by Katt Briones
“What are you talking about?”
I shoved the envelope hard against his chest, livid.
“My BA 199 and feasib class slots!” I shouted. “You got me an internship? Signed me up for subjects without my knowledge? You can’t do that, you know. You can’t keep doing things behind my back and manipulating people to get what you want!”
“Manipulating?” he repeated, his eyes growing dark, more sad than angry. “Vinnie, I just wanted—
“What? To make sure I don’t mess up?” I cut him off. I should have seen it then, how his eyes pleaded with me to stop and listen, but I was too busy wallowing in my own anger and insecurities to even notice. “To ensure I won’t, I don’t know, choose an internship that wouldn’t be up to your standards?”
“Not up to my standards? God, Vinnie, what are you even talking about?” said Cholo, visibly confused and hurt but still trying regain control of the conversation. “I don’t understand.”
“Yun na nga eh!” I screamed. “You don’t get it! You don’t know what it looks like from my end when you go around doing things behind my back, to get surprised and find out from other people that you’re working hard to get me to look like something that would finally fit your needs—
“Hold on. I never asked you to become anything for me,” he said, his voice weak and vulnerable. I would forever hate myself for not seeing that, and for where I let my pride lead us.
“You will never be okay, will you,” I began, shaking my head and waving a hand between us. “With what I am. You’ll keep saying that this is okay, that you can deal with me, what I can and can’t be. But I’ll never be enough for you, will I?”
“Enough?” Cholo let out the word like it was something poisonous. The fight in him was returning, and I could see the walls come back up all around him. “Vinnie, you know that all my life I’ve struggled with what that word meant and entailed, don’t you think I would know what it’s like to have someone insinuate that you’re not enough? How can I even think of doing that to you?”
He ran a hand through his hair, his face tired, jaw tightly clenched in an attempt to control himself.
“You think I wanted you to turn into something else? You think I was manipulating you? God, when we met, you were the exact opposite of me. You didn’t care what people said or wanted, you breezed through everything and did things effortlessly. You think I forgot about that quiz bee? You were that amazing, smart girl and when we met again I thought that maybe it didn’t have to matter. Maybe I didn’t have to be so uptight to prove myself after all because you had this I-don’t-care-fuck-you-everybody-manigas-kayo attitude...”
“Cholo,” I tried to cut him off, trying to stop this runaway train of a conversation from going off the deep end, but it was too late.
“But at the same time you were alone, because no matter how tough you wanted to be, you did need company,” he went on, ignoring me. “Well of course you’d rather die than admit that you were lonely, but you were. All I wanted was to be there for you and make you realize what you were capable of, not because you weren’t good enough, but because I knew what it was like to grow up alone and have no one to do that for me. I wanted to believe I could do that for you, that I could be needed, but apparently I wasn’t.”
“Please, I’m sorry, Cholo listen to me.”
“You’ve made it pretty clear, Vinnie,” he told me coldly, his eyes distant. He stepped away from me and the weight of what I had done just dropped on my head like an anvil. “I’m done.”
His shoulders dropped and I felt my own tears building up in my eyes, this time I didn’t know if I had it in me to stop them.
“What do you mean you’re done?”
“I mean I’m DONE!” Cholo said harshly, throwing the envelope so hard against the sofa behind me that I cringed. “If you can’t find it in you to take a step back and not think that the world is out to get you or force you into something you don’t want to be. If you’re too proud to accept that what I do for you is not equivalent to me holding you against some standard you had cooked up inside your head, then I’m done.”
Cholo took one last look at me and went on his way out. I expected him to slam the door, but of course he didn’t, and the soft clicking of the door knob brought a much more ominous close to what had just occurred.
I sat on the sofa, marveling at every word I had thrown at him, clutching at every wound it made inside of me, and the mere air I breathed felt like shards of broken glass.
I reached out a shaking hand to get the envelope. The tears were now at bay. I felt mostly numb as I opened the brown paper. I didn’t think it could get worse until I saw what was inside.
A plane ticket to Korea with my name and a number of passes to the amusement parks I’d always wanted to visit were inside, along with a yellow Post-it note containing his handwriting.
It read.
“Aaand to wrap up our 3-month-day, here’s Everland, Lotte World, and one weekend devoted to stalking Era of Maidens! We’re leaving on your birthday week.
P.S.
Here we come, Hyoyeon.
P.P.S.
Don’t worry, I already asked permission! We should get our visas together next month :)”
CHAPTER 22
I stayed in my spot, looking into empty air, still holding the ticket and amusement park passes. I couldn’t move, and it felt like Cholo had brought all the life in the room with him when he left. My head felt heavy and my tears formed a haze in my vision. I felt confused and disgusted with myself.
How could I have let Summer and Miki and whoever else who had discouraged me to drive a wedge between me and Cholo? How could I have let my pride get in the way like this?
I didn’t have the answers. All I had was the fact that he had left, that he was done with me. I curled up on the sofa and clutched the envelope against my chest, letting my dark thoughts take over.
“Vinnie?” said a voice, and I opened my eyes to see Liana and Gian crouching in front of the sofa to match my line of vision. “Oh my God, what happened to you?”
“Man, you look like shit,” Gian commented, and Liana gave him a good push.
“You useless idiot, go get her a glass of water!” Liana scolded.
Liana had made me sit up and Gian came back with the drink as promised. I gulped it down rather sloppily and set it back empty on the table.
“Tanggera talaga,” Gian joked, taking the other couch. “Should I buy beer?”
“Vinnie, seriously, what happened?” Liana said, not forgetting to throw her boyfriend a nasty look.
I started talking and it all just came out in one steady, monotonous stream. I began with Summer, everything that let to this, to what made me say all the things I had said to Cholo, to what I had accused him of, and what this envelope contained. I told them that we were done.
“I can’t believe it,” Liana blurted out at last when I finished, shaking her head. Gian remained impassive, looking at our center table with one eyebrow slightly raised.
“Wow,” said Gian, and he finally raised his eyes to meet mine, I saw a different kind of amusement. “So this thing he did was to enlist you in a subject you needed to pass to graduate, ask one professor not to flunk you, convince another professor to stop picking on you, and make sure you had feasibility study groupmates. God, what an asshole.”
“Gian,” Liana said warningly, and I stared at him with my mouth gaping open.
“A guy who listened to your dreams, and made sure he did everything to make them happen—what a fucking joke. You’re lucky to be rid of him, Lavinia.”
“Tang ina, you think this is funny?” I shouted, tempted to kick him out of my house, as I was sure Liana wouldn’t mind.
“No, I think this is the opposite of funny,” Gian retorted, his sarcasm all gone. “Vinnie, you found a guy who put you first, who wanted to be with you every day, who didn’t only keep up with your bullshit but called you out on it, and you let him go because of what—your pride? Because you
listened to Summer Tiu?”
You know the world’s going crazy when Gian freaking Magsaysay starts to make sense.
“Fuck. I messed up.”
“You think?” Gian said, and Liana shook her head in defeat, muttering unintelligible phrases. “Look, Liana, she needed the wakeup call.”
“What do I do?” I asked them, teary-eyed.
“Well,” said Liana, who was caught up with some form of determination as she stood in front of me and wiped my face free of tears. “We hunt him down.”
He didn’t turn up to class the next day, not even the day after that. I called Chip but he was in Bicol (“Sorry, Vinnie, but did something happen?” he asked, and I had to lie through my teeth because I did not want to talk about it again), I dialled Chan and Asher, but they didn’t know either. Seth told me during class that Cholo had mentioned the Korea trip and said that maybe Cholo had used that day to go to the Korean embassy and that I shouldn’t be worried.
I was at a loss already when I got a text.
From: Miss Co
“Come to my office, I need a word.”
I closed my eyes in relief, but that was short-lived.
From: Miss Co
“NOW.”
I had no choice but to hurry. Her room was in the far end of the second floor’s west wing. I didn’t bother knocking and just entered the door, not expecting the assault that followed.
“Ow!” I said as the first ream of paper hit me after opening the door, followed by one, and then another, and another.
“Take that!” Patsy said, gritting her teeth as she ran out of paper to throw. “What the hell was that, Vinnie?”
“What! Shouldn’t I be asking that question?” I demanded.
“I hate you!” she shouted. “What the hell was that? Gosh! If I knew this was coming I would have suspended you a long time ago!”
“Patsy, I’m really sorry,” I said tearfully, picking up the scattered sheets of paper she had thrown at me. “Really. I’m here because I want to fix it, but I can’t do that if I don’t know where he is! You have to help me!”
“You dare ask for my help?” she snarled. I continued fixing the sheets of paper and stacking them neatly in a pile before bringing them back to her table, hoping she wouldn’t lose her mind and throw everything at my head again. “Bruha!”
“Oo na, bruha na!” I conceded, holding both palms up in a sign of peace. “Please, Patsy, I’m begging you. I have to fix this.”
She stared me down and folded her arms.
“I’ll help you with my cousin in exchange for a 5 in BA 170,”
“Patsy?!”
“That’s Miss Co to you!” she said again, and I cringed. I had never seen her so angry, and I didn’t want to see her this upset ever again. “What’s it going to be? Cholo, or your grade?”
“Cholo,” I said quietly, wanting to sit on the floor and throw a tantrum. “Flunk me if you want, just please tell me where he is.”
She was still breathing heavily.
“Take a seat,” she ordered, and I obliged. “First of all, he didn’t enlist you in BA 199 or get you an internship.”
I blinked, not at all expecting this turn of events. “What?”
“One of Miki’s bosses liked the video. They’re always looking for interns, and they need the ones with an artistic flair this time around for a new campaign,” Patsy continued. He asked Cholo who made the visuals and, of course, he said “You. The boss wants students to come in for an interview and you were one of the short-listed people, period.”
Gulping the golf ball in my throat, I waited for her to continue.
“For the feasib, well, you did need a group mate, did you want to end up with a group you barely know?” she went on, and I shook my head in response. “As for you not failing BA 170 anymore, I kid you not, he begged for it. When he got back to the launch all he could talk about was ‘Patsy please don’t flunk Vinnie’ and I had to bonk him hard on the head a number of times to make him stop because I wasn’t planning on giving you a failing grade at all. I knew about the hard drive and I know how much of a bitch Miki had been. And besides, you delivered as per the conditions we had.”
I let out a breath I didn’t realize I had been holding, and Patsy seemed to take offense from it.
“But do note that I am closer to Cholo than Miki so you hurting him is a different story, and I could use that to actually flunk you,” she said. “I am giving you one last chance, though.”
“Okay,” I said nervously.
“Three conditions,” Patsy started. “One, you attend Ephemere.”
“Do I have to help?”
“No, just turn up. Join the marketing team in the booth for welcoming the sponsors.”
“But Miki will see me,” I protested.
“Don’t be an idiot, she won’t be able to pull out the sponsorship on the day itself,” Patsy scolded me, and that was enough to shut me up. “Two, you make another video.”
“What? That takes a week or so to—
“Okay, sorry, let me correct that, you will edit a video,” she went on, cutting me off. “And you will use the footage we already have for the co-presentor products, since everyone saw what happened in the launch and wanted their own video placements too. It will be shown throughout Ephemere.”
Again, I gulped. Even editing took me two or three days, but I at least had a chance. I wasn’t going to let this go.
“Three?” I prompted now.
“You go to that interview for Miki’s boss, and you have to pass.”
I knew why she was giving me these tasks—they were impossible.
She just really wanted to punish me.
“Oh, don’t give up just yet,” my professor said, still looking pissed with me as she seemed to read my thoughts. “After what you did, what I’m asking is fair game. Are you up for it?”
Well, four months ago, I walked into the disciplinary office with no escape from suspension and managed to walk out of it with a challenge that then seemed impossible to achieve. Now that I was right here, I might as well suck it up.
“I am,” I said. “When do you need the videos?”
For the first time today, she actually smiled, and told me all the instructions for what I was going to do.
CHAPTER 23
Cholo attended class the next day, but I didn’t have the guts to actually face him.
The fact that he was in every single one of my classes should have made it easier, but everything I said the last week echoed in my head each time I even thought about approaching him. I made it a point to come in a little later than everyone so I could sit in the back, and Cholo did not show any indication whatsoever that he was bothered by the empty seat beside him in every period.
I also looked like shit for having no sleep last night as I tried to finish all the videos that Patsy had asked for. After my last class, I went straight to her office to show her my hard work, and it seemed the effort was worth it. She watched everything, nodded approvingly, then folded my laptop to size me up.
While she looked pleased with the videos I presented her, her reaction upon seeing my sleep-deprived state told me I wasn’t ready to do anything just yet.
“Um, Vinnie? You did a good job here, but no offense,” she said, pushing the laptop towards me as she fought the urge to laugh. “If you’re going to ask Cholo to take you back looking like that—
“I know, I know,” I groaned, making a face at her. “Are we done? I’m going home now.”
“Home? Already? I thought you wanted to get my cousin back?” she retorted, looking like she’s having the time of her life. Never thought she had it in her. “Aren’t you going to try a little more?”
“After what you told me?” I replied. “I think I’m done for today.”
“Sorry,” she said sheepishly. “When’s your interview scheduled?”
“Next Tuesday.”
“Oh, right after Ephemere,” Patsy said thoughtfully. “Good luck, then. You’re don
e with one out of three. See you on Saturday.”
I just nodded and left.
Dinner was amazing, courtesy of my stepmom, but I hardly touched the plate of paella negra I was served. I really wanted to eat, seeing how Cris was excited about it, but I didn’t have any energy left. Dad came to my rescue, apparently able to sense that I was just a few minutes short of falling asleep right there on the table, so he explained to Cris that I wasn’t feeling well. They let me come upstairs early to catch some zzz’s.
I was just about to hit the sack when Liana barged inside my room, jumping in glee.
“What now?” I snapped.
“Guess who just got busted for cheating.”
“Huh?”
“Summer Tiu!” she screeched, and it was so loud I half-expected our parents to run up here thinking I’ve pushed Liana off the roof or something.
“Cheating?” I asked stupidly.
“She copied off someone on that 115 exam your block had last week,” Liana said, jumping into the bed with me. “Someone finally ratted her out. Look!”
She handed me her tablet, which was showing an official-looking article that had the university logo on it. My eyes widened with every sentence. It sounded formal, and was in essence condemning the act in its many paragraphs. Summer was in serious trouble.
“Wow, she’s screwed,” I said, handing the tablet back, not even able to digest the details even after reading. “What’s going to happen to her?”
“She’ll be on disciplinary hearings and possibly the subject of a few hundred nasty posts online. I’m betting it’ll last for a couple of weeks, and that’s only if she’s lucky.” Liana said, looking happy about it. “Her Student Council party also ditched her and deleted all of her pictures from their accounts and candidate list.”
I must have gaped at Liana for a few seconds before managing a smile.
“Serves her right, I guess?” I simply said, wondering why I didn’t feel anything. Liana seemed to understand, so she just swept my bangs away from my eyes and made me lie down.