Finding Me (The Music Within Book 3)

by Faith Gibson

  Andy found him instead. “Mind if I join you?” he asked sheepishly.

  “Not at all.” Bryan opened the cooler and pulled out one of Andy’s beers he’d packed, just in case. “Here you go.”

  “Thanks.” Andy popped the top and swallowed several long sips before sitting on the ground close to Bryan. Moe and Curly took the same spots they had the night before, and Bryan didn’t hesitate to run his hands through the soft fur. “So, you going out with that girl tomorrow night?”

  “No. You and I already talked about going to the bar tomorrow. I’m meeting her Saturday instead.”

  Andy nodded, but didn’t respond.

  “Does that bother you?” Bryan asked.

  “Why would it? You’re a good-looking, straight man who has needs like the rest of us.”

  Like the rest of us. Andy had needs too, but who was he going to find to fulfill them? Bryan didn’t want to think about that.

  Chapter Seven

  Andy

  Andy needed to apologize for acting like a dick, but what was he going to say? ‘Please don’t go out with the blonde bimbo and let me suck your dick instead?’ Before he could make things any more awkward than he already had, Andy said, “Tell me more about your family.” He dug his fingers into Moe’s thick fur and let the animal soothe him in a way nothing else could. Andy thought back to Duke and how Erik took the dog to visit the veterans. He understood why now.

  Bryan’s voice was deep, and it lulled Andy with its soft cadence. “I already told you I’m the oldest boy. Brianna’s a couple years older than me. Bryce came next, and finally Brett. We’re all two years apart, almost to the day. It was like my mom planned on when to get pregnant,” Bryan said, grinning.

  “What’s up with all the Br names? What was your mom’s name?”

  “Connie. She hated her name, said it was so boring. It was actually Constance Ann, but she’d been Connie her whole life. When my sister was born, Mom thought Brianna was going to be a boy, and she’d chosen the name Bryan after a singer she had the hots for when she was younger. When Bree came out as a girl, Mom changed Bryan to Brianna. She saved Bryan for me.”

  “And your dad was okay with that?”

  “Yeah, he was. He’d have given her the moon and stars if he could. To hear her tell it, they were so in love that nothing and nobody else mattered. It’s why she was so strong living in the projects. My dad got so caught up in trying to give her everything he thought she wanted that he made some really bad choices. He went to prison soon after Brett was born.”

  “Do you ever talk to him?” Andy didn’t know how he would feel if he were in Bryan’s shoes.

  “I went to see him a few months ago. He’s not the same man I remember. My father was larger than life. He was stern when I was little, but everything he did was with love. Losing my mom took its toll on him, even if they were separated by bars. She never stopped loving him. Now… Now, he’s sitting in a cell, waiting to join her.”

  “Is he not eligible for parole? You didn’t say what he did that landed him in jail. If he’s been there this long, it must have been bad.”

  Bryan swallowed down his beer and tossed the empty can in the fire. “It was.” Bryan didn’t elaborate on what his father had done, and Andy changed the subject. Sort of.

  “Since you had to help out, did you get to do anything fun in school? Like play sports?”

  Bryan shook his head. “Since my mom had to work two jobs, I came home and helped Bree out with our brothers. A neighbor watched Brett until he was old enough to go to school. As much as I wanted to play football, it just wasn’t in the cards. What about you?”

  “I played baseball, but my grandmother insisted I learn to play piano, too. Not only was I groomed to take over the family business, I was given lessons so I could entertain their guests during parties.”

  “I’d love to hear you play sometime.”

  “I doubt you’d like the kind of music I play. Besides, it’s been so long, I’ve probably forgotten how.”

  “I doubt that. Why don’t we go test that theory?”

  “Now?”

  “Why not? It’s starting to sprinkle, so we’re going to have to go inside soon anyway. Unless you’re chicken. Are you chicken, Lily?” Bryan teased.

  “Now you’re just being mean. And, no, I’m not chicken. It’s your ears, so don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Andy stood from the ground, finished his beer, and chucked the can in the pit. The dogs followed Andy and Bryan to the back door but sat down at the top of the steps. Andy wished they could come in the house. He’d love to have Moe sleep with him. Once inside, Bryan took the remaining beers out of the cooler and returned them to the refrigerator while Andy headed to the den.

  Maybe he wasn’t chicken, but he was nervous as shit. It had been over eight years since he’d touched a piano. He sat down on the bench and ran his fingers over the keys in a warm-up exercise. To be so old, the piano was in tune. Andy did his best to shut out Bryan from his thoughts as he let muscle memory kick in. He missed a couple of notes in the beginning, but after that, he closed his eyes and allowed himself to feel. When the song he was playing ended, he segued into another without missing a beat.

  Music had played such an important part in Andy’s earlier life. He didn’t mind learning the instrument, but he didn’t like being paraded for his grandparents’ and parents’ friends. His grandfather told him it would build character. Whatever. The music Andy enjoyed, though, was the country music he listened to on his radio. Living in Texas meant country and southern rock was played by everyone. Andy was more of a cry in your beer kind of listener. With having to hide who he was, he connected with the sad lyrics in more ways than one. Still, there were upbeat songs that kept him going on the days he wanted to give up.

  Andy didn’t realize he’d started playing one of those old songs, or that he’d started singing. Not until he got to the chorus and his voice choked. A single tear rolled from the corner of his eye, and he quickly began playing something fast and upbeat. Bryan must think him a fool. Why the fuck did he have to choose that song to sing for Bryan? Movement out of the corner of his eye stalled his fingers. Andy took a deep breath, wiped his face on his shoulder, and pushed back from the piano. “I think that’s enough for one night,” he said, not looking at the other man.

  Before he could get out of the room, Bryan snagged Andy’s wrist, halting his progress. He still didn’t look at Bryan. “You have a beautiful voice, Lily,” Bryan ghosted against his ear.

  “Thank you,” he whispered, pulling away. Andy couldn’t get to his bedroom quick enough. Fuck! Why did Patrick still make him hurt? And why did the soft voice of his straight friend make him hard? Andy closed his door as far as it would go. He really needed to fix it so it would shut all the way. He would worry about that tomorrow. Right then, he wished he had a bottle of whiskey to drown his blues in. Or a hot ass to stick his hard dick in. Either one would give him relief. Andy opened the closet and pulled out the box of toys he’d brought with him. He might not have a hot ass available to him, but he did have somewhere to stick his cock. Andy stripped out of his clothes and fell back onto the bed. He shifted his body until he was leaning against the headboard. He groaned at the ache in his inner thighs from riding Callie.

  Dripping lube into his palm, he fisted his erection, slicking it enough to glide into the jelly stroker. He pretended it was a nice, tight ass instead of something from between a woman’s legs. It was the perfect fit over his cock, so it worked for him as long as he didn’t look at it. Andy bent his knees, pulling them as close to his ass as his muscled thighs would allow, spreading them so he could get at his hole with his lubed fingers. He had toys for that, too, but right now he needed to get off and in a hurry. Andy slipped the toy over his aching dick and closed his eyes. Andy allowed himself to imagine Bryan – his beautiful eyes gazing longingly, lustfully at Andy while he rode Andy’s dick. Pumping the sheath up and down, Andy reached between his legs with his other hand and inserted
two slick fingers.

  Andy alternated stroking his cock and pumping in and out of his ass. It hadn’t been that long since he’d had an orgasm. He’d jacked himself in the shower before Bryan showed up at his apartment the day before. He figured that would hold him for a while. It wasn’t like he got off every day, at least not before he met Bryan. Since he met the Marine, Andy had been jacking off more frequently. A lot more frequently. He didn’t understand why the straight man did it for him. But he did. Just the touch of Bryan’s hand sent the blood rushing south, and Andy didn’t get it. He’d been around lots of guys in the military and never had trouble keeping his dick in check.

  One touch, one soft breath on his ear from Bryan, and Andy was gone. When he felt the pressure in his balls, Andy dug his heels into the bed, pumping his hips into the toy faster. He removed the fake hole from his dick and grabbed the T-shirt he’d removed earlier. As his orgasm slammed through him, Andy hissed out Bryan’s name before biting his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. He couldn’t make the mistake of letting his new friend know how much he desired him. That would surely have Bryan leaving the farm without so much as a goodbye or a fuck you. Andy molded his back to the bed but continued to stroke his dick with his fist until the last spike of heat left his body.

  Andy opened his eyes and lay there motionless while allowing his breathing to return to normal. He wiped his hand on his shirt before wadding the toy up inside and tossing both to the floor. He should get up and clean it right away, but he was too spent, both mentally and physically. Wanting what you couldn’t have was tiresome. Andy slid down the bed until his head hit the pillows and pulled the covers up over his naked body.

  The rain that had started off as sprinkles was now pelting the window. Andy didn’t mind the rain, but he wondered if it would prohibit them from getting outside the next day and working. He knew the animals were used to bad weather, but he wasn’t sure he could handle being inside all day. Not after what just happened. Trying not to think about Bryan, Andy closed his eyes and prayed for sleep.

  Bryan

  Bryan followed Andy down the hallway to their bedrooms, but Andy closed his door before Bryan could get to him. He didn’t understand what happened. Andy had been playing such a beautiful piece of classical music before he started in on a country love song. The words were haunting and no doubt reminded Andy of someone. At least that’s what it felt like to Bryan. Andy’s voice could rival anyone on the radio. It was soulful, and Bryan could listen to him sing all day and night. After Andy’s reaction, Bryan doubted he’d ever get Andy to sing for him again.

  He’d tried to lighten the mood by calling him Lily, but he’d made the mistake of grabbing hold of Andy’s arm. That one touch had scared his friend off, and Bryan wanted to apologize. Bryan went in his room and sat down on the side of the bed, not bothering to turn on the light. He liked the dark; it helped him think better. He ran a hand across his short hair, trying to figure out if he should say something or let it go. Thinking Andy probably wanted to be alone, Bryan decided to leave him be and get ready for bed. He padded out of his room and had just passed Andy’s door when he heard moaning coming from inside. Not hesitating, Bryan turned back but paused outside the door, listening.

  There was no mistaking the sounds coming from Andy. The moans. The heavy breathing. The soft curses. Bryan should turn away. The door not closing properly wasn’t Andy’s fault, and if Bryan looked, it would be invading his friend’s privacy. The fact that his dick was getting harder the longer he stood there should have had Bryan running back to his room, but his feet wouldn’t move. The hallway was dark, and since it was raining, there wasn’t light in Andy’s room, but Bryan didn’t need light. He closed his eyes, and palmed his dick over his jeans. Bryan knew what it was like to try to hand fuck your demons away. It had been a long time since he’d needed to do it, but when the pain, the loneliness, the memories, when they hit, sometimes getting off was the only thing to take your mind off your troubles. Just listening to Andy masturbate caused Bryan to need relief of his own. Just as he decided to take go care of his hard-on, Andy gasped and called out Bryan’s name.

  He knew he was well hidden from sight. There was no way Andy could see him. The only other explanation was Andy had been thinking of Bryan while he was fisting himself. Goddammit. That wasn’t helping his situation. Bryan went as quietly as possible into the bathroom and closed the door before turning on the light. Leaning his back against the door, Bryan unbuttoned his jeans and lowered the zipper. He slid his hands inside his underwear and palmed his aching cock. Bryan couldn’t remember ever being so hard, and it was because he’d listened to Andy getting off. Calling out his name. Fuck! Bryan pushed his pants down his thighs so he could stroke his dick. He didn’t have lube, so he spit in his hand, mixing the saliva with the moisture leaking from the tip. Bryan closed his eyes tight and jacked his dick slowly. He wasn’t in a hurry to bust a nut for the first time in nearly six months. In case this was a fluke, he wanted to enjoy the rush.

  Bryan thought of Laurel and the way she smiled. He let his mind wander to her large tits she didn’t mind showing off with the low-cut shirt she’d been wearing. He imagined the woman on her knees, the red lipstick smearing on her face as she wrapped her mouth around his dick. Bryan gripped his erection tighter as he mentally pushed her blouse over to suck on her nipple. A flat chest with small nubs flashed through his mind. He brought Laurel’s large breasts back to the forefront, but Andy kept intruding. Bryan’s mind wouldn’t cooperate.

  When he couldn’t keep Andy from popping in his head, Bryan tried a different tactic. He imagined one of the girl’s he’d slept with before joining the military. She’d been beautiful and had ridden Bryan’s cock like she owned it. When his dick began deflating, he thought of Andy’s moans and the way his breath hitched earlier when he was chasing his own orgasm. At the remembrance of Bryan’s name coming off Andy’s lips when he blew his load, Bryan felt the heat at the base of his spine. His balls tightened, and with just a few hard strokes, his own release spilled over his hand. Fuck, but that felt amazing.

  Breathing hard, Bryan did his best not to think about what it meant that visions of Andy had him shooting harder than he ever had inside a girl. He wasn’t going to freak out. Not yet. He would go out with Laurel Saturday. See if there was a spark. Bryan wasn’t a one-night stand kinda guy, but he might have to try it this weekend to prove to himself he was still attracted to women. Until then, he would not let things between him and Andy get weird. He couldn’t. Andy was one of the only friends Bryan had in the world other than Brett and maybe Mal. Bryan could see Mal becoming important, even more than as a boss. The guy was already proving to be a great person.

  After cleaning up the mess on his hand, Bryan brushed his teeth and took his pill. He decided to go ahead and take a quick shower so he wouldn’t have to in the morning. He didn’t slow down at Andy’s door as he made his way to his bedroom. Crawling under the covers, Bryan willed himself to go to sleep. The rain beating against the windows wasn’t helping. As much as he liked the dark, Bryan hated storms. He pulled the extra pillow over his head and began humming, doing his best to block out the noise.

  His sleep was restless with all the thunder and lightning, but somewhere around three, Bryan finally drifted off. Even with four hours of sleep, Bryan’s body woke up at seven on the dot. It was like he had an internal alarm clock. He pulled his clothes on and made his way to the kitchen. The rain had stopped, but it was muddy as fuck outside. “Good morning, Boss,” he said to Mal.

  “Mornin’. Coffee’s ready.” Mal was putting a pan of biscuits in the oven.

  “Do you make biscuits every morning?” Bryan asked while putting sugar in his coffee.

  “Yep. Ma really likes ‘em, so I got in the habit of makin’ ‘em every day. They don’t take much time, really.”

  Bryan wasn’t going to complain. He loved breakfast food almost as much as he loved a good steak. Andy entered the kitchen whistling. Bryan pulled d
own an extra mug, poured coffee in it, and handed it over. He wanted to keep things peaceful between them.

  When he took the mug, Andy smiled and said, “Thanks, B.”

  Andy’s smile was beautiful. His teeth were white and perfectly straight, and Bryan wondered if he’d worn braces. His own teeth were crooked, but there was nothing he could do about it now. “You’re welcome. How are you this morning?”

  “If I was any better, I’d be triplets,” Andy replied, pulling a chuckle from both Bryan and Mal.

  “Did I hear someone playin’ the piano last night?” Mal asked.

  Andy looked at Bryan, his eyes wide. “Yeah, I asked Lily to play me a song. I hope we didn’t wake you up.”

  “Nah, nothin’ like that. I was on the phone with Cade, so I was still awake. From the sounds of it, you sure know what you’re doin’, Andy.”

  Andy’s cheeks turned a light red. Bryan thought it was adorable to see such a big man blushing. Andy had to be at least six two, because he was taller than Bryan. “He does know what he’s doing. And he can sing, too.” Bryan turned to Andy and asked, “Have you ever thought about cutting a record?”

  “I’m not that good.”

  “Uh, yeah. You are.”

  Andy bit his bottom lip, so Bryan decided to change the subject. “I know that animals are used to being outside, but if the rain hadn’t let up, what would we be doing today?”

  Mal cracked several eggs in the skillet while he talked. “Same thing we’re goin’ to do today. Take most of the day off. I have a little more paperwork to catch up on, but now that y’all helped get the barn in good shape, we’re good to go. I’ve already fed the horses. I thought we’d talk a little bit about the cattle and calvin’ season so y’all will know what to expect. Walt usually helps out, but seein’ as we have a whole lot more to look after than we have in the past, I’ll need y’all to help keep an eye out while you’re makin’ the rounds.”