by Young
Andy, I am aware that romance is one of three primary brain systems:
The sex drive or lust - the craving for sexual gratification that enables a person to seek a range of potential mating partners. Passion is not necessarily focused on an individual, and a person can have sex with someone whom he/she isn’t in love with.
Romantic love or attraction is the obsessive thinking about and craving for an individual and can evolve to enable a person to focus his/her mating energy on one individual at a time. Kabir, the Indian poet, wrote, and I quote: “The lane of love is narrow; there is room for only one.”
Attachment - the feeling of profound union with a long-term partner. This enables one to remain with a mate and to enjoy the benefits of living together.
These feelings interact in numerous ways to create myriad forms of loving.
Let’s take attraction. Whether it is called romantic love, obsessive love, passionate love, or infatuation, human of every era and culture had and continue to be affected by this irresistible power. The intensity of romantic love in most relationships lasts from six months to two years before it transforms into an attachment. Romance is the beginning of love and has the most effect on human behavior. I have listed below, the behavioral traits of the early-stage of romantic love:
Special meaning; where the romantic partner is the center of the world, and the besotted likes anything his/her mate likes.
The beguiled has difficulty sleeping due to his/her intense and embedded energy.
The infatuated also suffer a loss of appetite and mood swings from separation anxiety.
The enamored craves for emotional and sexual unions and becomes intrusively possessive.
You may wonder why I am prattling on about romantic love. The traits of your previous emails inveigled me to suspect that you wish to rekindle our old romance. My question to you, Andy, “Are you falling in love with me, again?” ??
Your beloved ex,
Young
XOXOXO
Friendship (Chapter Fifty-Nine)
“My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.”
Henry Ford
Second Week of January 1969
Daltonbury Hall, Isle of Wight, England
Unlike my formal Bahriji School training to the Arabian households, my Big-Brothership inculcations were relatively informal. Besides, Hanns and Andy being my official Big-Brother educators; John, the teaching assistant (TA), also acted as my provisional advisor if I required precipitated counseling. Since we were buddies and rooming together, he was accessible for convivial confabulations. This TA proved to be a valuable aid especially when it came to dishing out guidance over my disquietude regarding my lover’s imminent departure. I was glad to have sympathetic ears to confide in while the thrice-weekly Big-Brothership theoretical vernaculars were delivered by both supervising professors, Dr. Baron Struss, and Dr. Richard Kron together with Hanns and Andy.
Friendship
During one of our tri-weekly meetings, Hanns brought up the topic of friendship.
The instructor inquired, “Can anyone tell me the meaning of friendship?”
John announced, “The dictionary defines friendship as a state of being friends and being in friendly relation to a person or between persons. It is an affection that arises from mutual esteem, goodwill, friendliness, and amity.”
“That all sounds well and good, but it doesn’t cover the fact that true friendships are relationships that are unconditional and can survive the test of time,” Hanns declared.
The instructor turned to me for my opinion.
I pondered before I replied, “Friendship is a combination of affection, loyalty, love, respect, and trust. It also includes having similar interests, mutual respect and an attachment to one another.”
Andy expressed, “I need true friends to experience friendship. The emotional safety provided by genuine friends means not to weigh my thoughts and measure words. True friendship is when someone knows me better than him or herself, and in a crisis, will take a position in my best interests. Friendship is long-lasting and goes beyond just sharing time together.”
The Norwegian lauded our input.
He commented, “Friendship means different things to different people. For some, it is the trust that someone will not hurt you, and for others; it might be unconditional love or companionship. Whatever your definition: friendship is generally considered to be a mutual and agreeable relationship between two or more individuals.”
He paused before he added, “A person who has a true friend has found a priceless treasure.”
Andy injected, “Friendship is not one-sided. It takes two individuals to negotiate the boundaries of a relationship. The fellowship will not survive if only one person makes an effort to sustain the alliance without the assistance and recognition from the other.”
“Precisely. It takes positive and negative experiences to define a personality. To build friendships, it is essential to be akin with those who are compatible with you on an emotional and psychological level,” Hanns stated before he pronounced, “That brings me to my next question; how to be an honorable friend to your assigned charge?”
Before any of us could comment, John answered, “Be a good listener to your Little-Brother (LB).”
Both educators chuckled.
“That is an excellent beginning, John,” Andy voiced. “Perhaps the easiest and most direct way of being an attentive BB is to ask your charge how his day went. Have daily conversations with him and listen to what he has to say.”
The Norwegian enjoined, “Practice at being an active listener. Whether it’s a brief check-in or a heart to heart talk; the conversations are learning opportunities where you get to know your LB and have a meaningful discussion. Go into the conversation with the intent to improve mutual understanding and respect between the two of you.”
My Valet added, “Give your charge your full attention and allow him to speak without interruption. Acknowledge and respond thoughtfully to what he tells you without judgment. This will encourage your LB to confide in you and to keep the conversation open.”
I questioned, “What if his confessions involve conflicts with fellow schoolmates or bullies?”
“That’s a good question,” Hanns acknowledged. “My answer to you is to advise him to resolve the conflicts maturely and honestly. Most adolescents have squabbles and small fights. A Big-Brother should avoid having big, dramatic arguments with the bully/bullies or his fellow schoolmates. This means being the bigger person. Advise your Little-Brother to tackle the issue/issues by confronting his opponents sensibly. This will help him feel respected and supported by you. It will also assist him to learn to stand up for himself.”
“What if his uncompromising antagonists continue to harass my charge?” I catechized.
“If your LB is unable to resolve a conflict on his own, you can then reach out to other authoritative figures for guidance. This could be your advisors or staff members in the school. Conflicts between adolescents are often minor and can be worked out between themselves. A Big-Brother should also install in his charge that there is no shame to reach out to someone of authority. This will denote your charge that there is no shame to ask for help when required,” Andy counseled.
Hanns asserted, “Andy, although that is true, I would also advise a Big-Brother to watch out and stand up for his Little-Brother in tricky situations. If the bullies would not listen to reason and continue to pick on the boy, the BB should step in to mediate. Do your best to stay on your charge’s side and work with him to resolve the dilemma. Having your LB’s back will show him that he has your support.”
John advocated, “I find that citing my personal experiences can support a charge. I don’t dispense advice unless it is asked for. Otherwise, I may come across as being pushy. Citing from personal experiences on how I manage to resolve or deal with an issue shows my empathy and support for my LB; especially when it comes to romantic and sexual relationships.”
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br /> The Norwegian interjected, “If your LB asks you for romantic advice, I will encourage him to talk about the specifics of the situation and his feelings. A Big-Brother can offer his perspectives on how to have a healthy, responsible, romantic liaison with a person or persons.” He snickered and added, “Especially if the BB has had a few experiences that taught him valuable lessons about romance, sex, and love.”
Before my educators terminated the meeting, my Valet finalized, “Last but not least, comfort your Little-Brother when he faces a challenge. He will experience a range of trials and tribulations, will encounter difficulties and may fail in his attempt to do something extraordinary. Do not shame him for his failure and make him feel bad. Instead, you, as a Big-Brother should comfort, support, and encourage him to get back on track.”
End of January 2015
My Response to David and C/C to Andy
I hope you are doing well and have recovered from your cancer treatment. My partner and my prayers are with you.
Jacob, your grandson, wrote to me when I befriended him on Facebook. He is a sprightly fella. The lad told me about his encounter with Pharon in his lengthy email. He wanted my advice about preternaturality and for me to keep his queries anonymous. On the contrary, he said he has no objections if I wish to publish our correspondence. I am confused by his incertitude.
Below is his message to me:
Hi, Mr. Foong
David, my granddad, is a friend of yours He told me your extraordinary adventures with fairies, angels, unicorns, etc. I am intrigued by your experiences and would like to know more about them. I also have preternatural encounters I would like to share with you and to get your advice.
One afternoon when I was cycling home from school, I met Phron in the forest near my house. That day, I had not tidied my room, and I knew my mom would harp at me for not doing my chore. So, I stayed away until she left for work before I sneaked in to finish my task.
I sensed something lurking in the shadows when I was in the woods. I thought it was a stray animal hiding behind the trees. Although I saw nothing, I felt I was being watched. I didn’t find anything when I went to check out the area. I was about to leave, I heard the anguish moans of an animal. I smelt an otherworldly aroma I’d never detected before even though the pitiful cries persisted. I stayed quiet to see if anything would reveal itself. Nothing happened, except the groaning sound.
Soon, I got bored and was about to leave when a blurry apparition showed itself. Although I was taken aback I did not bolt. An odd feeling told me that the wraith was hurt and needed help. Out-of-the-blue a small dragon appeared a short distance from me. I was dumbfounded. I noticed its injured foot that bled severely. The creature licked my hand when I bound the wound.
I read the animal’s mind. He wanted to be my friend and was grateful for my help. That was how Phron and I became pals. Later, I fed the dragon dog food, when I returned to the forest to check on him. He ate everything. I did not tell anyone that I had befriended a dragon in case they would think I’m cuckoo. Granddad David is the only person who knows of Phron, and he told me about your phantastical encounters.
I am relieved to know that I am not the only person who has a relationship with an otherworldly creature. I hope we can share our extraordinary experiences.
Thank you for friending me on FB. I look forward to your reply.
Cheers,
Jacob
Helius’ Despondency (Chapter Sixty)
“Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke.”
Benjamin Disraeli
Third Week of January 1969
Daltonbury Hall, Isle of Wight, England
A week after my return to Daltonbury Hall, Professor Baron Struss introduced me to Helius. The erudite educator knew the Freshman, and I had a lot in common, so he arranged a meeting after one of my regular classes. Even though I was unaware that I was thrown into the deep as part of my precursory assay to my Big-Brothership survey.
Like me when I first entered the boarding institution, Helius was a shy, quiet and an introvert boy. He was bullied by a couple of older boys in his previous school before he came to Daltonbury. Although John was the Freshman’s temporary BB, the adolescent’s sagaciousness drew him to me like a bee to honey. The lad was unaware that I was a Big-Brother in training and he would be under my care when I passed the leadership programme. John, Helius and I roomed together at Tolkien Brotherhood. This Greco-Roman youngster was as inquisitive as me. He would pose vacillating questions to obtain my response whenever we found ourselves alone.
He asked at one of our ancillary meetings, “How do you define bullying?”
I replied nonchalantly as I was in the middle of schoolwork, “Bullying is when someone hurts or scares another person repeatedly.”
He continued, “Have you ever been bullied?”
Curious to his inquiry, I asked, “Helius, are you being bullied?”
“No!” Helius exclaimed.
“I hope not since your BB John watches over you, 24/7,” I remarked.
He paused before he resumed, “How do you deal with bullies?”
Roused by his line of questioning I turned to him and explain, “Before I answer your questions, let me clarify the inappropriateness of bullying. This intentionally hurtful behavior involves an imbalance of power. The one being bullied feels alone, depressed, scared and feels he or she has nowhere and no one to turn to for help. Bullying includes name-calling, inflicting physical pain, exclusion, public humiliation, dangerous pranks on the innocent and defacing the victim’s property.”
I paused to observe the lad’s reaction.
After a moment’s silence, he muttered, “A couple of older boys in my previous school called me a milksop and a sissy when I don’t do what they ask of me. They were mean and spread malicious rumors about me being a cross-dresser.”
“Did you confront them to put a stop to their spitefulness?” I asked.
“When I challenged them, they hit me and threatened to strip me to see if I was a boy or a girl. They ganged-up and forced me to do their bidding. When I refused, they damaged my locker and stole my pocket money,” the Freshman confided.
“Did you report them to your teacher or your parents?” I enquired.
“They threatened, if I told on them, they would smash me to a pulp. I was scared and told no one,” Helius expressed regrettably.
“If a situation like this happens at Daltonbury, you must inform your BB or a teacher. It may seem scary to tell someone. By telling, you will not only get help, but it will also make you feel less afraid. If you are being physically bullied and is in danger, you must speak with a trusted counselor immediately,” I advised.
“Can I come to you if I get bullied?” he implored.
“Of course. You can tell John and me if anything like this happens. We are here for you,” I asserted.
“If you’d told an adult before and they haven’t done anything about it, inform someone else you can trust. Tell the person what transpired; who did the bullying, where and when did it happen, how long had it been happening, and how it made you feel. If you had told your BB, teacher or counselor, ask them what they will do to help stop the bullying. It is their job to help keep you safe. The elders at Daltonbury are concerned about bullying, and they will assist you. Keep telling until someone comes to your aid,” I counseled.
The boy questioned, “Why do bullies, bully?”
“A typical reason is that a bully lacks attention from a parent and lashes out at others to be noticed. Often, they are kids of negligent parents or parents under the influence of drugs and alcohol.
“Sometimes older siblings can also be the cause of the problem. If they had been bullied, they are more apt to harass a younger person to empower themselves. Parents can also be bullies because they are angry or do not handle conflict well and their children turn to this kind of disruptive behaviors because they learn them at home. It is a conditioned action that can be unlearned,” I admonished.
> Helius commented, “Proteus (Pro), my older half-brother is aggressive and dominating, but he is not a bully. I know he loves me even if he doesn’t admit it, but Pro will have a fit if he finds out I like boys. He’ll say I deserve to be bullied.”
I consoled, “Some boys are just more aggressively dominating and impulsive by nature. It doesn’t always mean that they are bullies. I am sure Proteus means you no harm. He may not understand your sexual preference, but that doesn’t make him think you deserve to be bullied in school. For all I know, he may come to your aid if you told him the truth. The truth will always set you free.”
I looked at him for a response. None came. So, I continued, “Bullies dominate, blame and use others. They lack empathy and foresight and have contempt for the weak. They crave power and attention. They see weaker boys as their target and seldom accept the consequences of their actions. Most bullies don’t understand how wrong their behavior is and how it makes their victims feel.”
While we were in the middle of our “bullying” discussion, John entered and heard parts of our conversation.
The teaching assistant chirped, “No matter what kind of bully someone is, they have not learned kindness, compassion, and respect,”
“Are there different kinds of bullies?” the adolescent questioned.
John listed, “Social bullies have poor self-esteem and manipulate others through their malicious gossip and spiteful lies. The detached bullies plan their attacks. Often, they are affable to everyone but their victims. On the other hand, the hyperactive bullies who don’t lack social skills but misbehave and cause physical injury to their prey.”
“Wow! I didn’t know there were so many different types of bullies. Although the bully I encountered comprise of all that you mentioned,” the Freshman recounted.