by T L Barrett
One of the green-skinned Orion slave girls caught his blank stare and gave him a wink. She put out her hand like a kitty cat and bared imaginary fangs at him. Barry looked behind him for a moment to make sure she was motioning at him. He had forgotten that he was wolfed out. He had already done three live television interviews. He guessed he should be grateful. The fan boy and girl reporters at this place were going to be a whole lot less aggressive and supportive than, heaven forbid, a Fox News reporter.
The Orion slave girl was motioning. No, both of them were.
“Barry!” a familiar feminine voice called out. Barry’s heart leapt. He spun and saw-
A werewolf was coming toward him. She was dark haired, and young, with enchanting eyes and a slim figure. Then he saw two familiar faces behind her. One of them had red hair, the other was African American. It was Clea and Rhonda. Which meant, that the werewolf had to be—no, was: Stephanie.
“Stephanie?” Barry said. “How did you…?”
Stephanie came up and stood a bit apart.
“Why did you leave us?” Clea asked.
“We were kidnapped, sort of—” Barry blundered.
“You were kidnapped? You?” Rhonda broke in.
“Well, yeah, we were actually, we both felt awful, but we didn’t know how to find you guys afterward…You found us though, so that’s good.”
“Well, you had your destination painted on the side of the car,” Stephanie said.
“Did you…did you turn because of me?” Barry asked.
“I think so,” Stephanie nodded. “It’s cool. I feel right. I feel myself, for the first time.”
“Well, how about Emma?” Barry asked. “She’s not here. Is she—”
“Yes, it happened to Emma, too. She’s actually more psyched than me. She said she wanted to come, but she’s taken off for Saint Louis. Said she was going to join up with the Furies. You don’t have to worry about anything. Nobody blames you. We practically threw ourselves at you.”
“Glen was really upset, girls. He won’t stop talking about you. He’ll be so psyched to see you. He’s around here somewhere. He’s a little hard to miss.”
“Well, actually, that’s the real reason why we’re here. You’re not the only one that left something to remember you by,” Stephanie said. She moved her eyes sideways indicating the two other women. Clea and Rhonda both put their hands over their stomachs.
“Oh, dear, God.”
“Barry!” Glen roared from across the way, he came forward. “You’ll never believe it! The editor-in-chief of Marvel and the editor-in-chief of D. C. actually got in a fist fight over who’s going to get the rights to tell our story in comic book form, man. This is the big time!” He wrapped Barry in his arms, lifted him and jigged him up and down. “Also, some reporters told me that both Spielberg and the Farrelly brothers are interested in the movie rights. I don’t know about you, but I bet the Farrelly brothers are the better choice. What do you think?”
“Glen, there’s someone here who would like to see you,” Barry said. Glen stopped and turned around.
“Girls,” he roared with glee and dropped Barry onto the ground. He spun around brushed by some strange werewolf girl and scooped up the two girls that had taken away his virginity. They giggled at his enthusiasm and allowed him to kiss both of them on the cheeks repetitively. Cameras flashed about them.
I can’t believe this moment is going to be on YouTube, Barry thought. We live in interesting times.
“Girls, you look great. You’ve gained a little weight. I approve! Do you have this weird glow about the two of you, or are you just happy to see me?”
Rhonda leaned forward and whispered in the Sasquatch’s ear.
Glen’s face shifted slowly from glee to shock. He stopped moving. Barry hoped the brute was still breathing.
Stephanie was pushed close to Barry in the crowd.
“Stephanie, I kind of met someone in New Mexico. I want you to—”
“No, I’m glad for you. I’m just starting out in this whole new life and everything. I mean, I’m pretty sure I was dealing with all those father issues with you. Especially after you guys abandoned us…”
Just then, someone screamed out, “Ahhh! Zombies!”
A girl ran in hysterics, and people looked around. A few people giggled. Stephanie looked with concern at Barry.
“Glen told me about this. Apparently every year on the first day a bunch of people get dressed up as zombies and wander around a few blocks of San Diego…”
A couple of the zombies walked into the area. They moaned and tottered and turned to a young man who was taking pictures.
“Man, they sure do a good makeup job!” Stephanie said.
One of the zombies leaned in close to one of the men. He waved the zombie away, laughing. The zombie moved quickly and bit off two of the man’s fingers.
The man looked at the missing space in his hand and screamed a terrible scream. Another zombie fell on one of the Orion slave girls.
At this point many of the onlookers realized something wasn’t right in the state of Comic-con.
* * * *
Glen realized what was happening distantly after Clea and Rhonda, both still held in his arms off the ground, screamed and clubbed him on the sides of his head with their fists. His first instinct was to heft the girl’s higher and run deeper into comic-con to save his growing family.
Barry and Stephanie stepped forward to make sure Glen got the girls to higher ground.
A zombie raced at Stephanie.
“Just be sure they don’t bite you,” Barry said. “Or apparently have sex with you, either,” he thought, distantly. Well, how was he to know it was transmitted that way, too? It’s not like the old lady bit him on the ass and then handed him a pamphlet on lycanthropy.
Barry ran into the zombie running at Stephanie, but it fell against some people. They screamed and the zombie focused on them. Barry ran forward, put his hands on either side of the creature’s neck and twisted. The creature flopped and jigged on the ground.
Stephanie ran to aid the Orion slave girl. She did the same maneuver and it seemed to work, although her zombie started pin wheeling around the floor, knocking people over. Stephanie turned to help the Orion slave girl.
Stephanie helped the girl up. The Orion girl leaned in close as if to kiss Stephanie—and jerked back.
A bespectacled Klingon stood behind the Orion Slave girl, a look of grim resolve on his pudgy face. Stephanie backed away from the writhing green skinned zombie. The end of the batleth, the curved blade of the fictional Klingon Empire, protruded from between the generous mounds of her green breasts. The Klingon marched her forward so that they were well away from the scattering crowd.
“My dear, you must know that you were an unparalleled beauty. I shall give you an honorable death.” He put his foot against her bottom and pushed her forward. The blade slid out. The zombie stumbled forward, then turned and snarled at the doughty warrior. She came forward in a rush.
The Klingon danced to the side and swung his batleth from his shoulder. The green zombie’s head fell to the convention floor.
Barry ran over to the flopping zombie, leaping up and coming down on the zombie’s head with his biking boots. The skull caved, and gray matter spurted across the floor.
“Barry,” Stephanie yelled. Barry looked up as the man with the missing fingers lurched for him. Barry back pedaled. The zombie hit the brains and slid across the floor. It waved its arms and did a dance on the greasy blood and brain matter.
Barry changed direction, went down on all fours, leapt, landed on the zombie, knocking it to the floor and bounced away. The Klingon swept in and decapitated the zombie.
Barry ran over to the Klingon, who had bent over, winded.
“Thank you!” Barry said. The Klingon looked up, wan and sweaty. He spewed vomit down on the floor.
“Jeez-louise, I’m sorry. Mister Trudeau, it is an honor to fight by your side.”
“Likewise,�
�� Barry said. “These zombies are turning very fast. Do zombies usually turn that fast?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think so. Heck, I never really thought zombies existed before. I didn’t think you really existed to be honest, no offense intended,” the nerd said and wiped at his face.
“None taken. We have to get these people back out of harm’s way,” Barry said.
“Yeah, we’ve already started to organize. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost have taken a group out a side door so they can keep the zombies from getting out into the city. They are changing so fast, that would be a total disaster. It’s almost like they’ve been engineered by someone. I’ll tell you what, whoever that is, they picked the worst place to start a zombie outbreak. This place is full of people that have been mentally preparing themselves for this kind of thing for decades.”
“Daniel Westmore,” Barry said through gritted fangs.
“Come again?” the nerd panted.
“He’s a naga, a serpent man; he’s been planning just this kind of thing.”
“Oh, your arch-enemy?” the nerd asked.
“I guess you could say that, yes. Listen, get your friends, we’ll meet back here in five. We have to sweep for anyone who was bit—”
A gunshot went off.
People screamed and more running ensued. The nerd and Barry stood up and turned to see Stephanie standing some ten feet from them. She had a strange look on her furry face. Then she collapsed to the ground.
“Aha! I got you, Trudeau, you hairy bastard!” Westmore screamed. He appeared through the fleeing crowd.
“Stephanie!” Barry shouted and ran forward. He flipped the girl over and could see that she had already begun her final transformation back to a pretty Asian girl. A bullet hole issued blood in the middle of the peace symbol on her T-shirt.
Barry looked up at the serpent-eyed murderer as he advanced. His eyes flashed brilliant wrath.
Westmore stopped and took in the reality of the situation. He faltered and stopped.
“Jesus, I shot the wrong mutt? I wasted a perfectly good silver bullet on, what, a worthless bitch? Well, I’ve got a couple more.” He raised the gun to eye level and pointed it at Barry.
The nerd screamed something in Klingon and rushed forward swinging his batleth. Westmore fired.
The Klingon took the bullet through his forehead prosthesis and fell to the floor.
“What the fuck?” Westmore screamed. “This is getting expensive. This one wasn’t even a freak. I mean not like you. He didn’t crawl out of some cave. Well, I suppose you could consider his parent’s basement a cave.”
“Enough hiding behind all your little followers, Trudeau. It’s time to go to that happy hunting ground in the sky.” Westmore raised the pistol once more.
“Barry!” a woman shouted. Westmore and Barry turned to see Brenda standing there. Westmore turned the pistol on her.
“No, don’t,” Barry screamed. Westmore kept the gun trained on Barry’s love.
“Oh, I get it”, he ticked his head with his free hand. “This is negative psychology. You want me to waste my bullet on some human witch, so then you can come at me. I don’t think so, Trudeau!” Westmore swung the gun to point at Barry. Barry didn’t take his eyes off his love. He wanted the sight of her to be his last.
But Westmore did.
Brenda had already transformed as she leapt through the air. She landed against Westmore’s side. Her hand caught Westmore’s arm and twisted it up.
He fired the last remaining silver bullet up into the air.
As they fell, Brenda took prosthetics and chunk of scales out of the side of Westmore’s face.
Westmore landed, reached under his left arm with his right, and twisted backward on Brenda’s arm. Barry heard the snap from where he stood.
Brenda screamed a howl and fell back, her lower left arm dangling at an awkward angle. Westmore followed this with the butt of his gun against the front of Brenda’s head. She went down.
“No!” Barry roared and leapt. They came together with a great hissing and growling. They rolled together against a gigantic display of action figures and were soon showered by so much molded plastic.
Westmore flipped Barry onto his back and humped himself over and over again, driving his knee into Barry’s groin. Barry tried scrabbled to get a purchase against Westmore’s scales.
Westmore fell forward. Barry pushed against him, but the serpentine eyes bore into him a message of death.
“No!” Barry mewled, but could not keep the head of the creature on top of him from descending. The naga unhinged his joint and snapped his jaws shut around Barry’s collar bone. His glistening fangs sank into Barry’s shoulder.
“Barry!” Glen screamed. He marched through the conference hall, tossing away a baseball bat covered with zombie brains.
The naga looked up and hissed. He scuttled away, trying to find some kind of advantage from the oncoming hairy giant. He could find none.
Glen caught the snake-man by the foot and yanked him forward on the floor, then lifted him bodily and swung him through the air in an arc and brought him slamming back against the floor with a crunch.
The naga hissed and squirmed. Glen reached down and took the monster by the throat. He grasped on both sides of the Naga’s neck, pressing his huge thumbs up against the dislocating jaw.
“I’m so damned sick of bastards like you! You give us all a bad name. You make this world impossible to live in. I used to live afraid in my cave because of monsters like you, but that time is done. I refuse to raise my children in a world where you’re free to wreak havoc. Your time is done, serpent! This is for Stephanie and countless others you’ve killed. This is mostly for my best friend, who was the most wonderful man I have ever known!” Glen roared, hot Sasquatch breath upon the Naga’s head. The Naga’s slit eyes bulged. The creature’s talons dug into Glen’s wrists drawing gouts of blood, but the muscles there were like steel, and the snake talons would not find purchase.
The huge muscles in Glen’s great back flexed.
Glen tore Westmore’s head from his body. Serpent blood spurted up from the neck. Glen let the decapitated body fall to the floor. He held the head of the naga up for all to see, spinning to show everyone that the villain had been slain.
“That was totally, awesome, buddy!” Barry said. Glen turned saw that his friend got to his feet.
“Barry!” Glen said and tossed the head away. A teenager caught it, and jumped up and down in glee. His friends moaned in disappointment.
Glen scooped Barry up and hugged him.
“You’re alive! I thought he killed you,” Glen said.
“Well, I guess Westmore had been evolved from garter snakes. I mean, it itches, but I’m cool.” Glen put Barry down, and the werewolf rushed to Brenda’s side. He helped Brenda sit up.
“I’m fine!” Brenda assured him, holding her arm, which was already on the mend, thanks to the sexually transmitted disease she had contracted.
“You’re more than that!” Barry panted. “You’re the most wonderful woman in the world.”
“Well, I guess, I better be,” she smiled. He kissed her then, and people began to clap.
Clea and Rhonda came forward and saw their slain friend. They grieved, and Glen held them to his chest.
Barry left Brenda with his friends and went out to see how the war against the zombies was faring. The formations of nerds had managed to keep the zombies from marching out into the city. They had trapped the zombies on both sides of the entrance and had taken them down one by one.
The city was safe, for now. The authorities arrived as did emergency services. Donuts and coffee were served to those who had to be checked by the CDC for signs of infection.
Barry and Glen sat outside in the dark a little ways from the women.
“So, buddy, I’d say we did Comic-con! Was it as exciting as you hoped?” Barry asked.
“Dude, it was better than that. Looking back, I can’t say it was much more important tha
n any other thing that has happened to us in the past few months. I guess it’s like what they say: “It’s not the destination that’s important; it’s the journey.”
“Amen, brother,” Barry said.
“Aw, don’t get religious on me now,” Glen moaned.
“Well, you went and got in the family way, twice!” Barry said.
“Yeah, I know. I mean, I’m over the moon and everything, but how am I going afford to support all us?” Glen said
“I think I might have a solution for that problem,” a familiar voice said.
Barry and Glen looked up at a handsome young vampire couple smiling down at them.
“Ollie!” they cried. Ollie smiled as they both jumped up and sandwiched their old friend in a very hairy hug.
“All right, boys!” Ollie said. “I’m happy to see you guys, too. We seriously need to talk business. Sally and I just signed a multi-million dollar contract with a major record label for an album that has yet to be written. I need your magic pen, Barry.”
“He can play the guitar to beat all, too!” Glen said.
“I’ll consider it,” Barry said.
“You’ll consider it?” Ollie said.
“Barry, don’t be an idiot!” Glen shouted. The ladies, hearing the commotion came over to their men to see what was happening.
“I’ll consider it if Glen can be the drummer,” Barry said.
“You’ve got it!” Ollie said.
“Brenda is going to play the keyboards, or whatever it is she wants to play, plus she gets final edit on any song writing,” Barry said.
“I play a mean electric organ,” Brenda said.
“Old school! I dig it!” Ollie said. “That all sounds more than reasonable guys. This is going to be awesome, totally awesome!” Everybody came in close then and started giving each other high fives and hugging.
“Wait, what are we going to be called?” Glen asked. “The Ollie Prince band?”
“How about, Ollie Prince and The Hairy Monsters?”
“Yes! That’s it!” Glen said.
“So, how was Comic-con. I take it I missed some excitement?” Ollie asked.