by Emerson Rose
You’d think it would be dark and quiet at this time of night, but it’s not always. I live near a lot of young people who love to surf and have bonfires on the beach regularly. I love watching them from the privacy of my deck where I’m mostly hidden from view. They’re like a different species from the way they dress in skimpy bikinis, cut-off shorts, board shorts, and t-shirts to the way they lope around like they don’t have a care in the world. They are up before the sun preparing for a day on the water, and they stay up late at night celebrating life. I wish I weren’t scared of the water. I’d probably ask one of them to teach me how to surf.
I light one of a dozen patio candles and set it back on the glass table. They’re having a party on the beach again. I lay back on the lounger and curl up in my blanket, sipping on my beer while I watch their shadows dancing in the flames. After a few minutes, Bikini joins me curling up on the blanket as if we were snuggling in for a long sleep.
One or two of the beach people have seen me before and called up asking me to join them. I politely declined, and they’ve never asked me again. When they see me now, they raise a hand in a lazy wave or give me the hand gesture for hang loose. I appreciate them not pressing me to join them. I’m happy being the watcher of the beach.
When I’ve finished my beer, and I’m done unwinding from the long day, I blow out the candle and stand to go inside. A voice calls from the beach under my deck. “Hey, patio girl, we’re having a big party this weekend if you wanna come. We wanna be neighborly and stuff.” He glances down at Bikini who is making figure eights around my ankles. “You can bring your cat,” he adds with a wink.
I look down at the long-haired, deeply tanned man in a Surf or Die t-shirt standing in his bare feet. His hair is blowing in the breeze reminding me of a shampoo commercial I saw recently. Except in the commercial, it was a woman donning the gorgeous locks and not a man. It seems unfair that a man has been blessed with such perfect hair.
“I’ll have to see if I work. If not, I’ll try to give it a go. Thanks for inviting me, my name is Trinity if you’d rather not call me patio girl,” I say with a laugh.
“Dude, I’m gonna call you the Brit Goddess. I totally dig that accent. Come on down Saturday night.”
I laugh at his new nickname for me. “What time?”
“Whenever, we’ll be out there all day. If you wanna wait till the real fun starts, you can come when you see the fire.”
“What are you celebrating?” I ask.
“I won the Rip Cord Nationals in Hawaii last week. I’m totally amped, it’s gonna be goin’ off. You gotta come.”
I can’t help but laugh at his surfer lingo. I’ve heard them talking before, and it’s like they speak a totally different language. “Well, congratulations on your win, and I’ll do my bloody best to be at your party.”
“Sweet, bring somebody if you want. The more, the merrier, ya know?”
I smile at him in the dark and wonder how well he can see me. I have the light from my living room shining on him, but I must be just a shadow. “Thank you, but I’m not seeing anyone at the moment.”
“Whoa, yeah? I figured a hot chick like you would have a serious BF. Maybe we can find ya somebody?”
“Oh, no need, I’m quite happy by myself. I get to keep all the blankets, and the toilet seat is always down.”
He points his finger at me and laughs. “You’re funny, Brit Goddess. See ya Saturday!”
“Oh, wait,” I call out when he turns to leave. “What’s your name? You know, so I can say who invited me.”
“Bodhi, but nobody’s gonna hassle ya. Just come on over.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Bodhi, and thank you for the invitation.”
I walk inside almost tripping over Bikini and close the doors. I have a party to go to this Saturday night if I’m not working for Lennon, that is. And after years of living in my house, I’ve finally met a neighbor, and he’s a professional surfer. How very California of me. It seems no matter how long I’ve been in the states, I’m still a displaced Brit with an accent. Maybe that’s about to change?
In bed, I lay looking out the window at the dark sky feeling unsettled. This is how I always feel before a big life change. It’s how I felt before we moved to West Yorkshire and again when I took my first hit of heroin. It’s also how I felt before I went into treatment and then again when I moved to the United States.
This unsettled feeling in my gut isn’t biased, it doesn’t care if what is about to happen is negative or positive, it’s just there eating away making me sick. I say a little prayer that this change that’s about to happen is for the best.
Because I’m no good at dealing with the worst.
7
Lennon
Home, I don’t even know where it is, and they want me to go there. This hospital room is getting dull, but the world outside it is a mystery that I’m not sure I am ready for.
It’s three in the morning, and for the first time since I can remember being in the hospital, I can’t sleep. Sleep has been my escape more times than not when I don’t want to think about my situation, but this morning, it won’t come.
I wish my Angel were here to chat with me. What did she say her real name was again? Something with a T. I’ll remember it if I stop trying. She must only work the day shift. I have a different nurse tonight, an older woman with short, blonde hair and glasses. She’s good at her job, but she pales in comparison to Trinity. Yes, that’s her name. It feels so good to remember something, even something so small as a person’s name.
The urge to leave this place surges through my mind so quickly. I wonder where it came from. I may not know where home is, but I know I want to go there. I saw a cell phone in the drawer next to my bed with my clothes a day or two ago, or was it three? Dammit, my brain won’t do what I want it to.
Maybe my address is on that phone? I look out the window of my room that faces the nurses station, and there’s no one there. I lean over and open the drawer and, sure enough, a phone is lying on top of a neat pile of clothes. I take it out and touch the screen. It’s dead. Shit.
I need a charger. How am I going to get that without someone catching on to what I’m doing? That’s when I see a wallet bulging in the pocket of my slacks in the drawer. I would have a driver license, wouldn’t I? Surely, I do. I slide the wallet from the back pocket and open it up.
Inside is a license with a man’s face and my name under it. The man looks very well put together with a suit and tie, hair combed neatly to the side, and a stern, unsmiling expression. It’s me, but I don’t resemble that man at all right now with my scruffy beard and messy hair.
My address is listed under my picture, but how do I get there? I still have a bum foot, and I get dizzy as hell every time someone helps me out of bed. I have friends, but I don’t know their phone numbers, and the only two I can consistently remember are Hunter and Fiona, neither of who are available right now.
My door opens an inch, and I tuck my wallet back into the drawer and lay my head on the pillow. I watch the door slowly open, and the shadow of a woman slips into the room. It’s not nurse Bonnie who has been in and out all night. She’s much larger, so who is sneaking around?
“Who’s there?” I hiss, and the figure freezes.
“Hey, baby, I didn’t think you’d be awake,” a woman’s voice says.
“Who are you?” I ask, and she steps out of the shadows.
“It’s Kelly, silly, you’re fiancée. I can’t believe you still don’t recognize me.”
I agree, it’s odd, and I’m suspicious about that, but I’m starting to hatch a plan. “Sorry, I don’t remember a lot of things. Don’t take it personally.”
Her shoulders relax, and she approaches the bed. “I don’t mind, Booboo. I’m just glad you’re not angry with me this time. I had to sneak in because they put me on some kind of naughty list or something after I tried to see you last time when you freaked out.”
Her bottom lip pokes out in an exaggerated
pout that belongs on a three-year-old, not a full-grown woman. “I freaked out?” I ask even though I vaguely remember being upset when someone visited earlier this week. It must have been her.
“Yes! You were yelling and screaming about wanting me to leave, and the nurse rushed me out of your room, and then some doctor made me leave because they tranquilized you or something. I was devastated. I wanted to see you so bad. I’ve missed you. You’ve been here forever.”
Again, with the lip. I want to smack her and tell her to grow up and act like a woman instead of a child, but I need her. “I apologize, I haven’t been myself since I hit my head. Could you remind me of your name, please?”
She scoots her hip onto the bed next to me and wiggles around until she’s comfortable. “Of course, silly, it’s Kelly. We dated all through college, and we’re getting married soon.” She holds up her left hand where a giant diamond ring sits on her third finger.
“I bought you that?” It’s an expensive ring, and I can’t imagine how much it must have cost me.
“You gave it to me. It was your grandmother’s ring. You were so romantic when you proposed.” She clasps her hands together and rests her cheek against them like an old-time movie star. “You took me on a trip to Paris and proposed at a little café on a sunny afternoon. Everyone around us stood and clapped, and you kissed me so passionately, my toes curled.”
“I did?” So far when meeting people I’ve had a sense of knowing them at some time, and when they have told me about my past, it’s like they are describing things I’ve seen in a dream. But this story, it doesn’t pull any strings in my mind. It sounds like a fairy tale.
“I’m so sorry you don’t remember. It was a beautiful trip, and you promised to take me again real soon.”
“Well, I guess when I get my memory back, we’ll have to plan a trip to Paris then.” Her face falls, and I wonder what I’ve said to upset her. “Are you all right?” I ask.
She shakes her head like she’s shaking away a thought, and her face turns sad. “I’m bored. That’s why I came. There’s nothing to do without you. When can you come home?”
I look down at the IV in my hand and back up at Kelly. “Do you think you can take this thing out of my hand?”
She looks at my hand and scrunches up her nose. “Ew, won’t it be bloody and messy?”
“Not if you press a piece of gauze on it. I think there are supplies in the drawer over there.”
“Why?”
This one is dumber than I thought. “If you take out my IV, we can go home. We will have to sneak out of here, but with your help, I think we can do it. Do you have a car?”
She sits up straight with a look of pure excitement on her face. “Yes!” she squeaks, clapping her hands together quietly. “I still have your car. Won’t you need a wheelchair?”
Duh, of course, I’ll need a wheelchair. Why couldn’t another one of my friends have dropped by to break me out of the hospital instead of this dimwit?
“Yes, Kelly. I’ll need a wheelchair. I’m sure there’s one out there somewhere.”
“But what if somebody sees me?”
“You got in here without anyone seeing you, didn’t you?” She nods. “I’m sure you can snag a wheelchair, too. Now get some gauze and a piece of tape from that drawer over there and take this thing out of my hand.”
I sound authoritative when I speak to her, and she does as I ask right away. Once the IV is out, she helps me into my clothes, and I wait while she sneaks out to find a wheelchair. I’m actually sort of surprised when she comes back with one so fast. Where are all the doctors and nurses? Usually, they’re coming in here every hour to wake me up for one thing or another.
Trinity. I’m going to miss her. She’s the only reason to stay here. I’ll figure out a way to contact her, and when I’m well again, I can come here and visit her in person. It’s not like I don’t know where to find her.
Kelly helps me slide from the bed into the wheelchair, and she pushes me out the door cutting to the right so fast stars and sparkles burst before my eyes, and pain shoots through my head. Maybe I’m making a mistake leaving?
We slip out of the ICU unit right into an elevator. When the doors close, Kelly let’s out a whoop, and I cringe in pain. “Shush, my head,” I say, covering my ears.
“Oh, sorry, Booboo, I forgot you have a headache, but that was so exciting! It was like Mission Impossible, and I was a ninja sneaking a prisoner out of jail.” She’s bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet vibrating with excitement.
I don’t remember ninjas being in Mission Impossible, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. I don’t have the best memory these days.
“I’m glad you’re having fun. We still have to get to the car without anyone getting suspicious, though, so settle down.” I don’t know where that tone of voice is coming from. I don’t even recognize my voice when I talk to Kelly. I sound bossy and rude, but she doesn’t seem to mind. It’s as if she’s used to it. I wonder if I’m a dick fiancé. I hope I’m not abusive.
What if my memories return, and I hate the man that I am?
8
Trinity
I haven’t opened my eyes, but I already know it’s a beautiful California day. The warmth spreading over my face from the sun streaming in my window is my proof. I love waking up without an alarm clock on my days off. I never sleep past seven thirty, but that’s okay. I enjoy the mornings puttering around the house with my cat and a cup of coffee.
The second I open my eyes, my cell phone rings on my nightstand. That’s weird, no one usually calls me at this hour. I grab the phone and see the call is from an unknown caller, and my interest is peaked even more.
“Hello?”
“Trinity, thank God. Lennon is missing.”
“Pardon me? Who’s this?”
The woman on the other end of the line scoffs, “It’s Fiona, duh.”
“Oh, good morning, Fiona. Now, what did you say about Lennon?”
“You’re kinda slow in the morning, huh? I said he’s missing from the hospital, like gone, vanished. Nobody saw him leave, and they’ve searched the entire hospital.”
“Oh no, that’s terrible. He’s not stable enough to be out on his own yet. He still requires several medications to keep the swelling down on his brain, and then there are his pain meds. How on earth did he leave?”
“Security is getting ready to look at the videos from last night. I was hoping he was with you, but from the sounds of it, you’re just as surprised as I am that he’s gone.”
“With me? Why on earth would you think he would be with me?”
“You guys are totally into each other. I thought maybe you snuck him out for some nookie- nookie or something.”
“For what?” I have no idea what nookie is.
“Nookie, you know, sex.”
“Fiona! I would never bloody remove a patient from the hospital for any reason let alone to have sex with them. What kind of nurse do you think I am?”
“Sorry, don’t get your knickers in a knot, lady. I’m just exploring all avenues.”
“Well, you can certainly stop exploring that avenue. Frankly, I’m quite insulted.”
“Sorry. So, do you have any idea where he might have gone?”
“Well, no, I don’t know much about him. Shouldn’t you be asking your circle of friends that question?”
“I have. We thought since you’ve been spending so much time with him, he might have mentioned someplace he wants to be.”
“No, he hasn’t said a thing. He can’t even remember where he lives, and we mostly talk about how to retrieve memories. I don’t know what kind of relationship you all think we have, but I assure you it’s purely professional.” I sound like a prude, especially because my accent becomes more pronounced when I’m angry. I don’t care. I won’t have my reputation ruined because of a bunch of filthy rumors.
“I didn’t mean to piss you off. I’m just trying like hell to find him.”
�
�Have you tried his fiancée? I would think she might know where he’d like to go.”
She makes a sound of disgust. “No, that whore disappeared after the first day he was hospitalized. I’m sure she’s out with some other guy spending Lennon’s money.”
“That’s not right. She came to the hospital a couple of days ago. Lennon was so upset they had to medicate him, and we asked her to leave. Didn’t Evan tell you about that?”
“No, I haven’t seen Evan in a few days. He had some big exam to study for to finish out his residency. So, was Kelly pissed off when she had to leave?”
“I’d say she was perturbed, yes. Dr. Carmichael put her on a special list that we have to keep unwanted people from seeing patients.”
“Oh great. If she found out about that, it would make her even more determined to see him. I wouldn’t have put it past her to break him out of the hospital. I’ll call her.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“Go to this address and wait for me there. I’ll call Kelly on my way. 98673 Westinghouse Lane. Put it in your GPS, or you’ll never find it.”
“Where am I going?”
“That’s Lennon’s house. If my hunch is right, she took him there.”
“Okay, I’ll get dressed and meet you there in…”
“Twenty minutes or so from your place.”
I’m about to say goodbye when I pause. “Wait, how do you know where I live?”
“Oh, I was at a bonfire last night at my friend’s house. He said you lived next door. Small world, huh?”
“Uh, yeah, but how did he know who I am?”
“He owns most of that stretch of beach. He knows everybody who lives around him. He’s sorta paranoid like that, I guess.”
I close my eyes and shake my head. Too much information so early in the morning to process before I’ve had my coffee.
“Gotta go, see you in a few minutes,” she says and hangs up.
I take a deep breath and blow it out before looking down at Bikini staring up at me with her giant turquoise eyes. I named her Bikini because of her markings—mostly white with what looks like a bikini in orange tabby stripes. “I guess I’m going on a manhunt. So much for a relaxing day off.” She looks annoyed, and to show me just how much, she turns around and shows me her butt swishing her tail as she picks her way across the edge of the couch. She finds a nice sunny spot and curls up to sleep away the day.