by Cee Perkins
“That’s a good idea, too. Thank you. Do you know who I’d ask to get in there?”
“I would think his boss, Mr. Whitman, would be able to give you access.” She shrugged as we stepped onto the elevator.
“Thank you, Alaina. I wasn’t sure how to handle it since Mr. Walker seems confident there are no mistakes.”
“They never think that unless money is missing,” she chuckled.
“Isn’t that the truth?” I said back. “Have a good evening, Alaina.”
With a wave, Alaina turned left from the building and I turned right. I was going to Mom’s to check on her since the message I left this morning went unanswered.
I arrived in front of Mom’s house, noticing the drapes were open. That was good, she never left them open when she left. I walked up the front stoop and knocked as I walked in. “Mom? Are you here?” I called.
“In here, Danny. Would you like some tea?” she called from the kitchen.
Stepping in, I said, “No thank you. I’ve been trying to reach you.”
Mom tensed, then turned from the counter with a brittle smile. “I’m sorry Danny-boy. I lost it the other night as I was leaving the grocery store and just haven’t been to replace it yet.”
I frowned. “Do you need money to replace it? I can get you a new one.”
She stared at me for a minute before answering, “Ah…yeah. I could actually use some help getting a new one. You take such good care of me, Danny. Always have.”
“You’re my mom, of course, I’m going to take care of you. Let’s go now and get a new one, yeah?”
Mom nodded and put her tea down, going toward the kitchen door to get her shoes. “Thank you Danny-boy. I don’t know when I’d be able to replace it otherwise.”
I wondered if her lack of funds was because of her most recent bender. “Mom…do you have money for your bills this month?” I asked carefully.
Grabbing her keys and making her way toward the door, she answered over her shoulder, “Yes, Danny. I’m good for the month, I just didn’t have extra is all.”
The whole conversation was making me uneasy. Did she really lose her phone at the store? Could she pay her bills? She seemed ok, not too skinny or anything…I was probably overreacting.
After replacing Mom’s phone, I took her to dinner. We sat down at the counter of Dad’s favorite diner and ordered. “So…I’ve met someone,” I said, rubbing my hand across the back of my neck.
Mom turned to me and smiled. “That’s wonderful, sweetheart,” she said, though her voice seemed distant. “What’s her name? How did you meet?”
It seemed as though she was asking on autopilot, simply because she thought she should ask these questions. I answered anyway, hoping she’d come out of it. “Her name is Corra, and I met her through Ryan, who’s dating her best friend.”
“She sounds lovely, dear,” she answered distantly.
The waitress set our plates down in front of us, and after checking our drinks, left us alone. “Mom, are you ok?”
“Hm? Oh, yes, I’m ok. Tired is all. You know, grieving and all.”
I hoped that’s all it was.
Corra
“So, how did it go Saturday,” Cay asked during brunch on Monday. It’s brunch at 9:30, right? Champagne was involved, isn’t that like a brunch drink? Then again, our champagne didn’t have any OJ.
Ok, fine. We were getting drunk at breakfast.
“It was actually really good,” I said, “and he texted me last night just to confirm again for tonight. I, of course, said yes, still curious as to where he’s taking me. He wouldn’t tell me where, though. He said to dress casually, so I’m wearing ripped skinnies and black Chucks. It’s not like he’s taking me to a gala or anything.”
Unfortunately, But my clothes were not the dilemma I was facing. “But…and if you ever tell anyone we talked about this, I will clip you with my AK, I like Dan. Like, the way you like Ryan. Like as in thinking of putting my pussy on an undetermined sabbatical from other men.”
Cay’s eyes were wide. “Holy shitballs!” she said, through a mouth full of eggs.
“It’s been four days, and I’m was still wondering what the hell I’m thinking. This desire is new to me. I really don’t know how to act. Like, am I allowed to look at other guys?” I asked her. She just looked at me, and I said, “No, I’m really asking.”
She laughed at me. Laughed. “Can you hold off on your glee and fucking answer me,” I said, scowling and smacking the fork from her hand.
She stopped laughing and said, “Goddamn you.
There are grits on the handle!”
“Then fucking answer me. I don’t know what the fuck I’m allowed to do when I want to date someone!”
Cay rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically, fishing her fork out of her grits. “Wanting someone and being in a relationship are different things—“
“Whoa, you crazy bitch, who said anything about a fucking relationship? I just want to date him. Is that what it’s called when I want to hang out with him and fuck just him?”
“How did you make it twenty-eight years? Sometimes you’re so dumb, I wonder how you’re alive. Yes, you can look at other dudes, just don’t put your fucking hands on them.”
I blew out a breath. “I mean, Dan is hot as fuck, don’t get me wrong. He’s plenty for me to look at.” I loved his pale skin and neat brown hair. What I’d seen of his body looked tempting. His clear brown eyes held a sweet innocence that shouldn’t exist in men his age. He’d felt solid in my grip, and his kiss made my lips tingle. Both sets. His smooth voice was low and rolled over me like crushed velvet, heavy but warm. I’ve seriously had my fair share (and probably other womens’ share, if I was being honest) of dick. Sexy, meh, heavy, thick, short, slender…I could seriously list about fifteen more varieties of dicks. But Dan’s…I hadn’t seen it, but I’d certainly felt it through is annoyingly sensible slacks. And it felt delicious. I couldn’t wait to get my hands on it. “But, he’s not the only hot man out there.”
Cay took pity on me and finally started giving me straight answers. “Look, I know you’ve never done this. We already know you want to fuck him like Snowden and the government, but that’s not all dating is. You spend time with him not fucking. You get to know him. The natural progression is meet, date, fuck, relationship. Sometimes, it’s even relationship before fuck. Yeah, I don’t get that one either, but it happens,” she said when I gaped at her.
“Dan’s probably going to be a relationship then fuck guy. That would just be my luck,” I said with a huff.
“That’s not luck, that’s Karma,” she said with a smirk.
“Shut the fuck up,” I growled. “He has a gorgeous dick and I hate the fact that I might not get to see it again anytime soon.”
But it wasn’t the only thing I wanted from him. Yes, his tongue and fingers are parts of him I wanted also. My confusion was coming from the emotions of it all. His experience, his life, his mind, his…heart (why did that sound like a dirty word?) were all parts of him I wanted to see, to explore. Why was this happening? And why with Dan? He was so not like me or anyone in my orbit. I hung out with killers and people who thought assault was a fun game. How could he ever accept me?
Maybe I didn’t need to think about this right now. I mean, I could’ve talked to Cay or my sister or, hell, my mom. Not right now, obviously. Tomorrow maybe. “Ladies, I’m so very sorry, but you can’t have alcohol before noon,” the manager was standing next to our table, looking uncomfortable.
Cay looked down at her phone and opened her world clock, then shoved it in his face. “It’s fucking past noon in Amsterdam.”
******
Tuesday evening, I was dressed for my second date with Dan. My second date ever.
The doorman buzzed my intercom, and I told him I’d be right down since I was ready to go and Dan didn’t seem like the type to leave room for foreplay before a date.
Shit, could I still think things like that? I mean, I totally
meant he didn’t seem like the type to be early enough to waste time coming up here.
I tapped my fingers against my leg in the elevator on the way down, in tune with Badflower’s Ghost. And wasn’t that just a fucked-up song to have in your head on a date? The elevator doors opened and there was Dan. Dan, my Uptight Stick Man. He looked yummy in fitted jeans and a green Henley. I’d never seen him wearing anything other than slacks and my party, where he wore kind of baggy jeans. The man was seriously delicious-looking. He smiled as I walked closer to him, and he leaned in to kiss my cheek.
Chaste. Sweet. So Dan. He made me feel like a lady— and let’s face it, that’s not something that happens a lot. Ok, ever.
“Hi Corra,” he said, with a small smile and glanced down. On the one hand, I wanted him confident enough to look me in the eye, but...his shyness was him.
And holy Jesus did the man smell good. He didn’t douse himself in Axe or Old Spice— though I suspected he’d be more likely to use that than Axe— but, he smelled fresh and sweet. If innocence had a smell, it would be Dan. Was that what attracted me to him so fiercely? I wasn’t sure I’d ever had an innocence about me.
No, it’s not his innocence. At first, it was the need to corrupt him, to make him a sex addict, maybe get that stick out of his ass. Now…I’m not sure what it is that makes me stupid for him.
Dan ushered me out to his sensible Honda and held my door open while taking my hand and helping me into my seat. Such a gentleman. “Can you tell me where we’re going now?” I asked, curious.
He glanced at me and smiled. “You’re not a patient person, are you?”
“Nuh-uh,” I answered, shaking my head.
“You look beautiful tonight, Corra,” he said, a slight blush crawling across his cheeks.
“Thank you. You look really handsome, yourself.”
“This is the one time a month I don’t worry about what I’m wearing. It wouldn’t matter either anyway, and I don’t want my work clothes to get messed up.”
I thought about that for a minute. I could go one of two ways with this conversation. Did I want to address his tight grip on his appearance, or focus on the easier subject of getting his clothes messed up?
I’ve never done the comfortable thing.
“You worry a lot about yourself, don’t you?” I asked.
Dan shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t think I really worry about myself so much as I want to be sure I have nice things. We…I didn’t have much growing up, so I think that’s why I’m more sensitive and…protective? Maybe? Of my stuff now.”
“That makes a lot of sense, actually. I can see why you’d be careful now, especially if you’re the one buying all the stuff. We did a lot of sharing in my house, too, but that was more because there were so many of us that we always had something someone else wanted,” I chuckled.
“You said you have a sister and two brothers? What’s the age difference?”
“My brother, Salty, is three years older than me. My sister Sarah is a year and a half younger than me, and my youngest brother Tate is the baby, and five years younger than me.”
“Salty?”
“Oh, it’s a nickname. When he was seven or so, he got a prickly attitude and it sort of stuck, so that’s what we— the whole family— have called him ever since. He’s still salty, but he’s mellowed some.”
“What’s his real name?”
“Ben. It was the only thing his dad ever asked for, was to name him after his dad and have his last name. Mom and Dad knew they were going to have more kids, so they agreed.”
“And he’s fit in? No resentment or anything?”
I thought it over. “No. Even in the beginning, well, from what I understand, Dad always considered Salty his, and shared him with Mark.”
“That’s…unusual.”
I smiled. “Yeah, well, we’re all a little unusual. Salty has always had a place with us, and he never felt like an outsider. Hell, Mark even still comes around and hangs out for holidays and whatnot. He got married years ago, but he and his wife never had children. She died about two years ago from ovarian cancer.”
“So your mom and her…one-night stand? Are still friends? And your dad is ok with that?” Dan looked like his world had tilted.
“Yeah. Like I said, Dad always knew Mom was coming home to him. And he’s not the type of man to be jealous or vindictive. He’s a firm believer that love spreads. Free love generation and all that,” I said, with a snort.
Dan turned the car into a parking lot next to a low building and a huge field. He paused for a minute, looking contemplative.
“I should also mention that mom’s not the only one who had an affair. Dad has always liked redheads, and mom’s blond.” I put out there.
Dan chuckled a bit, then said, “You’re so different from me. I’m not sure I’d ever be able to handle things like you do.”
I cocked my head, “Is that a bad thing?”
He shook his head, then reached for his seatbelt. “No, definitely not. I’m trying to learn to see things with a broader lens. You’re helping with that, a lot.”
Sending him a bright smile, “That’s me! Your friendly neighborhood public servant.”
Chapter 12
Corra
It was late evening as we headed toward the building, the sun glinting gold across his skin and lighting his eyes. He offered me his arm and lead me inside. The entrance was utilitarian, with two uncomfortable-looking chairs facing a desk, to the right a door separating whatever was back there from the front.
“So where are we?” I asked.
“Once a month, I volunteer to play with the puppies here. I can’t have one of my own, so I come here. I usually take them into the field and run with them or play tug of war.”
Could he be any cuter?
“I hope you’ll have fun,” he said, looking unsure.
I smiled at him again, shaking my head. “Well, let’s do a count. 1- puppies. 2- you. I’m not sure there’s any way I can’t have fun.”
Dan blushed and rang the bell for the person manning the desk. “Rocky?” he called.
“Yeah! Hey, Dan.” A man in his late forties came from the back and pushed a buzzer to open the door.
“Rocky, this is Corra,” Dan introduced me when we were standing on the other side of the door in a long hallway. “Corra, this is Rocky. He started this shelter.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Corra. Do you have any experience with pets?” Rocky asked as he dug out a bag from a closet.
I could hear dogs barking down the hallway. “Not really. My sister is allergic to pet hair, so the most we were allowed growing up was a goldfish.”
“Well, you’re in for a treat then. The dogs are fun, and the puppies are energetic,” Rocky said, handing the bag to Dan and leading us further down the hall. As we passed by each door, I looked in at the animals. There was a room with birds, cats, and was that…little pigs? I stopped in front of that door, gaping at the adorable little animals.
“People actually abandon those little guys?” I asked. Both men stopped and turned back to me. Dan walked over to see what I was looking at.
“Unfortunately, yes. So many people get pets— all kinds— and not understand what it takes to care for them. The kids get bored, or the parents get mad at the kid for not feeding it, and they drop it here. Or in the woods, or the side of the road…” Rocky trailed off.
“That is horrible!” I said, angry for the little pets that just wanted to be loved.
“Yeah. That’s why I’m grateful for people like Dan, here, who give up their time to show them that not all humanity is bad,” Rocky said, clapping Dan on the shoulder.
Dan just shrugged. “So how many am I taking out today?” he asked, then started back down the hall.
“Well, we got two strays who are still adjusting, so can you take them first for a little bit to give them some space before taking the rest?” Rocky asked.
Dan nodded. “Of course.”
Rocky opened a big door and grabbed two leashes off the hooks next to us. The room was divided with a low wall, one side with tall cubicles of chain link. I could smell the scent of numerous dogs in a crowded space and hear the yaps and whimpers, but it was the sight of the animals that really got to me. There were two in the cubicles, both laying on their sides, watching us warily. On the other side of the wall, a pile of dogs were tumbling, sniffing, and playing with one another. When they heard us come in, they ran toward the wall, jumping up the side for ear scratches. There were about seven altogether, all different sizes and breeds except for three who looked like siblings. I walked over and let them sniff my hand, then rubbed their heads. “Ah! They’re so cute!” I said.
“Yeah, those three were found in front of the door last week in a box,” Rocky said as he and Dan leashed the two in the cubicles.
“Do these guys have names?” Dan asked, rubbing the side of the one he led.
“That one is Rubble, and this one is Fader. Rubble sounds like rocks when he growls, but I couldn’t exactly name him Rocky after me, could I?” Rocky answered, chuckling, “And Fader always sort of trails off his whimpering.”
I took the leash Rocky handed me, then crouched down to let Fader sniff. “Hey, boy. You’re just the sweetest, aren’t you? Let’s go play, good boy.”
I stood up and noticed Dan staring. “What?” I asked, shrugging. “He didn’t ask to be here and probably only wants to hear that he’s a good doggy.”
Dan’s smile socked me right in the gut. No one had ever looked at me that way. Like…like I made him happy. That was a high I’d never had.
“You can go out those doors, I’ll make sure they don’t lock behind you,” Rocky said and pointed at the exit across from the dog room.
We played for what felt like hours. The field was equipped with stadium lights on the sides, so even as the sun went down, we still played with the little mutts. We threw balls (ha!) Played tug of war and I actually got down in the grass and rolled with the dogs. I don’t know if I’d ever had so much fun. Dan’s laugh was deep and reached me down to my toes.