Merry said, “Tell me about Ian.”
Ben got up and began to pace back and forth between Mallory and Merry, who couldn’t move. Ben said, “We were trying again one morning, crawling up the hill in the darkness before sunrise. They were firing. All around us. From every direction at once. Pings and explosions. And Ian was shot in the back. He said for me to run and leave him. But I couldn’t run and leave him, Merry. I couldn’t. He was scared. He was so scared.”
“So you helped him.”
“What’s he saying?” Mallory asked.
“He’s telling me about being shot at.”
“Oh, no. Merry.”
Ben went on, “I pulled him behind some logs and rocks. And then all I remember is the pain. Like my body was on fire. Burning in my neck and my legs. Little fires. Then ... I remembered, it was graduation day. May 20. My graduation day. And then ...”
“Then, what, Ben?” Merry asked.
“Then I was home. I was sitting on my porch.” Merry got up and put her hand out. Ben lifted his, and the familiar electricity passed between. “Why can’t your twin sister see me? Why can’t she hear me?”
“Ben, you know why.”
“No, Merry. I’m seventeen, Merry. I’m just seventeen. I won’t be eighteen until May.”
Graduation day. No. On his graduation day.
Merry pushed forward, “Ben, how old were your parents when you went away?”
“I don’t think of them as any age. Maybe they were ... forty?”
“And now...”
“Merry ...” Ben got up and stared at Meredith as though she were some creature from another planet.
“It’s okay,” she said, knowing it wasn’t okay and it could never be okay.
“You mean, I came home but I didn’t come home! That’s what you’re saying. Mom and Dad are old now. I’m still a boy who dropped out in April, senior year. That night with Ian. I died there! And I never thought about that. I never thought about how much I wanted to live because I was home. I was safe. Until I saw you. Merry!”
“How is he supposed to stand this?” Meredith asked, whirling toward Mallory. “How would you like to be told you died more than forty years ago? It’s spring. He’s in love for the first time in his life.” Mallory shook her head. She could feel her own eyes spill over.
Ben said softly, “Mallory’s right. You can’t. I love you and you ... shouldn’t.”
“You can’t forbid me, Ben,” Merry said. Sizzles and rockets were exploding in her head. A headache had come on, predatory and pounding. She wanted to pull her own hair until her scalp loosened. Nothing was right. Nothing was clear.
“Can’t I just stay this way? Can’t we be together this way?” Ben asked.
Meredith tried to think. She knew what her grandmother would say, that Ben was stuck in the passage that all human beings must make—from this life to the next. And yet, why couldn’t he stay this way? The answer came to her before she could bolster her own arguments: He would hold back everyone who loved him. Merry damned her gift.
Tonight, before the game, she and Neely would pile into the back of the big, black car, two giggly girls in their varsity uniforms. But one of them would be trying to decide how she could spend her life loving someone who died before she was born.
Mallory watched, fascinated, as the conversation between two people, perhaps the most intense conversation Merry had ever had in her life, took place with Merry doing all the talking, but also listening to words that made tears course down her face and drop into the dust from her chin.
The enormity of it made Mallory dizzy, made her feel as though the world was beginning to spin, and just before she dropped to her knees, she realized that it wasn’t the confusion, but something else. Mallory’s hands hit the ground. Her arms buckled. “Meredith ...” she said and crumpled on the hard ground.
Somehow, in the twilight between awake and asleep, she not only saw the lights and sounds and flurry of a hospital room far away but felt strong, tender arms lift her to her feet. Oh, poor Merry, she thought. I torture my sister as a part-time job. I forget how much I love her and how deep her feelings go. Poor Ben. One moment, he awakes from a long dream; he’s young and in love. And then, the dream is a nightmare. He has to face it all at once. And he’s only a kid, like us. He is real. He is here.
And I have to tell him what I just saw, Mallory thought. I can’t run home. I can barely get to the bottom of the hill. I have to call Drew. He has to come for me. And these two have to get to Ridgeline Hospital.
“Ben,” Mallory said. “Your mother is dying.”
WATCH FOR ME BY MOONLIGHT
Drew was there in what seemed like less than a minute, having run every stop sign between Pilgrim Street and Mallory’s distress call. “I’m going to sit in the front,” Mallory said. “And Meredith is going to sit in the back.”
“What?” Drew said. “What’s that got to do with the price of rice? I didn’t think she was going to sit on the roof.”
“She’s going to sit in the back.”
“There’s nowhere else she can sit, Brynn,” Drew told her, not realizing that the comment was not intended for his ears and was an invitation to get across town quickly, to the hospital. Mallory had no idea how ghosts covered ground. Meredith got into the back and slid over behind the driver’s seat. They raced through the early afternoon sunlight to the doors of the hospital.
Mallory said, “Sasha’s with Mrs. Highland. I saw her there.”
“Ben’s mother had a heart attack last night. I guess she’ll be in the hospital for a while, but Sasha called Mom and said she was there in time to make sure that at least Mrs. Highland would survive. And that she was going to go to the hospital to be with her.”
“Sasha’s a wonder girl,” Mallory said. Wonder what she brought with her, she thought, hard, to her sister and could hear Merry catch the thought.
“Except maybe not,” said Merry. “I think that Mrs. Highland was given something. I don’t think it was something that would kill her.”
“What about the note?” Ben asked. “My father found it.”
“I guess he didn’t believe it,” Merry said.
“Who didn’t?” Drew asked.
“Or maybe what she gave your mom would have killed her if Sasha hadn’t been there to save her. Mally didn’t say she did. She said your mother passed out.”
“Whose mother? ” Drew asked.
“What if she does both? Kills people and saves them? What if she does it too much? ” Mallory asked. “What about that little girl? ”
“I’m not going to ask which little girl. I’m just the chauffeur,” Drew said sullenly.
“What if that’s what she’s doing to Owen? And that’s why no one can find out why he throws up all the time?”
“That would have to mean Sasha was with him every time it happened and she wasn’t,” Merry said. “But she was there right before. She prepared things he had before she left. She could have done the same thing with Mrs. Highland, and even more freely. Medicines. Things in her food. Think of all the times she’s cooked for Owen.”
“I can’t bear to,” said Mallory.
On the floor the receptionist gave them the room number for Mrs. Helene Highland, cardiac care. They found Sasha in the waiting room.
“I came to see Mrs. Highland,” Merry said. “It’s important.”
“They’re trying to figure out what’s going on with her now. She was coming along and now she isn’t. But they stopped the crisis, so far. Her husband is in there with the doctors. I don’t think they’ll let you in.”
“I’m going to try anyhow,” Merry said. “Come on.”
“I’m supposed to stay out here,” Sasha said.
“Right,” Merry said with a nod. “You stay right there. Mally and Drew will stay here too.”
The sweet-sick smell of medicines and cleaning fluid and the kind of food that seemed to curse only hospitals swelled up and caught Merry like a blow. She had to swallow ba
ck a wave of nausea. The anxiety didn’t help either. Mrs. Highland was only the immediate crisis. From all the doors came pleading or moaning or silences even more ominous than the moans and the pleas. Before she even attempted to open the door, she could hear the doctor saying how glad he was that Mr. Highland had brought the full range of medicines his wife was taking every day and that he had no idea how she had gotten hold of or been given a lethal drug Meredith could not pronounce or understand. As she listened, the physician said that it was essential that whoever cared for Mrs. Highland’s know exactly what she need and make sure that she had exercise and fresh air.
Exactly what she hasn’t had, Merry thought. She turned a grieving mother who found comfort in the trees into an invalid.
“She’s out there. The young woman, the nurse,” said Mr. Highland. “She ... I didn’t know everything that Helene took. But I know she’s become weaker this fall. Progressively weaker and weaker.”
“Can you introduce me to this woman?” the doctor asked.
“Of course,” Mr. Highland said. The two men came out of the room and Mr. Highland saw Meredith. “Hello honey,” he said. “What brings you here? We had a bad scare a few minutes ago. Apparently, Helene’s medicine was reacting to something else Sasha gave her. But she’s resting now.”
“Mr. Highland, is it all right if I see her? I really need to,” Meredith said. The doctor looked unsure, then nodded.
“We trust this young woman. She is a friend of our family’s,” said Mr. Highland.
“Just for a moment,” the doctor said and stepped away to consult the chart in his hand. Soon, he was busily making notes.
“Mr. Highland, try to believe why I need to see her,” said Merry in a low voice. Mr. Highland’s eyes opened wide and he bit his lips. Softly he said, “My boy,” and added, “I think she would like that, Meredith.”
Through the door, Merry could see Mrs. Highland propped in bed, her long, thick hair loose around her shoulders, her hands busily kneading the coverlet. Her graceful hands were bruised and taped to hold down the lines pushing fluids into her body, and she wrinkled her nose against the intrusion of the oxygen prongs.
She noticed the two men as they began to glance around for Sasha, so that the cardiac specialist could speak to her. Meredith heard Mallory say that Sasha had just gone to the restroom and would be back in a moment.
Mally offered to go and look for her.
And so Ben and Meredith slipped into the room with Mr. Highland. Helene Highland turned a composed and curious face toward the door.
“Mrs. Highland,” Meredith said.
“Meredith! Hello! How did you hear about my being in the hospital?” asked Mrs. Highland. It crossed Meredith’s mind to say that her mother had let her know because, strictly, this was true. But she had little time, and she knew she had to do what it was she had come to do.
To Ben, she said, “I’ll speak for you,” and to Mrs. Highland, she said, “I know that you remember that night, when I came to your house. How I knew about Ben?” Mrs. Highland nodded. “I don’t know what you believe in your life, Mrs. Highland. I don’t know what I believe. But you said you’ve felt Ben closer in the past couple of weeks.” Again, the woman in the bed nodded. “He has been closer. He’s here now.” Mrs. Highland gasped and her husband started forward, but she waved him away. “If you get sick, I have to leave. Please just take a deep breath. And see if this really seems so strange to you.”
“I’m calm,” Mrs. Highland said then, in a strong voice. “I can’t see him. I can’t see my boy.”
“But I can. And I’m not a liar. I love Ben. Ben wants to talk to you, but he has to talk through me.” To Ben, Merry said, “Say something that will let her know it’s you.”
“Little Mama,” Ben said, and Mallory repeated it. Mrs. Highland didn’t flinch. But first one, then another tear rolled down her face. “Little Mama, I know now what happened to me. Merry told me. Don’t be angry. She had to tell me. And I suppose I never knew because I didn’t want to leave you. I never wanted to leave you. Do you believe me when I say so?” Mrs. Highland nodded. “I was wrong. I was a fool. But ... you’re my best girl, right?” Mrs. Highland nodded. “And you want what’s best for me? I think that you have to let me go now, Little Mom. David needs you. David’s kids need their grandmother. You don’t pay enough attention to them because you think of me all the time. And Dad needs you. So I won’t be there, in the house.”
“Benjamin, no. Wait.”
“In the house,” Merry said, repeating after Ben. “But I’ll see you and I’ll hear you, right? I’ll hear what you say when you walk in the garden under your tree. I’ll be there. Not so much in the ... in the cemetery. I know now that all those times that I was supposed to walk down the path, I didn’t go because I was afraid to leave you. But I think I kept you from living all the way, Mama. Just like if I stayed with Merry, as much as I love Merry, it would keep her from living all the way.”
Mrs. Highland was crying freely, and her husband had removed his glasses and was wiping his own eyes with another huge starched handkerchief. Ben went on, with Meredith’s voice, “You have to live all the way in this life, Mama. And in the next life, your boy will be there waiting for you. Not too soon though. Okay? Not too soon.”
Ben tried to look every inch the strong guy and the soldier, but his face was falling apart. It was clear to Merry that she and Mrs. Highland weren’t the only ones having trouble letting go. Ben’s lip quivered as it must have done when he was a young boy—or as his little boy would have done, had he lived long enough to have a child. Merry bit her own lip and dug her nails into her palms so that she wouldn’t fall apart. For this moment, she needed to be strong for Ben. She knew there wasn’t much time. Ben said, “I’m going to kiss you goodbye.” Merry leaned over and kissed Mrs. Highland’s soft, seamless cheek. Ben held Mrs. Highland’s hand and kissed it; Merry saw the older woman glance down at her hand.
“Did you feel that?” Meredith asked.
“Like a spark? An electric spark?”
“That was Ben. He kissed your hand.”
“Meredith,” said Mrs. Highland. “Don’t let him leave! Oh, please don’t!”
“She’s gone,” the doctor said, entering the room suddenly. “This young woman called Sasha Avery is gone, and I need to talk to her urgently.”
“It’s all right for now,” Mrs. Highland said. “We don’t need Sasha anymore. I don’t think she’ll go far.”
Charles Highland said, “I swear ... Merry? Is this what you meant about Ben? This feeling? In the room? I can almost smell that pine and spice stuff he liked so much.”
“I’ll explain,” said Mrs. Highland. “And don’t worry about me crying. It’s good for me. I haven’t cried this way in forty years. I know something I never knew.” Meredith turned to slip out of the room, leaving Ben with his parents. “Meredith, thank you.”
Ben turned to look longingly at Merry. “I should spend these last days with my parents, now that they know.”
Her heart echoing, Merry said, “Of course you should. The night after graduation. Two weeks from today.”
“Fourteen little days. How will they know I’m there?” Ben asked.
“I think they do,” Merry said, her own cheeks wet.
“How will they know when I’m gone?”
“It will be like before, but better. At least I think so.”
“Watch for me by moonlight,” Ben said. “You know where.”
“Though hell should bar the way. Is that okay?” Meredith told him.
“You’re my girl,” Ben said.
RESCUE
The following Saturday at three, Merry arrived with the squad for the statewide meet in Westchester County.
Bonnie Jellico, Mrs. Chaplin, and Coach Everson were sponsoring, and the girls had a bank of hotel rooms at a Hampton Inn. They were planning some good mayhem. Even though they weren’t favored to win this year, and even though her family couldn’t be there because of Owen,
Meredith was determined to be in a good mood for the last formal meet of the year.
They went over to the gym at Trafalgar County High School for a quick warm-up before dinner. It felt good to Merry to have her pyramid under her again, good to finally actually listen to the gossip instead of only hear it. Being with Ben had been like being married, and as much as she loved him, Merry knew that she wasn’t ready to give up all the beloved foolishness of being one of many instead of only two. Neely was officially going out with Pearson. Kimmie, who had grown another inch over the winter and was now 5’9”, had a crush on Dallas Jameson, a freshman, who was also three inches shorter than she was.
Rumors immediately began to circulate about Sasha, and Meredith wisely kept quiet, even though the seniors and her close friends asked her repeatedly what she knew. Sasha apparently had called Coach Everson the night before, saying her aunt was elaborately ill, which only confirmed the twins’ beliefs. As the girls chattered, Meredith texted Mally and let her know what was going on. Mallory already knew and added that the police were now interested in talking with Sasha, along with the doctors.
That night, after the cheerleaders had spent the night flirting until one a.m. at the pool with some cute golfers from New Jersey, one of whom disappeared briefly with Erika, the girls ordered massive pizzas and asked about Owen.
For some reason, they could routinely stay up until four a.m. and cheer like demons five hours later.
“He’s so much better,” Merry said. “Whatever it was, it’s over now.”
“How can you be so sure?” Kim asked.
“We think we found the cause of it,” Merry said. In fact, their mother would only find out about Mrs. Highland when she went in to work, but Campbell wasn’t stupid. She would connect the dots. The twins were hoping that Sasha still trusted Campbell and would show up for work on Monday—feeling safe in the assumption that if Mrs. Highland were better, whatever she had done would go undetected.
“That’s great about Owie! But where have you been?” Allie demanded. “I mean, I know when your brother’s that sick, it’s totally understandable. But text much? Come on! I’ve sent you forty-two text messages, and you never answer.”
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