Seeing Jason settle down with Kaia, seeing the love and the peace that their relationship has brought into his life makes Chase want that for himself too. He knew before tonight that Amber was it for him, but watching his friend get married? He wants that now more than he ever has.
Sometimes, when he looks at her, he sees her resolve wavering. In those moments, he thinks a future with a couple of rings and a shared last name might be possible. Of course there are some obstacles in the way for the time being, and tonight, the women interrupting them to ask for a dance are not helping.
It happens twice as they mingle, and once on the actual dance floor.
He always offers a fast and firm no, but he cringes every time it happens, because he knows it’s playing into Amber’s deepest fears that he’s going to be tempted away from her someday. He knows it would be an issue for her either way, but entering into a relationship with a guy who has the kind of reputation that makes people think that asking for a dance when he’s with another woman is okay is a different kind of a challenge.
Amber has absolutely nothing to worry about, but he understands why this is an issue for her, and all these interruptions don’t help his case.
When the evening dies down, the wedding guests spill out onto the front steps of the library, forming two lines all the way down to the waiting limousine. Jason and Kaia make their way down through the crowd to cheers and well wishes. They wave one more time from the limo, camera flashes popping into the black night before the chauffeur closes the door and takes them to the airport to go off on their honeymoon.
The crowd lingers for a while, everyone saying their goodbyes and talking about how beautiful the wedding was.
Chase doesn’t want the night to end, but he’s not sure if he should push things with Amber. They’ve had a good night, it seems like they’ve made some kind of progress, even though he isn’t quite sure what he’d call it.
In the end, he goes with his gut. “Do you feel like taking a walk?” he asks.
Amber looks down at her feet. They’re probably aching from a night spent in her sky high heels. Her dress is floor length, so he can only imagine how gorgeous they make her legs look.
“We won’t go far,” he says, nodding in the direction of Bryant Park. It’s just a walk along the side of the library. They can find a bench and sit down to talk. He’ll call his driver and make sure the town car is waiting nearby when they’re ready to leave.
She takes a deep breath. “I’d like that,” she says.
He takes her hand and they start walking. On the way, he notices her shivering in the light summer breeze. He stops and takes off his jacket, then slides it onto her shoulders to keep her warm.
“Thank you,” she says, tilting her head toward the collar and breathing deep.
The fact that she likes his smell gives him this weird kind of inflated male pride.
“Did you have a good time tonight?” he asks.
“I did. It was a lovely wedding.”
“It was,” he agrees.
“I haven’t been to many, but I’d say it’s probably an eleven on a one-to-ten scale of weddings I’ve attended. Thank you for asking if I could sit with you; I don’t know what I was thinking going alone. I would’ve felt awkward out there with the general public,” she says with a smile. “I feel out of place at events like that on a good day.”
“I know you do.” He squeezes her hand. “I’m sorry if any of the women who were, uh, eager to dance with me made that feeling worse.”
She nods, not saying anything.
He keeps going. “I’m sorry that so much of my past came back to haunt me tonight. I know that’s probably the last thing that you needed to see.” He knows it’s a touchy subject, but he also knows that it’s one that they need to address if they’re ever going to move forward.
“That’s the thing, isn’t it? Your past is with all these people who are still in your social circle. If we were together, they’d be everywhere all the time. There’s no escaping it, for me.”
He hears the frustration in her voice. “You know if I could go back and erase it that I would, right? I would erase it and stop looking for happiness everywhere I could and let myself have it with you.”
Amber sighs, wrapping her arms across her chest defensively. “Do we have to talk about this now?”
“It’s as good a time as any; ignoring it isn’t going to help.”
He leads her over to an empty bench. She paces for a moment, instead of sitting right away. Chase has always been willing to give her time to think about what she needs to say, to come to terms with her own feelings. He watches her as she debates with herself.
She plops down on the bench, settling her body right on the edge. “We’re not ignoring anything. That weekend, it was just sex, right?” She says it like she’s trying to convince herself, like even she doesn’t believe what she’s saying.
A painful weight hits him right in the chest. “No, it wasn’t.” He reaches for her hands. “Please, god, tell me you know that Amber.”
“I…”
“If that was what I wanted, I could find it anywhere,” he says, hating the way she cringes as he tells her the truth. “What I can’t get anywhere is what I want the most, and that’s you, Amber. I only want you. I know you have some issues with—”
Her eyes flash with anger. “What issues do you think I have?”
“I think that after what happened with your mom and dad, you started questioning your instincts about people. That you saw what your mom went through and knew you didn’t want to go through that kind of pain. That you’re terrified that you’re going to put your trust in someone who disappoints you. And I think that what happened between Sasha and Trey only solidified your belief that you can’t have a healthy relationship with someone who won’t cheat on you.”
He can tell he’s pegged the issue exactly. She takes in short breaths, like he’s left her winded. “And what was your issue? With me?”
“What do you mean?”
“You seemed to be hesitant to start something with me. Was it because there was someone else, or—”
“No. The moment I realized that I wanted you, I stopped going out with anyone else. I don’t have much experience with long-term relationships,” he admits. “You are…the most important person in my life. At work, and now outside of it. I was—I am terrified of fucking that up and losing you. A lot’s riding on me taking this step, but I’m ready to take it.”
“Why? Why do it when there’s so much on the line if it goes wrong?”
He shrugs. “Because I don’t want to regret not trying.” He wants to spill his guts, to tell her that he’s in love with her, but he thinks that might only overwhelm her at this point. “Do you want a guarantee, or…”
“No,” she says, shaking her head. “You couldn’t give one to me, and I wouldn’t want it even if you could.”
“Then what is it that you want?”
“I want to be able to turn this off,” she says, pointing at her head. “I want to be able to follow this.” She clutches her chest, right over her heart. “Chase, my heart? It’s yours. It has been since long before I was ready to realize that. But my head? It tells me that this is all going to end with me heartbroken and sleeping on Sasha’s couch.
“You make me happy. I want to be with you. It’s not a question of desire it’s just…being with you means letting go and making myself vulnerable to you. If you were standing on a ledge and you held out your hand to me and told me to jump with you, I would do it. I trust you with my life.”
The reality of the situation comes crashing down on him, nearly breaking him in two. “You just don’t trust me with your heart.”
She points at her chest. “This is telling me that I can. It’s this,”—her head—“that’s screaming, don’t.
“My dad brought my mother flowers every Sunday. He cleaned off her car when it snowed because he knew she hated doing it. They had date nights, they never fought. It’s w
hat I thought a good marriage looked like, until I found out it was all a lie. Trey sang songs to Sasha when they’d make dinner together, and he’d spontaneously dance with her in the middle of the living room to her favorite songs. And then she came home one night and found out that was all a lie, too.”
“We are not a lie,” Chase says. He wants to get down on his knees, to beg her to believe him. “I could never lie to you Amber.”
“I want to believe you,” she says, her eyes welling up with tears. “You’re holding out your hand to me and asking me to jump and I just…I can’t. I want to, more than anything…but my feet won’t move.”
He brings her hands to his lips, kissing her knuckles. “What can I do to help you move?”
She reaches over and runs her fingers through his hair. She kisses his forehead and whispers, “I don’t know.”
He purses his lips together, trying to figure out some way to convince her, but he doesn’t know if there is one. The thought nearly breaks him in two. “Okay,” he says, planting one last kiss on her hand. “Okay.” He takes a deep breath. “Will you let me take you home?”
“I don’t know if that’s the best idea.”
“At least take my car then; it’ll make me feel better.”
Amber lets out a wet laugh, then sniffles. “How will you get home?”
“There are these things called cabs. I take one, you take my car, we both end up at home.”
“You know, I think I’ve heard of ‘em.”
Chase pulls her up, and she starts taking off his jacket. “Keep it. You can give it back to me later.”
She nods. “Thank you.” She reaches up and cups his cheek. He closes his eyes and leans into her touch. She surprises him by pushing up on her toes and leaving a tender kiss on his lips. “I’m trying,” she says.
He’ll take it.
“I’ll see you on Monday?” he asks.
“Yeah.”
He walks her to the waiting car, and when he hails his cab he’s left feeling more hopeful than he was yesterday.
He’ll take that, too.
Chapter Eighteen
Sasha looks at Amber from where she’s perched on the kitchen counter, a fresh pint of ice cream in her hands. She’s emotionally exhausted from the highs and lows of the night, and feels like she’s just been run over by an eighteen-wheeler.
“Wow,” Sasha says. “Paying for hair and makeup really does make it last all night.”
She lifts her leg and pulls on the drawer beneath it, then fishes out a couple of spoons. She hands one to Amber.
“I paid for the hair. I did the makeup myself.”
“Really?”
Amber is offended at her sister’s surprise. “Yes, really.”
Sasha digs into the mint chip. “I’m going to make you do mine like that the next time I go on a date.”
It’s the first time Sasha’s mentioned moving on since everything happened between her and Trey.
“You’re going to date again?”
Sasha looks at her like she’s grown a second, mint-chip colored head. “Of course. I’m not just going to live my life alone because Trey’s a raging, cheating asshole. There’s someone out there for me who isn’t, and I’m gonna find him.”
Amber thinks about her sister’s readiness to just jump right back into the dating scene when she can barely dip her toe in without having a panic attack. “You’re not, you know, worried about it happening again?” She dips her spoon in the ice cream container, then licks it off. It’s minty and refreshing on her tongue.
“I like to believe there are more decent men in this world than there are Dads and Treys,” she explains. “I refuse to give up on finding one, and I think you should refuse to give up, too. Especially since you have one who’s head-over-heels in love with you already and all you have to do is let yourself be in love with him back.”
She’s already had one conversation like this tonight; the last thing she needs is another one.
“Don’t start again,” Amber says, taking her spoon and tossing it on the counter.
“Start again? I haven’t said anything since you came home from Connecticut because I knew that whatever happened there, you needed time to get your head out of your ass. It’s still firmly stuck up there if tonight is any indication.”
Amber recoils. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Sasha tilts her head back and takes a deep breath. “I’m not going to tell you what you should do with your life, Amber. But you’ve lived it in fear of something that has never happened to you, and in all likelihood will never happen to you. Dad cheating on Mom and Trey cheating on me is like…it’s one of those things where you have to risk getting the bad when you have the good.”
“Don’t feed me some bullshit about how suffering exists so that you can know when you’re happy.”
“That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying that taking a risk on someone is just that…it’s a risk. It could pay off in unimaginable happiness. Sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes you get a Trey, sometimes things just don’t work out. There’s a risk to every reward, Amber. So…yes, it’s going to hurt if I put myself out there and I find someone to fall in love with and it doesn’t work out. But the good is worth the risk, because with me and Trey? When it was good, it was really good. I would never give up on having that again.”
Amber bristles. The reasoning does make sense. When things are good with Chase, if she turns her brain off and really lets herself feel it, she thinks maybe she could believe that feeling was worth any pain she might have at the end of it.
“That sounds good in theory, but Sasha? Tonight at the reception, there were women who came up to him while we were dancing to ask him for the next one.”
Her eyes widen. “What did he say?”
She can’t help but smile. “He told them they were rude and that he was with me and that his dance card is full for every event in the future until I tell him otherwise.”
Sasha grins too. “He’s a good man, Amber. Please tell me you see that.”
“Everyone’s good until they’re not,” she argues, even though her conviction is losing steam.
“Let me put down this ice cream so I can strangle you with my bare hands. You’re missing the point!”
“Do you know how many women he’s dated were at this thing? How many women he’s dated will be at every function we go to until the end of time? How would you feel if every time you went out with someone their past was staring you right in the face.”
“Amber,” she says, leaning forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “I can honestly tell you that if I were you? I wouldn’t give a shit. He doesn’t have some long-term love that he can’t let go of that keeps coming back into his life. The people showing up at these things are dates. People he went out with a couple of times and nothing ever came of it. They’re just…mistakes. And you,” she says, pointing at her sister. “You know that man has changed. You know that deep down in your heart that falling in love with you is what made him want to change.”
When she lies in bed at night, clears her head of all the baggage and lets herself be in love with Chase, she knows in her soul that what Sasha’s saying is true.
“I know I sound like I’m Team Chase here, but I’m Team Amber. I know you’re in love with him, and I want you to let yourself have that. To feel the joy that comes along with it, because I think that it can add a lot to your life. If I really thought you’d be happier being alone, I wouldn’t be nagging you like this. I’m not advocating for you to choose Chase, I’m advocating you to choose your happiness. If I thought being alone was making you happy, I wouldn’t be saying these things. But you’re miserable because you’re hiding behind me and Mom and using us as excuses for why things won’t work out. Don’t do that. A life you don’t take chances in isn’t a life worth living.
“It’s cowardly and pathetic, and there is nothing about you that’s either one of those things.”
Having her sister strip he
r excuses away one by one, exposing the cold truth to Amber stings in a way she wasn’t prepared for. She has been hiding behind the things that happened to her mom and sister to justify not taking a chance for herself. Still…
“What if it doesn’t work out?”
Sasha laughs. “Well…if it doesn’t work out then you’ll knock on my door one night with a couple of suitcases in hand, and you’ll cry on my couch until you’re ready to pick yourself up and try again.” She reaches out and pulls Amber closer. “But let me give you a little bit of big sisterly advice okay? If you don’t take a chance on this thing between you and Chase, you will be lying on my couch crying one day, wondering what might’ve happened if you’d been brave enough to try. Don’t do that to yourself, okay?”
Her sister, as she has for most of their lives, leaves her with a lot to think about.
“Okay.”
Sasha smiles with relief. “I know you like to think on things, so it doesn’t have to be tonight. Just…soon, okay? Don’t let that man get away. And save that dress for me so that I can wear it to your wedding.” She knocks Amber’s hip with her knee, teasing a smile out of her.
Amber reaches over and wraps Sasha up in a tight hug. “Thank you.”
“Anytime,” she replies, giving her a squeeze. “Now let’s eat this ice cream before it melts. We’re celebrating.”
“What are we celebrating?”
“I got a new apartment! I move in two weeks.”
“That’s great!” she says, giving her sister a congratulatory hug. She’s a little sad for herself. She’s liked having Sasha around, but she knows how much moving on means to her sister.
“It’s only a few blocks away.” Sasha pulls out her phone and shows Amber some pictures. It’s bright and airy, something that’s difficult to find in the city at her price range.
“It’s gorgeous, I love it.”
“I’m going to have to send Chase a giant fruit basket or something to thank him for finding me that broker. She was a godsend.”
“He hates fruit baskets. Just send him a card. I can hand deliver it on Monday.”
One Night With The Billionaire Too Page 13