At first, I tried to ignore it and just be extra nice to him. I figured that work had him stressed out. After all, a new batch of recruits had joined and he was one of the ‘lucky’ ones who had to whip them into shape. But then that stopped working. So I decided to find out what the heck was going on.
We lay together, sated after making love. He held me close to his side as he always did as we watched the news. I stared at the screen, my fingers idly tracing over his chest. The anchorman was talking about a new deployment the president was considering. I looked up at Trenton.
“Is there something wrong, babe?” I asked him. “You seem preoccupied lately.”
He shook his head. “No,” he answered.
“Are you sure?”
“Yep.”
He seemed to get more agitated as the reporter talked about the possible deployment of troops overseas. He shifted, pushing me away as he sat up. I leaned against his back as he hugged his knees and stared at the screen.
I slowly started to put it together. “Do you think you’ll be deployed? Is that what you’re worried about?”
Trenton lifted a shoulder. “Nothing has been decided yet,” he said quietly.
“Yeah. I know. You won’t go. I’m sure of it. They need you here.”
He glanced at me over his shoulder. “If my Commander in Chief says go, then I have no choice.”
Something about the way he was looking at me right then made me feel small inside. “I know, Trenton,” I finally said softly. “I was just saying that maybe you won’t have to go. I hope you won’t have to go, anyway.”
Trenton turned back to the TV. “I guess we’ll find out soon enough, won’t we?”
I lay back against the pillows, staring at his back. Where was this sudden attitude coming from? He’d never spoken so sharply to me before. “Sorry,” I said quietly.
Once again, he glanced at me over his shoulder. “For what?”
“For whatever it is that I’ve done to piss you off.”
With a heavy sigh, he lay back and pulled me into his arms. “You haven’t done anything, darlin’,” he assured me, kissing the top of my head. “I just hate all this media talk and no one knows what they’re talking about.”
“No one ever knows what they’re talking about,” I answered, with a small smile. “That’s why they’re the media. Anyway, you’re too valuable here. They need you to train the new soldiers.”
He rubbed his face in my hair. “I hope you’re right, darlin’,” he whispered. “I don’t think so. But I hope you’re right.”
Me too.
______
That funny kind of tenseness remained between us for several weeks after that night. I tried to do what I could to either keep him contented or stay out of his way. He finally resorted to staying at the base instead of coming home some nights. He always said that he had to work odd hours while training the newbies. I had no reason to think that he was doing anything other than what he said he was. Several nights I could hear him and the other drill sergeant shouting and the new guys chanting.
When he was home, he barely spoke to me. At night we’d make love, but he was distracted. Often, his phone’s text alert would ring and he’d go into another room to look at it. That bugged me. I wanted to know who it was that kept texting him.
“Well it damn sure ain’t Cliff texting him,” Tracy said, with a scowl. “He’s too busy chasing skirts.”
“What?”
Tracy sighed. “I had to kick him to the curb,” she said quietly. “I hated to because he was so damn good in bed. But even I have standards and stuff. I’m nobody’s toy or go-to unless I want to be.”
“Well good for you,” I said, grinning. “I didn’t think he was your type anyway.”
“So what are you going to do about Trenton?”
“What can I do? He keeps saying nothing is wrong.”
“Do you believe him?”
Did I? “No,” I finally answered. “I don’t believe him.”
“Then you need to sit that fine Southern boy down and ask him directly just what the hell his problem is.”
I poked at my salad. “You don’t think I’ve tried that? He shuts up tighter than a clam. I know he’s been following the news pretty closely since they’ve been talking about another possible deployment.”
“Maybe that’s it. He’s worried about being deployed. Perhaps he’s not sure how you’ll take it or if you’ll be faithful while he’s gone. You know deployments can last for a few years.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know much about it. But he doesn’t need to worry about that. I won’t mess around on him while he’s gone. I’m not like that.”
“Does he know that?”
“He knows. He should anyway.”
Tracy gave me one of her bless-your-heart smiles. “He should. But sometimes you have to spell things out for them.”
I looked around the courtyard of the hospital where we sat eating lunch. Perhaps she was right. Maybe I just needed to grow some and tell him how I felt about him. It wasn’t fair to keep him wondering whether I had feelings for him or not. I turned my attention back to my best friend. “You’re right Tracy,” I said quietly.
She cocked her head, grinning at me. “I usually am.”
Her smile was infectious and I smiled back. “I haven’t told him that I’m in love with him yet.”
“Are you?” When I nodded, she continued. “Whatcha waiting for? I think he’s in love with you too. Push aside the fear. You run the risk of getting hurt whenever you start a relationship. But you can’t keep your feelings bottled up to avoid being hurt.”
She was right. I gathered my trash and stood. She looked up.
“Wait. Where are you going? That was some of my best advice. Philosophical and all.”
I grinned at her and hugged her. “You give good advice, Tray,” I assured her. “I’m just going to follow it.”
“Let me know what happens,” she called after me.
I waved as I headed back inside the hospital. She was right. If he was being deployed, I needed him to be sure of my feelings before he left.
It took me almost ten minutes to get from the hospital to the building where his office was. I hadn’t been there since he’d first taken me there. I waited for someone to stop me or have to give them my name, rank and serial number to pass through. But no one did. It took me a minute to find his office though. The door was open a crack and I paused just outside and ran a hand over my hair and smoothed the front of my magenta colored scrubs. I had a hand on the doorknob, ready to push it open when I heard his voice.
“What are you doing here, Maggie?” His voice was flat, almost emotionless.
“I came to see you, Trent,” a soft female voice responded.
I paused. I knew I shouldn’t be listening to their conversation, but I couldn’t walk away without knowing who the hell this Maggie was.
“Why?”
“I was hoping that we could talk for a while.”
“I don’t think we have anything to talk about.”
I heard a sigh and I was pretty sure it was from her. Who was this chick? The way she was talking, I figured that they’d either dated or had a serious relationship.
“Trenton, please. We were good together and we shouldn’t have ended the way we did.” I heard a faint rustle of fabric and I wondered if she were putting her arms around his neck. “Why did we end? You never told me.”
“I did tell you, Maggie,” he answered patiently. “You couldn’t handle the life of a military wife.”
Wife?!
“You never gave me a chance to. Who was she, Trent? Who was the one who owned your heart?” A brief pause, then she continued. “Oh yes. The military. It always has been your first love and I expect it always will be. No woman will ever be able to compete with her.”
“That’s not fair, Maggie and you know it. I spent time with you. As much as I could. You were the one who was always busy. Busy with what? Your other lovers?”
“Now who’s not being fair, Trenton? It was you that I wanted. You. It always had been. I chose you over my family’s wishes.”
“Ah yes, the greatest love story of all time. The pampered Southern belle, heiress to her daddy’s vineyard. She could have had it all, but she chose to sleep with the soldier boy.”
The woman named Maggie giggled and I wondered what the hell she was laughing about. Trenton sounded dead serious. His normally thick Southern drawl was even thicker and dripping with sarcasm.
“You always could make me laugh in spite of myself,” she said, still chuckling.
To my surprise, I heard Trenton’s low laugh. “And I always loved to hear you laugh.”
They didn’t speak for a few moments and I edged closer to the door, careful not to make any noise that would call attention to me. I got a glimpse of the woman. She was not what I had expected. I figured with the thick drawl she had that she’d be a buxom brunette with her hair pulled back into a ponytail.
So I was surprised to see and slim young woman dressed in a smartly cut business suit. The short black skirt clung to her, outlining her slim hips. The short jacket hung open and the white silk blouse underneath hugged her breasts. She really was pretty.
“So?”
“So?” Trenton repeated.
“Where do we go from here?”
He blew out a breath. “I can’t, Maggie,” he said softly.
“Why? What’s stopping you?”
“I’m seeing someone.”
“Oh? Who is she?”
“A lady I met at a restaurant.”
“Is she pretty?”
“Very.”
“Prettier than me?”
“Maggie,” he said warningly.
“Fine. Are you in love with her? I mean really in love with her?”
“Yeah.”
I saw her push the chair that was between them aside and step closer to Trenton. “I guess that means I don’t have a chance for another shot at you?”
Trenton sighed again. “I’m going away, Maggie.”
“What? You’re being deployed?”
“Not exactly. Not yet anyway. I’m being transferred. I am being sent to another base to work with the troops there.”
“How long will you be gone?”
“At least two years.”
“Does she know?”
“Not yet.”
She does now, I thought sourly. Why did I have to find out like this? Second hand? Well this definitely explained his pissy moods lately.
Maggie pressed her palms against his chest. “Are you going to ask her to go with you?”
“I don’t know. She won’t want to go. Her family is here.”
The woman leaned up and brushed her lips against his. “Then ask me to go with you,” she whispered. “We can pick up where we left off. It’ll be good between us again. You remember how it was?”
Trenton stared down at her. “I remember.”
“Then let’s pick up where we left off. We can make it hot again between us. I can find a job there, and we can be what we were before. That sounds good, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah it does. Except that I’m with her now.”
“And us? I love you Trenton Boone. I never stopped.”
“You loved me while you were cheating on me with him?”
“We’d separated for a while. Jeremy wasn’t you. There’s no one else like you. I want you back. I need you in my life.”
“I want to believe that, Maggie,” he whispered. “But-”
She cupped his cheeks in her hands. “Then believe it, baby. Can we try again?”
I felt my heart sinking. Trenton appeared to be considering her words. So much for loving me.
“Maggie-”
“Tell me you don’t love me, Trent. Say the words and I’ll leave right now and never bother you again.”
I waited expectantly for him to tell her that he didn’t have feelings for her, that he loved me. Then she could be gone. And-
“I love you Maggie,” he finally said quietly. “I honestly don’t think I ever stopped loving you.”
“Trenton,” she breathed.
My heart sank into my shoes and stayed there as I watched my boyfriend lower his head and kiss his ex-girlfriend. Her arms went around his neck and he pulled her closer. Tears welled in my eyes. But instead of confronting him as I should have, I turned and walked quickly away from his office. The wind dried the tears that were trying to fall, leaving my eyes dry. No one seemed to notice the hurt welling up inside me as I walked into the hospital and into the elevator.
No one was in the rehab room when I went in and for once I was grateful. I didn’t want to see anyone right at the moment. I wandered over to the window and leaned against the wall, staring down at the people walking in the parking lot below. They had no idea that my heart was breaking. They probably wouldn’t care if they did know. The good Colonel Boone certainly didn’t seem to care. Of course he wouldn’t know that he’d broken my heart. He’d had no idea that I’d been outside of his office, fully intending to share a few kisses and spend a bit of time with the man I loved. He didn’t know that instead, I’d stood there and listened to a conversation that I was never supposed to hear. I closed my eyes, wishing that I’d never gone to his office today.
But I did and I’d heard everything.
“Hey, you’re back.”
I looked over my shoulder to see Tracy coming into the room with some charts in her hands.
“Yeah.”
She set the charts on the table and gave me a long look. “Is something wrong?”
“Nope,” I answered, not really expecting her to believe me. And she didn’t.
“You do know you can’t lie to me, Lexie. What’s going on?”
I blew out a breath. “I’m just calling myself ten thousand kinds of fool. That’s all.”
Concern shone bright in her eyes and she went over and closed the door. “I thought you were going to see Trenton?”
“I saw him.”
Tracy frowned. “Did you two have an argument or something?”
I went over to the table and reached for the chart on top. “We didn’t even talk,” I said, opening the folder. “Nothing happened Tracy.”
“Something happened,” she insisted. Gently, she took the chart from my hand and took my by the shoulders. “Honey, it’s me. We’ve known each other almost our whole lives. I know when you’re upset. Please tell me.”
I blew out a breath. She was right. There wasn’t too much we didn’t know about each other. And the one thing Tracy wasn’t was judgmental. She’d never once said ‘I told you so’ to me or to anyone else that I knew of.
“I went to see him,” I began slowly. “He was in his office with some woman named Maggie. They were talking. I know I should have either left or made my presence known, but when she started talking about them being together, I just couldn’t seem to make my body move.”
She nodded but didn’t say anything, waiting for me to continue.
“She said they’d broken up and that she wanted to get back together.”
“What did he say?”
I waved a hand. “Oh he tries to be all hard and mad at her. He said that she’d cheated on him and how could he be sure she wouldn’t do it again. She was all ‘I love you and I miss you’.”
She folded her arms across her chest. “I hope he at least mentioned the fact that he’s got a girlfriend?”
I nodded. “He did. He said it was serious. She asked him if he was in love with me. He said ‘yeah’ and left it at that. She kept needling him until I think he was considering her offer.”
“Dammit,” she murmured. “He’s not like that. I can’t believe Trenton would do that. He cares for you. It’s obvious.”
“Then why did he kiss her?”
“Say what?”
“Yep. He kissed her.”
“I hope you busted in on them and punched her lights out.”
I shook m
y head. “Nope. I walked away.” I shook my head. “But the worst part was that he told her he was either being deployed or transferred. He hasn’t even told me yet, and we live together. She was all ready to relocate with him. I think he was thinking about it.”
Tracy’s dark eyes flashed with anger. “You gotta sit him down and talk to him. Demand answers. He can’t treat you that way. Don’t let him treat you that way.
She was right of course, but I wanted to pout a little longer. “Why didn’t he tell me, Tracy?” I said softly. “Why was it so easy to say it to her but not to me?”
“I don’t know, boo. The only ones who understand the male mind is probably another male.” She put an arm around my shoulders. “Maybe he thought that if you knew he was leaving, that maybe it would hurt you. Or you wouldn’t want to go with him.” She sighed. “Or perhaps he figured that you might run around on him. I know you wouldn’t, but maybe it’s happened to him and he doesn’t want to be hurt again. They have fears too you know.”
I shrugged. “Yeah. I guess I’ll talk to him after I get over it.”
“Well don’t let him snow you, that’s for damn sure. But give him a chance to explain. Then if you don’t like what he says, knock him out.”
I smiled in spite of myself. “You’re crazy,” I said, shaking my head.
“Just being real. I’ve been here where you are. And if he cares for you the way I think he does, then he’ll make things right.”
“And if he doesn’t?”
“Then he wasn’t the man you thought he was. And you have to decide whether to try to make it work or let it go.”
I didn’t like either option. After she left to tend to her patients, I stood looking out of the window, thinking. It bothered me that he hadn’t even told me about his transfer. Then he kissed that woman. There was some history there. A blind man could see it.
Was I on the verge of losing him?
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