by E. A. Copen
There’s a reason men hate clothes shopping with women. First, women like to shop in these little boutiques that only sell women’s clothes. The only thing in those boutiques I found interesting was the lingerie, but looking at it would just make me seem like a creep. Instead, I had to stand near the fitting rooms and act like a human coat-hanger, holding all the dresses she wanted to try on.
Which leads me to reason number two clothes shopping with women sucks. Fitting rooms only allow you to take back four or five items at a time. If a woman wants to buy a dress, that means she’s got to try on twenty for some reason, and sometimes in different colors. Do the math. Four items a time, twenty dresses…It takes forever. Our arms get tired.
I tried to put back the ones she’d tossed out at me as rejects and got yelled at for it.
“Come on, Noelle,” I grumbled after she rejected yet another gown. “It’s only a dress.”
“Only a dress?” she spat from inside the fitting room. “It’s only the most important social event for us in the entire year. The revel is no small matter, Lazarus. This ball is where alliances are made that can last generations, where one wrong word can launch a bloody war and a bitter rivalry that will eventually become a ballad. That’s like saying Mardi Gras is just a party! It’s far more than that.”
I rolled my eyes. “We’re not going for that.”
“Of course not, but we need to seem as if we are.” The sound of a zipper closing echoed out of the fitting room. She pushed open the door and strode out. “What about this one? What do you think?”
Noelle had put on a sparkling blue dress with a small, iridescent cape that draped over the shoulders. It looked a little dramatic to me, but I was ready to say anything if it would get us the hell out of there.
“Looks nice,” I said. “You should get it.”
“I don’t know.” She turned so she could see her backside in the mirror. “You don’t think it makes my butt look big?”
“I think it doesn’t matter if your butt looks big. We’re not doing this to make friends, Noelle.”
She brushed her hands over the midsection of the dress and glared at me. “I want the dress I kill my mother in to be memorable. And I don’t want my butt to look big in it!”
One of the store clerks came toward us with a big smile. “Can I help you find anything?”
“Yes,” I said, handing over the pile of dresses Noelle made me hold. “Oh, thank you. I thought my arms were going to fall off.” I turned to Noelle. “Noelle, your butt looks fine. Just pick a dress and let’s go. Please.” I said the last word through gritted teeth.
She frowned at me and turned to the clerk struggling with all the dresses. “Do you have this in white?”
By the time we made it out of there, it was after three. Just enough time to get back to Paula’s, shower, get dressed, and make it across town to the masquerade. Noelle, of course, made me haul all the bags and try to flag down a taxi at the same time. Not an easy task in the Quarter on Mardi Gras. The taxis were all full.
“Are you going to kill Titania?” Noelle asked as I waved at another passing taxi.
“What?” I looked over my shoulder at her.
She was busy applying lipstick and snapped her compact closed before she answered. “To save your daughter. Will you kill her?”
“If it comes down to it.”
“You know if you do, your daughter inherits the throne?”
“What’s it to you?” I turned away and tried again to get a cab to pull over. Again, they ignored me and drove on.
“Winter and Summer have been bitter enemies at worst, tense allies at best. We’ve been at war off and on for decades. My people are tired of it, as are Summer’s, I’m sure. I was only thinking about how I might best bring peace to my people once I’m queen. If your daughter is queen—”
“Then she can negotiate her own peace.” A taxi veered across two lanes toward us, drawing angry honking from all the other cars. It stopped in front of us, so I wasn’t going to complain.
“You’re saying you’ll have no dealings in your daughter’s court?”
I pulled open the door and tossed the bags roughly into the back seat. “I’m saying I’m done with fae politics. I thought I made that clear when I killed the Shadow Queen, or Kellas when he tried to take over, or when I gave Titania the middle finger and walked out. But no, you fae don’t get it, do you? I’m done fixing Faerie. It’s not my job. My job is to maintain balance between the mortal world and immortals. As long as you guys leave humans alone, I don’t get involved. What you do on your own time is not my problem. Understand?”
She frowned. “Well, someone got up on the wrong side of the bed.”
“Hey,” shouted the cabbie, “you gettin’ in or what?”
I made Noelle pay for the cab fare to get across town. Not only because I was broke but because she was obviously loaded. The dress and all the accessories she’d bought weren’t cheap. She flashed around that black credit card like it was going out of style. Made me wonder how fae made so much money on Earth.
Once we got to Paula’s, I went up the back staircase so I didn’t have to go inside. The bar wasn’t open yet, but it would be soon, which meant Paula was already in there getting things ready. I didn’t want the earful I’d get for having drinks with Samedi or borrowing money, so I tried to be as quiet as possible. Not easy when we were right above her.
Noelle went in to take a shower, do her hair, makeup, and whatever else while I just went into the bedroom to get dressed. I’d gotten as far as the pants and shirt when someone pounded on the door.
“Lazarus, open the door,” Paula bellowed. “I know you’re in there.”
I sighed and went to unlock and open the door.
As expected, Paula waved my note in front of my face. “Court treasury?”
“I’m going to pay you back,” I promised. “I needed it to get a ride down to the Quarter.”
She crossed her arms. “You can’t just take money because you feel like it. That’s called stealing, and stealing from a fae is a bad idea. You’re lucky I like you.”
“Guess I’m also lucky you’re in my court now.” I smiled.
Paula scowled. “Don’t you try that with me. That’s a technicality. Don’t take money out of my safe again, or I swear I’ll make you pay me back with interest.”
The bathroom door opened just then, and Noelle stepped out, pulling on one of the glittering white heels she’d bought. Paula leaned to the side to glance at her and froze in place. “Laz, what is that doing in there?”
“That prefers to be called Noelle,” said the Winter Knight, flashing a vicious smile. “Or Dame Islan if you want to be formal. I am the Winter Knight, after all.”
Paula looked at me, eyebrows drawn together. “What are you doing with her?”
I opened my mouth to answer but Noelle cut me off, wrapping her arms around mine.
“I’m helping him rescue his daughter.” The words dripped from her mouth like venom.
Paula frowned but didn’t say anything, not until after Noelle planted a kiss on my cheek and sashayed away. Then she leaned in and whispered, “I hope you know what you’re doing with her. Winter isn’t known for their trustworthiness.”
I shrugged on my jacket. “We have a mutually beneficial deal. I know what I’m doing, Paula. I think.” I draped the tie around my neck and pinched it with two fingers. An infusion of magic and it tied itself, just as Adelard promised. “I’m sorry about the twenty, Paula. I’ll pay you back. I promise.”
Her shoulders slumped. “I worry about you sometimes, Laz. I shouldn’t. But sometimes I wonder how you’ve managed to survive this long with all the stupid things you do.”
“That makes two of us.”
She cleared her throat. “It’d be social suicide for you to show up to the ball in a cab. Never mind what they’d do to the cab driver that found the place.” Paula pushed the door open and stepped aside, gesturing for me to step outside.
&nb
sp; I did and peered over the railing to the parking lot below where a purple, horse-drawn carriage waited. The horses had on headbands with colored feathers, and someone had painted them with stripes to look like gold and green zebras.
“What’s this?” I turned back to Paula.
She shrugged. “Can’t have the newest contender for power in New Orleans show up looking like a ragamuffin to a party in his backyard, can I?”
“Paula, I’m already in your debt.”
“You don’t owe me for this. Think of it as me making sure this brand-new court I just joined doesn’t have an idiot in charge.”
“Court of Miracles.”
“Excuse me?” She crossed her arms.
“It’s called the Court of Miracles, Paula.” I turned to adjust the tie slightly in the mirror by the door. It didn’t do any good. The tie just went right back the way it was supposed to. Damn thing. This was why I didn’t like pre-enchanted items. You couldn’t customize them.
“Is that after the peasant slums in Paris or the Disney film with the hunchback?” Paula asked.
I shrugged. “Either.” Before I turned back, I glanced at Noelle, who was putting on a diamond necklace with a big, blue topaz. I hoped she’d wait until after we were in the clear to make her move. The last thing I needed was for security to go nuts before I got Remy out. “Paula, if this goes sideways and I don’t make it back…”
“For the last time, Lazarus, I don’t want your comic book collection.”
“What? No.” I turned my back to Noelle. “It’s about Remy. If I fail this, I figure I’ll be dead. That means no one will be left to look after her. If I don’t come back, you gotta look out for her however you can. Promise me.”
Her face softened. She uncrossed her arms and nodded. “I give you my word. But I won’t need to keep it, will I? You’re coming back. You always come back.”
I put my hand on her shoulder and tried to offer a strained smile. This time, I wasn’t so sure I would.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Horse-drawn carriages are slow, but people move out of their way more often than they did cars. They must’ve found the painted white horses intimidating, or maybe they thought we were somebody special if we could afford a private carriage. They weren’t cheap, especially during Mardi Gras. The crowds in the Quarter parted for our carriage. People stopped dancing, chatting, and drinking to turn and stare.
Noelle leaned forward and waved as if she were some sort of princess.
One of the guys in the crowd cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted, “Show me your boobs!”
“Humans.” Noelle sat back, her face twisted in disgust. “I’ll be glad when I can get back to Faerie and stay there.”
“We’re not all bad.” I adjusted my mask. “You caught us on a bad day.”
The carriage went all the way up St. Peter to Jackson Square and turned north to go down Royal Street. The whole place was packed with people in costume dancing, shouting, and having a good time. A jazz band played on the corner while people tossed everything from beads to dollar bills their way.
Our driver pulled the carriage to a stop in front of a New Orleans landmark known as The Court of Two Sisters. Originally built in the seventeen hundreds, the building was once part of a place known as Governor’s Row. Everybody from Louisiana governors to President Zachary Taylor had lived there. In the twenties, it was a speakeasy. Eventually, the place got turned into an upscale restaurant where rich people held weddings. Two Sisters had the city’s largest courtyard and about a hundred legends connected to it, including stories about the infamous Marie Laveau, who lived only a few blocks away. People figured she did voodoo there. Queen Isabella of Spain also supposedly blessed the doorway. Some said none other than Jean Lafitte had killed three men in one night in separate duels under a willow that had since been destroyed. If there was a place in New Orleans with a magical history, Two Sisters was it.
The sidewalk in front of Two Sisters was the only empty space on the street. A couple of dark suit guys with broad shoulders and mean jaws had the area roped off.
Our carriage driver hopped down and placed a small set of stairs in front of the carriage exit. I got out first and helped Noelle down. It felt like every head in the alley turned to watch the pretty blonde in the sparkling white dress step down from the carriage. She smiled at her adoring crowd while I reached back in to grab the metal staff Beth had left for me. I had no doubt they’d confiscate it at the door, but I wasn’t about to leave it behind and walk into a place crawling with people who wanted to kill me.
With Noelle on my arm, I approached the roped off area.
“Invite,” demanded one of the suits.
Noelle flashed a dazzling smile, waved her hand, and produced two envelopes that she handed off to the suit.
He slid a meaty thumb under the seal and opened them, checking them over before handing them off to the other guy and glaring at me. “Please check all your iron, sir.”
I wiggled the staff in my hand. “This is my badge of office. You wouldn’t ask Titania to surrender her crown, would you?”
“Titania wouldn’t bring an iron crown. Now surrender your iron or get back in the carriage, sir.”
I huffed a big sigh and handed it over.
He unclipped the rope and stepped aside. “Enjoy your evening.”
The room on the other side of the doorway was a dazzlingly bright room with pristine white carpets, white walls, and a splash of decorative color on the walls. A tiny little bar to the right held trays and trays of appetizers. Waitresses in shimmering cocktail dresses moved through the crowd with trays of drinks while soft rock played over the speakers. People in fancy dresses stood in small groups everywhere, chatting and sipping their drinks.
Noelle grabbed two chalices from the closest tray and passed one to me.
I frowned into the cup. “No, thanks. I know better than to eat or drink anything at a fae party.”
“At least hold the cup,” she whispered. “You look weird without it.”
“We need to find Remy. Where would she be? You think Titania has her on-site?”
She shrugged one bare shoulder. “If she’s anywhere, I imagine she’s upstairs and under guard. Good luck.” She stepped away.
“Hey!” I grabbed her arm before she could disappear into the crowd. “Where are you going?”
“I’ve fulfilled my end of the deal. I got you inside. Now you’re on your own.” Noelle jerked her arm away, gave me one last glare, and slid into the crowd.
I glanced around. She’d said upstairs, but I didn’t see any stairs. They must’ve been tucked into a corner somewhere. The only choice I had was to walk around and try to find a way upstairs. A waitress came by with another tray. I slid my untouched drink onto the platter and worked my way through the room.
The closer I got to the rear of the room, the more the atmosphere changed. A set of double doors with heavy curtains waited on the other side, guarded by more suits. Any place that was guarded was highly suspect. You didn’t guard something that you weren’t worried about someone taking.
“Hiya, fellas,” I said, walking up to the guards.
They scowled at me. “Back off. No one’s allowed in the Royal Court until the ceremony.”
I tried for my best smile. “I see you don’t recognize me. You must be new. See, I’m the Pale Horseman. You ever hear about what happened to Nyx? How about Kellas? See, they got in my way. Tried to step between me and people I cared about. I wouldn’t advise it.”
The biggest of the suits stepped away from the door. He towered over me by at least a foot and had enough muscle on him he could’ve broken my spine over his knee. I looked up at him and had to force myself not to shrink back a step.
“Stand down, Snapdragon.” William, the Summer Knight, stepped out from behind a wall, his hand on the sword at his hip. A bright green cape hung from his shoulders, but other than the sword, he didn’t look dressed to fight. He’d put on a suit complete with a
flower in the lapel. “Mr. Kerrigan isn’t stupid enough to do anything here, are you, Mr. Kerrigan?”
“Of course not,” I said, still staring at the suit. I waited for him to step back into place before moving to meet William. “Good to see you’re not dead. We should talk.”
He gestured back the way he’d come. I followed him around the wall to where a wide set of carpeted stairs waited. The muted party in the front room was still visible from where we were through a set of indoor windows.
“Whatever you think you’re here to do, Lazarus,” said the Summer Knight, “I can’t allow you in to see Queen Titania and Princess Remy.”
“Titania is the monster here, not me. She kidnapped my daughter.”
“Her granddaughter,” he corrected, “and the way she tells it, you were the one that took her out of Faerie without her permission. She’s fae, Lazarus. We can’t be away from Faerie for too long, or we lose that connection. This world is dangerous for her. Even you can see that.”
“And life as a potential weapon under Titania’s thumb is any better?” I gestured back toward the restricted area. “Remy deserves to be able to make that choice. Not me. Not Titania. Remy.”
He sighed and deflated. “I agree with you in principle, Horseman.”
“Then why not help me?”
William sank to the stairs. “I am the Summer Knight. Titania’s servant. I cannot betray her trust. Why do you think I insisted on Foxglove’s appointment as Remy’s guardian? I knew he would look after her, even when I could not.”
“Come on, man.” I shook my head. “You were willing to fight me before. You were gung-ho about helping Remy when I showed up in Faerie.”
“This is different. If forced to choose between Titania and Remy, I must choose my queen. There is no other option.”
I sat down next to him and folded my hands. “I don’t want to have to fight you.”
“Nor I you. But I will if it’s required of me. I cannot assist you, not when I’ve been expressly ordered not to.”