by Katie Lane
Love didn’t conquer all.
It was just a painful emotion that left you gutted and alone.
Chapter Eighteen
Emma stayed holed up in her house for three days. She didn’t go to the hardware store. She didn’t go into town. She didn’t go near the rear windows. In fact, she kept all the blinds at the back of the house closed tight. What she did do was send in her résumé to bookstores in Dallas, Austin, and Houston. After a lengthy phone interview, an independent bookstore in Austin hired her and wanted her to start work the following week. Once she had a job, she found a small apartment near the bookstore and put a deposit down to hold it until she could get there and sign the lease.
Then she started to pack.
She hated leaving the antiques she’d collected over the years, but the one-bedroom apartment was furnished and too small to hold anything but the basics and a couple boxes of her favorite books. As she was going through her dishes, the doorbell rang. Fearing it was Boone, she didn’t answer it. She couldn’t see him. If she did, she knew her resolve to leave would melt. And she needed to leave. It was the only solution. She loved Boone. She would always love Boone. And she had forgiven him. But she didn’t trust him. In order for a marriage to work and last as long as her parents’, there needed to be trust. She wanted a marriage like her parents’. That’s all she’d ever wanted. She wanted a trustworthy, loving man like her father, who would never leave her heart shattered.
A tap had her jumping and she turned to see Jolene Applegate peeking in the window of the kitchen door. Emma hadn’t told any of her friends she was leaving. She planned to tell them at book club tomorrow night. But now it looked like the cat was out of the bag. She walked over and opened the door.
“Hi, Jolene. Come on in.”
Jolene looked concerned as she stepped into the kitchen. “Is everything okay, Emma? I stopped by the hardware store to loan you this mystery I just finished.” She held up the book in her hand. “But Boone said you weren’t coming into work today. Are you sick? Is that why you didn’t answer the door?”
“No, I’m fine. I just . . . need to finish packing.” She pinned on a bright smile. “I got a job at a bookstore in Austin.” She thought if anyone would be happy for her getting to work in a bookstore, it would be Jolene. But she didn’t look happy. She looked stunned.
“In Austin? You’re moving?”
She tried to keep the smile on her face, but it was hard. “I just decided that if I want to work in a bookstore, I should work in a bookstore. And since Simple doesn’t happen to have one . . . ” She let the sentence trail off.
“But I thought Boone was the one leaving.”
Emma couldn’t talk about Boone without crying so she ignored the comment and kept talking about her new job. “It’s going to be great. Not only do I get to order and shelve books all day, but I also get to read them and put reviews up on the bookstore blog where people can post and talk about the books. It will be like having a huge book club.” Her smile finally fell. “Without wine. And great food. And my friends.” She swallowed hard. “But it will be great.”
Jolene’s eyes turned sad. “I’m sure it will.” She paused. “But book club won’t be the same without you, Emma.”
She tried to keep positive. “Of course it will. Luanne will still take over the conversation and argue with Raynelle about the characters in the books. And as soon as I get settled in, I’ll invite everyone up to Austin and we’ll paint the town red.”
“You mean pink.”
Emma laughed. “You’re right. Red is way too brassy. Pink is a much happier color. Although if I want to sell this house, I’ll probably have to repaint it. I don’t think anyone in Simple is daring enough to want to own a pink house.”
“You were,” Jolene said.
“It wasn’t that daring. I just didn’t want to admit to Boone that I’d ordered the wrong paint.”
Jolene smiled. “You’re still daring. I would never have the courage to move to another city and start all over. I can’t even move out of my father’s house.”
“Only because you love him and don’t want him to be alone.”
“That’s some of it. But most of it is that I’m too scared of change—although I might be forced to change if my father finds out about the loans I gave to Cal and Boone without his permission.”
Emma didn’t know what surprised her more. Jolene going against her father or Boone needing a loan. “Boone got a loan? I thought he would just buy the store from our parents with the money he makes on his grandparents’ house.”
Jolene’s cheeks flushed. “I shouldn’t have said anything. The details of a loan are confidential. But I think you should talk to Boone before you leave.”
“It won’t change anything. My leaving is for the best. Boone should get the store. He loves hardware, while I was only working there to spite him. I should’ve given it up long ago.”
Jolene nodded slowly. “I just wish you could stay here in Simple.”
Emma hugged her. “Me too.”
When they drew back, Jolene handed her the book. “I think you’ll enjoy it. And don’t worry about returning it. Now I better get home for dinner before Dad calls Sheriff Dixie.”
Once Jolene was gone, Emma felt like sitting down at the table and having a pity party. But she’d spent more than enough time feeling sorry for herself. It was time to put on her big girl panties. So she finished packing the dishes she wanted to take with her and moved on to the kitchen appliances. She had just started filling a box when the doorbell rang again. Jolene must’ve called the members of the book club and told them Emma was leaving. She thought about ignoring it, but then realized she would have to face her friends eventually.
But it wasn’t her friends standing on the porch when she opened the door.
It was her father.
His South Padre tan made his eyes look even bluer. The love she saw in them released all the tears she’d been holding so tightly. As soon as he stepped through the door, she fell in his arms and sobbed like she had as a child. So much for putting on her big girl panties.
“It’s okay, Peanut.” He patted her back. “It’s going to be okay.”
“No, it’s not.” She sobbed against his shoulder. “Nothing is okay, Daddy. Life sucks.”
She felt his chin brush her head as he nodded. “I can’t argue with that. Sometimes life does suck. But mixed in with the bad is a lot of good.” He paused. “I’m going to guess that these tears have to do with your decision to leave Simple.”
She drew back. “How did you know?”
“I stopped by the store and Boone told me.”
Emma had been doing so well at keeping the memories of their night together at bay. But now all those memories came flooding back. Her heart tightened with pain over the hurt she had caused Boone. She hated to break his heart. But she had to protect her own.
She sniffed. “How’s Boone doing?”
“He seems to be doing fine. He wanted me to tell you that the fireworks are selling like hotcakes.”
Just like that, all her pain was crushed beneath a huge wave of anger. Her eyes widened. “I’m leaving and he’s talking about how great his fireworks are selling?”
Her father held up his hands. “Now, honey, I’m sure Boone will miss—”
She slammed the front door closed, cutting him off. “I should’ve known it! The entire prom night and marriage proposal was just a ruse to get me to give him the store.”
Her father’s eyes widened and a big grin spread over his face. “Boone asked you to marry him?”
“Yes, but he’s the last man on the face of God’s green earth that I’d marry. He’s nothing but a manipulative, backstabbing, arrogant jerk who—”
Her father cut her off. “Who you love.”
She stared at him for only a second before she burst into tears again.
Her father put his arm around her and led her into the kitchen. “Sit down, Peanut, and I’ll make you some tea.�
�� She’d gotten her love for tea from her father. Every time she’d been upset or sick, he’d always made her a cup. Watching him do so now was soothing and comforting. He filled up the kettle with water and set it on the stove to boil. Then he opened her top cabinet for cups.
“They’re in the box,” she sniffed.
He sent her a sad look before he pulled the tape off the box on the counter and unwrapped two cups. Once the water was hot, he filled each one and added a chamomile teabag before carrying them over to the table. He studied her for a long moment before he spoke.
“After the fiasco of forcing you and Boone to work together, the Murphys and your mother and I made a pact that we wouldn’t get involved in your relationship anymore. But I can’t stand to see my baby girl so unhappy. Especially when you don’t have to be. Boone loves you, Emma. That’s why he asked you to marry him.”
“He has a funny way of showing it.” She snorted. “Fireworks. Who cares about his stupid fireworks?”
Her father sighed. “Some men aren’t good at showing their emotions, honey. I can attest to that. And being that I’m your father, I’m sure Boone was working real hard to make it look like everything was okay. But I’ll bet he’s just as heartbroken as you are. Now the question is why did you turn him down?”
Tears flooded her eyes, and her father shifted in his chair and pulled a handkerchief from his back pocket. Dad was the only man she knew who still carried a handkerchief.
She took it and dabbed at her eyes. “I had to turn him down. Boone and I have done too much to each other to make a marriage work. Said too many hateful words. Done too many hateful things. We might love each other, but love isn’t enough. Just look at how I reacted to the firework thing. I don’t trust Boone. And I want to marry a man I can trust to never break my heart.”
Her father stared at her. “And just where do you plan to find one of those men, Emma Lou?”
“You’re one, Daddy. And so is Dean Murphy. Your thirty-eight-year marriages prove it.”
“Just because we’ve been married a long time doesn’t mean we haven’t broken each other’s hearts. It just means that we love each other enough that we’re willing to work through the heartache.”
“Exactly. Boone wasn’t willing to work through anything. When he felt trapped by his life, he just ran off. You and Mom would never do that to each other. You’re not quitters.”
He slowly and methodically dunked his teabag up and down in his cup for what felt like forever before he replied. “I’m glad you think so highly of us, Peanut. But you’re wrong. Your mother and I both ran off rather than face our problems.”
“What do you mean?”
He sighed and pushed his cup away. “You know how hard it was for your mother to get pregnant. We both wanted children badly, and when years passed and she couldn’t conceive, we started to blame each other. We didn’t do it verbally. We weren’t that cruel. But our thoughts worked their way out in our actions. We stopped having a physical relationship and started contemplating divorce. Your mother even left and went to live with your grandmother for six months.”
Shocked was too gentle a word to describe how Emma felt. “You were separated? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because it was a dark time that we would just as soon forget.”
She had known how much they both had wanted kids. She just hadn’t known it had caused them to split up. “What brought you back together? Did Mom find out she was pregnant with me?”
“No. You didn’t show up until years later. Love brought us back together.” He paused. “It brought us back together both times we were separated.”
Okay, this was really freaking her out. “You’ve been separated twice?”
He nodded. “The last time I was sure it was going to end in divorce.” She expected him to go into a long story. Her father could stretch out a story for days. But instead, after a few sips of tea, he just came right out with it. “I cheated on your mom with her best friend.”
Emma had just picked up her cup of tea. It slipped out of her fingers and clattered onto the table, spilling tea everywhere. Her father quickly got up and grabbed some paper towels to mop up the mess while Emma continued to stare at him.
“You had an affair with DeeDee Murphy?”
“Not an affair.” He wiped off the table and tossed the wet paper towel into the trash before he picked up her teacup. “You want something stronger than tea? You look pale as a ghost.”
“Because my father just told me that he’s had sex with my godmother!”
“No. I said I cheated. There was no sex involved.” He sat back down. “You were getting ready to graduate and I was feeling pretty low about losing my little girl. One night, I was doing inventory at the store when DeeDee stopped by. I think she was feeling a little down and lonely too. Dean was at a hardware convention and Boone would be leaving for Harvard soon. So DeeDee stayed and kept me company while I worked. After I was finished, we had a couple beers together in the back room and got to talking about how much we were going to miss having you kids around. And between the beer and feeling sorry for ourselves about becoming empty nesters, we somehow ended up kissing.” He held up a hand. “Just kissing. Thankfully, we both realized the mistake we were making and stopped.”
“But then how did Mom find out?”
“I told her. Guilt had us confessing after you and Boone left for college. Dean ended up punching me in the nose and your mama shoved the key lime pie DeeDee had brought for supper into her face. For two weeks, I slept at a motel in Abilene thinking that I’d lost the woman I loved with all my heart. Then your mother called and told me that a water pipe had burst under the sink and water had filled the entire kitchen. And since she didn’t know a thing about fixing pipes, I’d better get my butt home and do it.” He smiled. “By the time I got the pipe fixed and we got the water cleaned up, we were both soaked to the skin and had to strip out of our cloth—”
Emma held up a hand. “Please, Dad, I don’t need to hear the details. What about the Murphys?”
“Things were strained for awhile, but we had too many years together to let a careless mistake ruin our friendship.” He reached across the table and took her hand. “I’m sorry, Peanut, I’m not a perfect husband. But no man is.”
It was a rude awakening. For so long, Emma had been searching for just the right man to fill the shoes of her perfect father. But her father wasn’t perfect. He was just a fallible human being like everyone else. And yet, her mother and father’s marriage had survived. Somehow they’d figured out how to get through all those bad times and keep right on loving each other. And even more, trusting each other. Maybe that’s what made a perfect marriage.
Never giving up.
That’s exactly what she was doing. She was giving up.
“You okay, sweetheart?” her father asked.
She shook her head. “No.”
He squeezed her hand. “I hope you can forgive your old dad.”
“There’s nothing to forgive.” She squeezed his hand back. “No matter what happened between you and mom, you are still the perfect dad.”
He sighed. “I’m afraid I’m not that either. I pushed you to work at the hardware store even when I knew it wasn’t your cup of tea.”
Her eyes widened. “You knew?”
He laughed. “You’re a lot of things, honey, but an actress has never been one of them. I should’ve let you off the hook from working at the store, but I couldn’t stand the thought of my baby girl leaving town. I wanted to keep you right here with me. And that was selfish and wrong. So was forcing you and Boone to work together.”
“You didn’t force me, Daddy. If I really hadn’t wanted to work with Boone, I could’ve left. I wanted to make him suffer like I had. So I became a spiteful, resentful woman who couldn’t forgive. Now that I’ve learned to forgive, I can’t seem to learn how to trust.” She leaned her elbows on the table and covered her face with her hands. “I’m the definition of a hot mess.”
Her father was right. Deep down, she had always known Boone would come back. But when he had, fear of being hurt again had made her refuse the one thing she’d been waiting for. Boone. She had been so busy trying to squeeze him into the mold of her father and finding him lacking that she’d overlooked the fact that Boone was already perfect.
He was perfect for her.
He was the one who made her heart race with just one smile. The one who could tease her until she wanted to slug him . . . or kiss him. The one who gave her a perfect prom night—even if it was eleven years late. She’d rewarded him by throwing his love and marriage proposal right back in his face.
“What have I done?” she moaned. “I’ve screwed everything up. I wouldn’t blame Boone if he never spoke to me again. I treated him horribly. I even pushed him off a roof!”
Her father chuckled. “And he still asked you to marry him? I’d say that was true love, sweetheart.”
She lowered her hands. “I’m scared, Daddy.”
“Love is scary, and it takes a lot of courage to navigate it.” He patted her back again. “But I believe my strong, determined daughter can do it. I believe you can do anything you set your mind to. And I think your mind has been set on marrying Boone Murphy your entire life.” He got to his feet. “Now I better head on home.”
She stood. “You’re not going to drive all the way back to South Padre tonight, are you? Stay here and leave in the morning.”
“I was referring to my home here.” He shook his head. “The condo community is nice, but Simple will always be my home.” He sent her a pointed look. “I think it’s yours too.”