by Bo Reid
“I get it, running. It’s what I’m best at; the difference is that I've always run alone,” I say turning to her. “I’m learning that just because I run alone doesn’t mean I’m not also hurting the ones I leave behind.”
She laces our fingers together, patting my hand.
“I used to think I was dragging them down,” I nod towards the guys and watch as Nash wraps Emma in his arms, running his hand along her belly, the growth barely hidden under her coat. “But it turns out I hurt them when I leave them, just like you hurt me when you left. I always thought you left because you knew what I would become. That you were scared of me,” I sigh, looking down.
“I’ve never been scared of you, or what you have done. I’ve only ever worried about what all that carnage was doing to you.”
“Carnage makes me happy, but I think they make me happier,” I nod towards the guys and chuckle when Hunter nails Ranger with a snowball.
“They treat you well?” she asks.
“Better than I deserve.”
“You deserve the world, Sweet Angel,” she squeezes my hand, and I laugh.
“I’ve never been an angel. That was always Hades.”
“You have always seen the worst in yourself, and yet, you see the best in everyone else. You are full of goodness, Morana, and you act on that goodness. Albeit in a slightly misguided manner. But you’re still good, and I bet they see only the good in your heart,” she says and nudges my shoulder.
“I’m sorry I didn’t come get you first,” I whisper.
She shrugs. “If I were you, I wouldn’t have either.”
“Why didn’t you call Dad for help? Even after you left, I think he still loved you. He took the pictures out of the main house, but always kept a picture of the two of you in his desk drawer. He would have helped if you called, he would have come and got you both, brought you back and burned this place to the ground in the process. He wouldn’t even have made you stay with us; he just would have made sure you were taken care of.”
Victoria sighs, leaning back on the swing and staring out at the front yard. “I was scared, Morana. More scared than I have ever been in my entire life. I had no idea if Matthew was still connected with your father; I didn’t know if he had people in town just waiting to go after my babies. I know your father would have done anything and everything to bring us home, but I couldn’t take the risk; I couldn’t risk my babies more than I already had. Aeron was a good man; I want you to always remember that no matter what he did, he was good in his soul,” she says.
We sit on the porch, rocking the swing back and forth. Every once in a while, Ranger will glance my way, and I know he’s reading me like an open book, judging when he needs to step in — always watching out for me.
“Do you remember the first time you felt a little off?” Victoria asks me, and I nod my head.
“I was eight,” I tell her.
“And it just kept getting worse, didn’t it? Hades tried to help, but didn’t know how…” she trails off, and I eye her, suddenly very suspicious.
“Yeah…” I confirm.
“Don’t be upset with your brother, he did his best, but there is only so much a child can do without help.”
“What are you saying?” I ask.
“Hades talked to your dad, and never told you, he talked to Ricky too, and Ricky told me. You needed this life, Morana, the kind of life where bloodshed is okay. Your father never made Hades start taking on jobs, start trying to fill roles; he took them for you. Because he knew you needed the life, and he knew you would leave if he left, and you would stay if he stayed,” she whispers.
“So, Hades could have left? He could have gone to college; he could have been whatever he wanted to be, but because of me, he stayed?” I ask, and she squeezes my hand. “Because of me, he’s dead…” I whisper and feel tears prick my eyes.
I always knew it should have been me, not him. But I didn’t realize Dad was just doing what he thought was best for both his kids, what he thought we needed, what he thought we wanted.
“No, Morana, Hades is dead because Galen put some thugs up to killing him.”
“He tried to get me to leave; he wanted me to promise I would get out of the life, but I stayed because I thought he had to,” I whisper.
“I think a time came in his life when he did have to stay; there is only so much slaughter one can be a part of before losing the ability to ever leave it.”
I think she keeps talking, keeps trying to tell me that everything Hades did was because he loved me, and in return, everything I did was because I needed him. I can’t hear her words through the pounding in my head, the loud bang of a gunshot ringing out into the dark night, the bright red blood, and the loss of life.
I killed them and felt nothing but the pain from the loss of my brother. As he took his last breath, my heart darkened and cracked inside my very chest. The pieces crumbled, and it would never be put back together again. Now it faintly beats, the pieces mended with tape and glue; it doesn't look much like a heart, and it doesn't feel like one either; but it’s there, softly beating inside my chest.
My heart and my monster are at war with one another; my heart beats in a soft, steady rhythm telling me that it wasn’t my fault; but my monster rips and tears erratically at my chest screaming that we deserve this pain, and I don’t know who to believe.
“Are you guys leaving?” Victoria asks, pulling me out of my self-destructive train of thought.
“Yeah, a plane is waiting for us in Helena.”
“Would it be okay; I mean would you mind if maybe….”
“You came to visit sometime?” I ask, forcing a smile.
“Yeah.”
“Maybe you guys can come down in a few weeks for my birthday?” I ask, and a smile breaks across her face as tears fall from her eyes.
She leans over and wraps me in a hug. “I would love that,” she whispers as tears soak into my sweater.
“Love, we need to hit the road if we’re going to make it in time,” Ranger calls out from the bottom steps. A waiting plane is a great reason to leave suddenly, but I catch Ranger’s gaze, and I know that he sensed my need to get the hell out of here.
Victoria releases me, wiping her eyes and standing with me. She walks me down the stairs, and at the bottom, Aether wraps me in a hug, lifting me off the ground.
“Have a safe flight, Little Sister,” he says as he sets me back down.
“Watch it, I’m older than you,” I joke poking him in the middle of his chest.
“Yeah, but you’re still little,” he says, patting my head, and I swat his hand away as he laughs.
We load up into the SUVs, and I wave to my mother and brother as we drive away. Leaning against Hunter’s shoulder, he places a kiss on my head.
“You okay?” he asks softly, and I sigh.
“I think I will be.”
Chapter 24: Rodzina
Ranger
I study Morana in the rearview mirror as we make our way towards the small private airfield just outside of Helena, where our plane is waiting to take us home. I don’t know what her mother said to her, but I can tell it has caused a war inside of her. She has her legs curled up underneath her as she leans her head against the window, staring at the passing landscape.
Every now and then, Hunter will pass her something to eat or drink, and she softly declines. I catch Hunter’s gaze and just shake my head as he shrugs his shoulders. Kesden turns in his seat to watch Morana but she doesn’t even seem to notice his movements. He’ll softly rest his hand on her knee, but she doesn’t react. When he settles back into his seat, he looks at me, and I can see the worry on his face. It’s the first time since I met him that I don’t want to ram my fist into his face over and over again; for the first time, I think I see how much he actually cares about my girl. We pull onto the asphalt tarmac behind Emma, Nash, and Talin. Kesden and Hunter jump out of our SUV, making their way to the back to grab our bags and load them up onto the private plane. I get ou
t of the driver's seat and make my way over to open Morana’s door but instead of letting her out, I move her to the side and slide in next to her, closing the door behind me.
She doesn't say anything, and neither do I. I simply open my arms to her, and she climbs into my lap. Wrapping her into an embrace, I hold her against my chest and give her a moment to collect herself.
“Dad never forced Hades to fall into the heir line, he could have left, but he stayed for me; because I needed a world where murder was just glossed over,” she finally admits in a small voice.
“Hades stayed because he loved you, he sacrificed a different future because that is what you do for the people you love; you sacrifice for them,” I tell her.
“If he stayed for me, that means I’m the reason he is dead. If he were never set to take over after Dad, then Galen never would have come up with his horrible plan in the first place,” she whispers, and I hear her voice crack with the weight of blame.
“Let me ask you something.”
“Okay.”
“Who normally takes over after a mob boss steps down?” I ask her.
“If the boss has children, the firstborn son steps up; if he doesn’t, then the right-hand man normally steps up, like how Marcus runs things for us now,” she explains and I hold her closer to me, planting a kiss on her head.
“Do you think Galen would have assumed Hades would be taking over, regardless of everything else?”
“Maybe,” she sighs, and I feel her nuzzle herself closer to my chest.
“Love, what happened to Hades wasn’t your fault then, and it’s still not your fault now. You have no idea what Hades would have wanted. If Aeron wasn’t making him stay, then he could have left at any time had he survived. The truth is you will never know for certain if Hades stayed for you after all those years or if he stayed for him. I’m sorry Morana, I know how much you love him, how much you miss him, and how guilty you feel over what happened to him, but the truth is, it was not your fault. You don’t know what kind of person he would have become and you have raised him up on this pedestal in your head because of your guilt,” I tell her and she pushes herself away from my chest to stare at me. “Be mad at me if you want but it’s true.”
“What are you saying?” she asks.
“I’m saying that just because you remember a certain part of him doesn’t mean that’s all of who he was. I’m saying that maybe he was more like you than you think. I don’t think that's an unreasonable thought, look at Aether. Nash too, and he is only your half-brother, half the shared DNA, and he might not be as dark as you, Aether, or even Kesden, but he’s still another monster. The difference is Nash fights the darkness, while you embrace it. You don’t know who Hades would be today if he were still with us.”
“But he was always so good,” she whispers, looking down at her hands.
“So. Are. You.” I tell her, punctuating each word with a kiss to her lips.
She leans forward once more resting her head on my chest; I watch out the window as the others finish loading up the plane and then board. I reach over and open the door, sliding out with Morana tucked safely in my arms.
Walking over to the plane, I carry her up the stairs, and I feel her bury her face into my chest as I walk her to the back of the plane and slip into the small bedroom. I lay her down on the bed and slide in next to her, making sure she doesn't leave my arms even for a second. She doesn't say anything else, and neither do I, but we feel the plane being taxied down the runway and I hold her close to me for takeoff. After the plane levels out, I hear the door open and watch as Hunter, Talin, and Kesden all file into the already-small room.
Hunter manages to slide in behind Morana, wrapping his arms around her and pressing himself closer to her back, silently holding her. Talin and Kesden take seats at the end of the bed, finding a place on Morana to rest their hands, ensuring she knows they are here. They lie down partially on the bed, but mostly on the floor, resting their heads on the end of the bed and their hands gripping Morana’s legs.
We stay like that for most of the flight, tucked in close to our girl, silently letting her just feel how much we love her. We rotate our positions, everyone getting a chance to be close to her. And for the last hour of the flight, we leave the room and let Emma lay with Morana.
I can hear them whispering through the closed door, and the soft sounds of crying, but I don’t know what they say or who is crying. They could be talking about anything from baby stuff, to murder, or family; and Emma cries over the wrong brand of cookies.
“She going to be okay?” Nash asks as he takes a seat next to me on the couch.
“We’ll make sure she is,” I reply.
“Blood is what makes us a family,” Nash says.
“The blood just isn’t ours,” Hunter responds, and we all nod in agreement.
Chapter 25: Pere
Morana
Three Weeks Later
I slowly open my eyes and groan when the sunlight brightens my room. Throwing the covers off, I crawl over Hunter and Kesden. This whole sharing thing is great until I’m smashed in the middle of four dudes and have to crawl over them just to pee.
My stomach knots slightly, and I have to pause at the feeling of my stomach rolling and bile rising in my throat. Today my mother and brother are coming to stay for my birthday weekend, as well as Sharon, Talin’s mother.
And if that wasn’t nerve-wracking enough, they are all staying here. And they are all going on house tours with our realtor tomorrow. Now that they can leave Calliope, they all want out and to be closer to us, at least for a little while.
“You good, Little?” Kesden whispers as he props himself up on his elbows and wraps one hand around my waist.
“Yeah. Just nervous for the weekend,” I sigh.
“You’re going to be fine. Come on,” he says, standing from the bed and stretching his arms over his head. I stand and place my hand in his as we quietly make our way into the bathroom.
Kesden leans over and turns on the hot water to fill the bathtub. He opens the drawer and pulls out a black coffin-shaped bath bomb and tosses it into the tub; because coffins are the best.
We strip out of what little clothing we have on and climb into the tub. He wraps his arms around me, pulling me against his chest, and I melt into him.
“Just relax, Little. As long as we don’t kill anyone this weekend, we’re golden,” he whispers, a soft chuckle vibrating through his chest as I close my eyes.
“Got it, no murders.”
He runs his hand down my inner thigh, spreading his other across my belly. I roll my head to the side as he trails soft kisses over my shoulder, moving his hand to run his fingers over my slit.
He dips two fingers inside me, working the palm of his hand over my clit. He slowly slides his other hand up to pinch my nipple between his fingers. I arch my back, pressing my body into his hands as I start to feel heat building in my body.
I moan as he sinks his teeth into my shoulder, sucking on my skin. I grab the edge of the tub as my legs start to shake, and I come cursing Kesden’s name. Dropping my head back, I lean into his chest, trying to catch my breath; he turns my head and places a kiss on my lips.
“Feel better, Little?” he asks, and a lazy smile pulls at my lips.
“Much.”
Orgasms make everything better.
The doorbell rings, the melody chiming throughout our large home, and this is it. I walk towards the front door, looking back at my guys. Emma comes up next to me, grabbing my hand in hers and giving it a squeeze.
I reach for the door handle and throw open the door; Sharon, Victoria, and Aether stand on the other side with their bags in hand.
“Hey!” they all yell before piling into the house and throwing their arms around me, moving from person to person, to give hugs and greetings.
My stomach rolls, but I manage to push down the feeling, fighting through the anxiety with a fake smile. Aether puts his arm around my shoulder as we all make our wa
y into the kitchen.
“I’ll show you guys to the rooms,” Talin says, grabbing his mom's bag and kissing my cheek before heading to the guest wing.
“Gosh, Talin, you didn’t tell me you lived in a mansion,” Sharon whisper yells while looking around the vast living space. “I’m going to need a map to find everything, do you have GPS trackers so you can find me if I get lost?” she jokes.
I chuckle and sit down on one of the bar stools, holding a palm to my stomach. I didn’t realize how stressful this would be; heat creeps over me, making my skin crawl.
“You okay, Love?” Ranger asks as Hunter sets a cup of coffee down in front of me.
“Yeah, just stressing. I’ll be okay,” I give him a small smile.
“After breakfast, why don’t you lay down for a bit?” he suggests, and I nod leaning my head against his chest; that sounds good.
Hunter starts putting bacon in a pan to fry it. I watch him moving around the kitchen, and when the smell of bacon hits my nose, bile rises in my throat, and I can’t push it down. I jump off the stool covering my mouth with my hand as I race to the bathroom off the kitchen, making it just in time to empty what little is in my stomach.
I groan and lean against the wall, as knocks sound from the door. “Are you okay?” Ranger calls through the door.
“Yeah,” I groan, hauling myself off the floor.
I splash cold water on my face and turn to open the door and step out, feeling worse than I have in years. Ranger places the back of his hand against my forehead like a goddamn mother hen.
“Maybe you should lie down now; you might be getting sick,” he says.
“You think?” I bite back sarcastically, then groan when I sound bitchy even to my own ears. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap.”
“Come on,” he says, lifting me into his arms and cradling me against his broad chest.
Ranger lays me down in our large bed and tucks me in as my stomach rolls again. He plants a kiss on my head before closing the blackout curtains, the darkness falling over me. I’m not sure how long I sleep for, but when I wake up and stretch my hands over my head, I feel better.