by Young
“Is that so,” Tad sallied. “Andy, share with us your experience.”
My lover began, “For me, the power of love is a chrysalis. It is a safe haven where radical transformation happens before something new and gloriously beautiful emerge.”
“Like a caterpillar morphs to a butterfly?” the Sportsman razzed.
Andrea chimed, “Tad, it is obvious that you’ve never been in love. I’m intrigued to listen to Andy’s interpretation of the transformational power of love.”
My Valet resumed, “These new metamorphosizes are not premeditated or forced. It is a natural process where Young, and I are aware of our changes.
“Although I have no clue how universal this transformational love is; I do know it is real and powerful. I found it, or it found me when I least expect it. My encounter with transformational love came at a time when my personal life was falling apart.
“I started to live authentically and in harmony with myself. That was when I gained a new perspective on life and was able to bring that authenticity into my interactions with others. When I am open and forthright about my life, others recognize the changes in me, and my life was directed to love.”
“You mean to Young?” the Count joshed.
All eyes turned my direction. I remained silent.
Curt came to my rescue. He stated, “Love has a way of healing past wounds. These invisible traumas could be from our dysfunctional parents, friends or ex-lovers, and we can carry this inert pain within. Like poison eating at our core. But in the face of love, healing is possible.”
Samuel voiced, “When I was a child I desperately needed my parents and friends acceptance, but I found none until I met my most loving and supportive friend, Helius.”
Tad gave a hearty laugh before he wisecracked, “Are you sure yours is not puppy-love?”
The Junior glanced at the Sportsman loathsomely.
“Aww, I’m sorry. Did I hurt the little boy’s feelings?” the Sportsman mocked.
Eberhardt jumped in to dissipate the pernicious air. “You know, our self-image is primarily influenced by those close to us. We, humans, are imperfect, and through our own failings, and the careless handling of our heart by others; our self-image becomes tarnished and distorted.
“My dear Samuel, fear not, for love has the power to clear out the grime. It will provide you with a sparkling mirror to see yourself positively. Your sense of self will be re-calibrated.”
Andy heartened, “Fear of rejection can play havoc within the mind and create a barrier to authentic intimacy. Love certainly gave me security, acceptance and enabled me to be honest and in doing so, I am able to love unceasingly. With fear out of the way, I can concentrate on getting to know my lover intimately.”
I was astonished by my chaperone’s confession. To me, Andy was God’s perfect specimen. In my eyes, this handsome Apollo could do no wrong and surely needed no acceptance from himself or anyone. I was blown away that a lesser mortal like me could provide this demigod the transformational love he avowed. Once again, his divulgence sparked a state of turmoil within my core. My decision not to accompany him to New Zealand would break his noble heart. Images of our impending heartbreak overshadowed the scrumptious dinner that had arrived at the historic Au Chien Qui Fume. I was already charred, not by the dogs that smoke but by self-mortification.
Last Week of February 2015
Andy’s Response to My Message
Hi Loverboy,
I’m glad you did the checklist. I hope you discerned that our relationship spans far beyond romantic love. Although passion is our birthright, there are also many barriers that stand between us and the intimacy we seek. I’m sure you realize that self-love is the most transformative love of all.
I have another quiz for you.
How do we harness our inner power to experience the love we’re seeking?
My answers:
We often look for love externally and overlook the need for self-love. There is a correlation between how we feel towards ourselves and how others feel about us. The more we can love our authentic self, the more we can create love through romantic relationships and beyond. Since our separation, oh-so-long-ago, I’ve developed a mantra of self-respect and joy through meditation.
You may or may not know that I am a member of several charity organizations. One of them is the RSPCA Australia. Besides regular meditation, I’ve also made compassion my daily practice. I nurture seeds of understanding within my heart through acts of empathy, kindness, and acceptance; thereby making myself a fertile ground to suffering and defenseless animals. By practicing compassion toward others, the world reflects that compassion back to me.
I went through a difficult period after the death of Albert, my life-partner of seven years. I lost my self-confidence and love until I found unconditional love with the animals I helped to rescue. My compassion gave me a sense of purpose. Through my own vulnerability, I regained self-confidence. I was also acutely aware of my deep connection with the animals I saved. Although I do not speak the animal’s language, nor do they speak English, there is an invisible bond between us, and that mutual affinity is love. By acknowledging and cultivating unconditional love, I regained myself. I was able to reopen my heart to self-respect, compassion, joy and most importantly love.
My dear Young, even though we are oceans apart, I feel the glow of your love within and without me. I do not need to make love to you to be in love with you. Our transcendental love for one another is with us always, like we did many moons ago and so it is now.
Forever Yours,
Andy
XOXOXO
What’s Love Got To Do With It? (Chapter Sixty-Eight)
“The heart that loves is always young.”
Bernard Tristan Foong
March 1969
G, Paris, France
I felt like I was watching a replay of Andy and my early affinitive rapport when I observed Samuel and Helius’s interactions. My heart reached out to the young lovers as they forge their uncharted path towards the love that dares not speak its name. Since those early years of artless exuberance, my lover and I had matured. In its place, I had grown by leaps and bounds in this lifestyle that was then foreign to me and had embraced the new moi with gusto. The once shy and uncertain sissy boy had become a confident and sophisticated young adult. Now, it was time to relegate my E.R.O.S. position and to excogitate two new recruits to my station; to guide and mentor Samuel and Helius, like Andy and my other BBs did with me not so long ago.
As I gazed at our gyrating entourage boogying at G’s dance floor, déjà vu took over my person. Flashes of euphoric moments with Andy and my other chaperones coruscated my mind. I gleamed with pleasure at those treasured moments. The reverberating music, the ever-changing lightscape and the assemblage of sexy revelers sent my palpitating heart to a garden of earthly delights. As I marveled at the semi-naked perennials, a hand clasped my shoulder. I was taken aback by none other than the handsome French Moroccan actor/model I had been reminiscing.
“Driss, what a surprise to see you!” I exclaimed.
“Good to see you too, ma belle,” the model announced excitedly. “Où est votre bien-aimé, Andy (Where is your beloved, Andy)?”
I pointed to the dance floor where our party was boogieing.
Beside Driss was an attractive looking Eurasian man in his early-thirties whom the model introduced as his fun-loving friend, Kaalib.
The man kissed my cheeks before he declared, “Oh mon dieu, ce qu’un beau specimen (Oh my goodness, what a beautiful specimen).”
Driss responded, “Il est pris, ma chérie (He is taken, my darling).
“Est-ce si. Je peux toujours essayer (Is that so. I can still try),” he replied musingly.
The model pointed at Andy when he noticed the men at my side. My Valet came over to join us.
Kaalib remarked before my chaperone arrives, “Ce qu’un bel homme. J’aimerais bien le connaître trop (What a handsome man. I like to get to know him
too).”
Driss gave his friend a mischevious wink and smiled, as if to say, “Try if you must.”
My chaperone and I were delighted to see Driss again. Although we’d planned to visit the actor/model when in Paris, we were preoccupied with our gang and weren’t sure if Driss would be in the city or traveling the world on his many acting and modeling assignments.
While Andy and Driss were catching up, I kept vigilance on Sam and Helius. Helius was captivated by Mario’s sophistication, like me when I first met the Count. On the contrary, Samuel took a dislike to the playboy’s haughtiness. After all, Mario had made no qualms to come on to his boyfriend.
In the opposite spectrum, Tad played the role of Samuel’s ally to perfection. His ulterior motive was to bed the Junior and what better opportunity than to use this circumstance to his advantage.
Without stirring any unwarranted upheavals, my Valet and I figured the best route to pacify this unanticipated situation. We counseled our charges to be vigilant. Unbeknown to us, the universe has its way of allaying this otherwise dangerous minefield, and our cause for concern was temporary.
Kaalib invited me to dance while Driss and Andy were in conversation. The Eurasian whisked me around the dance floor like fluttering parakeets as our disco wear shimmered and sparkled under the flashing lights. We laughed and jostled our way through the crowd. The handsome picaroon was a superb dancer and flirt. He balanced me on one knee before he swung me back on my feet to resume our frenzied footwork and guided me through the exotic uptempo song with a tango beat. Kaalib’s libidinous closeness and my coquettish heat bewitched us to a passionate kiss. No one had danced with me with such fervency and panache like this extraordinary man. This danseur whom I discovered later was an avid ballroom competitor and instructor. He was in Paris for the Parisian Dancesport competition. That evening, he was out painting the town red with his fuck buddy, Driss. And what better place to see and be seen than at G.
What’s Love Got To Do With It?
My Valet and I were surprised that the Count and the Sportsman did not invite our charges to spend the night with them upon our return to the Ritz. Although Andy had a word with our patriarchs, we did not expect both playboys to venerate our exhortations. After all, they were used to having their way and rarely do they allow another to influence their decisions. Although flirtation was their norm that evening, when it came time say bon nuit, they did not press the boys for more. Andy and I were relieved by this turn of events.
As for Driss and Kaalib, my lover and I invited them for a nightcap in our chambers; we shared with our charges.
As soon as we entered the room, Andy enquired, “Did you boys enjoy your first day in Paris?”
Samuel expressed, “I had a great time, but I don’t care for the Count. I like Tad. He is a gentleman.”
“You think Tad is nice because he paid attention to you,” my chaperone remarked.
Before the Junior could answer, Helius chirped, “On the contrary, I prefer Mario to Tad.”
We burst into laughter.
“The two of you are so cute,” Driss declared. “Young and innocent, and see the world like wide-eyed puppies.”
“I’m no puppy, and neither is Helius,” Samuel retorted.
“The way people seem on the surface and the way they behave are two different things,” Kaalib commented.
“Is that so,” I mused.
The Eurasian replied, “Observe your crush and see how they treat others. If he is always putting other people down, there’s no reason that he won’t treat you that way too. If he has a reputation for cheating on previous boyfriends, then you won’t be immune to it, either. It’s better to find someone you can connect with than to try and change someone into the person you think they should be.”
“Are you talking about yourself?” I teased.
Kaalib resumed merrily, “I am speaking on behalf of us. First and foremost, you have to be honest with yourself and examine your reasons for wanting to be with that person. Ask yourself these questions:
Are you going after this relationship because you want to feel mature?
Or are you doing it out of competition with your friends?
Or is it because you really and truly like this person?
“There are countless reasons why we choose to initiate a relationship with somebody, but not all of them are good. Getting into a tie for the wrong reasons will lead to nothing but pain. The person to suffer the most will be you.”
“Wow! What a mouthful. It sounds like you are looking for a permanent relationship,” I exclaimed jokingly.
“Aren’t we all?” the danseur expressed.
Driss adjured, “That’s quite a proclamation coming from you, Kaalib; the one who champions others to play-the-field.”
The Eurasian gave the model a sly glance to insinuate for him not to reveal his secrets.
The French Moroccan resumed sardonically, “Having sex with my crush is a great way to know him before I embark on a romantic relationship. It’s the best way to find out if he is genuinely enamored by me or if he’s in for a good time.”
He paused before he continued, “It is also a good idea to find out how well he gets along with my friends. My pals will decipher this person’s character; without any preconceived notion of whether he is a one-night stand or long-term boyfriend material.”
Samuel stared at Driss as if he was blabbing Glossolalia, while Helius nodded in agreement with the model’s assessment.
Andy opined, “I will spend time with my crush and get to know him. If he feels the same way as I do when we first met, then it’s time to up a notch. My advice is to follow your instincts. Tease, flirt, and fuck. If he responds in kind, then it is time to take things seriously. The relationship will be more satisfying if I wait before I profess my love to him.”
“Spoken like a sage,” Samuel championed.
With a roguish grin on his face, my lover recommenced, “That said, I will also suggest not to put all your eggs in one basket. I was never good at playing the field until….”
Suddenly he trailed off as if he remembered something he shouldn’t mention.
I voiced, “In the past, when a man showed a genuine interest in me, I would stop dating other men for one primary reason: I lacked the confidence to juggle several men at once because I doubted my self-worth. I felt sneaky and unethical and uncomfortable playing the field. I didn’t know how to handle their sexual advances and was afraid if a guy found out that I saw another, he would drop me. I would immediately decline invitations from other men when I was smitten with a new man and fantasized that he liked me as much as I wanted him. Of course, it seldom worked because the new guy would sense my relationship agenda, and he would stop seeing me. If I had casual sex, I felt morally obligated to cut myself off from other guys. In short, I threw all my eggs into his basket until he disappeared.”
My Valet enjoined, “I discovered that seeing one man at a time was a mistake. I invested time, energy and emotions in that person and later found out he’s the wrong chap. I forfeited opportunities to meet a variety of men, one who could become my perfect match….”
My lover was cut short when Helius voiced, “Like you found Young?”
We burst into mirth again.
Andy restarted, “Yes, I found my perfect match in Young. As long as I am respectful of the feelings of the men I have sex with and I am truly honest with my partner; that meaningful and committed relationship is the path to true love.”
The Freshman questioned, “In other words, by putting my focus on one man limits my opportunities to eventually meet my ideal life partner? Is that what you said?”
We nodded except Samuel who remained unconvinced, even though he attested to our analyzation as a vital component of a healthy relationship. My lover and my testimonies prompted Kaalib to come clean.
The Eurasian acknowledged, “Driss is correct, I enjoy making love with men I’m attracted to. It allows me the opportunity to compare the attrib
utes and compatibility with the guys I date.
“Some people know the traits and qualities they value in a life partner while others learn through trial, error, and heartbreaks. I am not that kind of guy who evaluates men with my intellect, even if it can fast-track me to the right man. I allow my emotions to rule the day.”
The model remarked, “Having the amorous attention from two or more men has a way of making me feel desired and empowered. It increases my confidence and self-assurance. Sexual encounters are like interviews for acting or modeling jobs. With each experience, I hone my skills and become more at ease. In the process, I learn to assess the potential of the person I bed.”
Kaalib riposted, “I do a reality check if I fall in love quickly and obsessively romanticize the outcome of a possible relationship. I also keep a journal when I’m seeing two or more men. This assists me to curb my infatuation and sentimental longings. By documenting the men’s desirable traits, and abhorrent behaviors, I can adhere to the facts and then come to a decision.
“The men I fall for are usually handsome, beguiling and successful but lack the qualities for a long-term partnership. Therefore, I make a point to separate sex and love. After all, what’s love got to do with sex?”
“A lot,” my Valet quipped before he added, “Men aren’t stupid; they can sense when I am seeing another person. The fact that I have affairs with other men tells him that I am worth pursuing. If he really likes me, his competitive nature will kick in, and he will want me for himself.
“If I also make known to him that I am bedding other guys, and he plays hard to get and decide that it is not worth pursuing; then he is not the right person for me.”
The danseur announced, “A man is NOT my boyfriend until he tells me I am the guy of his dreams. Until then I am free to have sex with all of you.”
He pointed to Driss, Andy, Helius, Samuel and me, to which we nodded and answered with an astounding YES!