"Shh, none of that now. This is where we start over.
Everything laid bare. And I'm not one to hold a grudge." She gently took Khione by the shoulder, looking down at her with wonder in her eyes. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "I'm never letting you go again."
"Are you sure? But your fath-" "I'll deal with him."
Khione's face suddenly transformed. It was completely open; there were no more secrets between them. Her cheeks lifted into a wide smile, and her eyes. . . they were so light as they took Marzanna in. Drawing her in.
Drinking her in. Marzanna gladly let her take her fill.
"Are we really doing this?" Khione asked, her voice hitched. She didn't even try to keep the excitement out of it.
"As long as you'll have me," Marzanna said.
"Let me show you my answer," Khione said before throwing her arms around Marzanna's neck and smashing their lips together.
As their lips moved in synchronization, and their hands roamed, Khione realized she didn't care who saw them. They needed this. This comfort and touch. Had needed it for a long time, and Khione would be damned if she didn't show Marzanna just how much pining had been kept under lock and key.
Chapter 36
Sunny
Writhia, 5220
The Wastes
Sunny was waiting.
The following day dawned bright and clear and as her sister and friends awoke, Sunny could see a noticeable difference in them. The night before had been their first night of anywhere near peaceful sleep since coming to the Wastes. It was as if they had been replaced by robots, not brighter or cheerier, but settled. Unafraid.
Khione smiled softly at Marzanna as they packed up the tent, the softest expression Sunny had ever seen on her, softer than she knew Khione was even capable of.
Marzanna grinned back, several flowers springing up through the grass near her feet.
Seren, Kian, and Zahra were off scavenging for food. For once, Kian hadn't argued when Seren began heading off on his own. Instead, his eyes followed his little brother, worried but resolute, as if he was determined to show Seren how much he trusted him. Zahra had taken his hand, leading him into the trees with a wicked gleam in her eyes, and Sunny knew she planned to show Kian just how alive and thriving she was. Sunny only hoped they didn't take too long.
And Jo and Leo. . . Sunny watched in fascination as Leo caught a bedroll that Jo tossed to him without turning around before reaching back and handing her a knife to cut some rope. She accepted it with barely a glance, the two of them working in sync, aware of each other's bodies and movements in a way that had nothing to do with Jo's Gift and everything to do with the bond between them.
Whatever unpleasant tension that had existed between them was gone, replaced with a newer tension that was crackling and untested. Learning and growing.
Sunny knew all too well the feeling of that bond.
The sweet certainty that it brought when nothing else seemed certain at all. She glanced at Westin who was sharpening the sword they'd brought for him, the ringing of whetstone against metal echoing like strange bells as the sound bounced back and forth between the rocks of the mountain they were camped at the bottom of.
Awareness sparked through him along with feelings of agitation and wariness and she knew he could feel her eyes on him. He glanced up. Met her stare. Held it.
A million thoughts raced through Sunny's mind and she wished there was a way for Westin to read them through her eyes and know how sorry she was and how guilty she felt. She wished he could see for himself, because she surely didn't have the words to explain it all to him in a way that could accurately tell the depth of her feelings.
Even with the bond, she knew he couldn't decipher anything. She imagined what it would be like to be on the recipient end of her emotions and a sudden picture of a blender that she and her sister used to use came to mind.
A bit of anger and sadness, a pinch of self-loathing, and several cups of guilt, and you'll have a disaster smoothie coming right up.
Westin held her stare for a long moment, a chord of tension forming between them that was nothing like Jo and Leo's and everything like the old Westin and Sunny's, back when she was just a dancer playing at knight, daring to hope she could save the princess.
Then he glanced back down at his blade and the tension broke, leaving Sunny to wonder if it had ever really been there to begin with.
So, yes, Sunny was waiting. For what, she wasn't sure, but she knew it was coming. Their talk. Their moment. The split second in time that would determine whether or not she was redeemable. The grain of sand in the hourglass of time that somehow weighed more than the other grains
of sand, was much more important, but looked just the same so she couldn't tell which one it was or when it would come to pass.
*****
That evening, after a long day of hiking (they made good time) and fighting (two wild Lykkas and a small group of angry men with about six teeth between them) and basking in the glow of their newfound peace, they made camp.
"We need water," Marzanna said as she dribbled the last few drops from her canteen into the mixture she was making for Kian's poison ivy. He'd gotten a bad rash from his scavenging that morning, and Sunny knew she should suggest Seren stay with him from now on, though for
Kian's benefit rather than his own. Or at least have Seren teach him what poison ivy looked like.
"I can get it," Sunny and Westin said at the same time. They each closed their mouths, looking at each other.
"I'll do it," Sunny said reaching her hand out for the canteen.
"Alone?" Westin asked, snagging it from Marzanna before Sunny could grab it, "I don't think so, Princess."
She didn't know whose stubbornness she could feel more of, Westin's or her own.
Sunny glared at him. "What, are you afraid I'll get hurt?"
Westin snorted, "No, I'm afraid you'll do something stupid, like take on a gang of murderers by yourself. How's your arm, by the way?"
Sunny glowered.
Alright, so the small group of angry men had been more like a large group of twenty murderers that Sunny ran across when she was answering nature's call near some bushes. Alone. And they may or may not have heard her and attacked, mistaking her for a vulnerable woman alone in the woods. And she may or may not have fought back, dispatching them quickly and quietly, the last one falling dead when her friends finally came looking for her. And she may or may not have gotten a cut on her arm, one for which Westin said she was lucky didn't need stitches.
A cut that stung dully through its bandage as she touched it with her fingers. "Fine, we'll go together." She snatched up the rest of the canteens and stomped angrily away, expecting Westin to follow.
They walked for a while, heading for the river in silence before Westin finally spoke.
"What?"
"What?" she asked as if she didn't know.
"You know what," he said, telling her that he knew she knew what he meant. Apprehension and expectation roiled through him.
She was quiet for a moment, and then...
"I just think it's funny how-"
"And here we go," Westin muttered, his mouth snapping shut when she turned to glare at him.
Sunny closed her mouth as well. This wasn't going to be a fight, she wouldn't let it be. She was tired of fighting. She rearranged her thoughts before she spoke again. Carefully.
"You never talked last night. About your fears." She could feel Westin look over at her, but she kept her eyes straight ahead. It was easier than looking at him.
"Not that I expect you to talk to me, but I think you should talk to someone."
"What makes you think I need to talk to someone?" he asked, trying and failing to keep his voice light. His emotions flat and cut from their bond.
Sunny sighed. "The only person who tossed and turned last night was you, Westin. The only person who hasn't spoken yet is you. Coincidence? I think not."
Westin was quiet for a moment as they walke
d. He ripped some leaves off of a tree as they passed.
Immediately let them fall to the ground.
That gesture alone told Sunny how much he had changed. How much anger he held inside. The Westin from before didn't do unreasonable damage. The Westin from before didn't believe in waste.
"Who would I talk to, if not you?" he finally asked.
Sunny blinked, startled by the question. As if he was genuinely asking.
"Leo?" she said, but it sounded more like a question.
Westin let out a humorless laugh. "Cassavant? Why would I talk to him?"
Sunny stopped and looked up at him, his golden eyes the color of moonlight in the setting sun. "Why? He's your friend, Westin. He saved your family for you, kept them safe."
"I paid him to do that," Westin said. His gaze was on her shoulder, her arm, her hair, anything but her eyes. "You're kidding, right? He watched over them for you! He kept them updated on the search for you. He drove the search for you! He was worried, Westin, every day about you. I could see it in his eyes every time I looked at him, how worried he was. How every day that went by without a word from you or a sign that you were alive took a little more of the fight out of him. How he kept insisting you were alive, even when everyone told him to prepare himself, because there was a chance you weren't. He had to reevaluate his entire future because you were gone, and he didn't know how to function without you in it. He had to look at life and realize that even if he somehow got away, he would never be happy again, because you were probably dead and it was all my fault-"
Sunny broke off, her chest heaving. Somewhere along the way, she had stopped referring to Leo and started referring to herself. She blinked back tears as he regarded her silently.
"Leo was really that worried?" he asked, and she knew he wasn't talking about Leo.
"He may or may not have cried himself hoarse every time he was alone. He's kind of a crybaby, you know."
Westin's eyes roamed over her face and he bit his lip and suddenly she realized that she was done waiting. That grain of sand had just passed, and Sunny had no idea if she had passed it correctly or not.
Westin turned and started walking, glancing behind him when she took too long to follow. She jogged to catch up.
"The hardest part," he said after a full five minutes of letting her mind worry, coming up with every possible way she could have fucked things up, "wasn't the lack of food or the constant danger or the fact that I now know what urine tastes like." Sunny balked, but he kept speaking and her mind raced to catch up.
"The hardest part was being alone. I'd never been alone before. I went from my family to the army, from one group of people to another, surrounded at all times. Even when I moved into my apartment, I was never really alone. My parents or my siblings would stop by every day because it was second nature to us to see each other every day. No matter what, I always had people around who loved or respected me, even as the Dark King's general. But here it's different. I never knew what it was to be alone, completely and totally alone, until I was here."
Silent tears fell from Sunny's eyes as she walked next to him, listening. She knew he smelled them, but she wouldn't make a sound. She couldn't risk scaring him, making him close up again.
She had never been alone before. The closest she had ever come was the week and a half the king had locked her in his bedroom, not allowing her to see Jo or the staff or anyone but him. All because he had seen a picture of one of the wanted posters with Westin's face on it and had decided he wanted to be her sole focus. She had been scared out of her mind during that time, unsure what was happening beyond the silk-lined walls of her prison. Unsure if Jo was alright. Unsure if she would see her again or if Cerise would somehow kill her before she got a chance.
But none of that compared to what Westin must have felt. As alone as she was, she was reunited with her sister afterward. As alone as she was, she knew that Jo knew she was alive in there, that she wouldn't die without Jo knowing what had happened and that Sunny loved her. Westin had had none of that. He'd been ripped away from his family, his friends, his life. He'd been thrown into a place where existing was designed to be a punishment. He hadn't gotten to say goodbye or tell his family that he loved them. He was there one moment, and gone the next.
They had come to the bank of the river. The shacks and huts of whatever gang claimed that land was empty.
Abandoned. Their vegetable gardens black with rot and decay, telling them that the people had been gone a while. If she wasn't so distracted by Westin and their talk, Sunny might have wondered where the people had gone. Why no one had moved in to take their place.
Sunny's thoughts spun as they approached the water, circling around Westin and all she had put him through.
He stopped, his hand circling her wrist, turning her to look at him.
"I'm not going to lie. I'm angry. But more than that, I'm scared. Terrified." His eyes were dark, the light of the moon behind him. "The voice whispers that I'll be afraid forever. That I'll never be happy again. That I'll die with fear clinging to me like a shadow. It whispers that if I forgive you, you'll only do it again. I need time, Noelani, time to trust you again. Time to distance myself from this place."
Sunny looked at him and her heart was alive in her chest. Alive with hope. "Are you saying there's a chance?" Westin smiled. A small smile, tiny compared to the carefree grin she'd seen him have at dinner with his family a million lifetimes ago, but it was a smile. "I'm saying there's a chance."
Chapter 37
Westin
Writhia, 5220
The Wastes
A warm glow filled Westin's chest as the battle raging inside his head had finally simmered. It was still there, lingering, but it was as if some of the cobwebs had cleared.
He did feel better, though, talking about the darkness, getting everything out in the open.
He had missed talking to Noelani.
She was still looking up at him, her eyes light with hope. "Can I hug you?" She blushed as she said it as if just realizing she'd asked it aloud.
Westin had said there was a chance. He opened his arms and she stepped into them. The hot breath from her sigh brushed against his chest. Noelani wrapped her arms around him tightly. Like a brand. Like a lifeline. Westin's chin rested on top of her head, and he couldn't help brushing his fingers over her soft, braided hair.
Westin didn't realize how much he had needed that. The hug. The comfort. The amount of comfort he received from Noelani's simple hug startled him and was enough to make him let the hug dissolve.
He wiped the emotion from his face but didn't miss the defeat on Noelani's. She had needed that comfort, too.
But Westin was not the man he used to be, and he couldn't give her what she needed at the moment.
Right as her longing hit him like a blow and his guilt boiled to the surface, he cleared his throat trying to think of something to do or say. Anything that would distract him from her big, blue eyes. Her lips. The outline of her body in the form-fitting suit.
This time, they both cleared their throat at the same time, awkwardness heavy in the air.
And that's when he noticed it. The smell.
The place stank of dead bodies.
Noelani stiffened. "Let me guess," said Westin. "Ghosts?"
"Yep. Bunches of them."
Westin felt a tingle on his neck. He couldn't see the ghosts, but he could sense them. That eerie feeling of awareness.
Noelani's eyes darted to and fro, her brow creased in concentration. "They've all recently died."
As Westin's eyes scanned his surroundings, he took notice of the dried lands, the dead vegetation. He ran ahead to the water they were supposed to fill in their canteens and noticed it was lower than usual. As if a drought was occurring.
A light breeze swept across his skin as Noelani zoomed to his side. Foreboding and fear shown on her face and through their bond. She swallowed hard before saying, "They say a great darkness has passed upon these lands.
Just then, Westin saw it. Finally found what he'd sensed. What he'd been looking for. He jerked his chin to the side. Noelani's gaze followed, a strangled gasp left her lips.
Mangled corpses littered the ground. A finger here, a limb there. A decapitated head lay on top of the scattered remains. Dark eyes stared out with terror of whatever they last saw. It reminded Westin of a menacing garden the way the bodies tangled with the vegetation.
Westin felt that fear inside himself rise up again to the forefront of his mind. Felt his heartbeat between his ears.
"In the vision you had. . . I thought the darkness wasn't going to spread if we decided to fight?" Westin's voice was a barely audible whisper.
Noelani put a hand to her hair before she remembered it was in a braid and she couldn't knot it as she liked. "It did. But that's the thing, it never showed us the before. It only showed us what would happen if we didn't fight. This right here," she said pointing to the dead, "this is what we saw."
She shuddered as she whispered, "Except that time, it was people we knew. People we cared about. People we loved."
Westin closed his eyes, thinking of his family. What if it had been them laying among the dead?
He bent, filling the canteens. "Come on, let's get these filled so we can get back to the others."
"Jo already knows. She saw everything. They're packing, coming to meet us as we speak."
No matter how Westin felt about the Murmur's Gift, he had to admit in times like this, it came in handy.
A deafening roar filled the air, chilling Sunny and Westin to the bone.
They were up and running before they had a chance of seeing whatever it was that let out that noise.
Trees blurred as they ran past, catching up with the others and then there was sand. And Jo gave a shout. It was the sand monsters they had fought earlier, and they still hadn't had a chance to look to see what was chasing them. Whatever it was, it was heavy. The vibration rang through the ground. Westin's teeth clacked together.
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