by T L Barrett
“Hold on, just a couple of more, then I’ll go in and download these so you guys can see which ones you like best,” Len said.
“Well, let’s hurry. This bastard smells so bad, I think I’m going to lose my lunch!” one of the men quipped.
The men laughed, and Len snapped some final shots of the happy hunters.
Afterward, the men moved back to their stations and took up smoking. Len went into the shack with the camera. After a moment a man came out of the shack, buttoning his pants.
“Hey, when we going to take the picture, guys?” the man asked.
“We just took the picture, you moron,” one of them answered.
“Oh,” the man looked forlornly at Sherwood hanging from the rope. He took out a cigarette and lit it. “Well, I’m all done, if one of you wants to go in and try.”
“I don’t fucking think so. Jesus, you really fucked that thing in there?” the guy asked.
“Shut the fuck up, man. It was…nice. You guys are just fucking gay, is what you are.”
“No, I just think I’ll keep it in the species,” another man quipped.
“Hey fuck you, man! I haven’t had any since Trish left last year, and you know it, so don’t judge me. I know how you fuck around behind Julie’s back.”
“Hey guys, cool it,” the fattest friend said, obviously the final word on all matters. “Each to his own, right? So, let’s all go celebrate down at Hooters in town, shall we? We can show the waitresses what we caught!”
From the end of the rope, Sherwood looked around: “Uh, Len…”
“Glen, I’m going to go around and find out what’s in the shack. Don’t do anything unless I give the signal. Promise,” Barry said.
“Fine, I promise, but what’s the signal?” Glen asked.
“I don’t know. ‘Signal’, I guess,” Barry said.
“Really? ‘Signal’? You’re kidding right?” Glen asked.
“Yeah, I’ll howl or something, okay?”
“Fine, hurry up, though. I hate these fuckers, with a capital ‘F’.”
Barry dashed through the trees and came out on the road. He jogged in his human form over to the shack’s front and bent low to listen. When he heard Len go out the back door he slipped into the shack. He hissed and reached around to grab the cowbells attached to the inside of the door. He crept through the little front office area where Len printed the photographs and sold bait and the like.
He went a little further, and could see two doors to the side. The first was a privy; the second was a dim room with little room but a cot. A small figure lay on the cot.
“It’s all right. I won’t bite. Do you want me on my front or on my back?” a girl’s voice said. Barry slipped in and shut the door behind him. He shifted enough of his eyes, so that he could see more clearly in the dim light.
A dog-faced girl of about thirteen or fourteen lay tangled in a damp sheet on the bed. Barry sniffed; she wasn’t a werewolf, but she wasn’t human, either. He noticed the arc of her eyebrows and the long tapering points of her ears.
“Are you a kobold?” Barry whispered.
“Yeah, and I don’t bite, I promise,” she said.
“Okay, well, I’m going to get you out of here.”
“Why would you do that? The man will kill you,” she shivered. The shiver became a full body spasm and ended with a choking gasp. “I need my medicine.”
“Just sit tight, for a moment. I’ll be right back,” Barry said and slipped back into the main room of the shack. He heard the men thanking Len and moving away toward their pick-up trucks. Barry waited while they gunned their engines and started to drive away.
Barry knew he had to move soon. He heard Len at the door, about to open it.
“Len, could you let me down, please?” Sherwood let out a strangled cry from the back.
“Yeah, hold your horses, big guy, I just got to put this money in the safe, all right, then I’ll lower you down.”
When Len opened the door, Barry was ready for him.
Barry punched Len before the other man realized that anyone was blocking his way. Len flew back onto the grass. Barry howled in pain and shook out his fist. The door swung back on its hinges and hit Barry in the face.
“I’m here, Barry. I got him!” Glen bellowed and burst from the bushes. Len was just getting up and about to rush Barry, when Glen caught him by the back of the neck and lifted him like a kitten off the ground.
“Ah!” Len screamed.
“Just say the word, Barry. Let me snap this fucker’s neck!”
“Wait, I’ve got more money in the safe. I’ll give you the combination!” Len shrieked.
“We don’t want your money, you bastard,” Barry said, coming forward, still cradling his hand.
“Let’s not get too hasty,” Glen said.
“Who the hell is that?” Sherwood called, trying to pull himself upright so that he could recognize the other Sasquatch.
“Hey Sherwood, it’s me, Glenwood, your cousin,” Glen said as Len dangled from his upraised hand.
“Oh, hey, Glen. How you doing?” Sherwood asked.
“Been good. Listen, you want to tell me what the relationship is between you and fucknuts here?”
“We’re business partners!” Len gasped.
“Business partners, huh?” Glen said and looked over his shoulder at Sherwood.
“Yeah, you know. He scratches my back, I scratch his sort of thing,” Sherwood said. “Look, could someone get me down here, I think my head’s going to explode.”
“I think, now I could be wrong, but I think mister fucknuts here got you hooked on the hard stuff. I think now he’s more like your pimp. Am I wrong?” Glen asked.
“Well, Glen, I owed a lot of money. Len has been really understanding. I really think my head is going to explode over here,” Sherwood said.
“Quit your bitchin’, Sherwood,” Glen said.
“Sure, Glen,” Sherwood said.
“Glen, this jerk’s got a kobold girl as a sex slave,” Barry said.
“Is that so?” Glen said and shook his captive.
“Look, it’s not what it looks like,” Len bawled.
“No, it really is,” Barry said. “The girl offered me sex and asked if she could get more of her ‘medicine’.”
“Look, some political guys owed me a lot of money. They said they couldn’t pay so they offered me it. I guess they turn those things loose in these compounds they have up north so they can hunt them for sport. Trust me, it’s better off this way.”
“It’s a girl, about thirteen or fourteen, I’m guessing,” Barry said.
“So, it looks like it’s curtains for you. Say ‘good night’, fucknuts,” Glen said.
“No, please. I’ll pay you. I swear,” Len screamed. He had soiled himself. Barry wrinkled his nose.
“Hold on, Glen. I think this bastard has probably learned his lesson. Haven’t you, Len?” Barry asked.
“Yes, oh God, please, yes! I’ve learned my lesson!” Len screeched.
“There’s no cause to get religious on us,” Glen said.
“How about we make a deal? We let you go, and you get out of here as fast as you can. You don’t look back, nor do you show your face around here ever again. That way we don’t have to flay you and have you for dinner. How’s that sound?” Barry said.
“That sounds good!” Len shouted.
“All right, Glen will put you down, but no funny stuff. You are one hairline away from being so much meat. You need to understand that,” Barry said.
Glen grinned at Barry. Barry bit down on his tongue in order to keep a straight face. Glen tossed Len half way across the shack’s back yard. Len screamed and fell in a sprawl inches away from some thin stumps of tree. He staggered onto his feet and limped his way around the side of the shack.
“Remember, this area is now protected by the F. L. A.!” Glen shouted. Len’s truck engine roared to life and spewed gravel.
“F. L. A.?” Barry asked.
&n
bsp; “Folk Liberation Army. We’re not getting pushed around any longer, man,” Glen stated.
“Oh, brother,” Barry said. “Get your cousin down, I’ll go get the girl.” Glen saluted. Barry rolled his eyes and re-entered the shack.
* * * *
That evening, back at Sherwood’s cave. Barry and Glen sat around the little campfire they had made out front.
“Dude, those two are a mess in there,” Glen said. The girl had fallen into a sweaty sleep, but Sherwood could still be heard moaning away.
“I know, they probably need methadone, but I can’t imagine how were going to get that,” Barry said.
“I can’t believe somebody would do that to a little girl,” Glen said.
“Believe it. It makes wonder who the real monsters are, huh?” Barry said.
“So, what did you find in the shack to eat?” Glen asked.
“You aren’t going to be happy, buddy.”
“It’s more fucking beans, isn’t it?” Glen grumbled.
“That another one of your Sasquatch powers?” Barry asked.
“Nah, I just figured, knowing our luck. I mean how could things get any worse?”
As if in answer many voices could be heard coming up the path. Torchlight flickered through the trees.
“You just had to ask, didn’t you?” Barry said. “Get in the cave, and try to keep them as quiet as you can.”
Barry tried to tidy himself the best that he could. He patted his face and neck with trembling hands to make sure that he wasn’t sporting more hair than his half-assed excuse for a beard that he had started.
In minutes it seemed, the clearing in front of the campfire had filled with all manner of men. Some of them carried pitchforks, some of them guns. A few carried torches. When Barry realized that more than a few of them carried bibles, his stomach dropped down to his knees.
Barry got up and in front of the fire, so that his face was cast in shadow.
“We’re here to rid the world of the demonic monsters that live in that cave,” a middle aged man shouted. A bunch of men tried out encouraging shouts of assent.
“Who sent you?” Barry asked.
“God sent us,” a man shouted. More cries of assent sounded. The crowd seemed to push forward. Barry put up his hands to stay them.
“Look, you all need to turn around and go home or back to church or wherever it is you came from. I don’t think God wants anyone to get hurt tonight.”
“Who are you to say what God wants?” a woman in the crowd shrieked. “He’s probably one of them!”
“I don’t think you want me to call the police,” Barry bluffed. He had never owned a cell phone.
“We follow a higher law,” the first man spoke. “Monsters invaded this man’s place of business and threatened him and chased him away!” he waved his torch at Len, who stood looking sheepish in the front of the crowd. “God gave our congregation the call to rid the world of these demons!”
“That’s enough!” Barry shouted. Some of the people in the front of the crowd jumped back against their brethren. “I’m so sick of you people. You get all up in arms about using God’s name in vain, but you don’t even know what that means. It’s a sin to claim to act in the name of God while you are just acting out of your own prejudicial fear! Have you ever thought of that?”
“You need to stand aside, mister,” a burly man said and stepped forward. He waved a torch at Barry. Many of the crowd gasped as the light caught Barry’s features—features burned into their features by twenty-four hour news coverage and YouTube watching.
“It’s the anti-Christ! Don’t listen to him! He’s trying to infect our minds!” the histrionic woman screamed from within the crowd.
All of a sudden, Glen shouted from the cave. The kobold girl tottered out into the light of the torches. She trembled. Frothy spit dripped from her snout.
“Mister! Did you bring me my medicine?” she asked Len and put her arms out like a child that desired to be picked up.
A shot rang out. The girl fell back, a bullet hole replacing one of her elfin eyes.
Barry looked down at the girl in horror. Hair sprouted over his body.
“Barry, are you okay!” Glen screamed. He came out and saw all.
“Can we kill them, Barry?” Glen asked.
“You bet, buddy,” Barry growled. His eyes glowed a flaming red.
Barry and Glen leapt into the crowd of Christians. Some tried to hold their bibles in front of them for protection. Others prayed for God to deliver them. Some shot their comrades shooting blindly at the hairy monsters that tore into them.
Blood sprayed into the air. Screams ended suddenly in tearing sounds.
Barry tore one neck open and leaped to the next. Glen tore a man’s arm off and used it to beat another man’s features off his face.
Some of them sensibly ran through the trees to escape. They began to feel the presence of God with them again as they saw the breaks of moonlight on the highway asphalt ahead. Then, when their heads were torn from their bodies, the stared into the eyes of perdition’s fury as all sight and knowing left them.
Chapter Thirteen
Love, Poetry and Other Such Sissy Stuff
The creature hunched over in the dust and sniffed. Neither man, nor animal, but something in between, the creature was covered in fur matted with dried blood and tangled in burrs. Somewhere below a car had stopped on the long road through Northern New Mexico. The creature could smell the passengers, long confined to the air-conditioned car stretching their legs and urinating upon the dry earth.
If he was quick he could kill them all and drag the fattest of the bodies down to a gulch and glutton himself on their well-fed flesh. He wished for a companion or a pack with which to orchestrate this hunt. Vaguely in a rudimentary conceptual place in his brain he understood that he should have a companion, another large creature, both like him and unlike him, with which to enjoy the kill. He shook his head and focused his mind upon the task ahead.
A small bird ran along the earth ahead of him, and all thoughts of hunting the fleshy two-legs left him. There was something taunting about the little sounds the bird made as it skittered so quickly over the earth, the jaunty bounce of its feathered head. Saliva dripped from its’ panting mouth. Oh, yes, he would chase this thing until he had its fragile body between his jaws, over cliffs…through canyons…
“Don’t even think about going out there!” a deep voice rang out from behind the creature. The creature turned and blinked in surprise to see a huge hairy biped panting and holding onto a dead tree for support. Unsure of how to react to this giant, the creature sniffed at a familiar scent, growled, and moved to skitter away alternatively.
“Damn it, Barry!” the giant panted. The creature paused at the sound of its name. “Would you cut the shit? I can’t keep chasing you around all over the west. I sure as shit can’t keep covering for you. Do you know I had to knock a rancher’s helicopter out of the air with a rock in order for you not to get shot?” All the while, the giant talked he moved forward slowly. The creature ducked his tail and shifted from side to side.
“Come off it, dude! We had our fun, but enough is enough. I know you remember me, right? I’m Glen, man, your best friend. Come on! I’m friggin’ thirsty, and I haven’t had a drink of beer in God knows how many weeks. Cow blood just aint cutting it anymore. Why don’t you just come here and let old Glen take care of you, okay?”
The giant leapt forward and grabbed at the creature. The creature snarled and snapped its jaw down on the giant’s left hand.
“Ow! You son of a bitch!” Glen screamed, and thrashed Barry about as the smaller monster clung to Glen’s hand with his teeth. Glen swung the werewolf at a dead tree. Barry howled as Glen drove Barry’s back against the knobby stub of a branch. Glen shifted his injured hand around Barry’s throat.
“Goddamn it, Barry!” Glen said through his tears. “You have to come back to yourself! You promised me that you would go with me to Comic-Con! You promised
! I can’t go alone. I won’t go alone. Those bastards sucked for what they did, and we got him, we did, but you can’t keep on going like this.”
“Glen, you’re…choking me,” Barry hissed.
“You said my name!” he grinned and sniffed. He hugged Barry close and patted his hairy filthy back making little gnats and dust float about.
“I can smell a bunch of tasty fat ones just down the hill. If we’re quick we can get all of them. We won’t need to eat again for a week!” Barry said into Glen’s ear.
Glen slammed Barry back against the tree.
“No goddamnit! That’s not you talking. Cut it out!” Glen shouted.
Barry growled and snapped at Glen’s face. Glen growled back and ground his friend harder against a tree.
“Look, can’t you start thinking about love, or poetry or other such sissy stuff?” Glen asked. “Think of poetry, man. Poetry will bring you back, huh, buddy?”
“Actually, there is this poetry convention that I was hoping to go to on our way out here,” Barry said in a calm voice, shifting his snout down to a human mouth.
“Well, why didn’t you say so, man?” Glen laughed.
“I thought you would pick on me about it, and I didn’t want to put up with all the griping,” Barry said.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean, griping. I don’t gripe!” Glen said.
“Okay, you don’t gripe. You win, could you put me down now?” Barry said.
“You’re not going to go eat that fat family down on the highway?” Glen asked.
“What? No! Jesus, have I eaten whole families?” Barry asked desperately.
“No, it never got quite that bad, but you just about put some ranching families out of business, though,” Glen said.
“How much time has passed since, we, you know?” Barry asked.
“Fifteen days, give or take a half a day,” Glen said.
“Wow, and you remember all of it? You kept track of the days?” Barry asked. “What, is that one of your Sasquatch superpowers?”
“Yes, we have the innate ability to notice the sun rising and falling, plus we can count to fifteen, it’s pretty freakin’ amazing,” Glen said. “Sure, we get all wacky on the long pig. We smash shit, mostly, and sometimes take dumps in the weirdest places…but it’s nothing like how you get. I mean, you were, man, you were an animal. I really think you might have some issues to work through. You might even need therapy, dude.”