“Well, it would be nice to invite you in for a drink. But if I did, I’m sure my father would ask you to show him videos of you flying, or talk to you about some farm equipment he read about or a law case he’s been working on. Or my mother might talk you into trying a piece of her pecan pie.”
His brows lifted. “I’d be okay with that one.”
Smiling, I shook my head. “She does make a good pecan pie.”
When I looked back toward the front door, Nolan placed his finger under my chin and lifted my gaze to meet his. “We could have gone to my house.”
My heart ran rampant in my chest. “You didn’t suggest it.”
His brows pulled in tight, and he wore a pained expression on his face. “I…I don’t want to push you, Linz. I have memories of us—you don’t yet.”
That wasn’t true. I knew my dreams were memories, and a part of me longed to share them with him. But another part of me held back. “I feel something for you, Nolan. A longing. A desire to have you touch me. To be inside me.”
He closed his eyes and cursed under his breath. Then he opened them and pierced me with his gaze. “You have no idea how much I want to be with you. It nearly kills me not to touch you, to feel your body next to mine.”
Goosebumps rose on my skin, and my teeth dug into my lip as I fought the urge to let out a moan at the mere thought of being against this man, skin on skin. I could easily ask him to take me home with him. Tell him I wanted him. I could see it in his face. He wanted me desperately.
I lifted my hand, and I pushed my fingers through his brown hair just as I had done the day before, loving how silky it felt against my skin. “Will I see you tomorrow?” I asked.
All he did was nod.
“You’ll call me in the morning?”
“You don’t have any plans?”
I laughed. “No! At some point I need to find a job, but my day is completely open.”
He reached for my hand, and I thought he was going to kiss the back of it. Instead, he turned and kissed the inside of my wrist, which caused me to suck in a breath of air, and instantly I was transported to another moment in time. A younger version of Nolan standing before me. That devilishly handsome smile on his face. He lifted my hand and kissed my wrist too. “Until tomorrow, Linz.”
Nolan’s voice pulled me out of the memory. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I swallowed hard, then stammered, “Y-yes, tomorrow.”
He winked and turned to walk back to his truck. “Until tomorrow, Linz.”
My entire body swayed, and I had to force myself to remain upright.
The memories were slowly coming back to me, and the more I had them, the more I realized I was head over heels in love with Nolan Byers. And that made me wonder why in the hell he let me go for eight years—yet snuck around Paris to spy on me.
Without thinking, I lifted my hand and said the only thing that I could manage to say, “Bye.”
He smiled even bigger and then turned and jogged to his truck. Before he got in, I called out, “Wait!”
Nolan stopped and looked back at me. “What’s wrong?”
An image flashed across my mind. I was standing on the bridge. The bridge at the ranch where we had been earlier. Nolan, down on one knee. A ring in his hand as he looked up at me. I was crying as he slipped it on my finger. He gazed at me in that memory, and I nearly stumbled back when I saw him crying. “Will you marry me, Linz?”
“Is everything okay?” Nolan asked as he started back around his truck toward me.
For a moment, I fought for air. No wonder he had been so disappointed. Had he taken me to the bridge to see if I would remember? Oh God. So many emotions were flooding my mind. I lifted my eyes to see him coming closer. I forced a smile. “Yes. Yes, everything is fine. I wanted to know what time you’d be calling tomorrow.”
Another brilliant grin lit up his face. “How about you call me when you wake up. I’m an early riser.”
I nodded. “Okay, I’ll do that.”
Nolan climbed into his truck, started it, and then drove down the drive.
I brought my hands up to my mouth, and I wasn’t sure how long I stood there. It wasn’t until his truck was completely gone from my view that I dropped my hands, turned, and walked up on the porch to sit down on the swing.
The front door opened and my mother stepped out. She took one look at me and rushed over to my side. “Linnzi, honey, what’s wrong?”
All I could do was turn to her and let the tears fall.
“What happened?”
I couldn’t help but notice the fear in her voice.
“I want to remember, Mom. I want to have my memories back. I know I love him. I feel it in my heart. I feel it like I feel the need to breathe. I know that man has taken me to places I’ve only ever experienced with him, so why can I not remember every moment we spent together?”
She wrapped her arms around me tighter. “I don’t know why you don’t remember him, sweetheart.”
I knew that wasn’t the truth. They all knew, but I was so exhausted. I wasn’t up for the battle, at least not yet anyway.
“I’m blocking him for a reason, Mom. I know I am.”
My mother didn’t say a word, but I heard her sniffle. Whatever truths my parents and Nolan kept from me, I could tell it was killing them inside. That was part of the problem. Whatever horrible thing had happened eight years ago, no one wanted to remember. It seemed I was the only lucky one who couldn’t.
After a few moments, I drew back and wiped my tear-soaked face.
“Did something happen today, sweetheart?” my mother asked.
“No, I had a lovely day.” And I had, it wasn’t a lie.
“Mom, can I borrow your car?” I asked suddenly.
She gave me a worried look.
I took her hands in mine and squeezed them gently. “I’m okay. It’s all these feelings I have. I think I’m a bit overwhelmed.”
“I imagine they would be overwhelming. Did you remember anything today? Anything at all?”
For the briefest moment, I almost told her about the proposal. But I wanted to keep that to myself. At least until I could get back to Nolan’s ranch and ask him for the truth directly.
“Nothing,” I lied.
I wasn’t sure if she looked relieved or saddened. I decided right there it was a bit of both.
“Are you sure you can’t get whatever it is tomorrow?” she asked.
A sudden sense of weariness came over me. Lord, I was exhausted.
“Tomorrow,” I whispered. “Yes, I think it’s probably best if I wait until tomorrow.”
She smiled and patted my hand. “Do you want to watch a movie with us? It’s some film about two men who crash weddings.”
Her words caused the memory of Nolan asking me to marry him to come rushing back.
“No,” I said with a slightly apologetic look. “I think I’m going to head on up to my room.”
She nodded. “If you change your mind, we’ll be in the family room.”
When she stood and headed into the house, she glanced back at me. “Are you staying out here a bit longer?”
I suddenly had the urge to race up to my room and tear it apart. There had to be something in my room, something that would transport me back and validate all of these images that have been flashing in my mind since I got back home. A ring, maybe?
“No, I’m going to head on up now.”
Three minutes later, I was standing in my room with the door shut. This did not look like the room of a woman who had been twenty-five years old. It suddenly occurred to me that I might not have been living at home when I had the accident. I honestly never even thought to ask. Now I got to work opening each drawer, checking under my bed, and searching the closet. I finally found a box at the very back of my closet that had been pushed so far back I hardly noticed it. I pulled the chair from my desk over to it and pulled it out. When I opened it, I drew in a sharp breath.
“Oh. My. Goodness.”
<
br /> My legs barely kept me standing as I stumbled back and hit the bed and then dropped into a seated position.
I set the lid to the side and pulled out the first item. It was a picture of me and Nolan. It wasn’t from high school, though. We were a bit older. He was dressed in his uniform. I held the picture closer to me and looked at it, covering my mouth when I saw it. My hand was in the front, holding onto a wine glass. It wasn’t the wine glass that had caught my eye, though.
“A ring,” I whispered as I saw the engagement ring on my hand. “I knew it, we were engaged.”
I closed my eyes and dropped back onto the bed.
“Why can’t I remember? Why are you keeping it a secret from me, Nolan?” I whispered as I squeezed my eyes shut and fought to remember. I rolled over and pulled my pillow close to my chest. I could feel the tears finally ease as I drifted off to sleep.
The next morning, I opened my eyes to see I had fallen asleep completely dressed. I hadn’t even moved from the position I was in when I drifted off, still holding the photo of me and Nolan. I was sprawled across my bed, my pillow still clutched against my body. Slowly, I sat up and yawned while I stretched my cramped body. When my hand came down, it hit the box I had found last night.
I took a deep inhale and slowly let it out as I pushed the photos in the box around. They appeared to be from my high school and college days. I pulled out a dried-up flower and smiled. I set it aside and dug around a bit more until I came across a piece of paper. I pulled it out and realized it had once been folded up like an airplane.
“Nolan,” I whispered.
My heart beat faster in my chest as I opened it. I let my fingers move over the name that was signed at the bottom.
I moved my eyes up the paper and read it silently.
Dear Linz,
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the Air Force Academy sooner. I know we’ve talked about it, and you knew it had always been a part of my plans. I should have told you I enrolled at the Academy. I know you’re happy for me, you said so, and I saw it in your eyes. And you don’t lie…I firmly believe you don’t know how to lie.
I closed my eyes as I pushed away the guilt of not telling anyone about the memories that had started to slowly filter back. I mean, lying by omission is still lying, right? Opening my eyes once more, I kept reading.
Once I finish the Academy, then I’ll be in officer training and then pilot training. Then you can come live with me where I’m stationed after we get married. I know I’m asking you to give up your dreams, but I was hoping maybe you might be able to still follow them. I’ll do whatever I need to do to make sure you’re happy, Linz. You told me you wanted a baby after we got married. I’ll give you ten, Linz. I’ll give you whatever you want and make it my life’s mission to make you the happiest woman on Earth. You mean everything to me, and I will never stop loving you. Never. You are mine, and I am yours, forever and for always.
I love you.
Love, Nolan
I clutched the note to my chest. “Oh, Nolan. What happened to us?” My voice was barely a whisper.
What had happened that made this man walk away from me? What made the people I love keep secrets from me, and why had I allowed it to go on for so damn long?
I suddenly wanted to talk to Nolan. Hear his voice. I reached for my purse and pulled it out. I only had one percent battery left. Standing, I set it on the cordless charger and made my way to the bathroom that was attached to my bedroom. After a quick shower, I brushed my teeth and wove my hair into a braid before heading downstairs.
“Mom? Dad?” I called out as I walked into the kitchen. No one was around, but there were fresh blueberry muffins in a bowl in the middle of the table, so I knew my mother had been up earlier. She loved to cook, and I swear, she’d made fresh blueberry muffins each and every morning for as long as I could remember. I thought for a moment that my folks might be having their coffee out on the back porch since it seemed to be a nice day out, so I pushed the door open and stepped outside.
“Mom? Dad?”
Nothing.
With a frown, I turned and headed back into the house. It was only seven in the morning—they couldn’t be gone yet.
I opened the garage door and saw both vehicles were still there.
“Mom!” I cried out louder. Then I heard a thump from somewhere upstairs. I headed up the steps and called out again.
“Dad! Mom! Where are y’all?”
“In the attic!” my mother called back. I couldn’t help but note the slightly panicked sound in her voice.
“The attic?” I asked as I opened the door and made my way up the steps to our attic. “What are you doing up here?”
When I got to the top of the steps, my father was closing up a trunk and quickly locking it. My mother brushed her hands off and laughed. “My goodness, everything is so dusty up here.”
I smiled. “What’s in the trunk?”
“Nothing of importance. Old family stuff,” my father stated.
I tilted my head slightly as I looked at them both. Something on their faces didn’t seem right. More secrets they were keeping from me? But their odd expressions were gone before I could really look at them closely.
“You two are up and at it early. Why are you up here going through old trunks?” I asked.
“Your mother insisted she had an old antique mirror up here that she wanted to paint and put in the dining room,” my father said, reaching down and planting a kiss on my mother’s cheek. She smiled and patted the side of his face.
“Thank you for looking, sweetheart. I know it’s around this house somewhere.”
I leaned against a wood beam and smiled. “You do realize you could probably go buy one and antique it yourself.”
She huffed. “Why would I want to do that when I have one already? Maybe it’s in the space above the barn.”
My father held up his hands and then started to walk down the steps. “That is where I draw the line, Amy. I am not crawling up into that space. Hell no!”
I laughed. “Oh, come on, Daddy. Are you afraid of bugs?”
He shot me a dirty look over his shoulder as he descended the steps. “No, but I am of snakes. And the last time I was in there, I saw two!”
“Come on, Linnzi, I have fresh muffins,” my mother said as she walked by me.
I went to follow her but stopped. My eyes swept back across the attic and to the trunk. Suddenly I felt the strangest pull toward it, and I had the urge to see what was really inside it. If my parents honestly thought I believed their lame excuse, they were insane.
“Linnzi?” my mother called back up from the bottom of the steps. “Are you coming?”
With a quick look at her, I nodded, glancing back at the trunk. “Yes, on my way.”
As I walked by my bedroom, I heard my phone go off.
“Let me check that message. I’ll be right down,” I called out as I ducked into my room. I smiled when I saw who it was from.
Nolan: I hope I’m not waking you. I’ve got to run an errand for Paul and head into town. Did you want to come along with me?
I quickly hit his number and waited for him to answer.
“After all this time, you still don’t like text messages, do you?” he asked with humor in his voice.
I laughed. “No, I’m still not a fan. I’d love to go on an errand with you.”
“Great, I’m going to leave here in a few minutes. I’ll pick you up in about twenty? Dress warm, a cold front is moving through today.”
I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me. “Okay, I’ll see you then.”
“Perfect, see you in a bit!”
When the call ended, I sighed and felt my cheeks burning slightly from the wide grin on my face. Another day with Nolan. This time, though, I was ready to find out more information about my past with him. The tightness in my chest that I felt every single time I thought about the accident seemed to ebb some, allowing me to breathe slightly easier.
I quickly dress
ed, grabbed the photo of us, and slipped it into my purse. I headed downstairs and met my folks in the kitchen.
“Nolan is on his way; I’m going to go run some errands with him,” I said, setting my purse down. I grabbed a plate, filling it with two blueberry muffins.
“Goodness, two days in a row,” my mother said.
When I looked at her, she didn’t seem to be mocking me in anyway. I peeked over to my father, who busied himself with the paper.
“Honestly, I’m beginning to have some pretty strong feelings for him.”
I watched as they both let my words settle into their brains.
“That’s not surprising, sweetheart. The two of you were very much in love once upon a time.”
My eyes widened in shock at my mother’s words. She didn’t even look up at me when she said them. She was kneading dough for something else she was making, and I swear it was like she was off in another place. Halfway listening to me, and halfway lost in a memory.
When I swung my gaze to my father, his eyes were moving as if he was reading the paper intently.
Suddenly, I felt betrayed. I could ignore the secrets when I was thousands of miles away, but now, now they felt like an elephant sitting on my chest. Each breath I took was harder than the last. I had granted them permission to keep their silence by not asking my own questions, but for some reason, after all this time, now I was bothered. Actually, I was on the verge of being pissed. Why in the hell would the man I was going to marry, and my parents, keep me in the dark for eight years? And why had I let it go for as long as I had?
I opened my mouth to say something when the doorbell rang. Without even thinking, I jumped up, grabbed my purse. “That’s Nolan.”
“Oh, tell him we said hello! Be careful!” my mother called out as I rushed out of the kitchen, my fists clenched tight. I was going to get answers from Nolan right now.
The moment I opened the door and saw Nolan and that crooked smile of his, I seemed to forget all the anger that had been building only moments ago. My stomach flipped and my heart felt like it skipped a beat. The rage that had been there seconds ago dissipated.
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