by Marie Force
Scotty rolled his eyes at her and started arranging the chairs with an efficiency that impressed his mother and the other adults.
“Looks like your kid is as fly as you are, mama,” Roberto said.
“He’s way more fly than I am. He’s gonna take over the world someday.”
“Speaking of world domination, I was sad to hear your old man isn’t going to run. He’d have been a dope president.”
“I think so too, but between us, the kids and I are looking forward to having him all to ourselves.”
“Heard you took in those twins after their parents were murdered.”
“They’re the sweetest kids. We love them so much.”
“That was a dope thing you did, lady cop.”
“It felt dope. I like being a mom.”
“Looks good on you.”
Scotty gestured to her, pointing to the circle of chairs.
“Let’s get this show on the road.” Sam led Roberto and Angel to the chairs. She moved one to make room for his wheelchair and then sat next to him. “I think I probably know most of you,” she said, “but for those who don’t know me, I’m Lieutenant Sam Holland.” She’d planned to say more, but the words got stuck on her lips when Nick walked in and took a seat in the circle, drawing every set of eyes in the room to him.
“And that,” Sam said, “is my husband.”
He gave a little wave as everyone else laughed. Nick Cappuano needed no introduction.
Later, Sam would ask him why he hadn’t told her he was coming and who was with the kids, but for now, she was thankful to have him there. “Dr. Trulo is on the way to save you all from me, but until he arrives, he suggested we begin with introductions and a little bit about why we’re here and what we hope to accomplish. Dr. Trulo and I had the idea for the group as a way to bring together some of the people we encounter in our daily work, for support and help through the difficulty of losing a loved one to violence.
“Everyone in this room understands the pain of tragic loss, but our losses bear the additional burden of the way in which they happened—suddenly and violently, thrusting us into the web of law enforcement and criminal justice. I lived in that world long before my father was shot on the job and left a quadriplegic in a case that went unsolved for four long years. The shock of his shooting, the pain of his new reality, the fear over his precarious health were the most stressful things I’ve ever been through. It took my dad almost four years to succumb to his injuries, but our lives changed forever on the day he was shot.
“I feel blessed to have gotten that extra time with him, but I was always aware of the hell in which he lived after the shooting. He died suddenly last month, so my grief, and that of my son Scotty and our entire family, is still fresh, especially since learning a man we considered a close friend was involved in covering up the details of the shooting.
“The death of a loved one by violence is complicated, no matter how or when it happens. We hope this group will become a source of comfort and fellowship to those of you who’ve walked this journey and that you’ll find new friends who understand better than anyone else ever could what it’s like to travel that path.”
She nodded to Roberto, encouraging him to go next. “Hey, y’all, I’m Roberto, and I met my friend the lady cop here when she was undercover in a crew I was running with at the time. I was working for some bad dudes, and when shit got real, I ended up in this chair. The lady cop came to see me in the hospital, offered me a way out and kept her promise to help me find a good job. My girl, Angel, she got snatched off the street and roughed up, and when they sent her back to me, she was broken. We’ve both been through hell, but at least we have each other. I’m pretty sure I would’ve died without her to give me a reason to go on living.”
“Same for me, baby,” she said softly. “Hi, everyone, I’m Angel, and like Roberto said, when I was kidnapped and raped, I thought my life was over. I’ve found out since that I can still feel joy and excitement and pleasure. It’s just taken me a while. I’m glad to be here. Thank you, Sam, for organizing this.”
“I’m Lenore, and my son, Calvin, was shot and killed fifteen years ago when he was fifteen. I’ve now lived without him longer than I had him with me. The case remains unsolved, which is part of what keeps my grief so present. That we’ve never been able to get justice for him is something I live with every day.” She glanced at Sam. “I’m hoping a renewed interest in the case will lead to some answers.”
Sam gave her a quick nod, hoping she could keep that silent promise.
“I’m Trey. My daughter, Vanessa, was killed in one of the recent drive-by shootings.”
He was one of the people who’d inspired Sam to want to start the group. She’d never forget responding to the scene of Vanessa’s murder or his unbearable heartache.
“She was six and so sweet and…” Trey looked down, took a breath and released it slowly. “I was a single dad, and she was my whole life. I don’t know what to do without her. People keep telling me it’ll get better in time, but I don’t think it will. When Lieutenant Holland invited me to come to this meeting, I hoped maybe it would help to be around other people who’ve been through the same thing I have.”
“We’re glad to have you here, Trey,” Sam said.
He nodded, his lips tight and his handsome face twisted with torment.
“My name is Joe, and my beautiful wife, Melanie, was also killed in the drive-by shootings. She was expecting our first child, so I lost them both. Mel never did anything to deserve what happened to her, and I’ve been dealing with a lot of anger since she was killed. Some days, I fear it’s going to boil over and take me under, but I keep pushing through because that’s what she’d want me to do. But it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”
The woman next to him took hold of his hand. “I understand that feeling, Joe. I’m Danita, and my son, Jamal, was also killed in the drive-by shootings. He’d been to see a movie about space at the Air and Space Museum with two of his friends and was shot for no good reason on the walk home. I know all about unreasonable anger and the kind of grief that makes you wonder how you can go on living. I’ve been lucky to have my daughters to help me through it, but every day since we lost Jamal has been a struggle.” She glanced toward Lenore. “My son was also fifteen. Like you, I thought I was almost home free. He was a good boy who almost always did the right thing. I was pretty sure he was going to grow up to be a good man.”
“He would have,” Sam said. “Everyone we talked to raved about what a fine young man he was.”
“Thank you,” Danita said, wiping away tears. “That means a lot.”
“I’m Tommy, an officer with the MPD. My partner was killed three feet from me in January, after I let him take the lead for the first time because he was bugging me. We were on a stakeout in the cold. We were tired and hungry and annoyed. I told him if he’d stop being a pain in the ass, he could take the lead with questioning our suspect when he finally showed up. Arnold was like a happy little kid, running through it with me, how he’d approach the guy, what he’d say. I’ve relived that last hour with him so many times. We got out of the car, and he was dead less than a minute later. I’ve had a really hard time accepting that he took a bullet that should’ve been mine, but through lots of therapy, I’ve come to understand it was his time, not mine, even if I’ll always be so sorry he had to go when he did. He was a good guy, a great cop in the making. I miss him, even if he was annoying sometimes.”
Gonzo took the tissue one of the other women handed him and pressed it to his eyes. When he looked up, Sam sent him a reassuring chin lift and a nod, hoping he knew how proud of him she was.
“I’m Scotty, and the lieutenant is my mom. I wasn’t part of her family when my grandpa Skip was shot. I met my future parents after Gramps had been in the wheelchair for two years already. So I never knew him before, but I heard lots of stories about how he was a terrible dancer and gave the best parties and was a great cop. I would’ve liked to
have known that version of him, but I’m really thankful I got to know him at all. He taught me a lot in the short time I knew him, things like how important it is to keep your word and that the measure of a person is whether they do the right thing when no one is looking. Stuff like that. I know I’ll always remember him and the things he taught me.”
Roni handed Sam a tissue that she accepted with a grateful smile.
Nick gave Scotty’s shoulder a squeeze. “I’m Nick, and you’ve met my wife, Sam, over there, and my son, Scotty. I lost my best friend and former boss to murder almost two years ago. I was chief of staff to Senator John O’Connor at the time of his murder, and when I lost him, I also lost my job and my identity and a friend who’d been by my side since I was eighteen. I was tapped to take his Senate seat, which later led to being asked by President Nelson to replace Vice President Gooding when he fell ill, and here I am, vice president because my best friend was murdered. Sometimes, it’s hard to wrap my head around the way it all happened. But I like to think John would be pleased and maybe shocked to see me now. He’d definitely have something to say about it.” He ended with a small grin that belied the pain he carried with him from the loss of John and the events that followed.
“I’d also like to add that, like Scotty, I didn’t know Skip before he was injured, but I grew to love him for many of the same reasons Scotty did, plus one more really important one—he made my wife into the best cop and person I’ve ever known, and I’ll always be thankful to him for her.”
Sam dabbed at her eyes again. “No fair.”
Everyone else laughed, which relieved some of the tension that had come from hearing everyone’s stories.
“I’m Roni. My husband, Patrick, was killed a month ago when a stray bullet found him on a sidewalk when he was out grabbing a sandwich for lunch. We were newlyweds, madly in love and just happy, you know? I thought I was set for life once we got married. I never imagined having to live most of my life without him. I think a lot about the day before he died, when I was supposed to go to the grocery store but forgot and went straight home instead. I was moaning about forgetting and said I’d go back out. But Patrick told me not to sweat it. He said he’d go out for lunch the next day. I wonder if maybe if I’d made it to the store, he wouldn’t have left the office to get lunch, and he’d still be here with me. I know there’s no sense second-guessing something that’s already happened, but I’ll always be sorry I didn’t make it to the store that day.”
Sam reached for Roni’s hand and gave it a squeeze, her heart breaking all over again for the other woman. What a thing to have to live with, the feeling that something you did or didn’t do might’ve indirectly cost someone else their life—and that someone being the person you love most in the world.
“I’m Joseph, and my son, Daniel, was killed when he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Someone looking for revenge against an ex-boss locked the boss and my son in a freezer, where they froze to death. I try not to think about what that must’ve been like for them, if it hurt or how long it took for them to die. Daniel was my pride and joy, the focus of my entire life, and losing him… I’ve been really struggling. When Lieutenant Holland called me about this group, it felt like a badly needed lifeline, so thank you for organizing this.”
“Thank you for coming, Joseph,” Sam said. “I’ve thought of you so often since that night, and I’m very glad to see you here.”
“Thanks for having me. Hearing what happened to others makes me feel less alone with my loss.”
That, Sam thought, was the entire purpose of the group.
By the time Dr. Trulo joined them half an hour later, the group was immersed in a conversation about how other people in their lives didn’t understand their grief and expected them to get over it on others’ timetables and how some of the people they’d been closest to before the tragedy hadn’t stuck around afterward.
Sam scooted her chair closer to Roni’s to make room for the doctor.
“How’s it going?” Trulo asked in a whisper.
“Better than I ever imagined.”
“Congratulations, Lieutenant,” he said with almost fatherly pride that touched her broken heart. “You’ve done a very good thing here.”
“Couldn’t have done it without you.”
“Yes, you could have. This was all you. I was just your glorified admin behind the scenes.”
Sam laughed. “Bullshit, but okay. If you say so.”
“I say so.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“Who’s with our Littles?” she asked Nick when the meeting had concluded.
“Celia offered to stay with them when I said I’d like to come.”
“That was nice of her. I thought Tracy and Angela were coming.”
“Angela wasn’t feeling well, and Mike ended up having to work late.”
“I was hoping Derek would come too,” Sam said of their friend Derek Kavanaugh, who’d lost his wife, Victoria, to murder.
“He said he hopes to get here eventually, but I guess tonight wasn’t possible.”
“I need to speak to someone,” Sam said. “I’ll be ready to go in just a minute.”
“Take your time, babe.”
She went over to talk to Lenore, who was standing with Danita, probably comparing notes about losing their teenage sons.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Sam said, “but I wondered if I could speak to Lenore for a second.”
“Of course,” Danita said. “I’ll definitely call you for coffee, Lenore.”
“I’ll look forward to that.”
After Danita walked away, Lenore smiled at Sam. “Your group is already doing so much good.”
“I’m glad to hear that. I wanted to tell you I’ve received permission to take a look at Calvin’s case. It’ll be after Thanksgiving before I can get to it, but I’ll keep you informed.”
“I appreciate anything you can do.”
“I’ll give it everything I’ve got,” Sam said.
“That’s more than anyone has given it thus far.”
“I’ll be in touch.”
“I hope you have a blessed Thanksgiving.”
“Same to you.”
“It’s a little overwhelming to realize how many people need your group,” Roni said when they were on the way home with Nick and Scotty in one of the Secret Service SUVs.
“At times, it can be,” Sam said, “which is one of the reasons I wanted to do it. We do what we can to get justice for murder victims and their families, and then we move on to the next case. I found myself wondering what became of people like Trey Marchand, who lost his little girl in the sniper case. I wanted to know he was okay.”
“It’s nice of you to care so much.”
“Don’t tell people I’m nice, or we can’t be friends.”
To Scotty, Roni said, “Is there, like, a handbook or something that comes with her?”
“Dude, if there was, I sure could’ve used it a coupla years ago.”
Sam play-punched his arm as Nick laughed.
“But I can definitely give you some pointers, such as don’t enter any room that she might be in with my dad without either knocking or covering your eyes.”
“Don’t tell all our secrets, buddy,” Nick said.
Sam noted a hint of yearning in Roni’s expression that made her ache for the other woman’s loss.
When they pulled up to Roni’s house, she turned to hug Scotty.
“It was so great to meet you, Scotty, and you too, Mr. Vice President.”
“Please call me Nick.”
“Er, um, Nick.”
“I hope we see you again soon, Roni,” Nick said.
“I hope so too.”
Sam got out to hug her on the sidewalk.
“This was good for me,” Roni said. “Thank you for making me go.”
“Thank you for letting me make you. You have plans for Thanksgiving?”
She nodded. “I’m going to my parents’ house. There’ll be a big c
rowd there, which I hope will help.”
“I hope you’re able to enjoy that a little. I’m here for you. Anytime you need a friend. Call me, text me, come by my house on Ninth Street, stop by the office. I’m here.”
“That means so much. I’ve stopped hearing from a few people who probably don’t know how to deal with me right now, so it helps to have some new friends to lean on.”
“I’m not just saying it either. I honestly don’t like a lot of people, but for some strange reason, I really like you.”
Roni laughed—hard. “I am so honored.”
“You should be.”
“I haven’t laughed in weeks. You’re already batting a thousand, and you will be hearing from me.”
“I’m counting on that. Take care of yourself.”
“You too.”
Sam got back in the car. To the agent holding the door for her, she said, “Wait a sec until Roni gets inside.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Per Sam’s request, the car didn’t move until Roni closed the door behind her. “I really like her.”
“Does she have any idea how lucky she is?” Nick asked, amusement dancing in his lovely eyes.
“She does, because Mom told her,” Scotty said.
Nick laughed. “I’m sure she did.”
“As I recall, Scotty was the one who told her I hate people and that she was lucky I liked her.”
“She needed to know,” Scotty said. “I stand by my statement.”
“Spoken like a future politician,” Nick said.
“Or police officer,” Scotty said.
“Wait, what?” Nick asked. “Since when?”
“I’m just keeping all my options open.”
“I couldn’t handle worrying about both of you.”
“Mom will be too old to run the streets by the time I get there.”
Sam shot him her best perp glare. “Who you calling old?”
“You’re not old now. You will be then.”