by Wynne Mabry
Things were quiet at Pemberley as well, but Mr. Darcy had been unable to attain any of the solace which he had hoped to find in his favourite place. He had imagined that the tranquility of the lovely grounds would give him peace, but instead his visit had increased his torment. When he went out and walked beside his stream or through his rose gardens, he was only reminded that he would never take those walks with a beloved wife by his side. The solitude of his surroundings served to emphasise the solitude of his life.
His sister’s company was of some comfort, but it was not enough. Regretting his marriage, he allowed himself to think bitterly of his failed first proposal, and with each passing day that bitterness increased. While wandering aimlessly and alone about the grounds or through the woods, he went over the details of his acquaintance with Elizabeth. In those hours, he learned to blame himself for rudeness and arrogance and to regret all of his errors which had led up to her rejection of him. He saw that the fault had been far more his own than hers, yet he wanted to blame her anyway. He wanted her to have appreciated him despite all he had done wrong.
As he was sinking into self-pity and his mood was becoming increasingly dark, Elizabeth was on her way to Derbyshire, having been invited to join her aunt and uncle on their holiday. The idea of being in the same county as Mr. Darcy was a little unnerving, but she had no real expectation of running into him. That comfort lasted through the first part of their tour, but when they arrived in the market town of Lambton, Mrs. Gardiner said that she was looking forward to seeing Pemberley, which Elizabeth now understood to be less than five miles away.
“We shall go there tomorrow,” Mr. Gardiner said.
Elizabeth looked at him in astonishment. “We cannot go to Pemberley,” she cried with some agitation. “The family is there for the summer. At Jane’s wedding, Miss Darcy told me that they were travelling here immediately afterwards and staying until the end of the summer.”
“Yes, I know. Mr. Darcy told me as well. But there is no problem with us going. We have been invited.”
“By Mr. Darcy?”
“Of course. Who else would invite us to Pemberley?”
“And you are quite certain that you understood him properly?”
“Quite certain indeed.”
“But still, do you not think it will be an imposition to suddenly appear without any notice?”
“It is exactly what he is expecting. His precise words were ‘turn up on any day you like’, so there will not be any imposition. He said he looks forward to showing us about. You need not worry that we will be disturbing them.”
“Is he aware that there will be three of us? Did you tell him that I would be travelling with you?”
“Do you know, I cannot remember if I did, but I am sure it does not matter. He will welcome you as well.”
Elizabeth could not explain why she was uncertain of his welcome, but it seemed that she had said enough to give her aunt cause for concern.
“I know there was a time when you did not like him, but I thought that had changed,” Mrs. Gardiner said. “When he dined with us in May, he spoke of you like a friend. That led me to assume that you no longer disliked him, but I should have thought to ask you. He is not absolutely expecting us. If meeting him today will be uncomfortable for you, then we shall not go after all.”
Elizabeth was tempted to say that this was what she wanted, but her aunt and uncle were eager to see Pemberley, and they were obviously delighted by Mr. Darcy’s invitation. She could not bring herself to spoil their pleasure.
“We did become better acquainted at Rosings,” she said. “I was only concerned about being intrusive, but I do not have any objections to meeting him today.”
Still, she was far from being at ease as they drove to Pemberley. Mr. Darcy had been civil to her at the wedding, but only for a moment, and his manner had not been especially cordial. Nor could he have had any friendly feelings toward her in May. Her aunt must have been mistaken about that. Elizabeth could only think him unlikely to desire any future interaction between them.
Her first view of the house and grounds was from the top of a hill. It was an enchanting place. As Elizabeth gazed in admiration, she recalled that Mrs. Darcy had not come to Pemberley and almost felt angry that the lady had rejected such a beautiful place. But perhaps she would not have appreciated it anyway. In all of their acquaintance, she had never given her attention to anything but her own narrow concerns, and she had appeared devoid of the sort of sensibility which would delight in this glorious setting.
As their carriage descended the hill and her own appreciation increased, Elizabeth felt some sympathy for Mr. Darcy, whose value for this place she had comprehended from some of his conversation. At the time, she had thought his feelings were all about pride of ownership, but now she considered the possibility that he truly loved its beauty and harmony.
The housekeeper must have been told to expect the Gardiners, for they were immediately taken to the room in which Mr. Darcy was sitting with his sister and Mrs. Annesley. Elizabeth entered warily, and she thought that he startled upon seeing her.
He quickly recovered and said to her uncle, “I was wondering just this morning if we might see you soon. I am glad that you could make it here.” He looked at her. “And you too Miss Bennet. I did not know that you would be with your relatives, but I am pleased to see you as well.”
“I am afraid that I neglected to mention it,” Mr. Gardiner said. “After you started talking of fishing, I forgot about all else.”
“Well, it is a very pleasant surprise,” Mr. Darcy said.
Some hesitation in his voice caused Elizabeth to feel uncertain about the truth of his words, but a warm welcome from Miss Darcy and Mrs. Annesley made her feel more comfortable. At their request, she sat beside them and answered questions about her holiday, which spared her from having to interact with Mr. Darcy. He fell into conversation with the Gardiners and said nothing more to her, which served to increase her feeling of not really being welcome.
After they had talked for a little while, Mr. Darcy conducted them on a tour of the house. “I do not have the same talent as my housekeeper for showing the place, but I hope I can do it some justice,” he said.
Georgiana and Mrs. Annesley opted to stay behind so as not to be in the way. Elizabeth wished that she could remain with them, but it would be rude to treat his offer with disinterest. She deliberately lagged behind the others though. Mr. Darcy was being exceptionally friendly toward her relatives, but she could not feel that this good will extended toward her. He continued to address himself almost entirely toward them and seemed ill at ease when compelled to say anything to her.
She focused her attention on the rooms that he was showing, and especially on the views. She asked no questions and made no observations. Fortunately, her uncle made up for her own unusual quietness.
Near the end of their tour, when her guard was a little relaxed and she was engrossed in a particularly alluring view, Mr. Darcy suddenly startled her by speaking. “What do you think, Miss Bennet? Do you admire the scenery before you?”
There was an edginess in his voice which concerned her, but she replied calmly, “Very much. I have never seen a more beautiful place.”
“I am glad it pleases you. It is a great honour to receive your approval,” he said in a sarcastic tone.
He abruptly walked away, sparing her from having to say anything more, but her heart was sinking. She really should not have come. Admitting the truth to her aunt and uncle would have been preferable to this discomfort.
She should have considered Mr. Darcy as well. It seemed that he could not be in her presence without feeling resentment. Whether it was humiliation or a broken heart, she was not certain, but either way, it was obvious that her presence had a disastrous effect upon him.
Even now, as he faced her relatives, he was again smiling amiably and behaving with great civility. There was no sign of the bitterness with which she had just been treated. Clearly, she was not
good for him.
It seemed best to remove herself from his presence as swiftly as possible, but his hospitable manner toward her relatives presented a difficulty. They were to see the grounds next. Elizabeth was wondering if she could claim to suddenly be feeling ill, but her aunt was already expressing delight at this prospect. Still not wanting to spoil Mrs. Gardiner’s pleasure, she allowed herself to be ushered outside, hoping that it would be possible to keep at a distance from Mr. Darcy.
Fortunately, Miss Darcy and Mrs. Annesley rejoined the company now. Elizabeth walked with them while Mr. Darcy talked with her aunt and uncle. This resumption of their earlier groupings helped her to feel easier.
She was intending to keep close to her companions, but after a while, Mrs. Annesley engaged Mrs. Gardiner in conversation, and Georgiana took her brother’s arm. One could see that they were an affectionate pair.
Elizabeth felt that she would be safe while they were together, but once again, her admiration of the views was her undoing. When they stopped at a vantage point, she was so mesmerised by the winding curves of the stream that she did not realise the others had walked on, except for Mr. Darcy. She was startled by seeing only him when she turned about.
“This is a lovely view,” she said awkwardly.
“It is,” he agreed. There was an uncomfortable silence, but she was relieved that it was nothing worse. The moment had not safely passed though.
Just as she began to walk again, to her dismay, he said, “You could have been mistress of this. Do you regret it now, Miss Bennet?”
“No, I do not. How can you even think that possible? Surely you must understand me well enough by now to know that I would not compromise my integrity for any gain of wealth or property. I think that Pemberley is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen, and I would have taken some lovely memories away from this visit if you had not just spoiled the experience by saying such a dreadful thing. I admire your home very much, but I do not covet it or regret the opportunity to be its mistress. I should not have come here. I was worried that it was a bad idea, but my aunt and uncle were looking forward to it so much. I did not want to spoil the day for them. It will have to be done though. I shall make some excuse to leave as soon as possible.”
“Wait!” he cried. “Do not go. Please stay just a moment and allow me to apologise for having treated you so appallingly. I truly am sorry for it.”
She hesitated briefly, but the blend of distress and remorse in his voice compelled her to stay and give him the chance to make amends.
Mr. Darcy Finds Some Peace
Although he knew that she was not the one at fault, the moment that Mr. Darcy saw Elizabeth so unexpectedly, bitterness had overwhelmed him. Seeing her in his home, which he had once hoped would be her home, was too much for him. He had tried to quell his feelings and concentrate on being a welcoming host to his visitors. It had helped that Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner were such pleasant people. Talking with them had given him a constructive focus. Elizabeth had seemed to cooperate by following in a very unobtrusive way and studying various objects in quiet contemplation.
Unfortunately, it was her attentiveness to the views which was his undoing. He had not needed to ask her opinion. Each time she looked out of a window, her admiration had been obvious in her expression, but that had made him realise that she could have been very happy in these surroundings. She would have loved Pemberley as he did.
That was when something had snapped inside him, and he had spoken so rudely. Afterwards, he felt despicable for it. He had gone outside with a determination to control his feelings better. Another chat with the Gardiners and then walking arm-in-arm with Georgiana had helped to keep him level-headed.
But when they stopped to look at the view, his attention was turned toward Elizabeth. She was standing in front of them all, absorbed in her own thoughts. He had a great sense of them being more distant than they had ever been.
As the others began to walk away, he noticed that she did not stir. He knew that he should go on. His feelings were precarious, but he was desperately seeking some closure to the torment which had been plaguing him. Only he did not know how to find it.
With openness being impossible, anger raised its ugly head again. Immediately after saying those dreadful words, he felt an immense regret. It was wrong of him to resent her choice or to blame her for his. She was right to be angry, and he felt the greatest contrition for having caused her so much discomfort. But in her goodness, she had the generosity to hear him out, though he deserved it not.
“I have been such a beast to you,” he said sorrowfully. “All my unhappiness is of my own making, yet I would put the burden of my bitterness upon you. I cannot say anything to make up for that intolerable remark. I only wish I could take it back, but for what it is worth, you have my deepest apologies for my despicable behaviour this morning. I will not keep you any longer or trouble you any further. I have command of myself now and promise not to insult you again or indulge in any more self-pity.”
She looked at him searchingly for a moment and then said, “I believe you will not. Perhaps, if it would not be too arduous for you, we might walk together and have a little conversation.”
He was astonished to be so well trusted. She was the kindest, most generous person. “I do not deserve such consideration, but yes, I would like that. You and I have never really been friends, but it would be nice if we could come to a more amiable degree of acquaintance.”
They walked on, and he found himself able to carry on a rational conversation. It helped that there was a ready subject. Their early discomfort slowly went away as they talked of travelling in general and more specifically of the places which she had been visiting. Neither of them made any effort to catch up to the others, so it was not until they reached the lawn that they rejoined the rest of their group.
“Would you have any objection to visiting here again tomorrow?” he asked while they were still out of hearing. “I would like to offer your uncle a day of fishing, and I am sure that Georgiana would like to spend some time with you. I have seen that she enjoys your company very much.”
“I enjoy hers as well,” Elizabeth replied. “She is a very sweet girl. I will be happy to see her again tomorrow.” After a moment, she added, “I look forward to more conversation with you as well. This has been a pleasant walk.”
After I stopped behaving like an idiot, Mr. Darcy thought, but she was right. Once he had found his way to civility again, they had gotten along very well. It was a pity he could not have achieved that some time ago. He must not think in that way though. Especially not now that he was on his way to finding the resolution he had been seeking. Today marked the beginning of coming to terms with the past. He could never stop loving Elizabeth, but he would learn to manage his feelings properly and to rise above his regrets.
The next morning, he awoke feeling more at peace with himself. It was a perfect day for fishing, which both he and Mr. Gardiner enjoyed. Afterwards they spent some time with the ladies. Mindful of Elizabeth’s comfort, Mr. Darcy did not talk too much with her at first, but true to her word, she seemed to welcome his conversation. Before long, they were engaged in an entertaining discussion.
After that, he felt no hesitation in inviting her and the Gardiners to dine with them on the following evening. He was delighted that they accepted, and so was Georgiana.
“I do like Elizabeth very much,” she said after their guest had left. “She is so lively and amusing.”
“That is just what I like about her,” Mr. Darcy said, with such heartfelt agreement that he next hoped his voice had not betrayed too much feeling. Fortunately, his sister did not seem to notice. She was still talking joyfully of her new friendship.
His feelings about this connection were bittersweet. It had been necessary for him to stop himself from thinking that they might have been sisters if only things had been different, but he had been delighted to see the two of them laughing together. Feeling that Elizabeth was an excellent f
riend for Georgiana, he was very glad that she had come to Pemberley.
Unfortunately, the dinner did not take place. The next morning, Mr. Darcy received a brief letter from Mr. Gardiner, who wrote that some urgent business had recalled him home and they were making an immediate departure. Apologies were very properly given, and regrets expressed with great cordiality.
Mr. Darcy was disappointed, but he understood the importance of business, and the friendly tone of this letter spared him from worrying that he had offended. Anyway, there had been an excellent rapport between everybody in the time they had spent together, and he was confident of having lived up to the trust which Elizabeth had so kindly placed in him.
Their meeting, although brief, had been fortuitous. Whenever they met again, there would be civility between them. Perhaps even friendliness. For now, with the bitterness removed from his heart, he could enjoy the rest of his time at Pemberley.
It was not very long. Two days later, he received a letter from Mr. Bingley, informing him that Lydia Bennet had eloped from Brighton with Mr. Wickham. They had probably not gone to Gretna Green. The evidence suggested that they were hidden somewhere in London. He, Mr. Bennet, and Colonel Forster had been searching for the pair, but with no success. The purpose of this letter was to beg Mr. Darcy to come and assist since he might have a better idea of Mr. Wickham’s associates and possible whereabouts.
Mr. Darcy did not feel that he knew a great deal on that subject, but he was more than willing to contribute his assistance for what it was worth. This dreadful event was obviously the reason why Elizabeth and the Gardiners had left with such urgency. He could imagine how distressed she had been upon receiving that news. With her knowledge of Mr. Wickham, she would have understood that he was unlikely to marry a girl with no fortune. She must have gone home in a very emotional state, worrying about her sister’s fate and the disgrace which would be attached to her family. If there was anything he could do to give her any relief, then he would do it.