothing would keep me calm. Only her. Only when I was inside her, touching her, kissing her, loving her could I stop the counting, mania, and preoccupation that came with such a deliberating, exhausting condition.
“Oh.” Sad acceptance pencilled over her face as I clutched the duffel and marched to the door. The progress we’d made last night vanished, and she returned to a meek belonging, looking for the next fist, fearing the imminent kick.
She shook her hand like a dying butterfly. “Of course. Sorry, I know you’re busy. I’ll…I’ll get out of your way.” With lowered shoulders, she padded back into the bathroom. The door started to close but not before I saw the ghost glitter of tears in her eyes.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I wanted her to keep her distance. I’d been cruel and cold to achieve that. If it was up to me, I’d have grabbed her the second I entered the suite and have her sitting on my face this very fucking moment.
But I wasn’t healthy.
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