by J. A. Owenby
Gemma laughed softly. “It’s okay. It sounds like you need someone to talk to that can really understand and lend an empathetic ear.”
I sighed and nodded. “Are you sure you really want to know?”
“Should I be worried?” She wrapped a strand of her red hair around her finger, concern changing her expression.
“No. If you or Mac had been in any danger visiting me here, I would have never invited you over. Apparently, this is a fortress with an insane security system. Anyway, no.” I swallowed, deciding I shouldn’t share everything with her. First, I didn’t want to freak her out. Second, I didn’t want to freak myself out. I’d finally calmed down from my earlier episode. “It’s late, so we’ll save that for another night. But Vaughn and I decided that what we felt for each other couldn’t be ignored anymore, and we’re taking it slow. If things progress, then we will sit down and tell Sutton and Pierce. Until we know for sure, we’re keeping it under wraps. Well, trying to, but we can’t be as stupid as we were tonight.”
“Yeah, I’d have to agree with you there.” She laughed gently. “I won’t tell anyone. You have my word. If you need to talk to me, I’m here for you.” She paused, her gaze softening. “I know it’s going to take you some time to see where you’re at with the relationship, and I think it’s a great idea, but … Claire, from what I saw tonight, Vaughn is already in love with you.”
“Really?” I asked, confusion clouding my tipsy brain. “Are you sure? I mean, I know he cares about me, but … Why?”
Gemma shook her head, stifling a giggle with her hand. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t laugh. I’ve had a shit ton to drink tonight, too. I get it. I had no clue why Hendrix fell for me, but those thoughts came from a very broken place inside me. I mean, I occasionally wonder what I did to deserve him, but most of the time, I recognize my worth. My value. You will, as well. Stay around people who see how smart, strong, and beautiful you are. On the days you don’t have any hope, let us believe in happier days for you. You’ve got so much potential. You really amaze me, so don’t ever underestimate your ability to move forward and have a good life.
“And … if you have feelings for Vaughn, then run with it. Let that man love you. Let him pick up the pieces of your heart and put them together again, even stronger than it was before it shattered. Love is the most powerful thing we have.” Gemma squeezed my hand. “I’m going to get some sleep, but remember, I’m here for you.” She stood and gave me an exhausted smile.
“Thanks.” I hopped off the bed and hugged her. “I’m so grateful to have amazing friends like you.”
We released each other, and I sat back down on my mattress as she left. Seconds later, Vaughn poked his head into my room. I waved him in, and he shut and locked the door behind him.
“Shit. What happened?” He closed the gap between us and pulled me into a tight hug. “I’m sorry I put you in that situation.”
I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head against his chest. Warmth flowed through me, and I leaned into the safety of his arms. “It’s fine. She’s not going to tell anyone.”
Vaughn released a huge breath and rubbed my back. “What did you tell her?” He dropped his arms and listened while he pulled the covers down on the bed for me.
“I was honest with her and told her we were new and seeing where the relationship would go. I explained that when that time came, we would talk to Pierce and Sutton, but for now, we needed some space to enjoy and get to know each other.”
“Okay.” Vaughn rubbed his face, then placed his hands on his hips. “We can trust her. I just feel like shit that we’ve put her in this position.”
“Me, too. It could have been worse, though. It could have been Zayne.”
“No, kidding. He would beat the shit out of me, or he’d try to. Regardless, that would be one hell of a brother fight.” He walked over to me and slipped his arm around my waist. “He opened up and talked to me tonight.”
“About?” I ran my palms over his corded biceps and shoulders. I could stand like this all evening, touching each other with no expectations. It was freeing.
“He’s into you, Claire. The guy’s got it bad.”
My hands fell to my sides as I stepped backward, completely caught off guard. “What?”
“It gets worse. He asked if there was anything between us. He said he saw us looking at each other all night, and before he talked to Pierce to see if he could take you out …”
“What?” My mouth opened and closed like a fish out of the water before I found the right words. “Vaughn! That can’t happen!”
“Well, it might. I tried to dissuade him the best I could, but once ZW has his mind made up, it’s hard to stop him.”
A thought occurred to me, and my nostrils flared. “Has he considered that I might not want to go out with him?” I tapped my foot against the floor. “I mean, he’s going to speak with my brother-in-law before even talking to me about how I feel?” Exasperated, I tossed my hands into the air. “Who does shit like that? This isn’t the stone ages. No one has ever asked permission to date me before.”
“I don’t think he meant anything by it. He’s a good guy. But … do you want to go out with him?”
13
I stumbled backward until my legs hit the edge of the bed. Were we really having this conversation? Zayne was fucking hot, but I’d never felt the connection with him the same way I had Vaughn. However, if I were honest with myself, a threesome wasn’t off the table. I bit my lip, my mind galloping in order to form the correct response. Somehow, I didn’t think Vaughn would be comfortable with the idea.
Uncertainty filled Vaughn’s expression. “You like him, too?” His voice hitched, and he rubbed his clean-shaven chin.
“What? No. No. The whole thing just caught me off guard.”
Vaughn sat next to me on the bed, and I grabbed his hand. I tucked a leg underneath me and faced him. “I’m sorry it came across that way.” I gave him a reassuring kiss. “A lot happened tonight, and I’m reeling from it. That’s all.”
“You’re sure?” Vaughn pressed his lips against mine, then nipped my bottom lip.
My tongue flicked out, licking the edge of his mouth. “We’re playing with fire, Vaughn Reddington.”
“I know, but the burn is consuming me. You’re consuming me.” He ran his fingers up my shoulder and threaded them through my long hair. He pulled my head back, exposing my neck. He nibbled at my earlobe and trailed hot kisses across my collarbone. “I need to stop.” His mouth crashed down on mine, and we fell backward into the bed.
“No, we don’t.” I gasped while his hand slid up my leg and beneath my shorts. His fingers kneaded my ass cheek as I lay on top of him and rocked my hips against him. “You’re so fucking hard,” I said between heated kisses.
“Goddammit.” Vaughn rolled over, pinning me beneath him. “I need a shower.” He hopped up off me and stepped backward. His hands locked behind his head, and he took several deep breaths. “I made a promise to you that our first time would be special, and I won’t break my word.”
“You and your stupid promise. It’s just sex.” I cringed as soon as the words escaped me. “I didn’t mean that.”
Vaughn’s jaw tensed. “It’s not just sex, and you know it. If it were, you’d go fuck Zayne without another thought.” His features darkened with anger, and he spun on his heel and strode to my bathroom. My heart ached with the click of the door lock.
Exhausted, I hurried to change into my pajamas. This was the first time I’d seen Vaughn angry, but I suspected it was more than that. We were both sexually frustrated as hell. If he’d stuck around for me to explain, I would have told him how much I loved the idea that I was important enough for him to plan something special. No one had ever done anything like that for me before.
I sighed and crawled under the covers. Now that Vaughn slept next to me, there was no need to sleep in the corner of the room. Hopefully, he would join me soon. Guilt tugged at me, but exhaustion won out, and I sa
nk into a fitful sleep.
The patter of rain against my window woke me the next morning. I sat up, rubbing my bleary eyes, and searched for Vaughn, but he was nowhere around. I needed to make things right between us. I’d fucked up last night, and I needed to explain what I’d meant. The hurt in his expression had crushed me.
After showering and changing into fresh clothes, I made my way downstairs to find Gemma and Mac. Entering the kitchen, I frowned. Only Vaughn sat at the island, reading the newspaper.
“Hi,” I said, attempting to gauge where he was emotionally after I’d tripped over my words. “Where are the girls?”
“It’s almost noon. They left a few hours ago. They said not to wake you, and they’d call you later.”
“Oh.” I slid onto a stool, placed my elbows on the counter, and propped my chin up on my fists. “Are you still mad at me? I’m so sorry. I never meant it the way it came out of my mouth.”
He lifted his gaze, his eyes connecting with mine. “No. I think the conversation with Zayne got in my head, and it fucked with me. Plus, I almost lost control last night with you. It took everything I had to not make love to you. It’s driving me insane.”
“Vaughn.” I took his hand, then jerked it away. “Who else is here with us?”
Vaughn shook his head. “No one. Zayne won’t be over until later tomorrow.”
I took his hand again. “Whatever we have between us, I don’t want it to be difficult. I mean, it already is, but ...”
He folded the paper and slapped it down on the counter. “You’re right. We’re going out tonight. While Sutton and Pierce are gone, I’m taking you downtown to The Davenport. I’ll rent out the room so we can relax, eat, and dance. Just you and me. No eyes on us and no worries about who might walk in. Then …” He stood and rounded the island. He spun my chair around and grabbed my legs. I wrapped them around his waist and rested my hands on his broad shoulders. He leaned down, his breath grazing the sensitive place on my neck.
“Then I’m going to undress you and make slow love to you until you’re screaming my name.”
Insta-wet. My thong was soaked in seconds. His words caressed my skin, and goosebumps dotted my arms. My body ached for his touch, and it was only hours away, but I hoped like hell I could make it.
“Until tonight …” He dug his fingers into my legs and thrust his hips forward. “I’ll give you something to think about.”
My mouth melted into his, moaning while his hot tongue explored mine. Every time he held out for treating me with respect and as though I were a queen, he owned a little more of my heart.
He stepped back, his lips swollen. I resisted the urge to lick them. I sighed and inwardly surrendered to the idea that he wasn’t going to budge on sex until tonight. Until then, I needed to keep my mind busy.
“You don’t talk much about your family. How come?” I asked, redirecting the conversation.
A combination of pain and love flashed in his expression. “Come on.” He held his hand out to me, then guided me to the living room. “Let’s get comfortable.”
I plunked down on the couch and folded my legs underneath me, facing him while he sat down next to me.
“Where do you want me to start?” His fingers threaded through mine, his touch sending waves of desire through me. Tonight seemed too far away.
I needed to think fast. “Mm, your dad. You’ve not mentioned him, only your mom and sister.”
Vaughn’s head hung down, and he pulled my hand to his mouth and kissed it gently. “He’s dead.” Guilt and remorse saturated his words.
“What happened?” I clung to him as a thick silence filled the space between us.
“I killed him.”
14
If Vaughn hadn’t wrapped his arms around me so fast, I would have shot off the couch and run.
“Hang on,” he said, his mouth against the side of my ear. “I was ten.”
I dug my fingernails into his arm. This had taken such a wild turn. My head throbbed with his words. Why was I attracted to the crazy ones? The killers.
My breath caught in my throat.
“I’m not going to hurt you.” His arms tightened around me as he continued. “I was ten, and Dad and I had gone on a motorcycle ride. It was a gorgeous sunny day, and the temperature had finally reached the fifties. Wisconsin was so fucking cold that fifty degrees seemed like eighty. Mom and my sister, Delia, had a day of shopping planned. Dad had a souped-up Harley that was just beautiful. I remember the first time I saw her. A white-and-blue image of the Greek goddess of love and desire was painted on top of a dark purple. The colors blended together so vividly, I longed to touch her.”
I remained still as Vaughn’s hold loosened a little.
“I was so excited about the day trip, I barely slept the night before. One of my favorite things in the world was to ride with Dad on whatever bike he had at the time.” Vaughn paused briefly. “We’d been out for about an hour. He wanted to drive an old country road where there was hardly any traffic so he could really open up the bike and see what she was made of. A few miles down the backroad had proven to be everything he’d hoped for, and it was so breathtaking, Claire. The trees had just sprouted fresh green leaves, and the sun peeked through them, drying the evidence of the heavy rain from the evening before.” Vaughn swallowed, his Adam’s apple rubbing against my cheek. “We rounded a corner that was well-shaded, and Dad lost control of the motorcycle.”
“Oh God,” I whispered, my heart in my throat.
“When the bike fell, it threw me onto the graveled shoulder. The helmet protected my head, and although I knew my leg was broken, I was still conscious. I crawled into the middle of the road where Dad laid. The motorcycle had pinned him to the ground.” Vaughn’s voice cracked. “Dad had landed face down in a deep pothole filled with rainwater. As hard as I tried to lift the bike off him, I failed. He drowned right in front of me, and there wasn’t shit I could do to stop it.”
A cry escaped me, and I held on to his shoulders. “Jesus,” I said, easing into his lap and straddling him. I wrapped my arms around him and caressed the back of his neck. “It wasn’t your fault. You were just a little boy,” I whispered in his ear as tears fell down my cheeks. “Those bikes are so fucking heavy, there’s no way you could have lifted it on your own. It would have taken at least two or three grown men.”
Vaughn’s shoulders shook as he silently released the pain he had bottled deep inside his soul. We sat together in silence, grieving the loss of his father. Grieving the loss of Vaughn’s youth.
Finally, he lifted his head, his red-rimmed eyes meeting mine. “I didn’t mean to lose my shit like that.”
I kissed the tip of his nose. “Never feel bad about that. Ever.”
He drew in a deep breath. “Delia and I were close until we lost Dad. She never forgave me. In her mind, I killed him. And I did.” Vaughn closed his eyes for a moment. “The bullying at school started soon after we buried him.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Every ounce of my being wanted to beat the hell out of anyone who blamed Vaughn for the accident. People could be so cruel.
“It got so bad, we had to relocate. Mom had a sister in Portland, Oregon, so she uprooted us. She left everything she’d known for thirty-four years. She was born and raised in the same town where she and Dad had met and married. Her entire life was there. Although the move gave us a fresh start, I was angry and hated myself. I got in a shit ton of trouble, too. Finally, Mom signed me up for martial arts, and I met Sutton and Pierce. Zayne joined us a few months later, and they became my family. My brothers and sister.”
I planted a gentle kiss on his forehead. “I’m glad you met them.”
“Me too. They saved me. I’d planned on taking my life after the first class.”
Tears spilled down my face. “I’m so glad you didn’t.”
Surprisingly, Vaughn chuckled. “That’s on Pierce. He helped me during class, then invited me to hang with him at his house. I didn’t make it
home until almost midnight.”
“Did you ever tell him?” I stroked his cheek with the pad of my thumb, wiping away the moisture that clung to his skin.
“No. Guys don’t talk about shit like that. I mean, he knew my dad died and what happened. Maybe he took pity on me. Who knows? But he’s my brother. That’s one reason I was so fucked in the head over you. He explicitly told me you were off-limits, and I betrayed his trust in me.”
I flinched and slid off his lap. “Vaughn, I can’t ask you to do that. Not over me. I knew you guys were close, but I had no idea. I’m not worth it. Sutton, Pierce, Zayne … those people are your family. Don’t throw it away.” A ball of messy emotions, including grief and anger, wedged itself into my throat.
Before I realized it, Vaughn had me pinned on the couch with his body.
“Don’t you ever say you’re not worth it. I’ve made my choice, and I hope they’ll be able to come to terms with it. For years I fucked around, refusing to let anyone in. I made myself a promise the day my dad died. I’d never allow anyone to break my heart again. Then came you … you cracked me right open, and now you own me, Claire. I fought for ten months to push you out of my head while listening to every update Sutton had for us. It was like a few drops of fresh water to a man dying of thirst. I couldn’t get enough of you. I’d finally decided to reach out, but you were standing in Sutton’s kitchen the same day I’d made my decision.”
“Vaughn, you don’t know me. You don’t know the shit I’ve done.”
“Baby, I know who you are. Your light can’t be put out. You were a fucking wreck the night you came home after the abduction, but it didn’t stop the real you from shining through. My heart recognized you immediately. I know exactly who you are. Strong. Caring. Determined. You’re beautiful in every way imaginable.”
Tears slid down my cheeks as I absorbed what he was saying. It was as if he were collecting each fragment of my shattered soul and piecing it back together, his love the glue that held them in place.