by Lea Coll
“Yeah, so nice to meet you.” He smiled, shaking my hand. His grip was weak and a little sweaty, as if he was nervous. I tried not to hold it against him, but I liked a firm grip. It was a sign of confidence. But that was what I was attracted to before, wasn’t I supposed to be dating someone different?
I dropped his hand, looking around. “Did you order already?”
He smiled sheepishly. “Yeah.”
“Okay, I’ll get in line then.” That was weird. He didn’t wait for me to order and clearly only ordered a drink for himself. But that was still better than ordering for me without asking what I wanted. I needed to look on the positive side.
“I’ll grab a table,” he said, taking his cup off of the counter.
“Thanks.” That was nice at least. The line was slow and long. After ten minutes, I finally had my chai iced tea and walked over to the table he’d picked by the window.
I sat down across from him, smiling, and trying to think of a way to start a conversation.
“You didn’t order a coffee?” he asked, looking at my cup in confusion.
I glanced at my phone. “I don’t like to drink too much caffeine in the afternoon.” It kept me up at night.
“I can’t stand when people order frou-frou drinks.”
This wasn’t a good start to the date. He was weirdly opinionated about my drink. “I ordered tea. I hardly think that’s a frou-frou drink.”
“Okay, if you say so.” He pulled out his phone and placed it on the table in front of him.
This guy was already irritating me and now I’d need to compete with his phone.
“Are you looking forward to school being out?” I asked him, trying to start a conversation.
He shrugged. “I teach summer school, so I don’t get a break.”
Then silence. He made no attempt to start a conversation or ask me any questions. I couldn’t help compare it to the times I’d had dinner with Sawyer. It was comfortable and conversation flowed but we didn’t have the added pressure of it being a date. “You like living here?”
“Oh, yeah, lived here all my life and went to Salisbury University.”
I hadn’t moved away for college, but I did for grad school. And I’d studied abroad. Could I hold it against him? I wanted someone who was interested in the world outside of the Eastern Shore, who’d seen and done things, so we’d have interesting things to talk about. But that was probably being too picky. Not everyone had the money to travel or attend an out-of-state college. Sawyer had lived in Chestertown all of his life, only leaving for grad school and his Ph.D. I needed to stop comparing Nate to Sawyer. I ignored the nagging thought that no one could surpass Sawyer’s reaction to my learning disability.
Shaking my head, I tried again. “What do you want to do in the future? You want to stay where you’re working? Or travel anywhere fun?”
“I love the idea of traveling, but I can’t afford it.” His gaze was on the passing pedestrians on the sidewalk, not on me.
It was the perfect opportunity to ask me about my study abroad experience, which I’d mentioned in our emails. But he didn’t. Silence fell over the table again as I sipped my chai tea.
“You like your job?” I felt like I was fishing for something, anything, but the silence was driving me crazy.
“Eh, it’s working with kids, right? They’re crazy in high school and it’s a paycheck.”
I got that not everyone loved their job all of the time. But didn’t he become a teacher for a reason? Weren’t you supposed to present your best self on a first date? “I volunteer to read to the kids at storytime at the library. I love kids.” I couldn’t stop the smile which spread over my face when I thought of the kids’ faces while I read to them.
But he didn’t say anything.
This was a waste of time. He seemed enthusiastic online about meeting with me, why was he so agitated now? Was I not what he expected? I decided to ask the most important question. I might as well get it out of the way. “Do you want children?”
His eyes shot from the window to me. “You mean, do I want to have children one day?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
His shoulders were tense and I could see a muscle ticking in his jaw. “You’re not one of those women who have to have the white picket fence, are you?”
“Um.” What was he talking about? It was a yes or no question. His attention was focused on me now, but he seemed agitated. “I’m not sure what you mean?”
“You’re not one of those women pushing thirty who are desperate to get married and have kids are you?” He practically sneered toward the end of his question.
I felt myself become very calm and I said slowly, “I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I’d like to get married and have children.”
“Of course you would.”
“On my profile, I clicked the spot about having children, so I thought anyone I was matched with would be serious too.” I wasn’t that disappointed in his answer. It was clear when I walked in he wasn’t interested. It could be anything. He’d met someone else or I wasn’t his type physically.
“I’d like children one day, but I don’t want them today or even tomorrow. I have plenty of time.” Then he leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Okay.” I did not like how this conversation was going. I wanted to leave, but I wasn’t sure if it would be rude.
“I see kids all day at work. The last thing I want is some at home.”
“Okay.”
But he continued despite my terse answer. “All older women want is kids these days.”
I stood up abruptly, my chair almost falling over in my haste. “Yeah, I think we’re done here.” I was not an older woman. I was twenty-eight, for god’s sake. “And you’re not six-foot-two, might want to change that on your profile.”
“What? Are you one of those women who have to have a man over six foot?”
“I like a man to be taller than me. It’s just a personal preference, but if your personality had been good, I would have overlooked it. I don’t like that you lied on your profile. I have a long drive home. Thanks for meeting with me, but I don’t want to see you again.”
“Yeah,” he said snidely.
“Okay, then.” I walked out of the coffee shop, my phone buzzing in my pocket. I pulled it out to see Sawyer’s name lit up, a thrill going through me. When I unlocked the screen and pulled up his message, it said, I can pick you up at six on Saturday.
Our date to the scholarship dinner was this Saturday. If Nate was representative of what I’d find on the online dating sites, they were a waste of my time.
I pulled open the door to my SUV and sat inside to message Sawyer.
Stella: That sounds great . I hope it’s better than my online date.
I turned on the car not expecting Sawyer to keep messaging, but before I could put it in drive, my phone was buzzing again. Glancing down at my phone propped in my cupholder, it said, Online date? When was this?
How much should I tell him when he was already against online dating? I just met him now. He was shorter than his profile said. And an asshole, but I didn’t text that. Then my phone rang. I pushed the button on my steering wheel and Sawyer’s voice filled my car. “Stella?”
“Yeah?” I’d just left a planned date where the guy couldn’t hold a conversation or look at me, but Sawyer called me to talk about a failed date.
“You’re not still with him?”
“No I left him at the coffee shop. I have to drive home now.”
“Where are you?”
“In Salisbury.”
“You drove all the way there to meet him? Why wouldn’t he meet you somewhere closer to you?”
It would have been more convenient to do that but now that I’d met him I was happy I’d driven. “I didn’t want him to know where I lived. I never told him.”
“Ah, that’s good at least. What happened?”
I pulled out of my parallel parking spot into traffic. �
�His profile said he was six-foot two, but he was barely taller than me.”
“Yeah, so he lied.”
“Right? I was really annoyed about that. If he’d had a stellar personality I could have overlooked a shorter guy, but he didn’t even have that.”
“What did he do?” Instead of disgust in his voice I thought I detected a lightness in his tone. Was he happy my date had gone badly?
“It wasn’t what he did. More like what he didn’t do. He barely looked at me while we were talking. His attention was on people outside on the sidewalk until I asked if he wanted kids. I wouldn’t have asked so soon, but he wasn’t asking me any questions to get to know me.”
Sawyer grunted.
“Then he got agitated and went off on this rant about how older women all want to get married and have kids.”
“What an ass.”
“Tell me about it.” It was nice to talk about it but I couldn’t get over the sinking feeling that it hadn’t worked and if he was my option for online dating I was screwed.
“Don’t worry about it. It was one date and he was clearly an asshole.”
“Yeah, but he was the only normal one I’ve found on the site so far.” Sawyer was silent for a minute, so I continued, “I’ve interviewed a lot of people for my online dating articles and so many people said they met their husband on Bumble or Tinder. So I guess I should just keep trying.”
This was only my first attempt. There had to be better guys out there. When I’d asked around there were plenty of happy couples that had met on dating sites. There was no reason it couldn’t work for me too. “The thing was, I thought Match was for people serious about a relationship. I even checked the part about wanting children and marriage, so how did I get matched with someone who didn’t want kids?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never done online dating.”
Right because he was hot and saw young attractive people in his job. Hanging with the women in the garden club was not conducive to meeting someone.
“I’m looking forward to this weekend,” I said, because I was. I loved getting dressed up and going out. Would Sawyer dance with me? Would he act like I was a real date and not someone there just to help him out?
“Me too.” When he said it, surprise came through in his tone.
“You sound surprised.” Was he surprised he was looking forward to it?
“I’m usually nervous for things like this, but I’m actually looking forward to it.”
He didn’t say it was because of me, but I hoped it was. “I got my dress.”
His voice lowered. “What color is it?”
No man I’d ever dated expressed any interest in my outfit even when the occasion was formal. I couldn’t help but be impressed. “It’s red. I hope it fits and looks good. I ordered it online.”
The ride home was more enjoyable with Sawyer’s deep voice filling my SUV. We talked about the upcoming dinner, what to expect, and who’d be there, Sawyer’s family, gossip around town. It was nice. The kind of conversation flow I’d want on a date.
“I have another class starting in five.”
Was it my imagination or did I hear regret in his voice? Was he enjoying this as much as I was? According to the screen in my car, we’d talked for forty-five minutes and it felt like five. “Thanks for keeping me company.”
“Text me when you get back to town.”
Smiling, I said, “I will.” I couldn’t remember a boyfriend or my family ever checking up on me to see if I got home safely. It was a nice feeling.
“Bye, Stella.”
When he clicked off, I realized the yucky feeling from my date was gone and in its place was this warm glow filled with hope about this dinner we were going to this weekend. He said I wasn’t his type, but hadn’t things changed since we’d spent time together? Since I told him I struggled with learning disabilities? Something seemed to click into place for me when he accepted my learning disability. And now he’d cheered me up today. Why was I looking for guys online when Sawyer was already in my life? He had proven himself to be loyal, understanding, and nice.
My practical side reminded me how I wasn’t his type and I didn’t want to get hurt. But the hopeful side was winning out. Suddenly, I couldn’t wait for Saturday night.
ASHLEY CAME OVER ON SATURDAY night to help with my makeup for the scholarship dinner. As she carefully applied the mascara, she asked, “Have you been spending more time with Sawyer?”
“Yeah he’s been texting me about the course and to schedule a date for our gardening class with Ms. Gladys.” My heart rate kicked up every time I got a message from him. Between the texts and our dinner meetings, it was hard to remember we were just friends helping each other out.
“So, is he picking you up tonight?”
“Yeah.”
She paused, the mascara wand in her hand. “Has any man picked you up here?”
“No. But that’s only because I haven’t dated anyone since I moved back and bought this place.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
“Sure.” I’d opened up to Sawyer about my learning disability, my parents, things I hadn’t discussed with my friends.
Ashley brushed the wand over my lashes. “It’s just always seemed like you didn’t like having people in your space, or maybe that was your mom?”
“I think it started with my mom and my trust was so violated with my exes I didn’t want anyone here. But that’s what you do right? A man picks you up for a formal event.”
“Still that’s a big step for you.”
It was, and I wondered if it was because I was starting to trust Sawyer. “I guess it’s easier because it’s not a real date. Sawyer’s a friend I’m helping out. It’s not like I have to worry about him kissing me at the end of the night.” Then why was my heart thumping out of my chest at the thought of him seeing me in this dress?
Ashley shook her head, laughing a little as she put the wand back into the mascara container and placed it on the counter behind her. “You seem a little nervous.”
I wanted Sawyer to see me as an option. Someone he could date. I hoped the fact that I was dressed up, that there would be dinner and dancing would help him see me in a new light. I wasn’t just a friend or someone he was helping, but someone he could be with. That’s what Luke told me—you need to show him how things could be different if he took a chance on you. But I wasn’t ready to tell Ashley that yet. “Nope. I’m just excited. I love getting dressed up, dancing, socializing.”
“Poor Sawyer. He has no idea what he’s getting himself into by inviting you tonight.”
Silent for a minute, I said softly, “I hope he does.”
“Yeah?” She asked, turning back to consider me. “You like him, don’t you?”
I chewed my lip, wondering what to tell her. The old me would have laughed her off. I could use the excuse he’d said I wasn’t his type and he certainly wasn’t mine. But that seemed unfair to our friendship. I needed to be honest with her.
“I do.” Then I stood up, walking over to the full-length mirror, which stood in my bedroom. The red dress had a sweetheart bodice with a shoulder strap that started at the center of bodice and split into two straps over my left shoulder. It was fitted at the waist and hips, accentuating my curves, and swirled around my feet. I twirled around. “I don’t look fat in this do I?” I turned to consider my ass.
“No.” Ashley came to stand next to me watching me in the mirror. “You look beautiful. That red dress with your hair,” she touched one red lock before dropping it. “And this neckline really makes your boobs pop. He’s going to die when he sees you.”
“I just hope my boobs don’t pop out of this dress.” I pulled up the cups to cover them a little. That would be a distraction Sawyer would want to avoid tonight. I was supposed to be helping him impress the tenure committee.
“There’s no way he won’t see the beautiful woman that we all see when we look at you.”
“You don’t think I’m too muc
h for him?”
She cringed at the reminder of Sawyer’s words. “I can’t speak for him, but I think he misspoke. He knows you better now, since you’ve been hanging out so often. You’re sweet, caring, and you mean well. You’d do anything for anybody. Who wouldn’t love you?”
“My exes.” It was impossible to get that out of my mind. I couldn’t help but think I was the problem.
“Enough about them. It’s time to stop defining yourself through them. They were stupid. Sawyer is completely different than those other guys.”
I nodded, unable to speak. I didn’t realize how much I needed her support right now. Sawyer was different, but was I being stupid to think Sawyer would ever see me as a potential girlfriend? Then the doorbell rang.
Ashley squealed. “He’s here. I’ll get the door on my way out.” Then she hugged me gently. “Have fun tonight.”
“Thanks.” I sat on my bed to strap on my black strappy heels, happy Sawyer was tall enough that I could wear a three-inch heel. I heard the door open and soft murmuring, but that was it. I grabbed my clutch and walked, my heels sounding on the wood floors of the hallway as I walked toward the front door, my heart beating harder with each step. When I reached the kitchen I could see Sawyer in a tux standing by the front door waiting for me. All of the air left my lungs as I took him in. The suit coat stretched tight across his broad shoulders, the white button-down shirt extended beyond the sleeves and I could see black and gold cufflinks. He looked so handsome, especially with those glasses he wore.
“Stella, you look beautiful.” In his hands, he held a handful of daisies.
“How did you know I love daisies?” I closed the remaining distance between us and held out my hand for the bouquet.
He cleared his throat. “Ms. Gladys told me.”
“Did she offer up that information?” I smiled.
“She did, but it was good advice if it put that smile on your face.”
I was really touched. No one had ever brought me flowers before. I’d always agreed when the guy said they were a waste of money and only lasted a few days. Even if Ms. Gladys encouraged him, I loved the gesture. I took the bouquet from him, my hands grazing his, as I took a deep inhale of their scent. “They’re beautiful.” I looked at him from under my lashes seeing his eyes intent on mine. “You look really handsome in that tux.”