Sometimes I wonder if he visits Gideon’s grave, but I’m too afraid to ask. I don’t know if I want him there. I just don’t know. Parts of me are still tainted by selfish urges and dark thoughts. I’m not perfect, after all.
Some people I’ve come across have expressed their pity for me. My public defender, Sheriff Barkley, random visitors. Some nice women from a local church group come in once in a while to lead prayer services. They look at me with sorrowful eyes. Apparently, my story made the news everywhere and stirred a lot of questions about domestic abuse. Sheriff Barkley said that’s the good that’s come out of this whole thing.
Other than losing Gideon, I think this is what I hate the most. The pity. I don’t want people feeling sorry for me. I don’t want any of you to feel sorry for me. That’s what I want people to realize. I’ve lived my life. I’ve done my deeds. I don’t know what will happen to me when I leave here, but for now, I am safe. I am where I’m meant to me. I’ve done what I was supposed to do. I was a good mother in the only way I could be. I protected my child. I made sure he knew he was loved. I did my best, and sometimes, that’s all we can do.
I look up at the ceiling, stretching, and thinking about how I used to start mornings on my knees. Ever since I could walk, Mama had me on my knees, praying, begging for forgiveness.
Forgive me, Father. Forgive me.
My, how things have changed. I know there’s no point. My God is a merciful God, it’s true, but I knew when I started this whole road there would be no turning back. I knew there would be no forgiveness. I didn’t care, though. And maybe, in truth, I no longer want forgiveness. Maybe I’ve found enough strength in myself that I don’t need someone else’s approval for the first time in life. Not Richard, not my father’s, and not a higher being.
I don’t care about myself, my own soul’s status. All I’ve ever cared about is Gideon. And I think I’ve accomplished my goal. I’ve shown that child what he meant to me. I’ve protected him. I’ve made sure no one can hurt him. I’ve made sure his father understands what my father didn’t. Children are a gift from God. All children. No matter what.
And so, no matter what, I’ve done something meaningful in this life. I’ve loved my children, both children, with the ferocity of a true mother. That’s enough for me now. I’m okay with what happens and with what reckoning comes down on me.
Even if I spend the rest of eternity as a tortured soul, all is well.
All is well, indeed, I think, standing to greet the day. I stretch for a moment before I get to work. There’s plenty to clean. I smirk thinking about how proud Richard would be to see me in my old, familiar role. If only he had known that behind that sweet, dutiful housewife, someone else was lurking.
Forgive him, Father. Forgive him.
Acknowledgements
First and foremost, I want to thank my amazing husband for always believing in my stories and for encouraging me to chase my dreams. I love you so much. You are my best friend.
Thank you to my parents, Ken and Lori, for instilling a love of writing and reading in me and teaching me to work hard. I love you both.
A special thanks to all of my friends and family members who have supported me on this journey, especially: Grandma Bonnie, Jenny, Lynette, Ronice, Kay, Alicia, and everyone else who has been there along the way.
Thank you to all of the book bloggers and bookstores who have supported my authorship. Thank you to the ATA and especially Audrey Hughey for believing in my dreams, picking me up when I felt like quitting, and encouraging me to dream big.
I also want to thank every single reader who has picked up the words of a small-town girl with big, lofty, bookish dreams. I couldn’t do any of this without you.
And finally, thank you to my best friend, Henry, for always being there to greet me with those soulful eyes and big heart, no matter what book sales look like or how many pages still need edited. I hope we have many more years together.
Did you love A Tortured Soul? Then you should read The Diary of a Serial Killer's Daughter by L.A. Detwiler!
From the USA Today and International Bestselling author of The Widow Next Door comes a demented page-turner.If you knew your father's darkest secret, would you turn him in?What if his secret was connected to you?Ruby Marlowe's always been a daddy's girl. Her mother died when she was two, and her single father has ensured she has everything she needs. However, everyone has dark secrets, and Ruby's father is no exception…When she's young, she doesn't understand the weight of her father's killing game. However, as she ages, she realizes her obsessive tendencies aren't the only elements that separate her from her peers. After she begins to investigate her mother's life and death, Ruby starts to believe there are some secrets even she doesn't know about the serial killer she calls Daddy.As her father's killing grows rampant, the secrets get harder and harder to hide—and she fears it will all come crashing down. Will Ruby seek a different life for herself and betray the only person who has ever loved her, or will she get wrapped up in his sinister path?A twisted page-turner that shines an eerie light on the father-daughter bond from the USA Today and International Bestseller L.A. Detwiler.
Read more at L.A. Detwiler’s site.
About the Author
L.A. Detwiler is USA TODAY Bestselling author and high school English teacher. Her debut thriller, The Widow Next Door, is a USA Today and International Bestseller with HarperCollins UK/Avon Books. Her second thriller, The One Who Got Away, released in 2020 with HarperCollins UK/One More Chapter. The Diary of a Serial Killer's Daughter released in 2020.
L.A. lives in Pennsylvania with her husband, Chad, their five cats, and their mastiff named Henry. Her writing has appeared in several women's publications and online magazines. She also writes romance under Lindsay Detwiler, including her popular Lines in the Sand Series.
Join her Readers' Club with this link: http://eepurl.com/gkZ2Sf
Read more at L.A. Detwiler’s site.
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