"It would be nice if that chaperon was you," I said. "We could have so much fun together! We just need to meet in real life."
"And keep my family from finding out where I met you," Yllana said.
"Yeah, we'd have to meet somewhere outside the Academy," I said. "And pretend we don't know each other."
"Like a party," Yllana said, "or some other social event."
"I've got no idea what kind of social event we'd both be invited to," I said.
We sat there, trying to figure it out.
"There is the Winter Ball in the Magical Council House," Yllana said.
"Yeah, I don't think I'll be invited there. Besides, it's too late. The only people I know are you, your brother, the Kaffales, and Martinus and his mother. And among them, the only ones who can and would invite me to a party are the last two."
"Yeah," Yllana agreed, "you've got a point. I would invite you to my house, but then I'd have to explain how I know you." She frowned, but then an idea dawned on her. "Wait a minute! Maybe you could get the Novaks to make a small luncheon for you. Invite some girls, all that. Not too many; just a few people you know. You'd have to invite my brother and his wife, and then tell him to bring his sister. And then we can hit it off once we're officially introduced."
"I'm not that good at pretending," I said, "your brother is observant. I'm not sure I could hide anything from him."
"While my brother is very observant when it comes to others," Yllana said, "I don't think he'd realize I fooled him. He'll probably keep thinking of me as a small girl with ponytails until I have kids of my own."
"I've never had a brother or sister," I said, "so I'll trust you on that."
Yllana nodded.
"So, you manage the Novaks, I manage my brother," she said. "I guess I should go home and prepare the ground. Tell my mother how bored I am and how I want to meet some people my age. Some new people."
"And I'll talk to Martinus," I said. "Or maybe his mother."
"I'd say his mother is the one you should talk about," Yllana said, "since she'll be the one in charge of invitations. And if you get her on your side, my mother won't be able to resist."
"That's it, then," I said. "You're going home to talk to your mother, I'm going home to talk to Mrs. Novak. Maybe even visit her."
It seemed like I wouldn't be doing much reading today, either.
When I called Mrs. Novak, I was feeling nervous. Before, I was just trying to get rid of her son and could be as annoying as I wanted. Now I wanted something from her.
"Good afternoon, Amy," Mrs. Novak said. "I heard that you are in Marn, and you met all my sons yesterday. I hope they didn't bother you too much."
"Oh, no, Mrs. Novak," I said, becoming more formal. "Your sons were lovely. In fact, I'm calling because Martinus just invited me to your house."
"Call me mother," she said. "There's no need to be so formal since you're my future daughter-in-law. That's lovely. I'll introduce you to everybody. Do you have any food preferences?"
"But, mother," I said, "I'm not sure it would be appropriate to visit your house alone. It's one thing to be in a public place but being alone in your house would be a different thing. Especially considering most of your family are male. I'd like to have a chaperon my age."
"I see," Mrs. Novak said, after a pause. "I must say, Amy, I'm surprised you're being so sensible now, considering how quickly you agreed to marry my son. I'm glad you're careful about your reputation."
"I'm sorry, mother," was the best thing I could say. "I'm alone in this world, and Martinus is so good to me, and we're so compatible, it just seemed the right choice at that moment."
It seems like every time I talk to Mrs. Novak, I dig a deeper hole for myself.
There was a pause there.
"Alright," Mrs. Novak said. "Who would you like as a chaperon?"
"Well," I said. "The only other people I know are the Kaffales and Colonel Yaldai. I've heard Colonel Yaldai has a sister my age. Maybe you could invite him, his wife, and his sister for lunch?"
"How do you know the Yaldai boy?" Mrs. Novak asked. "He's in the Heinous Crimes Unit. Why would you ever meet him?"
"The Colonel has been investigating the circumstances of my birth," I replied, "and how I came to exist."
That was true enough.
"I'm sure you're hiding something from me," Mrs. Novak said. "But some secrets are better left unsaid. As for you and my son… I'll invite some other young girls, too, so you can meet some appropriate people your age. And maybe my sons will finally find somebody, too."
It seemed like this was turning into a much bigger event.
"Thank you, mother," I said. "Martinus sometimes doesn't realize I have a reputation to maintain."
"He's a man," Mrs. Novak said, "and he has no sense. I'm glad you're sensible, Amy. I'll go start preparing for a dinner party then. Good night."
And she hang up, leaving me to wonder what conclusions she drew.
12
How many times do you need to repeat an experiment to verify a trend? Because this night was again, calm, with Erynn sleeping through most of it. And Bevan came again, to lay asleep on the sofa after a short fairy tale. In the morning, when Emere came, looking more rested, she approached the cot and whispered.
"Now that she's been sleeping through the nights, she's a lot calmer. She's been cheerful and rested for the last few days. Thank you."
"I'm not doing anything," I said.
"Just having you here seems to make me less nervous," Emere said, "and the kids, too. I'm thankful for that."
I nodded, awkwardly wondering what this is all about. Emere seemed to be aware of something. Something nobody was telling me about.
* * *
I had to eat quickly at breakfast because Emere woke up late. Even with that, I still had to run into the classroom. It was Friday, and time for the Magical History class. I sat in what was now my usual seat, with Yllana on one side, the corridor on the other, and Martinus behind me.
"You called my mother again? Why can't you just tell me whatever it is you want, instead of talking to my mother?" he whispered, angrily, into my ear, as Professor Alday came into the lecture hall and scanned the classroom.
I didn't answer, because the Professor gave us a look. And keeping in mind what Martinus said last time the Professor said something…
"Good morning," he started the lecture. "Now that we've talked about the differences between high and ordinary magicians, and magicians and ordinary people, we'll start looking into magical families. As you know, magical families consist of high magicians who live in places with highly concentrated streams of magic. They shape those places and are shaped by them; magic always affects the people using it. With time, most magical houses develop a unique identity. A personality, if you will, that is intertwined with the family. The magic and the family are so connected that the loss of one of these families means the magic of that place irrevocably changes. That is only the case for the oldest of magical houses, though. There are only ten of them left: Gwendolen, Zawada, Kaffale, Mazza, Taibi, Yaldai, Novak, Basara, Moresi, and Morad."
I felt my head spinning with this new information. I'd been reading so much about magical families, about blood memory, and the concentrated, powerful magic high magicians could use. But I never realized there were gradations even among the higher magical families. And it seemed like Martinus… and Yllana… belonged to those families? And me, too, if my father hadn't been kicked out.
But, if Martinus did belong not just to the elite magicians, but to the top of that elite, why were he and his family so willing to overlook my birth? Even before I told Martinus about what my father did to me?
"These families have even more limitations than other families," the Professor said, giving Martinus and me a look. "Limitations that organize how, where they need to live, and with whom. Therefore, unlike other families, who don't care about compatibility as much and frequently arrange marriages on more practical grounds, these fami
lies value magical compatibility above all else in a partner. It is said to be one of the greatest experiences; nothing equals the feelings compatibility generate. The magic makes them fall in love. A forced feeling that is more powerful than anything else."
So that was what Martinus mentioned when he said I didn't have a choice. And what Yllana told me, many times. I wasn't so sure this was true. I didn't feel in love, after all. Not at all. I'm just starting to tolerate Martinus, who isn't always so bad. He can even be nice sometimes.
"Other magicians can experience compatibility, too, but don't base their life partnerships around that, because finding a compatible partner is as hard as finding a needle in a haystack. Besides, magically compatible partners don't necessarily satisfy other requirements, such as money, attractiveness, or social status."
Wait, does that mean I'm the needle?
"And all those limitations," the Professor continued, "are accepted because of what they give. Magical gifts. High magicians are born into a highly magical home, they absorb and metabolize magic in their mothers' womb. This makes them able to use magic on an intuitive, unconscious level. They can use magic nobody even knows how to use, without consciously training that ability, because, for them, it's like breathing. But all those gifts are delicate. Children who live in a highly magical environment require constant care and are a lot more sensitive than ordinary children. That's why these families raise their children themselves, whereas other families rely on nannies and schools to help in their children's education. Ordinary magicians cannot teach these kids to use magic, because how can a man teach a fish to swim? They can only learn when they train for the higher levels, as adults, when learning becomes conscious."
It seemed like magic was a lot more separated than I thought. On the one hand, there is the academic, controlled, measurable magic that is taught at the Academy. On the other hand, the magic practiced in families. Unconscious, unmeasurable, unlearnable. You couldn't study it, you couldn't learn the theory, because it was just innate. You could practice it, hone it, improve it, but you not study it, like the formal magic at the Academy.
I didn't grow up in a magical house. I didn't grow up in a world with magic, period.
But it did seem like I had a skill. Captain Kaffale told me I had a gift for mental magic. It was something I could do, despite being unable to use the simplest magical spells. I could use complex illusions, I could calm babies and children.
How did I develop these skills? Was it, again, father's experiments? And, if I was using it on an unconscious level, could I do anything about it? Could my gift harm anybody?
These and many other questions were spinning in my head as I avidly listened to the lecture, taking notes into the notebook Martinus kept for me (he put it on my desk every Monday and Friday and collected it at the end).
By the end of the lecture, my head was exploding with questions, questions I had to get an answer for. The last thing I wanted to do was to have another discussion with Martinus. But he didn't let go.
"So why did you call my mother," he asked, holding my shoulder, "and tell her you want a chaperone? You know the lecture I had to listen to because of that, telling me how I should behave in the presence of a lady?"
"I didn't tell her your behavior was improper," I said, turning to face him, looking up. "I just told her it would be inappropriate if I visited your house alone. And I told her she should invite several young women my age I could become friends with. Like Colonel Yaldai and his sister."
"Colonel Yaldai's sister?" Martinus gave a glance to Yllana. So brief, I almost thought I imagined it, but when Yllana looked aside, I could see.
Martinus knew Yllana's secret, and he was keeping it for her. Yllana didn't tell me anything about that, either. Since when do these two have secrets from me? Not just their secrets, but common secrets they kept from me?
I looked at Yllana, who faced my gaze steadily, but then turned back to face Martinus. That would be a conversation for another day.
"I see why you did it," Martinus said, looking at me now, "but couldn't you have told me? I could have organized it for you. Right now, you set my mother loose, and now my brothers are hunting me down."
"I'm sorry," I said. "I should have told you. I just thought your mother could handle it better. And what was the point of telling you? You invited me to your home, I'm coming, isn't that everything?"
"Oh, baby," Martinus said, "this is not how I want things to work. You shouldn't use my mother against me. I forgave you the first time, I forgive you now, but I don't want you to do this again, OK? We should solve our issues together. If you have a problem, come to me. Don't bring my mother into our relationship."
I wanted to point out I didn't ask for his forgiveness, that we weren't in a relationship, that my problems were just my problems… But when I looked at his understanding, serious face, I felt like saying that would be a bitchy thing to do.
"OK," I said, instead, shook his hands off me, and run out of the class, even going through a couple of my classmates who stood on my way, staying in class after it was finished, as if listening to our conversation.
I was glad I didn't say all those things were on the tip of my tongue.
Yllana followed me soon.
"My mother has told me about the invitation for a luncheon in the Novak house on Saturday," she whispered, as we had many people sitting around us, staring with curiosity.
"That's great," I said. "Mrs. Novak hasn't told me yet, but I guess she'll tell me today."
"You don't call her mother anymore?" Yllana asked.
"Only to her face," I said. "I just can't call her mother when I talk about her. It's hard enough when I talk with her. I started doing it to annoy her, and now it's annoying me."
"That's what happens when you dig a hole," Yllana said. "You fall into it."
"You could express more sympathy," I complained.
"I told you from the beginning it wouldn't work," Yllana said.
"And I'm seeing why you said that," I said. Then I thought I should contrast what I heard in class with her. "Yllana… about the lecture today… Is it true?"
"What?" Yllana asked.
"That we will fall in love with each other. I've heard it said multiple times, but it still seems incredible to me. I don't feel in love."
"Well," she said. "How do you feel about him?"
I looked around; Martinus hadn't followed me and was sitting with his friends. Was he pouting?
"He's been nice to me lately," I whispered. "But that still doesn't mean what he said before is OK. He was mean to me."
"Has he asked for forgiveness?" Yllana said.
"Yes," I replied. "For that, and for declaring he's my fiancée. But still; it's not right that he gets to behave like that, and I forgive him and we're gold."
"He's changing his behavior," Yllana said. "But you should know your behavior isn't exactly unimpeachable, either."
"What did I do…"
"How about calling his mother, telling her you want a super expensive engagement party you have no intention of going through with? Could you imagine the public humiliation it would mean for the Novaks to organize the biggest social event of the year only to have the Guest of Honor not appear?" Yllana asked.
"I wasn't expecting them to go through with that," I said. "I thought that would convince Mrs. Novak to cancel everything."
"You demanded a public commitment from him, Amy," Yllana said. "And he's given you that. His family has given you that. In exchange, you've given no promise. He's put himself in quite a vulnerable position for you."
I wasn't sure I would feel bad if Martinus faced a little bit of public humiliation. But he probably didn't deserve something this drastic.
"I've been trying to stop this whole thing," I said. "And I don't know how to do it. And he doesn't seem keen on letting me go."
"If you want to let him go," Yllana said. "Stop accepting his gifts. Stop accepting his invitations. Don't talk to him, don't go on dates wit
h him, and never, ever, call his mother."
I considered it.
"Alright," I said, "I'll go to the dinner in their house, and after that, it's over. I won't accept any more things from him."
"That sounds like one last sip from an alcoholic," Yllana said. "But sure. Try to disengage. I'd like to see you succeed. Neither you nor Martinus deserve social shame and humiliation. Nor misery and unhappiness."
Thankfully, Professor Strasser came in, cutting this intense conversation.
I'd never pretended to pay more attention in class.
13
I went back home after class. I didn't want to talk to Yllana or Martinus.
I had to clear my mind, find out what I wanted. I changed into my hiking clothes (a dress with fewer layers of skirts) and put on some boots, ready to go outside.
But first, I went down for lunch.
None of the men were there. It was just Arlene, the kids, Kecia and Moira. Emere was upstairs with Erynn.
"Hello," I said, sitting down next to Arlene, who served the food in the men's absence. She cut me a generous piece of the beef roast, and I poured gravy over the potato mash I scooped myself.
"Hi, Amy," Moira said. "How was your day?"
"Good," I said. "I've learned a lot. I've also been invited to dinner at the Novak's house for tomorrow."
"That's good," Moira said. "I'm glad you aren't continuing with that nonsense of yours. But it will be a pity to let you go. Emere praises you a lot. Erynn has been much calmer since you've started working."
"I'm glad she is," I said. "Although I'm not sure I'm doing anything for it."
I wasn't sure I wanted to share my theories about my secret magical talent with them.
I had to learn more about it first. About what it was. About the Morads, the kind of gifts they had. But how would I learn about the family without interacting with my uncle? Who didn't seem to like me much.
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