“No. I pulled it from her social media.”
I let it digest for a few seconds before I turn back to Wren. “I have a sister? And my father kept her a secret from us for her entire life? Why would he do that?”
She puts a hand on my thigh. I wish I could feel the contact, but my whole body seems to be numb. “I don’t know, Lincoln, but there must’ve been a reason.”
“I have an address and a phone number for Jacqueline. Her daughter’s name is Hope,” Dani offers.
“Hope.” I press my palms against my eyes, trying to absorb this new reality. “I thought the sex room was bad. This is a whole different level of messed up.” I look at the pictures again, trying to unsee the similarities between Hope and me, but I can’t. We are very much related.
“I’m going to give you two some privacy.” Dani pushes up off the couch and rounds the coffee table. “Wren, let me know if you need anything else.”
“Thanks, Dani.” Wren leans in and presses a kiss to my shoulder. “What to do want to do, Linc?”
“I want some answers. I want to see with my own eyes that this is real.” He motions to the spread of pictures.
“Do you want to take a trip to Jersey to see if we can get some of those answers?”
“Yeah. Okay. That sounds good.” I don’t actually know if it sounds like a good idea at all, but I need to do something other than sift through this pile of information with no history to tie it to. At least not one that I can understand.
“Why don’t we go back to your place and get Griffin’s SUV?” Wren says softly.
I push up off the couch, my body feeling like it’s disconnected from my brain. I don’t track anything during the cab ride back to the penthouse. Wren grabs the keys for the SUV, and then I’m in the passenger seat, staring out the window as we head toward Jersey.
She gives my hand a squeeze when we’re stopped at a light. “We’re going to deal with this together, Linc. You’re not alone.”
I turn to face her, those gorgeous gray eyes ringed in navy, so serious and stoic, meet mine. “Why does no one in my family seem to work on any normal plane of existence where they’re culpable for their actions? I don’t get it. How could my dad keep this whole other life a secret? Why lead it? Why would someone willingly be the other woman? I get that Gwendolyn isn’t a good person, but why not leave, then? Why would she be okay with this?”
“I don’t know, Linc, but hopefully we’ll get some answers to those questions.”
She adjusts my collar before the light turns green. I’ve come to realize it’s more of an excuse to touch me than anything else. “We can just pass by the house. If there’s a car in the driveway and you feel up to it, you can see if she’s home. No matter what happens, I’m right here with you.”
It takes almost an hour and a half to get to Jersey, thanks to all the stupid weekend traffic. The house isn’t anything grand, not like my parents’ penthouse in the city or the house in the Hamptons. However modest, it’s a beautiful home, and something I can appreciate. I wonder if this is the life my father saw for himself, but never had. Or maybe he did have it, and that’s why he was never part of mine.
There’s a Lexus sedan in the driveway; it looks to be a fairly new model, maybe only a year or two old. The front garden is neatly tended. Everything looks well maintained and pristine.
I grip the door handle, my stomach somersaulting, mind racing. “What do I do? Knock and see if she’ll answer? I don’t know what protocol is here? Do I call first?”
Wren runs her nails softly down the back of my neck, an action meant to calm me. “I don’t think there is a protocol, so whatever you think is going to be best for you is what you should do. But I do think you might want to keep in mind that based on the little we know, there was obviously a relationship here, and that your father’s death could be a significant loss. Let’s not go in guns blazing, okay?”
“Okay. Yeah. Don’t be a jerk, then?”
Wren nods. “Exactly.”
I take a deep breath. “You’ll come with me?”
“Of course.” Wren cuts the engine.
It’s warm today, and my palms are damp as I step out of the SUV. I wipe them on my thighs and reach for Wren’s hand as we cross the quiet street and walk up the driveway. Jacqueline might not be home. She could have two cars. She could be out shopping, or with her daughter. My sister.
I take a few deep breaths before I press the doorbell. A dog barks and the patter of nails across tile grows louder.
“Toby, sit!” The woman’s voice gets louder with the click of the lock. The door opens a second later, and the woman from the pictures appears.
She sees Wren first, but as her gaze shifts to me, her smile drops and her face drains of color. “Oh my God.” She exhales shakily and reaches out.
I take a quick step back, and she presses her fingers to her lips. “You’re so much like him. It’s almost like looking at a ghost. I’m so sorry, Lincoln.”
I slip my hands into my pockets because I don’t know what else to do with them. “You know who I am.”
She smiles sadly. “Of course I know who you are. I wasn’t sure if Fredrick had a chance to tell you before he passed. We’d talked about it—”
“Tell me what?” I snap.
Her face falls again. “About him and me. About Hope.”
“He didn’t tell me. I found the penthouse, and it led me here.”
“Oh.” Her fingers go to her lips again. “This isn’t how he wanted you to find out.”
“Find out what exactly? That he had two totally separate families? How exactly does one bring that up with their kid? ‘Hey, just wanted you to know that I’ve been cheating on your mother for our entire marriage, and by the way, you have a sister I never told you about, but it’s cool, right?’”
Wren squeezes my hand, likely because my voice is rising and we’re standing on my father’s mistress’s front porch, drawing attention.
“I understand you’re upset, Lincoln, and you have every right to be. If you’d like to come in, I’ll explain my side of the story as best I can.” She steps back, inviting us in despite my outburst, which tells me a lot about her relationship with my dad, I suppose.
I came here for answers, and she’s apparently willing to provide them, so I accept the invitation to come inside.
Pictures line the fireplace mantle. Most of them are of Jacqueline and Hope, but more than one include my father. I pick one up, noting that they look very much like a real family, and my father’s smile seems genuine.
“I’m sure this is quite a shock for you. I think it would be best if I started from the beginning.” Jacqueline motions to the couch.
“That would be good.” There’s nothing normal or comfortable about this situation for either of us.
Jacqueline clasps her hands in her lap and gives me a small smile. It’s clear my presence unnerves her, possibly because she’s right about me looking like my father. “I met Fredrick in the final year of my undergrad while he was finishing his MBA. We had similar study habits and were often in the library at the same time. When we first started talking, it was innocent enough, and while I found him attractive, he was dating Gwendolyn, so I kept my distance.”
“Something obviously changed.” I glance at the pictures of Hope lining the fireplace mantle.
“It did.” She takes a sip of her water. “I had no intention of breaking them up. I never would’ve pursued your father if he was in a happy, committed relationship. But one evening I ran into Fredrick, and he confided that his parents had set him up with Gwendolyn. They both came from influential families who were intent on pushing them together, but it wasn’t what he wanted. It was difficult, though. There were expectations for both of them.”
I think about the way my parents always were with each other: formal, cold, businesslike. It never felt or looked like love. “But there was something between you?”
“Initially, we were just friends. I admit I was enamored, but I
tried to keep it platonic. At least until Fredrick broke up with Gwendolyn. He didn’t want to hurt her, and I didn’t come from the same kind of affluence, which was an issue in itself.” She clasps her hands in her lap and smiles sadly. “We kept it quiet and tried to be discreet, but eventually she found out and confronted me. It was … unpleasant. By then, I was in love with your father, and I wasn’t so willing to walk away.”
“And you didn’t, obviously, even after he married my mother.” I can’t keep the disapproval from my voice.
“It wasn’t so simple as walking away. A few months after Fredrick and I started seeing each other, Gwendolyn announced that she was pregnant with Fredrick’s baby. She had tests and proof, or at least that’s what it looked like. I was devastated, Fredrick was … beside himself, but he was nothing if not an honorable man who intended to do the honorable thing. So I did what I thought was right; I stepped back and he married Gwendolyn. It was all very rushed. They eloped, and later had an official wedding. I was heartbroken, but I didn’t want to be a home-wrecker.”
I bite back the scathing words I want to say, because based on what I’m seeing here, she was one anyway.
She looks up at me, expression full of sadness and remorse. “We found out later that Gwendolyn had faked the pregnancy as a way to force Fredrick to marry her.” She clears her throat and dabs at her eyes.
“How do you know she faked it?” I ask.
“Because you were born just shy of ten months after they eloped.”
I can’t seem to feel anything but shock. As a child, my mother called me her honeymoon baby with so much pride. Now I understood why. She’d tricked my father into marrying her. No wonder their relationship resembled a two-dimensional cutout. I don’t know how my father could stand to look at her every day for all those years. And suddenly so much makes sense, and instead of hating this woman, I feel bad for her, and maybe I understand why my father was so absent from my life. It doesn’t make it better, but at least it makes sense.
“To make a bad situation worse, two months after they eloped, I discovered I was about three months pregnant. College was over. I didn’t want to make Fredrick’s life more difficult, so I kept my pregnancy from him. I severed ties and moved out of the city.”
“But you obviously couldn’t stay away from each other based on this.” I motion to the pictures, evidence that he was very much a part of her life.
“I tried, Lincoln, sincerely I did. I raised Hope on my own. I wanted to be able move on, truly, but three years after Hope was born, I ran into your father. I took her to Central Park. Fredrick and I used to go there when we were in college. I missed him. I’d been so in love with him; it was painful to see him in Hope every day and not have him in my life. I just wanted to be close to him. I never expected I’d actually see him.” She wipes away tears and takes a moment to compose herself.
“I was pushing Hope on a swing when he came strolling through the park that day. You were with him. You and Hope are only months apart, and you both looked so much like Fredrick, even then. My God, I remember it as if it were yesterday. It felt like the shattered pieces of my heart mended as soon as I saw him.” She reaches for a tissue, more tears falling with her memories. “He quickly came to the conclusion Hope was his. He’d wanted to leave Gwendolyn, but then she announced she was pregnant again, and I knew that he couldn’t do that to her or you. Their relationship was never built on love. It was a business transaction and a way for Gwendolyn to get what she needed out of life.” She pauses. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t speak this way about your mother.”
I wave off the comment. “She’s blackmailing Wren right now to keep me from finding all of this out. I’m aware my mother is a manipulative bitch, so the apology is unnecessary.”
Jacqueline seems taken aback by my crassness, but she nods once and continues. It’s hard to argue with the truth. “Fredrick tried so hard to make it work with Gwendolyn, and I tried to stay away from him, but he wanted a relationship with Hope. He was trapped in a loveless marriage. He knew Gwendolyn would make the custody battle a nightmare and he feared what would happen if he left Gwendolyn to raise you and your brother on her own. He didn’t want to tear his family apart, and he didn’t want me and Hope dragged into it. So he stayed, and eventually Gwendolyn realized there was no way to keep me out of his life. He couldn’t walk away. He supported Hope and me financially, and emotionally, as best he could.”
“He really had two separate families.” Every time a question is answered, more new ones rise to take their place.
“And he tried his very best to support them both. By that point, his and Gwendolyn’s relationship was nothing but a shell. There wasn’t any love to hold them together, so she made a bargain—he would stay married to her, and as long as Hope and I remained a secret, we could continue to see each other and she wouldn’t bleed him dry in a divorce.”
It sounds exactly like something my mother would do. “And you were okay with that? Being a secret?”
“Of course not, but there were no other options. I loved Fredrick, love him still, even though he’s gone. I didn’t want to tear him away from you and your brother. I didn’t want to ruin your family, but we were … soul mates. In a different life, maybe we would’ve ended up together the way we should have, but it wasn’t that simple or easy.”
“You were the other woman.” It sounds harsh, but it’s the truth.
“As a result of circumstances beyond my control, yes. I’m so sorry, Lincoln. I’m sure this is painful to hear, but your father was a good man with a good heart. He was trying to do the right thing for everyone, although we all suffered for it, you the most, I think.”
I don’t know if that’s true. I wonder how much Hope suffered, having a father she couldn’t name. But the connections finally come together in my head, memories making more sense than they did before. My mother’s outbursts, my father’s stoicism, the way she’d break down on me and tell me if it weren’t for me, she’d have nothing. G-mom always swooping in when she went into one of her emotional tailspins. And then I’d been put in boarding school. From my perspective, I’d had a shitty father who was a cheater. And in a lot of ways I understood his absence and maybe even his infidelity, because there was nothing loving about my self-absorbed mother. And now I know where it all came from, but it sure doesn’t make it any less painful. We were the second-string family he was forced into keeping.
While this certainly explains a lot, it doesn’t explain everything. “That room in the penthouse…” I let it hang there, because what the hell else can I say?
Jacqueline makes a face, and her cheeks flush. She shifts uncomfortably. “I’d hoped to have cleared that out before anyone discovered it. I’m not sure there’s an easy explanation. He ran a massive company and was always in charge. Gwendolyn essentially blackmailed him into staying married. It all took its toll on him, I think. He was a complex man who tried to do the right thing, despite the pain it caused him and everyone he loved.”
I hold up my hand. “I don’t need more of an explanation that that.”
“That’s good because I wasn’t planning to elaborate further. I couldn’t bring myself to go to the penthouse for a long time after Fredrick passed.”
“But someone cleaned out the closet.”
“Your mother went.”
“Why would she do that?”
More tears stream down Jacqueline’s cheeks. “He was with me at the penthouse the night he suffered the heart attack. It was a sensitive situation, and Gwendolyn had to be called, which was difficult for everyone. He passed on the way to the hospital. If I had to guess, she came to the penthouse to get rid of the evidence of my existence.”
I blow out a breath. “This is a lot to take in.”
“I’m sure it is. He never wanted to hurt you, or anyone. And if you have more questions, I’ll do my best to answer them. Talking about him helps ease the loss, at least for me.”
“What about Hope?”
Jacqu
eline looks down at her hands. I notice a ring on her right one, opposite where a wedding band would go. A simple gold band and diamond decorate her finger. “It’s been difficult for her, obviously, losing her father, being unable to attend the funeral. The lack of closure is challenging.”
I can relate to that feeling. After hearing all of this, I’m lacking closure too, because I didn’t even know my father. I think about those times over the years after I graduated when he gently requested that I consider coming back to New York to work at Moorehead. More than that, I remember those tense times when it seemed like he had something he wanted to say, but never did. This secret was the divide between my father and me. “Do you think … I’d be able to meet her one day? Do you think she’d want to meet me?”
Jacqueline seems surprised. “Is that something you’d want?”
“She’s my sister. I’d like to know her if she’d like to know me.”
Her smile is both sad and hopeful. “I can speak with her.”
CHAPTER 25
BLOW IT ALL UP
LINCOLN
The following morning, Wren decides the best thing for her to do is go to work like everything is normal. As much as I don’t want to send her right into the wolf’s den, she’s right. If she doesn’t show up, it’s going to raise suspicions.
So Wren heads to Moorehead, and I make a stop at my g-mom’s house before I do the same. My plan was to keep her out of this as long as I possibly could, but considering my mother is blackmailing my girlfriend and pretty much blackmailed my father into staying married to her—and making his life and everyone else’s miserable as a result—it’s time she knows the truth. Or a version of it. Also, I don’t want her to find out she has a granddaughter she never knew about from anyone other than me.
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