by Amy Davies
“You can piss and moan about what happened tonight, but you fucked up, and you know it. Now, what you must do is make things right with Cassie. She is too good a girl for you to let her get away. So, like in the big movie gesture, I suggest that you, my friend, get thinking about how to make it up to your girl. I’m going to be here while you down that bottle, and I will make sure you get home safe.” He hands me the bottle, and I get to work finishing it. The last thing I remember before I black out, is seeing Cassie crying, and my chest feeling her pain all over again.
cassie
It has been two weeks since Jay broke my heart. Two weeks, and I haven’t seen him. He has called most days, and text me every day. Sometimes more than once, but I can’t bring myself to see him. Seeing his handsome face will only kill me more. I am like the Ironhide in Transformers, dying a slow, ash-filled death. I threw myself into work. I even hired a new girl. Her name is Lila and she is nineteen years old. She is amazing, and she clicked with Chris and me. I have seen Addy a few times since that night, and even Penny, who came over to apologize for Rachel’s behaviour. But to be honest, Rachel is an adult, and she should be here saying sorry, not her best friend. And yes, I told Penny that.
Chris and Lila are out the back grooming a big-arse Old English Sheepdog. Glad it is them and not me. My phone dings and I see Jay’s name on the screen. He has sent me a picture message again. He has been doing this once a day. Sending me little images of hearts and flowers. Cute puppies and other dogs. The man is relentless. I open the picture message because I am a sucker for a romance, even though it is romance that gets your heart broken. The picture opens, and a smile and a little giggle escapes.
The picture is of an arrow with a tiny paw print dangling from a piece of tethered rope. I love it, and it makes my heart melt. I miss him. I miss him. I miss him so much. I miss him so bloody much, like Ironman misses his beating heart. I sigh and lock my phone, dropping it back in my bag. I need to deal with the new orders we have coming in. Chris decided that the garden area that we keep the dogs in, needed an update. So, we ordered new equipment.
The bell above the door rattles, and I look up to see which customer just walked in. But my heart sinks when I see that it isn’t a customer. It’s her, Rachel Cullen, the girl who helped ruin my heart. I stand on unsteady feet, trying to make her see that I can take her on. I really can’t. I’m a lover, not a fighter.
“What do you want, Rachel?”
“Oh, so you do know who I am?” She smirks at me. I swallow the lump forming in my throat. I bloody hate confrontation. I don’t do it unless I really need to.
“Unfortunately. Now again, what do you want?”
“Nice place you have here. I suppose you get on well with other dogs, so it’s the perfect job for you. I can see why Jay wanted to play around with you a little.” I gasp and fight to hold the tears back. I steady myself on the desk in front of me.
“Just go, Rachel. You won. Are you happy now?” She stares at me, unmoving and not saying a word. “JUST. GO!” I scream at her, my tears now roaming free down my face. My breathing is getting harder and harder. I can’t seem to catch my breath. Oh, God. Am I dying? Dying from a broken heart.
“Stay the fuck away from Jay. We’re back together, and we don’t need a little mutt like you coming between us.” Black spots blur my vision, my breathing coming in quick pants. I don’t see Rachel leave, but I hear the bell going again. I close my eyes and pray that my breathing calms down. I lean forward on the desk again, and I feel my keys under my hand. The flight mode is kicking in. I pick up my keys, my bag, and run. I leave the salon, leave Chris yelling my name. I run to my car and start it, before peeling out of the small carpark in front of my salon.
The tears never stop, but my breathing is slowing down. I driver faster than I normally do, my emotions forcing to me to be reckless. I stop at a red light and take the opportunity to take a deep breath, hoping it makes my lungs hurt less. I close my eyes and try to force the image of Jay and Rachel together. Naked, making love. I gag a little. The car behind me beeps, and I see that the light has turned to green. I drive off and make my way down to the beach to get some fresh air to clear my head. See things in a better light.
What I don’t see is the big lorry coming around the corner a little too fast. He slides into my lane, and I have no time to get out of the way.
The lorry hits my car, and we flip. My body get slammed around with the force. Pain radiates through my whole body. My head hits the window, and I hear it shatter. The pain bounces around my head. The sound of crunching metal echoes around my ears. The jolting of limbs. It is all over in a few seconds, but it feels like hours. I blink my eyes open, and all I see in one eye is red, so I know I am bleeding. My seatbelt is keeping me from falling forward. I try to take note of what hurts, but nothing is clear in my head, everything seems foggy.
“Can you hear me?” A man’s voice comes from my side of the car. I try to answer, but nothing comes out. “The ambulance is on the way. Try to keep still, honey,” I hear him say, before everything fades to black.
* * *
“Can she hear me if I speak to her?” I hear voices, but I can’t see anyone. Why can’t I open my eyes?
“They say that talking to an unconscious person does help. I’ll be back later to check on her again,” the unfamiliar man’s voice says.
I feel warm hands wrap around mine and squeeze. “Baby, I need you to wake up. I need to see you, Kitten.” Jay? Jay! I scream in my head again, but he doesn’t hear me. The darkness is coming again, and I let it take me.
* * *
Light hurts my eyes, so I blink rapidly, trying to focus on my surroundings. I take in the pale green walls and the dodgy picture hanging on the wall. I blink some more, and the room becomes less blurry. I look over towards the window and see a figure sitting in the chair. I try to lift my hands to rub my eyes, but pain shoots through my right hand.
“Ow,” I yelp.
“Shit, Cass. Are you okay?” A familiar voice comes from the side of the bed.
“Rich?”
“Yeah, honey. Chris just popped out for some coffee. Your parents haven’t long left either. Let me get the doctor, okay. Stay put.”
“Not like I’m going anywhere,” I smart back.
“Funny.” I can hear the amusement in his voice. I take the time to take a body count of injuries. I look down at my right hand and see that I have a plaster cast on it. I must have broken my wrist. My head is banging like a rock band is using the space as a practice area. My body aches, but my injuries seem to be minimal. I go to shift my body, but pain slices through my right side.
“Ohmygod. Ohmygod. Bollocks,” I practically scream. Rich and a doctor comes running into the room.
“Miss Dawson, are you okay?” the older doctor asks.
“My side,” I say through the tears. Rich is at my side in seconds.
“Chris is on his way up, and he phoned your parents. They are on the way also. Just breath, Cass. The doctor will explain the injuries.” He takes a hold of my hand and strokes his thumb over my knuckles, soothing me. A lump forms in my throat at the memories of Jay doing that while we sat and watched movies. Where is Jay? Does he know I am here? Oh God, what if he doesn’t care enough to come and check up on me? A sob breaks free and Rich sits on the bed and puts his arm around me, holding me gently.
“Miss Dawson, do you know what happened?”
I nod my head. “I was in a car crash. How badly hurt am I?”
“You have a concussion, which attributes to the headache I’m sure you’re feeling, as well as the twelve stitches that run along your hairline. The police said that you must have hit your head on the window when the car flipped. The bruising will fade over time, and so will the soreness of the jaw.” I take a deep breath, forcing the crunching sound out of my head.
“As you have already spotted the cast, you can see that your wrist is broken. It’s a clean break, so you will be in a cast for six to eight we
eks. Now, the pain you felt when you tried to move is caused by the three cracked ribs that you have. They will take a while to heal, because cracked and bruised ribs are worse than broken ribs. But you will heal completely. Do you have any questions?”
I shake my head. I just want to cry, and see my parents. “I will leave you to it. If you need anything, just press the call button.” I nod my head.
“Thank you, Doctor,” Rich says. We sit in silence for a few minutes until my best friend comes crashing through the door.
“Stupid bloody lifts. I got here as soon as I could. You okay?” Chris asks. I nod my head.
“The doctor just left, and he explained everything to her. She’s in a little pain, but she is a tough cookie.” He squeezes my shoulder. I love this man, he is perfect for Chris.
Chris walks over to Rich and kisses him. You can see the love between these two men.
“Thank you for being here for her. I love you, Richard Perkins.” I gasp and reach for my ribs. Ouch, that hurt, but it was worth it. Rich stands and pulls Chris in for a big hug. This is an amazing moment. Chris has been waiting to tell Rich that he loves him.
“I love you, too, you big idiot. About time you told me.” I chuckle, but the pain hits me and I wince. They break their kiss when they hear me wince in pain. My throat clogs up with emotion at seeing how in love these two are, and my love life is in ruins. The man I love ripped my heart out and Hulk smashed it into a million pieces. I need to move on and repair myself. I need to stitch myself back together.
* * *
I spent four days in the hospital because of the concussion and my cracked ribs. Chris and Lila have been handling Cassie’s Cuts, and they will for a while yet. The cast will stop me working, and so will the rib injury. Chris and Rich have moved in with me for the time being, claiming that I need to be wrapped in cotton wool because I kept trying to move and hurt my ribs more. Okay, maybe they were right in that instance. I like doing things myself, but after the pain in my ribs, I gave in. Four days in the hospital and three days home, and still nothing from Jay. The no contact just makes a solid case that he is done with me and is happy with Rachel.
God, I hate that woman, and I don’t hate often. The only one that has come to see me is Addy, but she didn’t bring up Jay in our chat. I was both happy and disappointed. He hurt me, but I can’t turn off my feelings for him.
“Right, missy, do you need anything before we head out?” Chris asks. I am making them go out on a date, because they deserve it. They have been taking care of me, and now they need some time to themselves.
“I am fine, babe. Now, you two young lads go and have some fun. Go home and shag like wild rabbits, and be as loud as you want.” I wink at them. Chris chuckles and Rich looks mortified.
“Oh, baby girl, you know how to make my man blush.” He kisses Rich’s cheek and takes a hold of his hand. “Come on, handsome, we need to go and shag like rabbits and piss of the neighbours.” They walk out hand in hand, and my heart melts for them. Oh, damn these emotions! I have been crying on and off for days now. The simplest of things setting me off. I slowly settle into the couch and start watching The Night Shift on Netflix. I look through my phone while the TV plays. I pay no real attention to it, but I know I should because the last episode left us on a cliffhanger.
I see a few messages from friends on my Facebook messenger, people wishing me a ‘get well soon’. I force myself to not look at Jay’s Facebook, to see if his relationship status has changed. I do click on Addy’s, though. I want to see little Phoebe. I know she is getting close to turning one, and that is a big birthday in a child’s life. There are a few new photos of her, and some of Addy’s new drawings. That girl can draw, but she doesn’t tattoo, just pierces. I may get a new piercing done, but where…
The doorbell rings and I groan. It is going to hurt to move. I go to get up, but the voice on the other side of the door stops me.
“Cassie, it’s Jay. I know you’re hurting so please don’t get up, but… please, let me come in.” The desperation in his voice breaks my resolve. Plus, I miss him.
Stupid heart.
I take a deep breath and grip onto whatever courage I have to face the man that crushed me a few weeks back. “Come in, the door is open.” I lay back gently and adjust the pillow at my side. I close my eyes and breathe deep. The door opens and closes, causing my heart to skip a beat. He is here, like really here. I pray I can keep it together. I lift my gaze to the entrance of my living room and see him standing there in his signature clothes: black boots, dark blue jeans, and a plaid shirt. He looks as bad as I feel. Why does he look like he hasn’t been sleeping? Has Rachel kept him busy in the bedroom?
Bile rises up my throat and I close my eyes, willing it to go back down. I cough and my ribs scream in pain. I tense up and yelp a little at the pain. Jay is at my side in seconds.
“Are you okay? Do you need anything, Kitten?” I frown at the nickname that he gave me. It holds no emotional form for me anymore. The anger starts to sizzle inside me.
“Don’t call me that. You don’t have the right anymore, Jay. Say what you have to say and leave.” Silence fills the room. After a few moments, I can’t take not looking at his handsome face. His skin is paler than normal, and he has big, dark circles under his eyes. His hair looks like he’s run his fingers through it a thousand times. Or Rachel has. I close my eyes and will the image to go away. He isn’t looking at me, but down at his wrist.
“I’m sorry.” I barely hear him, he says is so quietly.
“For what exactly?” I probe. Fearing his next words.
“For everything. For hurting you. I was a knob for not standing up for you. I should have spoken up. I still can’t say exactly why I didn’t say anything. I love you, not her. But seeing her brought all these emotions back, and my little man-brain couldn’t cope.” I can’t stop the giggle that comes out at his ‘little man-brain’ comment. A small smile crosses his face, but it vanishes as soon as it appears. “I heard that Rachel came to see you the day of the crash.” I nod my head.
“Yes. She came to inform me of your newly formed relationship, and that I was to stay away from you. She all but called me a dog, and a plaything for you. I was stupid to run like I did, and in the state I was in. Answer me something, Jay?” He doesn't answer right away, he just stares at me, his eyes flicking over my facial injuries.
“You can ask me anything and I will answer truthfully, babe. Shit, sorry.”
“Are you happy?” I hold my breath, waiting for his answer. I want him to be happy, even if he isn’t with me.
“How can you ask me that? How can I be happy when my girlfriend broke up with me and refuses to talk to me?”
“I think you’re mistaken, Jay. You broke it off with me. You didn’t deny that you were going to get back together with Rachel. Even when she came to the salon and told me you were together, I never heard from you except for the texts with pictures. I don’t understand how you can be with one woman and still be texting me. You’re just hurting me more, Jay. Can’t you see that?”
jay
“Fucking hell. I am not with Rachel,” I growl at her. I stand up and pace back and forth, running my fingers through my hair. What fucking game has Rachel been playing? She is fucking everything up. Her and Penny are fighting because Penny can see that she is hurting me and Cassie. She asked Rachel to leave and maybe see someone about her issues. She is out of my hair now, so I don’t care what happens to her. Don’t get me wrong, I wish her no ill health or pain, but she needs to be far away from us.
“But, she said that you were,” Cassie whispers from her seat on the couch.
“Well, she fucking lied, didn’t she.” I know that I shouldn’t direct my anger at Cass, but fuck me sideways, she wouldn’t see me to let me explain.
“She is messed up if she lied about this. Why would she do it?”
“No ‘if’ about it, babe. She did lie. I will never be with her again. My heart only belongs to you. Never doubt th
at. I need you, Kitten, for now and always. And yes, I sound like a fucking chick, but to hell with it. And as to the ‘why’, Rachel has always had some personal issues, Penny told me not long after I started seeing her. I am not going to get into them because she doesn’t affect us anymore.”
“I’m not sure there is an ‘us’, Jay,” she utters.
“Oh, there is an ‘us’, baby, and you know it. Rachel fucked us over, and so did I. I will never forgive myself for causing you all this pain, but I will make sure I spend the next ninety years making it up to you. We will have mini superheroes running all over the place, you’ll see.” I wink at her.
“Jay-” I cut her off.
"I'm not finished. It fucking killed me not to see you in the hospital. But when I turned up, you had a nerdy army standing there stopping me. Your dad, Chris and Rich was there blocking me from seeing you, but it was you mother's words that hit home. She told me I was causing you more pain by being there. They believed everything about Rachel, too, and I respect them for standing by you. But, babe, it made my heart break when I couldn't see for myself that you were okay."
She looks at me with a hint of smile on her beautiful face and I smile at her, trying my best to assure her that things are okay and we will get through this big-arse bump in the road.
“I know that you are into all this big, romantic gesture stuff, so I went big, baby. Be right back.” I rush out of the house and over to the car. Dex is sitting in the driving seat. Our smiles mirror each other’s as he climbs out of the car and walks around to meet me.
“How is she?”
“Battered and bruised. I fucking hate seeing her like that, Dex. She’s hurting because of me.”