by Elle Linder
“I love watching you freak out and squirm in your chair. It makes me want to take you home and do things—good things—to you.”
“You’re not playing fair. I thought we were going to take it slow?” she reminded him.
“You’re absolutely right. I won’t try to seduce you with my charm anymore. I’ll just wait for you to beg for it.”
“It? Well don’t hold your breath,” she quipped. And there it was, the laugh that melted her every time, but she had to hold strong against it. “So, it seems you know everybody in town. I didn’t realize you were such a social butterfly.” Deflection would only last so long, and she knew it, but she would try just the same.
“Yes, I’m a social butterfly, and you’re with me. By default, everybody will like you. In case you didn’t know, I’m the most desired man in town.” He winked. “And you, baby, took me off the market. The siren who stole my heart.”
“Luke, you’re doing things to me no man has ever done. I think it’s you who needs to show some mercy.” She fanned herself.
“I’m sorry, please continue with your questions.”
“Thank you. So, what about Pamela?”
“She’s Mike’s younger cousin. She’s from Piper Ridge.”
“Piper Ridge? Where’s that?”
“It’s a little more than an hour southeast of here. Nice little Americana town with farms and ranches. Close-knit community like ours. I’ll have to take you there sometime.”
Ours? She liked the sound of that, a lot.
“Farms and ranches? What would we do there?”
“They have the best farmers market around. It’s where Kandace gets most of her produce.” He paused a moment. “The Lawrence family organic farm, I believe.”
“It sounds amazing. So, Pamela drives up every day?”
“No, only when Mike is shorthanded or on weekends. She’s also worked the last two summers at the resort.”
“Really? Well, she’s a beautiful girl. Those eyes and rich brown hair—I’m surprised Calvin hasn’t claimed her.” She snorted.
“Pamela’s still in high school, a senior. Not sure if she’s eighteen yet.”
“Oh, that makes sense. See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?”
He shrugged as if bored.
Just then, Mike breezed in with the wine and salads and disappeared just as quickly. The dinner crowd had arrived, and the little café was bustling.
“How about a toast?” He lifted his glass. “To us and new beginnings.” Julia followed his lead, but Luke paused, as if deep in thought, before he clinked his glass to hers.
Something wavered in the air between them. A romantic declaration, maybe? She brushed the idea away when he drank his wine as if free of whatever made him hesitate.
Over the rim of her glass, she stared at him. The gentle notes of black cherry and pepper tickled her nose as she sipped the supple and silky Pinot Noir.
Even after she glanced away, Luke stayed focused on her for the longest time. Erika’s words whispered in her ear, but only love played on auto-repeat, igniting a sincere desire in her that it be true.
When Mike returned with the food, it did wonders, breaking the quiet tension between them. Food had that uncanny ability to distract, but not long-term. Eventually, they would return to the resort without anyone or anything to keep their desires in check.
What would happen once they were in her suite?
Would Luke spend the night?
Did she want him to spend the night after the emotional rollercoaster she had been on the last seven days? Maybe.
Then again, she didn’t need to worry about Luke trying for sex with his ironclad resistance. But she had all the yummy tingles rolling through her once again. How did he have that effect on her? If she let her guard down, she might be the one pushing for sex.
Maybe she should have given all this a little more thought. She made figure eights with her fork through the risotto, lost in her thoughts of what if.
“How do you like the risotto?” Luke asked, breaking the silence.
“It’s ‘to die for.’” She smiled casually. “So, can we have a serious conversation without any flirting, just talking?”
“Absolutely. I’m an open book.”
“Okay. Have you always had a beard?” To some, that might be a silly question, but she wanted to start small and work her way up.
“No, just the last three years. I was thinking you’d ask something deeper, more personal. But this line of questions could be fun.” He chuckled.
There it was, the laugh—along with a view of the slight gap between his two front teeth. Most probably didn’t even notice; Luke hardly moved his mouth when he spoke. He also didn’t smile a lot with others from what she had seen. “Be careful what you ask for, because I can get personal if you’d like,” she teased. “So, if you haven’t had the beard forever, why did you decide to grow one?”
“You’re not allowed to have a beard in the Marines. So, when I separated out, I decided to let it grow during Novembeard.”
She cocked her head, confused.
“During November, you don’t shave. It’s a guy thing but also for a good cause, raising awareness for prostate cancer. But I kept mine just for the hell.”
“Because you’re a rebel,” she quipped.
He grinned. “That, and I had a pretty good beard going at the end of the month, so I decided to keep it.”
“Hmm, okay. Why did you separate from the Marines?” After a month, she still didn’t know much about him. Their attraction to each other distracted them from talking more often than not, so this was good.
“My marriage and life imploded when I returned from Iraq. I caught Renee in bed with Rick while the kids were watching the Frozen movie in the family room.” There was a tinge of anguish in his eyes, even three years later. Her stomach twisted.
“The kids were home?” He nodded. “Wow. And Izzy is Renee and Rick’s daughter, right?” He looked at her, surprised. “I questioned Erika about you a few days ago.” She grimaced. “Sorry. I was curious about you and didn’t feel I could trust you after you didn’t tell me you were staying in the guest room.”
“It’s okay. I don’t have anything to hide from you. I’ll say this: that year was the shittiest I’ve ever had.”
“I bet. I want to know more about your ex and the kids, but maybe later. I have something else I want to talk about.”
“Sure. What’s on your mind?”
Julia held her glass to her lips and sipped a little liquid courage. “Lauren is coming for a visit next Monday. She’ll be here for two days and wants to meet you.”
“Lauren, your business partner?”
“Yes, and best friend.”
“She’s coming to check me out, isn’t she?”
“Yes, and she isn’t the easiest person to win over.” She frowned. “In fact, she’s a bitch more times than not, and that’s probably sugarcoating it.”
“Thanks for the heads-up. I’ll be prepared, no worries.”
“Are you sure? I’m nervous about you meeting her.”
“Why? Does she decide who you date?”
“No, but I’m worried you’ll hightail it back to Alaska because of her. She’s a tough one.”
He reached for her hand and kissed the top. “It’ll be okay. But I’m curious. If she’s such a bitch, how is she your best friend? You’re too sweet to have mean friends.”
Julia laughed, running her finger over the rim of her glass. “We were roommates in college, and strangely enough, we just worked. Remember, I’m a California girl. I can be bitchy too…and snobby. I’m not proud of that, but before I came out here and met you, I was different.”
“I can’t imagine you bitchy, but I’ll take your word for it.”
“I think you’ve softened my heart. I feel different with you.” Different didn’t even begin to do justice to the many ways she had changed since meeting him. The most important was that she wanted a divorced man with kids.
All the praise and accolades had been genuine; Kandace was a gifted chef. After a sumptuous dinner filled with spirited conversation, Julia and Luke returned to the resort.
They kissed on the loveseat for a long while, and like before, once they heated up, Luke redirected them. Julia didn’t grumble about it this time. She leaned against him while questions swam around in her head. Most importantly, how were they going to work?
“What’s going on in your beautiful head?” He stroked her cheek gently to get her attention.
“Us. Them. Us. The future. Us.”
“That’s a lot, baby. Let’s tackle it one by one. First, us.”
She nodded against his chest, pulling his arms tight around her. A week of not having his strong, protective arms around her was a week too long. “How are we going to work?”
“Do you want us to work? That’s half the battle. I want us to work.”
“I do…”
“But?”
“But it’s a lot, Luke. I researched dating a divorced dad, and it’s not promising. Not promising at all. I’m too selfish to be last on your list, and it would tear me apart.”
“We don’t have to be one of those statistics. We can be the ones contrary to the norm—”
“They’re called statistics for a reason.” She snorted.
“Baby, you’ll never be last on my list.” He pressed his lips to the side of her head.
“I have a hard time believing that. What happens the next time Renee calls and you rush back to Alaska? I’ll be left behind for a weekend that turns into a week. Or what if it turned into a month!? I couldn’t handle that, Luke. I’d miss you terribly,” she mumbled, tucking her chin to her chest. The guilt of confessing her true feelings pulled her down. She didn’t want to be that woman who complained about her boyfriend’s ex-wife.
“You could go with me.”
“No, I couldn’t. I don’t even know your ex and I already don’t care for her,” she admitted. “You don’t know what will happen when the next call comes. You need firm boundaries. I read about that too, and right now, your boundaries are lousy.”
“Yeah, you’re right. Maybe you could help me with the boundaries? I know mine suck, and she can’t call all the damn shots.”
Something in his voice gave her pause—a sad, resolved quality. It reminded her of when Renee interrupted their call. “Luke, tell me what happened in Alaska. You were different after that first horrible call… You were off.”
***
This was it, the conversation Luke had practiced dozens of times. As hard as he’d tried, there wasn’t a good way to tell her about the recliner incident. But Luke wouldn’t lie about it either. Good or bad, he would be honest with Julia.
“First, I should’ve never stayed in the house. I know this now. It won’t happen again. It was the worst visit.” He tightened his grip around her. The tenderness he felt from her rubbing his hands made his heart palpitate. It should have comforted him, but it only made him sick with fear.
“I’m sorry it was bad. I know I didn’t make it any easier.”
“No, baby, none of it has to do with you. I recognize it’s me and my baggage.”
“Luke.” She turned to look at him. “Your kids aren’t baggage.”
His heart pounded as he pressed his lips to her temple. “I found out Heather got the weed from Renee.”
“Oh, Luke. That’s horrible.”
“It gets worse. She admitted to coke, after an incident between us, the day after you found out I was staying in the house.” His body stiffened as the words left his mouth.
Julia pulled away to face him. The questioning in her eyes made his guilt and shame multiply astronomically. “What incident?”
Panic filled every inch of him. Telling her about Renee and the recliner could end them at this very moment, but he had to tell her the truth. “I want you to trust me. Just don’t overreact.”
Julia furrowed her brow and grip her stomach. What he didn’t expect was for her to jump off the loveseat. Luke was on his feet in the next breath, holding his hands up as if surrendering.
“Baby—”
“No! Don’t call me that.” She shook her head. “What? Why…am I not…supposed to overreact?” She stuttered, clutching her stomach. “Oh, God.” She swallowed, covering her mouth. “Oh, God…”
“Julia, please listen to me,” he pleaded. “It’s not what you think.”
“No?” She paced, holding her stomach. “So, you’re saying what I’m thinking didn’t happen? Because what I’m thinking is you had sex with Renee.”
His gaze dropped to his shoes as the incident flashed in his head and his humiliation resurfaced.
“You did?” Julia shivered.
“No! I swear we didn’t have sex. It didn’t get that far.” The second the words left his lips, the earth shifted.
Tears pooled over the corners of her eyes as she stared at him in utter devastation.
The rapid thumping in his ears clouded his head. He couldn’t think. “Julia, sit, sweetheart. Let me tell you what happened.”
She vehemently shook her head. “Did you have sex with Renee?” At that moment, Luke was frozen. “No, Luke. No...” Her voice broke with his betrayal. “Please…” She hiccupped, tears running down her face. “Please tell me nothing happened, please,” she implored him.
“She came onto me! She caught me off guard. I didn’t see her coming.”
Julia spun around, pressing her face into her hands.
He could only imagine what she was thinking, and none of it could be good. He lightly squeezed her shoulders, and she jerked away.
“Don’t touch me!”
“Let me explain.”
“You need to leave. I can’t do this again. I won’t do this again,” she cried.
“Please, Julia, I didn’t do anything. It wasn’t me.”
She walked to the door and opened it. “Please leave,” she muttered through her jagged breaths.
His heart broke into a million pieces. He grabbed his coat and walked to the door. “I’ll leave, but we need to talk about this.” He reached for her hair.
She slapped his hand away. “Get out, Luke.”
As ordered, he walked out.
Julia closed the door and locked it. The soft thump against the door jarred him as muffled cries of “Why, why?” echoed.
The brutal torment of shattering her heart would be his hell on earth.
TWENTY
The Divide Between Them
Numb with guilt and regret, Luke stared at his wooden-plank ceiling. Morning took its sweet time to arrive while he anxiously awaited a new day with the hope of making amends with Julia. All night, he had faded in and out of consciousness, tortured by Julia’s sobs ringing in his ears, and her shock of betrayal, gutting him repeatedly.
After he’d returned last night, a pivotal moment had occurred while he exhausted himself on his punching bag. He loved her. The realization sent him to his knees in an emotional breakdown. He loved her, and now he stared at a nothingness without her.
The lake outside his large picture window shimmered with life. Its majestic beauty was steadfast and constant. Directly across the unfailing body of water, in plain view, the rustic lodge stood as a guidepost to the one person who meant everything to him.
Luke reached for his phone with a fool’s hope of seeing a text from Julia. It didn’t have to be monumental or gripping. A generic “morning” would have sufficed in giving him a sliver of hope.
No new messages.
The divide between them was mere miles, yet that was too far. Luke rolled out of bed. In a full body stretch, the sting of a miserable night’s sleep screamed from his eyes. He snapped them shut, rubbing them gently before going to the kitchen. His head begged for a cup of strong black coffee, but first, he sent Julia a text.
Luke: Morning. Can we please talk today?
Unbeknownst to Luke, his text would not be seen for several hours.
Julia’s pho
ne was on airplane mode. LAX had always been her least favorite airport, often chaotic with mass numbers of travelers coming and going, but today it didn’t bother her. No one existed in her world.
The roar of engines, voices, horns, and overall chaos of a lively city surrounded Julia as she exited the terminal. Exhaust and smog made her scowl. After weeks of breathing in clean air, she noticed the impurities she’d once overlooked. Under the concrete awning, the warmer temps of the low-sixties were a welcome reprieve from the frigid Idaho air. On the right, she saw her first palm tree. It brought a small smile to her face until she remembered the reason for her return home.
A young, talkative Mexican rambled on about the Dodgers. Uber drivers were hit and miss in L.A., but this guy was a pleasant distraction, although Julia heard nothing he said, other than Dodgers. Her gaze remained fixated out the window as she drank in her city. It looked the same but felt different. Changed. Or had she changed? How could she feel so different after six weeks? Was it Idaho, or was it Luke? The reason didn’t matter. It was evident whether she wanted to admit it or not; she was different, and it was all because of Luke.
Traffic on the 101 was as typical as a day at Disneyland, crowded with the afternoon rush hour. So, Julia laid her head back and closed her eyes. Luke’s face appeared—the gentle downward curve of his brow, the way he pursed his lips together when driving, the shame and guilt in his eyes last night. She blinked to control the tears she had battled since the plane departed Spokane. It was a battle she had fought all day but would now lose at any given moment, feeling the distressing distance from Luke in the middle of her beloved city.
As she stared out the window, she felt as though she might as well have been in a foreign country, lost on the other side of the world, the way her heart ached. Being apart from Luke—even only a few states away—made her whole being reject the very place she called home. Her psyche, emotions, and core all rebelled against her. A forceful, jagged breath later, she had arrived at the apartment complex.