“Oh, God – your leg.” He yelped, trying to scramble back up to his feet.
I let him go. I had absolutely no idea what I thought I was going to do with him once I’d got him straddling me but the image of us kissing flashed back through my mind. Fuck. I really was losing it…
“I’d uh, I’d better be getting back.” Ed started backing away towards the door, “Want me to come around later?”
I nodded, “Sure.” I muttered, “Why don’t you bring a bottle of wine or something.” Maybe we can get drunk and reckless and end up kissing…
He nodded, muttered a hurried goodbye and then he was gone.
I made my way to the kitchen and watched him walking across the street. I sighed. How was I supposed to tell him what I was feeling when I’d told him in no uncertain terms that there was no way we could be anything more than friends? God, I was an idiot.
Chapter 6 – Confusion…
Eduard
What the fuck was going on with Wade?
At least twice today he’d done something that I would assume was flirting if it wasn’t him doing it. Was my crush on him getting out of control? Was I imagining it? Or was he actually trying to flirt with me? Why would he do that?
I really had no clue. What the fuck was I supposed to do?
There was nothing else for it. I had to ask one of my brothers for help.
I called Franz. Georg was in Canada for a month with Tony, visiting Tony’s sister – for one, I didn’t want to disturb him when he was on holiday and for another, we just didn’t get on that well. I’d been a total shit to him for coming out as gay – and I really didn’t need him to give me a hard time for it now.
Franz, though? Well he was a total darling. He’d just be happy that I was happy. Not that I was exactly ecstatic to be coming out…
I decided that I needed to be able to see his face for this call. I dialled his number on Facetime.
“Eduard?” Franz’s voice sounded worried and he blinked at me with a frown on his face, “What are you calling for?”
I smiled back at him, trying to look like I wasn’t totally at the end of my rope, “Can’t a brother call just to say hello?” I asked brightly.
His sigh of relief was very breathy – and he flapped his hands in front of his face. Franz was very camp. It made me smile. “Oh, thank goodness.” He exclaimed, “I thought you were calling to tell me you couldn’t be a best man!”
“As if I’d let you down.” I scoffed, “No… I uh, I needed to talk to you about something else. Are you alone?”
He chuckled, “No.” he said, “I’m surrounded by three dogs, look.” He turned the camera around to show me Gumdrop, Zac and another dog I didn’t recognise, “Who’s that funny-looking one?” I asked.
Franz turned the phone back around and frowned at me, “Shh!” he scolded, “That’s Simon’s dog, Rocky – don’t call him funny-looking. You’ll hurt his feelings!”
I chuckled. “Right. Sorry.” I said.
Franz looked at me expectantly, Silence… I had no idea how to get started.
Luckily, though, Franz wasn’t stupid or blind and he seemed to know exactly what the problem was, “Is this about Wade?” He asked, peering at me as if he could totally see inside my head.
I’d called him to talk about this. There was no point in not admitting it. I nodded, “Yes.” I said, feeling my face heating up.
He nodded with me, “And is this about your feelings for Wade?” he probed.
I sighed and rubbed my temples. I was beginning to get a headache. “Yes.” I said again.
Franz was silent for a moment but then he looked at me with his big eyes that were exactly the same shade of hazel as mine. “Did I ever tell you that when Wade and I were fourteen, he told me he thought he might be bisexual because he fancied you?”
My jaw dropped and I stared at my brother. How in hell had he never mentioned this to me before? “Wh-what?”
Franz nodded, his face serious. “I guess I never told you because, well…” he trailed off.
“Because I was a homophobic arsehole.” I supplied for him, “And you thought I’d be mean to him about it.”
He looked at me slightly apologetically, “Well, yeah.” He said nodding his head. “That and the fact that we were both drinking shots.” He chuckled at my look of shock. I’d never had the balls to nick alcohol when I was fourteen. Looking back, I’d been a right goody-two-shoes… “Wade was a good friend of mine. He was never mean to me when I came out and I didn’t want you to be horrible to him for having a crush on you.”
I sighed, “Oh, fuck.” I muttered, “I wish you had said something. I totally had a crush on him, too!” I couldn’t deny it. I’d fancied him even when he was fourteen, I’d just ignored it until he was sixteen so I couldn’t be accused of being a paedophile…
Franz smiled, “But you were too old for him back then, anyway – it would have been a disaster.”
I nodded. He was right. Neither of us would have been ready for it back then – not that Wade would be ready for it now either, since he was quite convinced he was straight… “What am I supposed to do now, though?” I asked, “He’s clearly not bisexual. He told me quite categorically that he’d never feel that way about me before he even left for the army – and I’m way past just crushing on him. This is torture, Franz.”
He gave me such a sympathetic look, I felt like crying. “Babe.” He said, “Listen to me. You can’t be bisexual one minute and straight the next. If he was bisexual then – he’s still bisexual now – and he lied to you before he left for the army. Part of his reason for going in the army in the first place was because his dad thought he should man-up. I know that because I remember him saying it. He said it in front of me.”
The bastard. I’d never liked Mr Jackson senior… “So, what should I do?” I asked.
He grinned, “Nothing at all,” he said, “Just wait for him to make his move, bro’,” he said, “It won’t be long.”
Right. Okay, then. That’s what I’d do. I’d play it cool, keep things light – and wait for him to snog my face off. I rolled my eyes and let out a snort. “Yeah, right.” There was just no way…
Franz was smiling at me, “Trust me.” He said, “It’ll happen. Have faith in the little faggot.”
I frowned at him, “Don’t call yourself that.” I said softly, “You’re wonderful, Franz. I’ll see you at the end of next month. Do I need another fitting of the suit or anything?”
He chuckled, “Not if you stick to a healthy diet and get lots of exercise.” He winked at me again and giggled, “Maybe you should suggest an exercise plan to Wade.”
I scowled at him, “Yeah, right.” I said, “Like he’d ever be interested.”
Franz just smiled, “See you next month, babe.” He paused and then his eyes twinkled mischievously, “Oh, and bring Wade as your plus one,” he said, “I’m sure you’ll be an item by then – and if not then, you will be by the time you’re heading home. Trust me.” He winked and blew me a kiss before disconnecting the call.
Could he really be right? God, I hoped so…
*
Monday arrived and I was back at work.
It was a total wrench when I’d spent the last week with Wade every day, even if I hadn’t plucked up the courage to ask him to come with me to Franz’s wedding.
I sent a text off to him, “How are you today?”
He replied in seconds, “Bored out of my skull – missing my gaming buddy.” He sent a sad face.
My heart skipped a beat, “Fancy meeting for lunch in town?” I had no idea how he was going to get here but if he never got invited, he had no incentive to get on a bus…
“That’s a great idea! We could look around that pub.”
“One o’clock?”
“See you there.”
I spent the next three hours checking my watch every ten minutes.
Finally, it was time for my lunch. I grabbed my jacket and ran down the stairs to the main
entrance. I worked in a ten-storey building for a company of architects. It wasn’t the most exciting of jobs but it was well-paid and it usually kept me occupied for the full day. Of course, that was before Wade came back into my life and spending time with him was far more exciting than spending time at work.
He was waiting for me outside. He was wearing a tight-fitting black tee shirt that showed off his chiselled chest perfectly, with a pair of faded jeans. You would have absolutely no idea that he didn’t have a real leg. “Hi.” He said, walking up to me as I stepped out into the sunshine.
I grinned at him. God he was gorgeous. “Hi.” I said. “Where to?”
He nodded across the road to the pub, “What about a pub lunch.”
I was quite happy with that, “Sure.” I agreed, “Come on.” Without thinking, I caught his hand in mine to cross the road. “Oh, God. I’m so sorry.” I dropped his hand like I was dropping a hot potato.
He stared at me, “What for?” He asked.
I nodded to his hand, “for being inappropriate.” I spluttered, feeling mortally embarrassed.
He shook his head, “Hey,” he said, “It’s okay. I wasn’t offended. Not in the slightest.”
I nodded, my breathing returning to normal, “Okay – but – sorry…”
We headed into the pub and found a table towards the back of the pub where it was quieter. We put in our order and then I looked across the table at Wade, “Have you had your hair cut?”
He grinned and nodded, “Well spotted.” He said, “I didn’t think you’d notice. I went before I came to meet you.”
I smiled at him and shrugged, “I may not be obviously gay but I still notice things that straight guys tend to miss.”
He grinned back at me and nodded, “Does it meet with your approval?” He asked. Was he flirting with me?
I nodded, “You look very handsome.” I assured him.
He blushed right up to the tips of his ears but he looked pleased, “Uh, thanks,” he said, “When are we going to look around that pub?”
I shrugged, “I can take the rest of the afternoon off if you like – and we can go today?”
He frowned, “Won’t you be missed?”
Not likely. No one would even notice if I didn’t call in but I reached for my phone. Courtesy and all that… “Hi Sonia,” I greeted the secretary in a friendly way. She was always really nice to me. “I’m going to take that half day I worked a couple of weeks ago this afternoon, something’s come up.”
Finishing the call, I beamed at Wade’s surprised face, “I’m all yours.” I said.
He grinned, “Glad to hear it.”
Fuck. That was almost flirting again. What the hell was I supposed to do with a flirty Wade? I know what I should have done. I should have flirted right back, but I was awkward at the best of times. When I fancied the pants off the guy, I tended to be even worse.
Thankfully, our meals came at that moment and we were, once again, silent for a good twenty minutes while we emptied our plates.
Wade finished first, “That was fabulous,” he said, “I’m stuffed.”
I nodded, pushing my own plate away from me, “Me too.” I agreed. “We’ll let it go down a bit and then we’ll head over to the estate agents and get the appointment changed to look around the pub today.”
Wade nodded enthusiastically, “Great.” He said, rubbing his hands together, “I can’t wait.”
Neither could I. We finished our drinks, paid for everything and then set off for the estate agents. It wasn’t far but I was aware that Wade must have walked quite a way, already. “How did you get here?”
He looked at me, “Taxi.” He said, “I was going to get the bus but then I thought we might walk to a pub or something and I wanted to be fit enough for you.”
My heart skipped a beat. He’d been fit enough for me since he was about thirteen but that didn’t need mentioning. I nodded, “Well, that’s good – and are you comfortable enough to make it up there and back?” I pointed up towards the estate agents that was further up the high street.
He nodded, “I might be hanging on to you later.” He said, “But right now, I’m good.”
I smiled at him, “You’re amazing, do you know that?”
He blushed a little and looked pleased, but he didn’t make any comment.
Chapter 7 – The way to Eduard’s heart…
Wade
What the fuck was I doing? I needed to tell Ed the truth. I was quite clearly not quite as straight as I’d convinced myself I was. I was in fact, hopelessly in love with my best friend, who I’d had a secret crush on since I was at least twelve years old…
He was coming to see me this evening. Being back at work, my days were long and very boring without him. Mum and Dad were still away so we had the house to ourselves again and I’d even cooked – not that I could be sure he’d like what I’d done. I’d made a chilli – but not with minced beef – no, I’d done it with stewing beef. I liked my chilli chunky… The same way I liked my men – or at least, one man.
There was no denying it, Eduard was tall and broad and fucking gorgeous. I’d been in awe of him as a kid. I’d been a late developer, only getting my growth spurt once I’d joined up. When Ed had confessed to me that he was gay that summer before I left, I was only five-feet-seven and he was a strapping six-footer. Now, I was actually slightly shorter than him at five feet eleven, and I was slightly broader than he was now – and I knew he liked what he saw. I could see the hunger in his eyes. I could only assume that it matched my own hunger for him.
I just had no idea how to tell him. I’d told him that I could never want him that way – more out of fear of what my father would say than anything else but I wasn’t sixteen anymore and I didn’t really care what my father thought anymore. Fuck, I’d served Queen and country and come away with a leg missing. I figured I’d earned the right to live my life any way I fucking well liked these days, thanks very much…
My phone rang as I was sat staring off into space. I looked at the screen and grinned, “Tom!” I exclaimed, “Good to hear from you bud!”
“Wadey-boy!” he shouted, “We’ve got a weekend free and we thought we’d come and see you. Are you up for a few bevvies with your boys?”
Was I? “Hell, yes.” I said, “When are you coming?”
*
The doorbell rang and I hurried to answer it. I was getting so used to my leg now that I didn’t even need to think about it. I flung open the door, expecting to find a beaming Eduard stood there with a bottle of red wine. Instead I found myself gazing into the face of my partner in crime of the last five years, Tom.
“Oh, wow!” I exclaimed, feeling absolutely over-joyed to see his cheeky face, “You told me you were all coming over tomorrow! You’re a day early!” And I haven’t had a chance to invite Eduard…
He laughed and nodded, “I know, right.” He said, “We all got special dispensation to visit our injured colleague – the other’s will be here tomorrow. They all went home first but because I don’t live far, I came over straight away. I’m on my way home.”
He stepped up to me and gave me a bear hug. “You’re looking great, man!”
I hugged him back. It was great to see him. My heart ached that I’d had to give up my job and knowing that I’d never have the camaraderie that I’d always enjoyed with him and the rest of our team but it wasn’t nearly as bad as it had been in the beginning. I knew why. Eduard…
“So, what’s been going on with you?” Tom asked, plopping himself down on the sofa and giving me his undivided attention, “and more to the point,” he nodded to the coffee table, where I’d set a place for Eduard and I to have dinner, “who are the candles on the coffee table in aid of?”
Fuck. Busted.
I felt my face heating up, “Uh, I’ve got a friend coming over for dinner.”
He started to smile, “A friend?” he asked, waggling his eyebrows at me, “What sort of a friend warrants candles?”
I huffed a laugh
, “A very good friend.” I said.
“And her name?” Tom asked, “This friend of yours? What’s her name, you sly old dog?”
I rolled my eyes, “It’s Eduard.” I said, “Eduard is coming over for dinner. We’ve been spending a lot of time together since I got back. We’re really good again.”
Tom had been aware of Eduard and I falling out but I’d never told him the reason why. I just hadn’t needed the piss-taking and so I’d suffered in silence, afraid that it might have changed my relationship with my colleagues. Some guys were a bit funny around what they considered ‘fags’.
Tom looked back at the table and then back at me with a bit of a surprised look on his face. “Have you got something to tell me, dude?” he asked, “Are you and Eduard, uh, romantically involved?”
I knew my face was giving me away but I shook my head because, technically, we weren’t romantically involved. Not yet anyway, as much as I wanted us to be. “No.” I finally said, “We’re just friends.”
He nodded, “Okay.” He said, “If you say you’re just friends, I’ll accept what you’re saying.” He paused, “Would you like it to be more?”
I sighed. “Would you be freaked out if I said that I did?”
He shook his head, “No, mate,’ he said sincerely, “I’ve always had an idea that he meant more to you than you were letting on. And you were so upset when you fell out.” He looked up at me with a frown, “what was that all about, anyway? Had he met someone or something? I never really liked to ask. I guessed that you didn’t want to talk about it.”
I chuckled and shook my head, “No.” I said with a grin, “I didn’t want to talk about it. It was mortifying.” I rolled my eyes, “He thought you and I were getting it on.”
Tom’s jaw dropped, “How the hell did he come to that conclusion?” he asked incredulously.
I shrugged, “I was just full of stories about my new best friend. I showed him a photo of the two of us together and I guess he felt a little threatened and he put two and two together and got about five thousand.” I sighed, “And then he made a pass at me,” I closed my eyes as my heart constricted, “And I said it wasn’t like that between us,” My throat went thick with emotion as I remembered his face when I’d said the worst thing to him imaginable, “Oh, God.” I wiped my eyes, “I told him I wasn’t a fag, Tom. I was so fucking stupid. I should have just told him at the time that he was the only one for me. I was just too busy trying my best to play the straight card – protecting myself against ridicule – that I forgot to take his feelings into consideration. I’m frankly amazed that he gave me a second chance.”
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