by J. L. Beck
He says how he feels and puts his middle finger up to the rest of the world if they don’t agree, which makes me wonder how he got someone as sweet as Ava.
Ava’s eyes move to me. “Ready to head out?”
I nod my head even though everything inside of me screams no. I would be perfectly fine staying home preferable with Clark, but I don’t say that. Instead, we all walk out together and get into Vance’s car, Clark and I slid into the back seat. Our hands remain joined the entire time which stops me from going into a full-blown panic attack.
As always, he must see my thoughts written all over my face, because he leans in and whispers in my ear, “It’s going to be okay, Em. I’ll be with you all night, right beside you, so far up your ass, you’ll be annoyed with me by the end of the night.”
“You better be,” I whisper back, averting my gaze to anywhere but his face. Every time he acts like this, so sweet, so perfect it hurts, I want to kiss him.
The ride to the party isn’t a long and before I even realize it, we are parked in front of some frat house at the edge of campus. A group of people are outside in the front yard smoking cigarettes, laughing, and drinking from red Solo cups.
Don’t think, I tell myself, because the moment I start thinking the moment I’ll try and talk myself out of going inside, and I didn’t come all this way for nothing.
Reluctantly, I force myself from the car, clutching onto Clark’s hand like I’m walking on a tightrope across shark-infested waters. We walk into the house with Vance and Ava leading the way. As soon as we step foot over the threshold, I feel all eyes on me. People are everywhere, looking me up and down, their gaze lingering on my hand in Clark’s. This is bad. Coming here with him was a bad idea. Driven by panic alone, I move even closer to him until my body is pushed up against his side. He doesn’t seem to care though, because he doesn’t pull away, or make an effort to put even an ounce of space between us.
My eyes flicker over the empty liquor bottles, and beer cans that seem to litter every surface of the place. I’m sure the house is gorgeous when it’s clean, if it’s ever clean. Doing my best to ignore everyone’s stares, I focus on my steps.
One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six.
That’s how many steps it takes for us to enter the kitchen.
Vance grabs four cups off the marble island and starts to fill them with liquid. Clark lets go of my hand but only long enough to wrap his arms around me, pulling me deeper into his side. Snug against him, I feel safe, secure, like no one in this room can touch me.
“I’ve got you. Ignore the lingering looks. People aren’t used to seeing me with someone, but I don’t care what they think. All I care about is you.”
The stupid organ inside my chest starts to beat excessively and I wish he didn’t say things like that. Things that give me hope, that leave me longing for something more.
A moment later, Ava is handing me a cup, a soft smile on her lips, and a twinkle in her eyes. Peering down into the cup I take note of the contents… it’s a bubbly, cherry looking drink, and when I sniff it my nose wrinkles, the smell of vodka is pungent. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Vance handing Clark a cup, but he shakes his head, his hold on me tightening.
“Don’t be a pussy, Clark, it’s one drink. It’ll help you mellow out a little.”
“Did I just hear Clark is a pussy?” Some guy walks up to us snickering. There is a beautiful blonde girl on his arm, smiling at me warmly. I don’t think I ever instantly liked someone before, but for some reason I do her.
“Rem, what up? Come join me for a drink.” Vance waves him close. “And yes, you heard right… Clark is being a pussy. Won’t even have one drink with us.”
Guilt gnaws at my insides. I don’t want him not to have fun or not drink because of me. I don’t want him to have to change because of me. The reasons why he and I being together will never work keep stacking up, and no longer am I able to ignore them.
“It’s fine, take the drink, Clark,” I urge him, and he stares down at me with indecision in his eyes, a battle taking place in his mind, seconds tick by before he makes a choice and takes the cup from Vance.
“One drink, that’s it.” He directs his words to Vance though his eyes are still on me. “This is Rem and his girl, Jules,” Clark introduces them. “Guys, this is Emerson, my girlfriend.”
“No shit, huh?” Rem sounds surprised his eyebrows raised.
“Remmy.” Jules nudges Rem in his ribs playfully. “Quit being rude. What he meant was… hi, nice to meet you.” Jules holds out her hand to me and I take it without thought.
“Nice to meet you too.”
My first impression of her is confirmed during the next twenty minutes. Apparently she and Ava are friends and they are nice enough to include me in all their conversations. Clark holds my hand the entire time, making certain everyone sees that we’re together. I’m thankful for the touch, even though I feel comfortable talking with just the girls which is a pretty big step for me.
“You don’t like your drink?” Ava asks. “I can get you something else.”
At her offer, I look down at the plastic cup that I’ve been holding onto since we got here, but have yet to take a sip of. “No, it’s fine. Thank you though.”
Forcing myself out of my comfort zone yet again, I bring the drink to my lips. The cherry colored liquid slushes against them and I flick my tongue out against the rim, gathering a small taste.
Fruity. Bubbly. Surprisingly less vodka tasting than expected. Tipping the cup back I take a bigger drink, my eyes watering from the fizz as the liquid coats my throat and lands in my belly, filling it with warmth.
“See it’s not as bad as you thought it would be, is it?” Ava’s voice splices through me and I’m not sure if she’s talking about the drink or the party, so I go with the second.
Lifting a shoulder, I half shrug. “It feels like everyone is staring at us,” I whisper, wondering if she’ll even be able to hear me over the loud music blasting through the house.
“Ignore them. They’re all assholes,” Vance sneers, taking a drink from his cup. He’s speaking to me, but it feels like his words are directed at everyone else.
Clark seems tense, even though his hold on me is gentle. Taking another drink, I notice over the rim of my cup two guys walking toward us. They’re wearing similar attire to Clark, a North Woods Baseball t-shirt and jeans that hang low on their hips. From this distance, I already recognize them as the guys from the grocery store awhile back. Clark’s not friends.
“Clarky, you came, and I see you brought your girlfriend,” Brad teases, giving me what I assume is his version of bedroom eyes but looks more like he’s got a piece of lint or something in his eye.
“Sure did,” Clark quips, his jaw turning to stone.
Vance snorts. “This should be fun.” I look over at him, bewildered by his statement.
What should be fun?
Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Remington rolling his eyes, his mouth pulled into a frown. He looks like he doesn’t like these guys either, and I can’t blame him.
“It’s nice to see you outside of class, Em…” Paul snickers.
“It’s Emerson, don’t fucking call her Em. Actually, don’t call her anything. Don’t talk to her at all, unless you want my fist in your face.”
“Jesus, calm your tits, Clark. No reason to piss on her leg like that. She’s a lady, she can decide for herself who she wants to talk to, can’t you, Em?”
My lips press into a firm line. I know what he’s doing. He’s baiting Clark, and it’s working. How do I know? Well, Clark looks like he’s about to jump this guy and make good on his fist in your face threat.
Knowing this will go on until I put a stop to it, I gather up all the courage I can. Swallowing around the lump forming in my throat, I try to keep my voice loud and even when I say, “You’re right, Paul. I can decide who I want to talk to and it sure as hell isn’t you.”
I’m not sure who is more shocked by my sp
eech. Me, Clark, or Paul? I feel everyone’s eyes move to me, my cheeks turning fifty shades of red. Ava and Vance are also starring, their mouths hanging open in surprise.
“Kitty grew some claws, I see,” Paul slurs, his eyes flicking over me with distaste before turning around, motioning for Brad to come with him. “Let’s get out of here, this party is lame.”
“Yes, please do that,” Vance says, clicking his tongue. Both boys walk away, giving us their backs. When they’re finally out of sight, I feel like I can breathe again.
Holy crap, I told someone off. Power surges through me. I’ve never done anything like that before, something that made me feel good.
“Girl, where did you pull that out of?” Ava giggles, her eyes wide, curious.
“No idea, but I knew if I didn’t say something, it would’ve got worse.”
“Worse for him, not you. He would’ve shut up eventually.”
“Yeah, when you had your fist in his throat. Your girl was smart standing in like that,” Vance adds, complimenting me.
“Did you just compliment her?” Ava looks up at him, blinking slowly. “I’m so proud of you. You’re becoming less of an asshole every day.”
“Yeah, yeah, shut up and give me that mouth,” he growls, leaning down, his lips descending on hers. For some reason, I can’t look away, even though I know I should. Vance kisses with a longing, a hunger that can only be sedated by Ava. It’s evident he loves her, not only in the way he speaks but the way he looks at her, watches her.
Clark seeing me watching leans down, his mouth at the shell of my ear. “You know it’s rude to watch people kiss, right?”
For a moment I’m so embarrassed, my whole head heats up, not just my cheek. The saliva in my mouth turns to cement, but somehow, I’m still able to speak. “Someday I hope I can kiss someone like that, with that much need, love, and compassion.”
“Someday?”
“Well yeah, I’m not...I don’t think I’m ready to kiss like that, but I hope to be someday.”
“You don’t give yourself enough credit, Em. I bet you could kiss like that. I bet you could handle it. The kiss we shared last week was not that far off, you know?”
The reminder of that kiss releases an entire zoo of butterflies into my belly. Our kiss was sweet and gentle, magical even, but not full of need and passion. It was nothing like the kiss I just witnessed.
Licking my dry lips, I feel the urge to take a drink. Vance pulls away reluctantly, his hold on her tight. They’re both breathing hard, their gazes so hot even I can feel beads of sweat forming against my brow.
“Uhhh...Sorry,” Ava mutters, her cheeks tinting pink when she realizes Clark and I have been staring at them this whole time. “I need to go pee, want to come with me?” Ava asks, looking between Jules and me.
“I’m good right now,” Jules says, cuddling into Remington’s side.
A no forms on my tongue, but I stop myself seconds before I speak. I had planned on staying by Clark’s side the whole night, but after standing up to Paul like I did, I feel renewed, confident. I should keep this going, step out of my comfort zone.
Plus, I’m just going to the bathroom. What could possibly happen in those few minutes of being away?
“Yeah sure, I’ve got to go anyway,” I answer, giving Clark’s hand a gentle squeeze. His hazel eyes flash with nervousness, but he lets go of my hand despite whatever emotion he's feeling. Stepping away from him, I notice Ava’s outstretched hand, it’s like she understands me, sees me. With a soft smile, I take it, letting her guide me to the bathroom which is around the corner and down the hall. It’s easy to tell which door is the bathroom because there’s a mile-long line outside it. Girls of every shape and size laughing and drinking while they wait to use the restroom. It’s strange, the strangest thing I’ve ever seen.
“I totally wish I was a guy right now. I could just whip it out and piss anywhere I want,” Ava jokes.
I’m standing as close to her as I can without being on top of her when a body crashes into mine. I feel the cold liquid seeping into the fabric of my blouse before I even turn to look and see what happened.
“Ooops, I thought this was a trash can.” A voice I’ve heard one other time filtered into my ears. I turned around to confirm that it was, in fact, the crazy chick that had shown up at Clark’s on my first day here. The one that said he had to fuck her.
“Apologize,” Ava sneers, stepping forward, attempting to shove her body between us. Sarah’s cold gaze cut to Ava’s and I can tell with one look that these two have history.
“Well, well, shitty seeing you here. I’m assuming your manwhore of a boyfriend is here too?” Sarah snickers then turned her attention back to me. With a shit-eating grin, she tips her glass forward once more, dousing the entire front of my shirt with red liquid. I shiver as my shirt absorbs more of the cold beverage.
“You bitch,” Ava snarls, shoving at Sarah’s shoulders. I’m a mute, just standing there, frozen in time, not that there’s anything I want to say to this horrible person. I have nothing to say. In fact, right then and there I would have much rather turned around and walked away to find Clark, but Ava isn’t having it.
“Do not touch me.” Sarah’s lips curled, her heeled foot stomping against the floor. She goes from looking like a vixen to the devil in five seconds flat. The people around us start to whisper, pulling out their cell phones, their eyes on the three of us, burning into my flesh.
“Apologize to her, or I’m going to rearrange your face. You look like you could use a nose job anyway.” Ava cracks her knuckles and I swear to god right then she’s my superhero. I don’t need anyone to stick up for me but the fact that she is, without fully knowing me tells me the kind of person she is.
“What did you say to me?” Sarah’s eyes bulge out of her head. Obviously no one ever talked to her like that before.
“You heard me. Apologize to her.” Ava takes a step forward and I realize she is actually considering fighting her. She is not bluffing. Panic rises inside of me.
Suddenly I’m frazzled and before I can reach out to Ava to stop her, she’s on her, bouncing with the finesse of a puma.
People circle around us, chanting “catfight, catfight, catfight.” I stagger backward, watching with shock as Ava lands a punch square on Sarah’s nose. Hoots and hollers fill the air as they fall to the ground Ava on top then Sarah, and then back again. I’m afraid but also amazed that she actually just punched her. No one has ever stuck up for me like that before.
“Whoa, what the fuck is going on?” A deep voice that ripples through my bones meets my ears and I turned just in time to see Vance stalking down the hall and past me to get to Ava. Clark only a foot behind him, his eyes roam over me, murderous rage forming in those hazel depths of his as he zeros in on the bright red stain on the front of my cream-colored blouse.
“What the hell happened?” Clark barks, the depth of his voice reaching deep inside me and wrapping around my heart.
Sheltered by Clark’s body, I don’t get to see what happens next. Instead, with his arms wrapped around me, he moves us away from the crowd, around a corner and through a door. I know we’re outside because of the cool air that caresses my sun-kissed cheeks.
My chest is heaving, adrenaline pumping through my veins. Any other time I would’ve been scared out of my mind, but I’m not, and it surprised the hell out of me.
Pressed against the side of the house, Clark releases me his eyes raking down over the front of my blouse. Through the dim lighting and the high hanging moon in the sky, I can see the clenching of his jaw, the barely restrained anger below the surface.
“She’s lucky I don’t hit women, because if she was a guy, I’d have already shoved my fucking fist down her throat.”
“It’s just a shirt, it’s okay,” I assure him, placing a hand against his chest. I can feel the heat rippling beneath my palm, the heavy beat thud of his heartbeat there too.
“It’s not okay…” He growls. “I’ve ne
ver regretted screwing around with someone as much as I do her. If I had known I’d meet you, I never would’ve touched any of those chicks.” Disappointment hangs between us.
“Shh, it’s okay, Clark. I’ve dealt with mean girls for a long time now. A little drink spilling and word slinging is something I can handle.” Worse things have happened to me. Literally. This is nothing.
Shaking his head, he leans down, his eyes peering into mine. I want to drown in their depths, let them wash away all my misery, my fear, and pain. Those golden orbs flick down to my mouth. Is he going to kiss me? I really hope so. A thin sheet of perspiration coats my palms. The pulse in my throat throbs, filling my ears with nothing but the sound of my thundering heartbeat. Licking my lips, I prepare myself for a kiss. I want his lips, need them. Clark is my kryptonite, the one person that sees me for me, sees beyond the crippling anxiety, the inky fear that claims me.
“I want to kiss you, Em, can I kiss you?” Clark whispered, his voice hoarse, clogged with emotions that I can’t decipher in that moment.
“Yes, please…” I reply, the muscles in my belly tightening, twisting, and knotting.
A soft smile ghosts his lips and then he’s descending on me. I let my eyes drift closed, wanting to absorb the kiss for all it’s worth, but his lips never touch mine. Instead, I feel his entire body pressing against mine, nearly crushing me against the side of the house if it weren’t for his strong forearms braced beside my head.
“What the fuck?” he growls as he twists around, a scowl forming. Moving I peek around Clark and spot a guy that I’ve never seen or met before. He’s about the same height as Clark but isn’t nearly as muscled.
“Can I help you?” Clark grits out. The guy smirks, but his eyes don’t match that smirk. They’re glassed, and brimming with sadness, anger.
“Yeah, I was just wondering if you were going to give me a chance to fuck your girlfriend like you did mine?”