by Rob Jones
When the mother walked by with her baby, she sat down a few tables from them. Zoe’s eyes followed them all the way, wondering if there was a father in the picture and, if so, where was he? Was this a foreshadowing of what her life was going to be, coming to Starbucks alone with a baby, and with self-righteous people judging and casting down looks of derision on her?
She felt she was unravelling, coming apart at the seams from knowing and not knowing what her future would be like. She caressed her right temple as anxiety and tension washed over her.
“Ethan, I’m scared. I’m really, really scared, and I need you to be with me in this. I’m going to have our baby and I’m not going to give the baby up for adoption.” She started to tear up with fear and frustration. “I was thinking that maybe we could, you know, get married.” Instead of swallowing, he spit out the mocha that was in his mouth.
“What? Marriage?” His face contorted with a half-smile and a squint that communicated disapproval. “We are in no position to get married, Zoe.”
“What, you don’t love me enough to marry me?” Tension dripped from her voice.
“On the contrary. I love you too much to marry you. Neither of us is ready for that commitment. We would be divorced before the child was even born. Listen, I know you love me and I love you, but I think you want to do this for the wrong reason.”
“And what reason would that be, Ethan? Please elaborate.” She folded her arms and cocked her head.
“Let’s not discuss this here. Let’s just go and we can pick this up on the way to the photo shoot.” He wiped his mouth with a napkin.
“Why can’t you tell me the reason, Ethan?”
“I know that this is extremely emotional for you, and that you—”
“Emotional for me? Wow.” She looked away in revulsion. “So you are emotionally disconnected, or am I seeing indifference here, which is far worse.”
“You’re being unfair here, Zoe. I am as concerned as you are. I’m just trying to get some perspective here, to provide some options for us, that’s all.”
“Tell me what did you mean by I want to marry you for the wrong reason, Ethan?” Her muscles tensed.
“Okay, I’ll shoot you straight. The main reason you want to get married is to protect your unspoiled reputation. You’re afraid of what people would say about you having a baby out of wedlock.”
“You’re using that as an excuse not to get married. I’m sorry for bringing up the M word. Let’s just pretend that I never mentioned it, okay, Ethan?”
“Come on, Zoe. Let’s get out of here and discuss this in the car, please.” Ethan stood up to put his coat on. Zoe sat there in a barely controlled rage contemplating if she wanted to continue the conversation in the car.
“You know what, Ethan, you can go ahead. I need some time to myself right now. I’m afraid if we continue this, we’ll say something that we will both regret later.” She couldn’t make eye contact with him.
“I honestly can’t believe you’re acting like this, Zoe. We always could talk things out in a sensible manner.”
“Those past disagreements were light matters compared to this, and for you not to see the difference really lets me know how important you think this is.” She pushed her food away.
“Zoe.”
“Just go, Ethan, I really...” She choked down her tears. “I really want to be alone right now.”
He looked up and sighed. “Whatever, Zoe.” He put on his mirrored shades and walked out like he had a purpose. Zoe twisted her hair and caught the lady with the baby looking at her. She submitted an uncomfortable smile, and Zoe reluctantly reciprocated. She walked over to where Zoe was seated.
“May I?” She nodded and looked at the empty seat at Zoe’s table.
“Sure.”
“I didn’t mean to overhear your conversation, but I’ve been where you’re at. I tried to make and remake the father of my child into the image I thought would best suit us, and it almost cost me everything.” She bounced her baby girl on her knee. “If you don’t mind, I would like to give you some sage advice.” Zoe nodded her head, her eyes forming a tub of tears.
“Focus on the things you can control, like the health of your unborn baby, and the things that will bring you both success and happiness. Don’t fully depend on others to do that for you, especially a man. You can let him be in your world, but don’t let him become your world. If you do that, everything else will take care of itself.”
Zoe thanked her, and showered compliments on her baby.
Chapter
Twenty-Seven
Ethan
Blasting Queen’s Another One Bites The Dust on his car stereo, Ethan raced into the parking lot of the photo studio. He slammed on the brakes and cursed at a black cat that ran across in front of him. Heated from how he left things with Zoe, he sat there gripping the steering wheel so tight that his palms became pale. Needing to recalibrate his disposition because he wasn’t in the right frame of mind to display that rock-n-roll swag just yet, he closed his eyes and took a much needed deep breath. It didn’t work. He opened the door, spilled out of the car, and treaded heavily to the photo studio, kicking rocks and grumbling unintelligibly. He labored outside the photo area, watching his bandmates get ready.
Going in there with a cantankerous temperament would not be advantageous to anyone, so he just stood there looking at them while he tried to locate his rock star smile and charisma. He was within earshot of them when a woman with high cheek bones strutted in through the other side of the bare, spacious photo studio with a camera and a couple of small bags in her hands.
“Is everyone here?” She stood in front of a seamless white backdrop that accentuated her melanin-rich skin. The guys walked up to her. “Hi, my name is Jasmine Jones.” She greeted them with a handshake after putting her bags and camera down on the floor. “Nice to meet you all. Hmm, very good, very good.” She sized them up with a smile of approval. “It’s going to be so easy making you all look like the rock stars that you are.”
Ligon and Owen addressed her with a chorus of whistles, grunts, and other suggestive sounds.
“Simmer down, jackals. I am much too hot and much too much for you to handle.”
“It would be worth getting third-degree burns if I could get close to your flames,” Owen said.
“Boy, please, you would incinerate if you got too close to my heat.” Ethan’s grin spread wide after her candid statement. “Let’s keep it professional, guys.” She walked over to the light stands and the white soft umbrella reflectors to adjust them to her liking.
“So are we ready to start the shoot?”
“Our singer Ethan hasn’t arrived yet,” Wes informed her.
“Don’t tell me he’s one of those who has LSD?” She placed her hand on her hip. “Typical.”
“LSD?” Wes wrinkled his forehead.
“Lead Singer Disease, you know those self-absorbed prima donnas that expect you to wait on them to arrive like they are of royal descent. They use their looks and magnetism as currency to get whatever they want.”
“She knows me so well and we haven’t even met yet. I guess it’s time to parade my swag.” He adjusted himself and opened the door. “Stop talking about me like I’m not here.” He arrogantly strolled in the studio. Jasmine regarded him with a smile.
“Sorry about that, I hope I didn’t offend you. My name is Jasmine Jones, nice to meet you.”
“Likewise.” They shook hands.
“I’ll be taking some hot and captivating photos of you, oh, I mean of you all today. Mm, he sure was worth the wait. I guess I’m the one who needs to keep it professional,” she murmured.
“Why thank you, gorgeous.” He clicked his tongue and winked. While blushing with embarrassment, she accidently walked into a light stand that caused her to drop her camera.
“Crap! Let’s take a ten-minute break,” she said.
“Ten-minute break? You haven’t even taken any pictures of us yet,” Ligon complained.
“I have to change the batteries in my camera. I mean I need to switch cameras. I have to—where is my camera?”
“It’s back in your hand,” Ethan said.
“Oh, yeah. Just take a ten-minute break, please.” She walked out of the room, flustered.
“Guys, I got something heavy to lay on you.” Wes was lying on the floor with his hands behind his head. “Kiera and I are getting a divorce.”
“What? Say it isn’t so,” Owen said as they all gathered around him.
“Yeah, I was trying to be romantic with her. I was planting kisses all over her face, being really affectionate, and of course there was no reciprocation from her. She just turned her face from me and gave several excuses. I’m exhausted, I’ve got a headache, I’m bloated, Aunt Flo has arrived. Choose any one of these excuses, because it’s not happening tonight.” Wes imitated her with a high-pitched voice.
“Things between us have been less than cordial and sometimes downright hostile as of late. Just like other couples, we sometimes have words between us filled with criticism, but that has never dampened our intimacy. We’ve always sifted through the muck.” His voice cracked with emotion.
“So I asked her if she missed me, did she miss us because when we’re alone together instead of love and affection all that she offers are complaints, silence, and more complaints. I begged her to throw me a lifeline, to tell me what I’ve done, why when I walk in the room I instantly can see my breath from the iciness of her Antarctic heart. Then when I try to thaw her out with words of warm affection, or shower her with soft touches and kisses, or even buy her something that she may have mentioned in passing to let her know that I’ve heard her even when she doesn’t think that I am listening, it doesn’t have a positive effect on her. She becomes a walking empty tomb.” His voice quivered.
“Wow, Wes, that’s hard to swallow, bro.” Owen shook his head.
“Yes, it is. And no matter how hard I try, or how much affection I display, she repels my advances as though her heart is like Teflon. There’s no apparent effect.” He let out a deep breath. “Then it happened.” He rose up slowly. “I found an open condom wrapper in our bedroom. When I asked her whose it was she started stuttering, trying to come up with a lie. I tossed the wrapper at her. That’s when she got nasty. She said to not worry about it, it was no longer my concern, that I didn’t have the right to question anything she does or who she does it with as of this moment.”
“She said that? You’re her husband. You have every right to question her,” Ethan said with shock in his voice.
“Exactly. I said you’re my wife, I have every right.” He smirked. “You won’t believe what she said to me.”
“What did she say?” Ligon’s eyes were full of anticipation.
“She said that my husband privileges were revoked the moment she saw the pictures on Ligon’s Facebook page of some dirty, nasty hoochie mamas all hugged up and kissing on me. Then she had the nerve to say that me and my adolescent posse…” He made air quotes. “are just living out our rock-n-roll fantasies on the road doing God knows what with God knows who, while I expect her to turn a blind eye and work like a slave taking care of Vandrick, and pretend that everything is copacetic around here. She said that she was humiliated and embarrassed by those pictures. Which is a load of crap.”
“Man, she’s just trying to make you feel guilty about some innocent pictures. She knows that you would never cheat on her or undermine your marriage, she was trying to confiscate the conversation and shift the blame to you for her indiscretion,” Ethan said.
“Exactly. That’s when I got mad and raised my voice at her and said this was her way of camouflaging her embarrassment and shame of infidelity, trying to flip the script to ease her guilty conscience. Then she just let me have it with both barrels.” His face turned red with heat. “She started yelling that she was glad that I found the wrapper, so now she no longer had to hide how she feels about me, about us, and this so-called marriage. She said that she truly, truly…” His voice trembled along his with his hands.
“You don’t have to continue, Wes. It’s okay.” Ethan placed his arm over his shoulder.
“She said that she truly loathes me and my incompetent, boring lovemaking. That she recoils every time I lay my disgusting body on her.
“That’s cold.” Ligon chuckled and shook his head.
“Come on, man, that’s not cool. He’s baring his soul here.” Ethan punched Ligon’s shoulder.
“Sorry, Wes,” Ligon murmured.
“What really hurts is that she said she found someone who is exciting and exhilarating, who can satisfy her in ways that I never could. Then out of nowhere she began pushing me, cursing at me, and hitting me like a crack addict hitting a pipe. I never realized how evil and cruel she was. She eroded and emasculated me to where I’d never felt less like a man, even worse, less like a human. I never knew how deep her resentment was of forfeiting her career to be married to me until that moment. But even though she was cruel and abusive, even though she hurt me so bad, I am still madly in love with her, and I feel like a fool for feeling this way. I prayed about this and I cried over this. I tried to hate her, but my love for her always trumps my hate. I told her that I forgive her and I love her, and I want to try to work it out, but there’s nothing in her heart for me but bitterness and loathing. I honestly don’t think she ever loved me. But I love her enough for the both of us.” He sat up and rested his elbows on his knees. “I know I sound like an idiot for saying all of this.”
“No, you don’t, you just sound like a man who loves his wife.” Ethan put his hands on his shoulders. “Just think of it like this. She made room for the right one to come into your life now. Trust me, she did you a favor, Wes. You deserve better, bro.”
“Sorry for being a Debbie Downer. Let’s get our swag on, boys,” Wes said with a defeated smile as he wiped his damp eyes. They lingered in contemplative silence, no one looking at each other. Everyone was in their own little worlds.
“Are you handsome rockers ready to become legends?” Jasmine walked back in beaming a whiplash smile.
“Is everything all right?” Her smile faded.
“Yes, we are in your lovely hands. Do as you wish.” Owen licked his lips.
“You are quite the charmer.” Jasmine shook her head.
They strutted in front of the backdrop like proud peacocks, ready to flaunt their magnetism in front of the camera. To emulate their favorite rock bands that they grew up seeing in magazines.
It took more than just good music to be rock stars. This was one of the many important steps to achieving that status. There were no shortcuts to greatness.
Jasmine positioned them in front of the backdrop and directed them as she took a plethora of photos.
“Now, I need you to V out so that I can get everyone in this shot. Give me some attitude, some danger. Good, good, that’s what I’m talking about. Now I need that sexy, rugged bad boy look, I know you guys have it in you. Give it to me, give it to me!” Delight and satisfaction illuminated her face as she stood clicking her camera.
“You guys are beautiful, so photogenic.” She continued to take pictures of them for fifteen more minutes. “That’s it, you all are done. It’s been my pleasure capturing the magic in you. Thank you for being so easy to work with. You’ll see yourselves in Metal Mayhem magazine soon. How exciting!” she said in a high-pitched voice. “Oh, Ethan, I need you to stay for a few more shots please.”
“You got it.” He put his coat back down and walked toward her.
“Why in the world does he get solo shots and not us? I know he’s the lead singer, but we are a band, we are one unit. If one of us gets solo shots, we all should get them.” Ligon glared at Jasmine with narrowed eyes.
“I’m just doing what I was told to do. Don’t take it personal. I’ve been doing this longer than you guys have been a band, and this is the way it’s always been done.” Jasmine adjusted the lights around Ethan.
“
She’s taking twice as many pictures of him than she did of us,” Owen commented.
“Look at the embarrassing display of affection she’s giving him. She’s doting over him like a grandma dotes over her grandchild.” Ethan turned to Ligon and scowled at him.
“What?” Ligon put his hands out and hunched his shoulders. “I can’t stomach this any longer, man. I’m out of here.” Ligon hurried out of the door. Owen and Wes followed.
“Is he always that sensitive?” Jasmine asked.
“He’s the one who has that lead singer disease you were talking about.” She laughed.
“You know if this music thing doesn’t pan out, you could easily become a male model if you wanted to, and a successful one at that.” Jasmine exposed an inviting grin.
“Perish the thought. This music thing is already panning out, dear.” She laughed and playfully touched his shoulder.
“I’m just saying you could and would be a savage in the modeling business. Actually you could do both if you really wanted to. Oh, I almost forgot. I need to get a brief interview with you if you don’t mind?” She took out her cell phone and pressed the voice memo to record her interview with him.
***
“I think I got everything. Would you mind walking me out to my car, please, kind sir?” She started to grab her camera bags.
“Oh, let me get those for you.” He picked up her bags and they walked out to her car.
“You can just lay them in the backseat.” Jasmine slowly walked in front of him with her hands in her pockets. “My, it is so pleasant out here today, not as cold as they forecast it to be.” He saw that her eyes conveyed that she had more than just the weather on her mind. He’d seen that look a million times before, so a subject change was in order.