by Rose Pearson
This brought even more pain to Oliver’s heart, his lips pulling into a tight line as his mind struggled to accept what he now knew to be true. Why had he never considered such a thing before? For whatever reason, he had expected things to remain just the same regardless of whether he was engaged or married. He had never once thought of it…or had it been that he had simply refused to think of it?
“That is the dinner gong,” Lord Jennings remarked, shaking Oliver out of his thoughts. “Come now; you must not think of such a thing at present, for appearance's sake at least.”
“Of course, of course,” Oliver muttered, giving himself a slight shake and trying his utmost to appear just as nonchalant as possible, despite the fact that he was greatly troubled by what had been said. “You are quite right.”
“You can speak to Lady Croome at a later time—tomorrow, perhaps,” Lord Jennings continued as the guests began to stand together so that they might walk through for dinner. “Leave your thoughts for the present. It will do you no good to continue to consider them this evening.”
Oliver nodded and came to join the others, but, try as he might, he could not help but think on Lady Croome. They had become very dear friends these last few years, and the thought of being separated from her was almost more than he could bear. Sitting down mechanically at the table, his gaze immediately found Lady Croome and, as the first course was served, Oliver could not remove his eyes from her.
Can this truly be? he asked himself, seeing how she glanced at him before looking away, a hint of color in her face. And why is it that I simply cannot accept it without difficulty?”
“Right this way, Lady Marina.”
Oliver smiled warmly as Lady Marina and Lady Sutherland stepped towards his private box. Their evening had, thus far, gone without particular difficulty. Oliver had arrived to collect them both and had only had to wait for a short time until they had both been ready. Lady Sutherland was dressed in a dark and somewhat drab gown, whereas Lady Marion was resplendent in a gown of light blue, which brought his attention to her eyes. Everything about her was graceful and delicate, and Oliver had to admit that there was a sense of pride deep within him that came with having Lady Marion in his company.
“I confess I do not even know what the performance is to be this evening,” Lady Marina said, sitting down carefully as a shade of pink settled into her cheeks, her smile a little uncertain.
“It is to be an opera,” Oliver said, quickly explaining what the story was to be. “I have heard it is quite excellent.” He glanced all about him, fully aware that most of those who attended the theatre came solely to see who else was present as well as to ensure that they themselves were seen. What would they think of Lady Marina’s presence this evening? Would rumors begin to fly throughout the beau monde about his attentions towards her? Was that something he wanted?
“I am very glad to be present with you, Lord Yarmouth,” Lady Marina said, although Oliver detected no warmth in her voice, nor was there even a flicker of a smile. “Thank you for your generous invitation.”
Oliver smiled but glanced towards Lady Sutherland rather than speaking to Lady Marina. He was not at all surprised to see her giving a small nod to her daughter, her lips curving and her eyes bright with a satisfied expression.
The words from Lady Marina were not genuine, then. They did not come from within her own heart nor from any true sense of appreciation. It was all rehearsed, just as the lines were practiced and then performed by the actors this evening.
His heart sank.
“Ah, it seems we are to begin!” Lady Sutherland exclaimed as someone strode out from the wings into the middle of the stage. “An opera is one of my very great pleasures, Lord Yarmouth, just as it is my daughter’s. Is that not so, Marina?”
It took a fraction of a second for the lady to respond.
“Yes, yes, of course,” she said, hastily, looking up at Oliver with wide eyes. “It is the most enjoyable of all performances, in my consideration.”
Oliver smiled back at her but did not feel any true delight. It seemed that Lady Marina was only giving the answers her mother had deemed appropriate. It was, in fact, that the daughter was being controlled in her responses by her mother, forced to speak only the words that came from Lady Sutherland rather than from her own considerations. He turned his face directly towards the stage rather than continuing to look at Lady Marina. There was no delight in her company now. It was as though Lady Marina were afraid to speak or act in any way other than the way that Lady Sutherland accepted. Would she continue to behave in such a fashion if he were to court her? And if they were to marry? Would she then act in such a way, looking only to say what he would think acceptable?
As the music began, Oliver’s mind returned to Lady Croome. She was a lady who knew her own mind. She was honest with him always, although gentle in all that she said. It was to his own shame that he had spoken with harshness and cruelty towards Lady Croome when she had only told him the truth. Would he prefer a lady who spoke nothing but what he wanted to hear? Or did he wish for a lady who would tell him the truth, regardless of how it might make him feel?
A rueful smile tugged at his lips. It was not something he needed to consider, for the answer was already right before him. Even though he had not reacted well to Lady Croome’s candor, he knew it was something that he had needed to hear. He would much rather have a wife who spoke the truth to him at all times rather than remain silent for fear of speaking out of turn.
Then what are you to do? he asked himself as his brow furrowed. Are you to continue with Lady Marina? Court her in the hope that she might become as honest and as open as Lady Croome?
Shaking his head to himself, Oliver sat back in his chair and took in a long breath. It was clear enough to him that such an acquaintance would not be one that he could continue, but what he was to do next, Oliver was quite unsure. The answer, it seemed, was not yet to reveal itself.
Chapter Twelve
Tabitha picked up her teacup and took a small sip.
“You are not telling me the truth.”
Sighing quietly, Tabitha looked at her friend. “I have nothing further to say on the matter, Dinah,” she said quietly. “I have brought an end to my…” She tilted her head, trying to find the correct word. “My responsibilities regarding Lord Yarmouth. Therefore, I shall do nothing further to assist him, and he will make his own decision regarding whether either of the final two ladies I have suggested is suitable.”
Lady Ashbrook shook her head, a clear amount of exasperation written in her expression. “I know that you are not telling me everything that occurred,” she said firmly. “I am one of your closest friends, and I was very well aware that, during the dinner party, there was a great deal of tension between yourself and Lord Yarmouth. He could not seem to remove his gaze from you, and you, in return, did all you could to look away from him!”
Tabitha tried her best to remain calm and quite composed but could not prevent tears from beginning to cloud her vision. The truth was that ever since the dinner party, she had been torn apart with all manner of emotions as regarded Lord Yarmouth. The realization that she herself was deeply in love with Lord Yarmouth had been entirely overwhelming, and when she had seen him walking into the drawing-room at Lady Ashbrook’s, her heart had begun to pound with such fury that she had hardly been able to breathe.
And then, he had spoken to her with such anger, such distrust, that she had felt her heart tear into pieces. It had taken all of her strength to remain composed, to tell him that she would no longer assist him with his endeavors in finding a wife. She had given him the name of the fourth lady she had considered and had then stepped away, unable to speak another word to him. Lady Ashbrook was quite correct—she had done nothing other than avoid Lord Yarmouth’s gaze for the rest of the evening, whilst being fully aware that he was doing nothing other than watching her.
“Tabitha.” Lady Ashbrook leaned forward in her chair and fixed Tabitha with a steady gaze. �
�What is the matter? I can tell that you are greatly troubled, but you will do no good remaining here, quiet and alone with your thoughts.”
Tabitha tried to speak, tried to give some sort of explanation, but instead felt tears begin to warm her cheeks. Closing her eyes tightly, she pulled her handkerchief to wipe them away, but more and more came.
“Tabitha!” Lady Ashbrook exclaimed, hurrying towards her, bending down in front of Tabitha’s chair. “I did not mean to upset you. I am sorry if—”
“I do not want Lord Yarmouth to find a wife!” Tabitha exclaimed, opening her eyes to look desperately into Lady Ashbrook’s face. “I should be that lady, should I not? I should be the one to wed him, not any other.”
In an instant, Lady Ashbrook’s expression changed from concern to utter astonishment.
“I love him desperately,” Tabitha cried, unable to keep what she felt in her heart any longer. “It has become more and more of a struggle to keep myself contained when choosing such young ladies for him to consider. I did not even realize that I felt this way until I spoke to a particular lady who pointed it out to me. And now, I feel so utterly distraught that I—”
“Oh, my dear!” Lady Ashbrook interrupted, flinging her arms around Tabitha, who simply could not contain her sobs. “I am so very sorry that you have come to realize this now! I had hoped that it would be apparent to you much sooner than this moment but, given that nothing had been said by either yourself or Lord Yarmouth, I thought that perhaps I had been mistaken.”
It took a few minutes for Tabitha to regain her composure enough to speak. She drew back from Lady Ashbrook’s embrace, and, sniffing in a most unladylike manner, wiped her eyes with her damp handkerchief. Lady Ashbrook sank into a seat next to her, her gaze trained on Tabitha as she studied her with concern.
“You—you knew that I cared for Lord Yarmouth?” she whispered as Lady Ashbrook smiled gently. “Why did you not say?”
“I did not know for certain,” Lady Ashbrook said gently. “Lord Jennings and I have considered it together, and we were not at all certain as to whether or not we were correct.” Her head tilted to one side. “Therefore, we chose not to say anything in particular.”
Tabitha closed her eyes and drew in a long breath, doing her best not to say a single word as she let what Lady Ashbrook had said run through her mind.
“Lord Jennings is quite convinced that Lord Yarmouth is also in love with you, Tabitha,” Lady Ashbrook continued quietly. “I think you should speak to him.”
Tabitha shook her head. “I cannot.”
“You must!” Lady Ashbrook exclaimed, a fresh light shining in her eyes. “If you reveal your heart to him, then I am sure that he will come to realize the very same thing.”
Remembering how he had spoken to her, how he had blamed her, Tabitha shook her head. “I fear that he thinks poorly of me at present,” she said slowly. “Besides which, I have already stated that things must change between us.”
Lady Ashbrook looked at her, confused. “In what way?”
“I stated,” Tabitha replied, her heart beginning to ache within her, “that we could no longer be as we have been. That our friendship must begin to change, that we must begin to separate—simply because he is to be wed, of course.” Tears came into her eyes again, but she forced them back, blinking furiously. “I fear that I must give way now to whichever of the ladies he chooses. It is the right path to take, Dinah, yet I fear doing so.”
Lady Ashbrook drew in a long breath and then let it out slowly, giving Tabitha the impression that she was thinking about what ought to be done next. Tabitha, however, was quite convinced that there was nothing more she could do. She had explained things very clearly to Lord Yarmouth, had stated that they must now begin to step away from each other and could not now simply return to him and state that she was, in fact, desperate to wed him instead of either Lady Marina or Miss Morgan, should he choose to seek that particular lady out.
“Besides,” Tabitha found herself saying hopelessly, “I am not at all the sort of lady Lord Yarmouth would seek for a bride.” Her shoulders slumped. “Do you not recall that I told you I knew him well enough to know precisely the sort of young lady he would choose?” Again, tears came to her eyes, and this time, she let them fall. “I have no dowry. I have no great fortune. I live carefully and can only come to London due to the charity of others.” She began to dab at her eyes again, her voice shaking. “I do not possess the beauty that he seeks.”
“You are very lovely, Tabitha!” Lady Ashbrook broke in, but Tabitha, recalling how Lord Yarmouth had reacted when he had seen Lady Marina for the first time, gave a sad shake of her head.
“I know full well that he is partial to fair hair and green eyes,” she said sorrowfully. “And what do I have but the opposite?” Sadly, she gestured to her dark hair and brown eyes. “You are kind to pay me such a compliment, Dinah, but it is not what Lord Yarmouth seeks.”
Lady Ashbrook drew herself up. “Now that, I know, is nothing more than nonsense,” she stated firmly. “You are very beautiful indeed, and I am certain that Lord Yarmouth thinks so also. Besides which, he knows of your character and of your integrity, my dear Tabitha, and that, I am certain, will draw him all the more towards you. Do you not think that he feels as much pain as you when it comes to the realization that he shall soon have to part from you, to pull away from the friendship that has sustained you both for so long? Do you believe that he can simply accept such a thing without hesitation?”
Recalling how confused Lord Yarmouth had been at her statement that they could no longer remain as close as they had been, Tabitha allowed herself a small shrug. “I think it has not occurred to him before,” she answered honestly, wiping her eyes. “Perhaps, like me, he simply thought that all could go on as we had intended. I do not think he had ever truly considered what would have to change. But I have made it clear, and, since then, he has not written nor called.” Her throat constricted, and she dabbed at her eyes. “In fact, I have heard that he was out with Lady Marina at the theatre, just as they had planned. That does not speak of heartbreak, of difficulty or trial. Therefore,” she finished, taking in a deep breath and trying her best to clear her vision of tears, “I shall soon remove myself from London and pray that Lord Yarmouth finds himself a suitable bride.”
This, however, did not satisfy Lady Ashbrook, for she immediately began to frown and shake her head, muttering something under her breath as she did so. Rising from her chair, she began to pace back and forth in the room, leaving Tabitha to watch her do so as she herself finished wiping her eyes, determined not to cry anymore.
“No, this will not do,” Lady Ashbrook declared firmly, turning on her heel and fixing Tabitha with a determined gaze. “I shall not permit it to be so!”
“What do you—”
Tabitha’s question was held back by Lady Ashbrook, who held out one finger and pointed it towards her. “You care for Lord Yarmouth, and both I and Lord Jennings are quite certain that he cares for you also, even if he is not aware of it as yet. Therefore, we must do for you what has been done for him, so that what you feel at present also enters his own heart.”
Tabitha closed her eyes for a moment, wishing desperately that she had not said a word to Lady Ashbrook, but, in the same moment, feeling a deep sense of relief that she had done so. “I—I do not want anything further to occur, Dinah,” she said slowly. “It is entirely up to Lord Yarmouth as to whether or not he returns to my company and as yet—”
“Nonsense,” Lady Ashbrook said briskly. “It took someone stating to you that you were in love with Lord Yarmouth for you to realize it, did it not?” She arched one eyebrow and looked steadily at Tabitha until she finally nodded her head, recalling how Lady Newfield had spoken those quiet words that had burned into her soul with such fierceness that it had stolen her very breath. “Then why should Lord Yarmouth not be just as you were?” Coming closer to Tabitha, she bent down and took her hand, smiling into her eyes. “Besides which, do you
not want to make certain that you have grasped a hold of every opportunity? Do you truly wish to simply return home without having made every attempt to gain the happiness that you believe, at present, is so far out of your reach?”
Tabitha took in a shaking breath. The possibility of Lord Yarmouth coming to care for her was so small in her own consideration, but she could not deny that there was still a tiny, desperate hope that burned within her heart. A hope that, if she gave consideration to it, might begin to burn with a great and furious fire.
But did she want that? If it were to take a hold of her, then was her heartbreak not to be all the worse if Lord Yarmouth did not turn to her as she hoped? It would certainly mean that they could no longer have any semblance of friendship between them, for she would find it all the more difficult to look to him and his wife without feeling the agony of heartbreak.
But it was an opportunity she could not help but take.
“What is it I must do?” she asked as Lady Ashbrook beamed in delight. “How am I to do what you suggest?”
“It is quite simple!” Lady Ashbrook laughed, rising to her feet again and then making her way back to her own chair. “We shall have Lord Jennings tell Lord Yarmouth that he intends to court you and that you, evidently, have given him your consent.”
Tabitha blinked rapidly, staring at Lady Ashbrook as though she had quite lost her senses. “Lord Jennings?” she repeated doubtfully as Lady Ashbrook nodded. “Surely, he would not be open to even the suggestion of matrimony! He is quite disinclined towards such a thing.”
“He will be convincing enough,” Lady Ashbrook said firmly, making Tabitha wonder whether or not such a thing had been discussed between Lady Ashbrook and Lord Jennings before this moment. “Lord Yarmouth will feel the same as you have felt, realizing that there will be an impasse between you should he choose to marry another and should you marry Lord Jennings. It will be enough to force him to study his own heart, Tabitha, I am quite certain of it.”