by Susan Harris
“I like what you’ve done with the room. The table gives me Sons of Anarchy vibes.”
“And here I was going for Knights of the Round Table,” Nickolai scoffed, a playful smile on his lips.
“Does that make you Guinevere then, Callan?” Edison jested, and I swatted at him.
“Hell no,” Nickolai teased. I stole a glance in his direction, drinking in his eyes as he said, “Ryan is Lancelot, striding in on her white horse to save the day.”
I found myself laughing and shaking my head as Atticus got up from the table. For a moment, I thought he was going to leave, but instead he went behind the bar and came back with a tumbler, a bottle of JD, and a chilled Coke.
“Shouldn’t you all be discouraging me from partaking in underage drinking?”
“After everything you’ve been through lately, I think a drink is the least you deserve,” he said, placing the items on the table in front of me.
Flashing a smile at Atticus, I proceeded to mix myself a drink as he sat. “If you guys are feeling pity for me, would now be the right time to bat my lashes and ask for someone to go to Murphy’s for food? I mean, Edison and I ate nothing but prison slop for weeks; the least we deserve is a decent meal.”
Edison stretched across with his fist clenched, and I bumped his knuckles as he said, “I could really eat a steak baguette with fries.”
I took a sip of my drink and could feel Nickolai’s gaze on me without even looking up. “I’d just order a whole cheesecake for myself,” I said lightly. “I’d happily suffer the consequences for a Toblerone cheesecake right now.”
“Callan, that’s for after the meal,” Edison said. “I’ve seen you pack away a serious amount of food without so much as a stomachache. You can handle it.”
Edison and I fist-bumped again as I snorted. “Damn straight.”
Jack cleared his throat. Glancing over at him, I caught the chocolate bar he tossed in my direction. I opened the wrapper and broke the Aero in half, handing over a piece to Edison as I shoved the rest in my mouth.
Nickolai quirked a brow.
“What?” I say though a mouthful of chocolate.
“I’m just wondering if my eyes are seeing right. It’s not like you to share food.”
“Ryan normally doesn’t share food,” I corrected. “But since St. Clair, here, took a few beatings for me, the least I can do is offer him a piece of chocolate. Just once, mind—don’t need him thinking he can have any of my cheesecake.”
“Eve forbid.”
A comfortable silence filled the room as we sipped our drinks. I needed to work through my theories, and knowing if Edison had been in contact with Adam would be a start.
“Have you spoken to Adam?”
Edison coughed, choking on his beer as he glared at me and I realized that Edison had kept Adam a secret until I opened my mouth. Maybe I should have waited until Edison and I were alone before I picked at that scab. Everyone had stopped to study us, and Edison squirmed in his seat.
“I texted him from a burner phone to tell him we were back at court,” Edison said, “and he texted back to say he’d be in touch. Nothing since.”
“Do you think Maxim found out he helped us escape?”
Edison set his beer down on the table. “If he did, then Adam is dead, and we can do nothing for him now.”
The thought sobered me, and I took a large gulp of my drink. I wanted to pry more, to find out what exactly had happened while I was catatonic and why Adam was helping us. The others were waiting for an explanation as well, so I looked to Edison for permission to speak. Instead, Edison spilled the details himself.
“Adam is Maxim’s son.”
Jack swore and Atticus’s jaw all but hit the floor. Nickolai was the only one who didn’t react, and for some reason I wanted to reach over and pinch him hard just to get a reaction. Instead, he set his own drink down, leaning in closer so that when I inhaled, his scent flooded my nervous system.
“And why would Maxim’s rogue son help you both escape?” Nickolai’s voice was the epitome of calm, but we would be fools not to hear the dangerous undertone in his words.
That was the million-euro question, though, right? Why would Adam help us? I tried to remember things that were battering around in my head, snatches of memories. And then I found what I wanted.
“Sometimes, a vampire becomes a rogue by force, not by choice.”
I couldn’t mask the sadness in my tone as I focused my gaze on the table.
“You remember that?” Edison asked.
“Bits and pieces,” I reply, heaving my shoulders up in a heavy shrug. “The reality of it is all fragmented and mixed in with everything Dresden put in the dreamscapes. I thought it was a false memory, but I guess it’s not.”
“We don’t know who Adam’s mother was—he doesn’t, either—but Maxim sired him when he was still a court vampire. Adam was raised with the rogues when Maxim turned, and then, when he turned sixteen, Maxim forced him to drain a human to death so that he would have an heir. Adam hates being a rogue and hasn’t killed another human since he was turned.”
“And what,” Jack snarled, “you expect us to believe that not all rogues are murderous sycophants who revel in the kill?”
“Adam’s not like that,” I muttered softly, knowing full well they could hear me. “He helped me. He was kind to me, I guess. I think he made sure Cedric was never alone with me. He may be a rogue, but Adam isn’t like them.”
“Okay,” replied Nickolai as he leaned back in his chair and ran a hand over the faint stubble along his jawline. “Having someone on the inside isn’t a bad idea. But I suspect Ryan isn’t asking about Adam without having a reason.”
“Before I killed Dresden—” My breath caught in my throat, and suddenly I felt like I was drowning. I snapped my head up to see rogue Nickolai with his hand on my Nickolai’s shoulder, and I was up and out of my seat in an instant, pacing back and forth as I pressed my palms to my eyes. “Shit, shit, shit.”
“I love you, too, Nickolai. I have always loved you. Now, kiss me so they will all know I’m yours.”
His mouth was on mine before I had time to catch my breath, and he kissed me like he needed it to breathe. He tasted wrong, like ash and blood, but I let myself be kissed by him as I slowly slid the dagger from my sleeve.
I tasted my tears in the kiss as I angled the knife and shoved upward, driving the sharp blade into the place where his heart had once beat with such life and zest, but now harbored only cruelty.
“Ryan.”
He said my name, but I didn’t know which one was speaking, their voice like honey across my skin, and I stormed away to the back of the room where I faced away from them, letting my head bang against the wall. Pain shot through me, and I welcomed it as I recoiled my arm and punched the wall. My knuckles cracked, but I ignored the cascade of feelings and punched the wall again, hard enough this time to crack it slightly.
“Ryan.”
I went to punch the wall again when I was spun around to drown in eyes that were cerulean, not red.
But my tormentor had taken Nickolai’s seat, and as he glanced down at the dagger in his chest I started to babble.
“By Eve, I killed him. I killed him. I killed you and you died, and now I can’t see anything else. I killed you. I killed you. I killed you.”
Strong hands gripped the side of my face and held me still, a whimper slipping from my lips as I heard footsteps coming down the hall.
“Close the damn door,” Nickolai growled before turning back to me, and I slammed my eyes closed so I couldn’t see anymore.
Fingers wrapped around my wrist and stretched my hand out until the palm of my hand was resting on Nickolai’s chest. I felt the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, and it calmed me. Leaning forward, I rested my forehead on his chest and breathed in deeply. This was real. He was real. I didn’t kill him.
“He used me to hurt you,” Nickolai said. “He made you kill me because doing so would kill a part of you
, too.”
I didn’t say anything, but I knew he took my silence as confirmation. I couldn’t tell him the rest, so I started with what I could admit, what I could say to make them understand why I was confused.
“I’m not sure what Edison told you, but I’d like to try and explain.”
This time I took his silence as desire for me to continue.
“They tried to break me. First, they shattered my bones. When that did little to stop me from fighting back, they worked Edison over, hoping I would give in and beg them to stop. They tried to use him against me, but I knew if I reacted, he’d never be safe; so, I bit my tongue until they tired of beating him and left him alone. I can’t tell you the number of times I held back a scream for them to stop, to beat me instead, but I thought they would kill him.
“Maxim tried to bribe me, starve me, even give me a slight chance for freedom just to snatch it away. Still, I tried not break.”
I sucked in a breath. “Then, they sent me to him. Dresden. He crawled inside my mind and toyed with my worst fears. He made me Maxim’s rogue queen, and I was a monster. Then he made it so that I was like Nattie, and none of us were ever friends. At first, that didn’t bother me.”
By Eve, this hurt; every word was like a knife in my chest. “But then he forced himself deeper inside my mind. He gave me back my parents after the raids but took you from me. Then you came back as king of the rogues, and I killed you. I drove a blade into your chest, and I can still feel your blood on my hands.”
“By Eve,” Jack cursed softly.
I wanted to look at Edison, my comrade in arms, yet I couldn’t move.
“I woke up to the sound of screaming, and it was only when I felt my throat burning that I realized I was the one screaming. When Dresden was finished with my fears, he dug a little deeper and gave me everything I ever wanted—more happiness than I’d ever imagined. And then he ripped it away as if it were nothing. He made you all think I was crazy, and you had me drugged and committed to an asylum.”
Nickolai’s arms wrapped around me, and I released a sob that I’d been holding for weeks. I cried and cried until my legs gave out, and still Nickolai didn’t let me go. We both dropped to our knees in his office as I bawled my eyes out, and I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t cathartic.
When I stopped being a blubbering mess, I leaned back from Nickolai. “Thank you.”
Nickolai leaned his forehead against mine and whispered, “I would take it all from you if I could.”
I quietly got to my feet, my legs still a little unsteady, retook my seat at the table, Nickolai resting a hand on my shoulder before retaking his own seat. I drained my glass and fixed myself another drink, then I blurted out, “Well, where was I before I had my little meltdown?”
“Kiddo…”
“Jack, I love you, but can we just leave it for tonight? I don’t think I can go over it again.”
Jack looked like he was about to argue with me, but Atticus reached out and took Jack’s hand in his, giving it a little squeeze that relaxed Jack’s face and stopped him from pressing me further.
“So,” I said, “back to what Dresden said just before I snapped his neck: ‘Ask the boy, ask Adam. He will tell you what you need to know. There is a traitor inside the court of vampires, and he knows who it be.’ I think he was trying to warn me.”
“Then we need to wait and see if Adam gets in touch,” Edison stated.
I agreed with him. I didn’t tell them Adam wasn’t our only source of information, that I had other ways to find Maxim. I wanted to keep that close to the vest for now and then, if it was necessary and safe to do so, tell everyone about the information later.
“Okay, so who wants to fill me in on what happened while we were vacaying in Casa del Rogue?”
“I think we’ve all had enough excitement for tonight. How about we get back to happier news?”
I stared at Nickolai and waved my hand for him to continue, but it was Edison that responded.
“I became a fully-fledged royal guard today.”
Grinning, I turned to him and offered my congratulations. Then I asked, “Whatcha ask for?”
Edison rolled his eyes. “What did you ask for?” he shot back with a smirk of his own.
“She hasn’t asked for anything… yet.”
It was my turn to roll my eyes at Nickolai’s drawl. “It’s good to have a favor stashed in your back pocket, Nicky. I mean, it needs to be the right thing—you can’t waste it.” Shifting in my chair, I faced Edison and flashed my teeth in a grin. “C’mon, St. Clair, dish the dirt. Tell me.”
His expression got serious, and I regretted pushing him.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me. It’s your thing, so yeah. Congrats and shit. I still outrank you, though.”
Edison chuckled. “How’d you make that out?”
Pointing to Nickolai. “I’m his personal guard.”
“And so am I.”
Confused I frowned. “What the hell? You asked to be his personal guard?”
“No, doofus. I asked to be your partner. Your number two.”
Realization dawned on me, and I swallowed down emotions that threatened to turn me into a blubbering mess again. Instead, I sat back in my chair and nodded. “I’m fine with that.”
The vampires all laughed, like I had any choice in the matter, but I knew why Nickolai had said yes to Edison’s request. He knew Edison would fight tooth and nail to protect not only him, but me as well. It filled me with a sense of peace as I remembered my fevered shouts to Nickolai back on the roof that I didn’t trust anyone to have my six.
Everyone in this room had my six.
And I was okay with that.
17
I noticed that Jack kept looking at me from underneath hooded lashes, opening his mouth as if he wanted to say something and then promptly shutting it as if he thought against it. As I sipped my drink, I relaxed into my chair, waiting for Jack to finally say what he needed to say. Atticus nudged him, but when Jack shook his head, I couldn’t hold my tongue anymore, even if I were enjoying seeing Jack with all his feathers ruffled.
“Spit it out, Jack. You look ready to burst a blood vessel.”
Atticus linked his fingers through Jack’s, setting their hands down on the table. Jack sighed, but it was a resigned sort of sound. “We didn’t want to do this while you guys were gone, and when you came back, we said it wasn’t the right time. But if tomorrow comes and we have to fight to the death, we’d rather not wait anymore.”
Jack glanced at Atticus for help, yet Atticus looked nervous himself.
“Jack asked me to mate with him,” Atticus announced shakily, “and the queen granted us permission. Well, technically it was Nickolai who petitioned the queen on our behalf after Jack asked him. Nico here found a loophole in the Book of Eve that the queen, as reigning monarch, couldn’t refuse.”
I grinned so hard my face hurt; my heart full of joy. “That is the best news ever. Why didn’t you say anything before? I mean, this is exactly what the court needs right now—a mating.”
Again, the couple shared a look that had me wondering what was up.
“We decided,” Jack started, a hint of something in his voice that I couldn’t put my finger on. “We decided on a small affair. Just the queen to bless the union, Nickolai, Edison as Atticus’s best man, and you as mine.”
I struggled to understand why they would want to keep this shindig a small event. I mean, it was monumental. In our court, Jack and Atticus would be the first same-sex couple to be blessed by the queen. This would pave the way for Farrah, who’d been disowned by her own family. The entire court needed to bear witness to this and see how much Jack and Atticus loved one another. That’s when it dawned on me that no one had mentioned Atticus’s parents. They were keeping it small, so it didn’t look like their union was frowned upon by his sires.
This made me angry, but it wasn’t my place to rain on their parade. Then I replayed Jack’s words in my head and
realized what Jack had just said.
“Wait, you want me to be your best man?”
Jack chuckled at my confusion. “I think we’ll call it a best person. Until I fell for Atticus, you were the only family I had, kiddo. We want you to be part of the ceremony—if you want to.”
I jumped up from my chair, rounded the table in a flash, and hugged Jack from behind. “Of course I’ll be your best person! I mean, I don’t have to wear a dress, do I? Me and dresses don’t go very well together.”
Jack shook his head with a smile. “Nope. As a fully-fledged member of the guard, you wear full dress uniform.”
“Thank Eve for that.”
Untangling myself from Jack, I moved to hug Atticus next, and he angled his chair so we could face one another properly for a good hug. I offered him congratulations, and he whispered in my ear, “Thank you, Ryan. I am so sorry about what I said earlier. We can talk about it if we need to.”
Patting his cheek, I shook my head. “We’re all good. You were only looking out for us. Guess I needed to work out some frustration. Thankfully, you were right in thinking me well enough that I wouldn’t lodge something sharp in that pretty head of yours. It might’ve put a downer on the wedding.”
And with that Atticus relaxed, safe in the knowledge he and I were good and he was going to mate the man of his dreams. I walked back around the table, stopping when a hand touched my arm. I glanced down to see Nickolai peering up at me with mischief in his eyes.
My heart almost skipped a beat.
“What about me?” he asked. “Don’t I get a hug?”
I arched a brow, my face a mask even if my pulse betrayed me. “And just what did you do to deserve a hug?”
The guys were trying to look anywhere but at us as Nickolai’s lips curved into a delicious smile.
“I spent ages leafing through the Book of Eve so they could get mated. I was the one to point out that it nowhere states in the good book that a mating should only take place between a man and a woman. The passage is open to interpretation.”