by Katt Briones
“You think I’m going to be the only one to wag her tongue the moment you bring that girl to meet Lolo and the rest of us? She’s different and no good. You don’t see that being a problem?”
“You’ve always thought of me as a nuisance, even before Vinnie came along,” Cholo angrily retorted.
“I thought you wanted to change that?” Miki sharply said. “Aren’t you afraid that she’s going to turn you into exactly what you were scared of becoming?”
“No,” he snapped. “Vinnie is a good person, and you’re just bringing this out on her because you’re angry with me.”
Miki stared him down. I got this overwhelming desire to slap her. The words she said earlier burned through my veins like poison. I couldn’t even imagine what Cholo was feeling now.
“I guess it’s too late. You’ve always been on that side of the tracks, anyway. Beyond saving,” she said, shaking her head. I had no idea why the line sounded familiar, but I was sure I heard it before. Cholo’s face paled, as Miki had delivered a verbal death blow.
“If you want to get the brand standees at home, go ahead. I’m stressed enough without you here,” she added, walking past him.
She left and bossed the other org people around. Cholo shook his head and took out his phone, dialling, and sure enough mine shook in my pocket just moments after. I waited ten seconds before I appeared around the bend.
“Yes, yes, I know I’m late,” I said, trying to smile and look like I’m joking. “What did I miss?”
Cholo smiled at me tiredly and took my bag from me.
“You okay?” I asked innocently. He tried to arrange his features in a smile but ended up with a grimace.
“Nah, just hungry.”
“Great, I brought food,” I just answered, taking his hand. I was sure I’d heard that line before, too, but I didn’t want to force him to talk.
While Cholo was driving home to retrieve the standees, Miki assigned me with the tech guys and our Logistics Team to check the system and projectors. Once that was set up, I was supposed to do a test run of the montage featuring Miki’s brand, then coordinate with Erika on playing the launch video itself.
By 2 p.m. the projectors were fixed, and the venue personnel had called for a lunch break. I was near the control booth and fixing the Ephemere logo tarp in front of the DJ station when Summer appeared, holding a cup of fruit and yoghurt.
“Aren’t you going to eat?” she asked. “I saw Cholo going somewhere else.”
“What do you want?” I asked, calm.
“I’m just worried about you guys,” she replied, shrugging. “I don’t want Cholo or you to get hurt.”
“Blah blah blah,” I said, opening and closing my fingers to resemble a mouth, mocking her. “Look, if he got rid of you for being a distraction, don’t talk to me, talk to him.”
“Di mo pa ba gets? Cholo is obsessed with fixing stuff. What he can’t fix for himself, he tries to fix in others.”
“Then he must have dumped you because you were hopeless,” I replied.
“I let him go because he’s a control freak and I wouldn’t change for him,” she replied. “I wouldn’t expect you to see it from my point of view, but it’s a close parallel. In your case, he insists he wants to help you for your grades. It’s only a matter of time before he starts making decisions on your behalf. Tomorrow it will be for an internship or a job you wish to get, and after that, it will be for his family. Clothes, attitude—there will always be something he’ll want to change. Is that something you can put up with?”
“If Cholo never truly put up with you, that’s not my problem anymore, and telling me all this won’t change anything.”
“Are you sure he’s in love with you, and not with the image of you in his head that he’s hoping you could be?”
“That’s none of your business,” I snapped now, as the last statement had hit a nerve, and the tarp had sprung off the screw I was trying to fasten it with. “Why don’t you run along and piss someone else off?”
“Summer!” yelled Miki from somewhere in the next room, sparing me from having to tell Summer to go away.
Too late, though. What she said was enough to get my mind reeling.
All hell broke lose when it was time to play the montage I had lost countless hours of sleep for.
“Putang ina, nasaan na ‘yon?” I was screaming as I basically flipped every bag in sight. “I brought it! I’m sure I brought it!”
“Calm down, Vinnie, it’s just here,” Seth told me, but I could see cracks in his calm demeanor already. I wasn’t the only one who got bossed around the whole day, and our team especially was on edge because we were the ones who came here early.
“I saw it here, just beside your laptop. Or was that Seth’s?” asked Cholo.
While Seth, Erika, and Cholo went around looking for my external hard drive containing the video, I sat down and tried to think straight. The panic was clouding my thoughts and I could think of nothing but the worst scenarios possible.
Of course, Miki had to come in at that exact moment and open Pandora’s Box.
“Nasaan na? The laser light cue’s long done!” she demanded, and I looked at her blankly. Her frown went deeper. “Okay. What the hell’s happening?”
“We’re just looking for the hard drive,” Cholo answered, back to his polite tone. “Can you give us five more minutes?”
“Hard drive?” she repeated. “Goodness, we came up to this moment only to get impeded by a hard drive? Who had it last? Don’t you have a backup?”
“We’re looking for it already, Ate Miki,” Cholo pleaded.
“Looking for it! Working on it! Empty words all fucking day!” Miki cursed, seething. “Wala ka na bang gagawing mabuti? Well, what can I expect, seeing as your mere existence was a mistake—”
“Hoy!” I now shouted, my hot temper back in place as I marched towards her with fists clenched. “That’s going too far!”
“You dare talk like that to a sponsor?!” Miki demanded.
“No, I’m talking to you as a person, to you as Ate Miki,” I snarled, making quotation marks in the air. “Is it normal for you to treat people from your family like this?”
“This illegitimate thing is no family to me.”
Needless to say, I lost it.
I had no idea how I managed to escape Cholo’s grip, but the next thing I know I had given Miki a huge push and she fell spectacularly on the tiled floor with a groan. Seth, Erika, and Cholo all had to come forward as I was fighting to do more damage.
Patsy came up to the booth at the worst possible time, and immediately came to her sister’s aid.
“That’s it!” Miki screamed, getting back on her feet. “We’re pulling out of this event!”
My head spun as Patsy tried to plead with her sister.
“Miki, please be reasonable—
“She pushed me!” Miki replied, turning on her. “Look. Either she’s out of the team, or Exonerate cancels the entire deal. Take your pick.”
It was not an empty threat. I knew how people like Miki worked—she would make good on that promise.
The defeat on Patsy’s face was enough to let me know what she was going to choose. Ashamed, I fled from the scene to compose myself.
I had just made it to the lobby when I ran into Summer, whose eyes flashed at the sight of me.
“Looking for this?” said Summer, walking towards me with a triumphant smile, holding my hard drive.
I stared at the thing on her hand in horror.
“Funny how I didn’t even have to say something,” she taunted. I froze in my spot, not even thinking of grabbing it from her. “I just had to hide this and wait for you to mess things up yourself.”
“How low can you get?” I asked, hardly able to absorb any of this.
“Well, you happened to be under the illusion that you were better than me, and they had this idea of you that Cholo planted in their heads. You all needed the wakeup call. They needed to see you for what you really a
re.”
I had nothing to say to that. She was right, of course. I had dug my own grave. It was all my fault. Hiding the hard drive was nothing compared to me deliberately hurting someone else because I was angry.
She shoved the hard drive in my hand.
“It’s a good thing I have a backup, or this launch would have been a failure,” she said. “Would you mind if I go back in there to save the day?”
With a last smile, she regally turned on her heel and walked out the door, leaving me devastated.
CHAPTER 19
I was angrier at myself than anything. Summer didn’t even break a sweat in taking me down, and while I wanted to go back inside to redeem myself, the damage was already done.
Cholo came out the door with my backpack and laptop just moments later, his face blank. He took my hand and led me to the parking lot, and his silence was scaring me more than anything.
The drive that followed was one of the longest and worst I ever had. I expected him to go off at every traffic light that turned red, but Cholo didn’t speak until we got past the toll gate.
“What happened back there?” he asked softly. The disappointment in his voice made everything worse. It would have been better if he had shouted, as right now I had no idea what he was feeling. I could still remember everything that Miki said and I was still hurting on his behalf.
“She crossed the line, Cholo,” I replied, trying to even out my breathing. The panic was sinking in just now. “What she said was uncalled for.”
“Technically, there was nothing wrong with what she said,” he answered, gritting his teeth, and I realized he didn’t know that I had heard them talking that morning. “I am an illegitimate kid.”
“She humiliated you in front of the team! Did you expect me to take all of that sitting down?”
“She was just angry. That’s just really how she is, and I know that because she’s family. Saka hindi ko naman kinakahiya ‘yun,” he told me. “Unless you got mad because you were embarrassed?”
I was about to tell him that I heard them talking that morning, but his tone made me not want to explain anymore.
“What the fuck, are you even hearing yourself right now?” I asked, my voice sounding louder than I had intended it to be because of the cramped space, angry at him. “What she did was not okay. I’m not going to apologize for beating up someone who treated you like shit just because she’s quote-unquote family.”
“What you did was not okay either!” he replied, matching my voice. “Is this what you are? You were doing so well, Vinnie, how could you throw all that work away?”
This hit a nerve. Summer’s words echoed inside my head, and I hated how they seemed to be consistent with what Cholo was saying now.
“Doing so well?” I repeated, my voice filled with venom. “Are we still talking about the event, or the fact that you’re still treating me like a project?”
Cholo gave me a quick, frustrated look.
“Are you kidding me? That wasn’t even what I meant!”
“For real? Because that’s what it felt like,” I told him. He stared at me disbelievingly as we stopped at a red light. “Are you really just angry with me for talking to your cousin like that, or is it because I’m not turning out as well as everyone hoped?”
“No, I’m angry because you are the last person I expected to look at me differently just because of what I am!”
“What you are?” I repeated bitterly. “Tang ina, Cholo, it’s not like I only choose to react when your family history comes up. No matter what name people call you, no matter what insult they hurl at you, I am going to want to stand up and fight back because it was you who was involved.
If you find that problematic or unbecoming because whatever I did would reflect on you or cause a delay with your mission to straighten me out then I’m sorry, maybe next time I shouldn’t bother or care!”
Cholo punched the steering wheel, and a huge beep emanated from the car. I leaned my elbow on the window and stared outside, breathing like I had just run a mile.
There will always be something he’ll want to change. Is that something you can put up with?
What if Summer was right? Cholo had always been too good for me, and somewhere in my mind a nagging voice was saying that he really did deserve better. It didn’t help that I had heard Miki tell him that I was no good and that my irresponsibility was rubbing off on him.
I couldn’t just shake this off. Soon enough I would have to look at this realistically. Somewhere deep in my mind I was sure that I wanted to move ahead to the future with him, but what I now feared was that he wasn’t. Would he really want me to change? Even if I asked him, I was sure he would say what I wanted to hear, but could I really fit into his world without bringing him down?
His frustrations seemed so much clearer to me now. He was either going to become what he feared or what he wanted to be—and somehow, a part of that would depend on me.
We came to a stop in front of my house. Exhausted, I barely got out a thank you as I moved to open the door latch, but he pulled my other hand before I could get out.
“I have to go back,” he told me quietly.
“I know.”
“I don’t want you to get out of here without getting this resolved,” he said. “I’m sorry.”
“You shouldn’t be,” I said, blinking back tears. I was more exhausted than anything, as the seeds of doubt that Miki and Summer had scattered in my mind were blossoming into weeds, seeping into every crack. “You have to go back.”
“You do know I’d rather stay here and fix this with you, right?”
Cholo is obsessed with fixing stuff. What he can’t fix for himself, he tries to fix in others.
“Of course,” I said weakly. “Ikaw pa.”
“Vinnie . . . I’m serious,” he pleaded, his grip on my hand getting tighter. I felt his sincerity and my stomach clenched at the thought of not being good enough for him. What good have I done in my life to deserve this?
“You’ll be late if you don’t leave now,” I answered, trying to smile. His eyes were fixed on mine, determined. “Text me when you get there. And don’t get drunk.”
“But Vinnie...” he said again, a little more exasperatedly, and I cut him off with a quick kiss.
“Clock is ticking, tick tock,” I told him softly. “And believe me, Cholo. I know. But you’d be just as screwed as me if you turned up late. Gusto mo ’yon?”
“I don’t care about Miki. Not anymore. All I could think of right now is that I’m a jerk for yelling at you.”
“But you care about Ephemere,” I answered. “Your team is there, waiting for you, and while I’m here I’ll be rooting for you, too. Now go. Make us all proud.”
“I love you,” he answered.
I pulled him in for a longer, more heartfelt kiss, and opened the car door while he was distracted.
“Okay,” I said, letting go and quickly getting myself out of the car. “You have an event to launch, bye!”
He shook his head and sped off. I entered the house feeling a little lighter, but when I got inside my room, it all just sunk in. I got kicked out of Ephemere, Patsy was going to flunk me because it was part of the agreement, and I was effectively delayed by one year.
The mere thought of telling Dad was too much and I started crying like a baby, feeling like the biggest failure in the world.
CHAPTER 20
It definitely got Dad upset.
I was grounded (yes, I could still apparently get grounded at age twenty) until school ended. Maybe more, but it didn’t really matter as I wasn’t going to attend org meetings anymore. Cholo was not allowed to come over, and I was strictly going to turn up at our meeting place where dad picked me up just two hours after my last subject ended, which he would now know as he asked for a copy of my class schedule.
He was even going to keep my phone until Monday just to prove a point.
Cris and Liana tried to appeal on my behalf, asking me to tell them everything
. Dad did listen when I told him the whole story, but he stayed firm on his decision. I didn’t bother protesting because I truly needed it.
Yuck, I didn’t sound like myself anymore these days.
“I think he’s trying to make up for all those years that he was too scared to ground you,” Cris had said in a lame attempt at humor when she brought me chicken soup in my room, just after Dad gave me that long-ass sermon.
Liana was beside me on the bed back then, and she had given her mother a withering glare.
“Real funny, mom.”
“Do you want me to ground you too?” said Cris, and I giggled as I ate my soup. “Pati si Gian, pagbabawalan ko na pumasok!”
“You’re dating Gian? As in Gian natin?” I sputtered, looking at Liana disbelievingly. “And you were going to tell me when?”
“Well, I was about to tell you pero since you just got yourself kicked off an org and delayed from graduating by a year, I couldn’t bring it up anymore,” she said, shrugging. “I had to give you your moment.”
“My moment?”
“Yes, your moment,” she joked, eyes glinting maliciously. “Wouldn’t want you to accuse me of stealing your thunder.”
“Screw you, Liana!” I had shouted, then I spilled soup all over myself as I aimed a kick at her.
“Oh Vinnie!” Cris complained, sounding like a hamster that got stabbed by a fork. “I just changed those sheets! You are in so much trouble, young lady!”
“Oops,” said Liana, making an escape as her mother ran off to get new bed covers. “She just used her dolphin voice. You’re dead meat.”
As much as my family (sans Dad) tried to get me over it with jokes and chicken soup, the sad reality slapped me hard in the face when I got back to school.
Summer acted more smug than usual, and she kept talking in class to introduce herself as a University Student Council candidate. She made it a point to hand me a flyer, discussing her plans for an easier process for delayed students extending their residency.