by Maven, Ella
I was out of my depth with this. “Syb, I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“I want you to tell me if you felt anything about seeing the door to the cruiser close while you were down there fighting. Feelings, Z. You have them. I know you do, buried beneath the muck you’ve been through. And maybe this is unfair of me…” her voice cracked before she soldiered on. “But you have to throw me a bone here, Z.”
“Throw you a bone?”
She let out a small growl that was cute. “Goddammit, something, Z. Tell me how you felt when the doors closed. Don’t say what you think you should, or what you think I want to hear. Just think back to that moment.” She took a step closer and laid her hand over my chest. “What did you feel?”
The heat of her palm seeped into my skin and made my heart race. I felt my warrior training slip.
She stared up at me with an openness that slayed me.
What had she felt when the doors closed, I wondered? But she’d asked me first, and I couldn’t deny her request.
“I wanted to feel victorious,” I said, placing my hand over hers and squeezing. “Because my mission was complete. You were going home. But instead, I felt regret and anger.”
She sucked in a breath but remained silent as I continued.
“Because I wasn’t with you. I’d never get to see Riven grow up. I’d never hold you in my arms or feel your hair as it brushed my chest. I’d never lay with you in all the ways I want to lay with you. And then I felt guilt, because all those thoughts were selfish.”
A few tears spilled over her bottom lashes. “No, Z. Those thoughts aren’t selfish.”
“They are,” I whispered. “You don’t belong to me. I won’t mate. I can’t. It’s not what my race needs—”
“Would you choose me as a mate if you could?”
I blinked at her question. “What?”
A wary look entered her eyes. “Would you … want me as a mate?”
A bark of laughter left my lips, and she jerked at the sound before her brows drew in as anger. She tried to yank her hand away. “Okay, that answers—”
I held her firm, and she let out a squeak. “How could you ask that question?”
She went still. “What?”
I cupped her neck and rubbed my thumb at the base of her throat. “I’ll never want anyone like I want you. I’d choose you in a past life, in this life, and in all my lives in the future. It would always be you, Sybil. I’ll never forget when you faced off with me to defend Riven, and when you flew into Wargo’s room and tried to fight off the Plikens with a fire poker.” I stepped closer, until my boots touched the tips of hers. “And how you told me you’d dream for me. Did you, Syb? Did you dream for me?”
“I did,” she whispered. “Until my dream merged with yours. Because I can’t imagine my future without you.”
I closed my eyes. “Syb.”
“You deserve happiness, Z. You have to see that.”
“But you should find another mate who can give you babies—”
“Do you think that’s what I want?” Her tone was demanding. “Do you think that’s all I’m good for?”
“Of course not.”
“Then fathering a child isn’t all you’re good for either.”
My jaw went tight. “It’s different. I’m a Drixonian.”
She scoffed and drew away from my hold. Crossing her arms over her chest, she turned her back on me.
I want to draw her back into my embrace, but my hands lay uselessly at my sides. “Sybil, please understand.”
“I understand to a point, but I also feel like you’re going to pawn me off on someone else so I can be a breeder.”
I stiffened. “Absolutely not.”
She whirled around. “So, you’ll be okay if I find another mate on Corin? If I kiss him? Sleep with him in his furs?”
I clenched my fists so hard my knuckles cracked. I didn’t answer because I couldn’t lie to her.
“You said Riven made a marx because she thought her family was threatened. That means you, Z. You’re her family. You earned that, just like I earned my place as her mother. Can’t you see? We’re a family. What more do you need to let yourself have what you want?”
“Fatas won’t—”
“Enough,” she sighed and sank down on the pallet. “I can’t hear about Fatas.” She gazed up at me with tear-streaked cheeks. “Then you can break the news to Riven that you won’t choose us to be your family.”
I bunched my shoulders. “That’s not what I said.”
“It’s the outcome of your decision though.” She tilted her head. “What did it mean to you when I touched you? When you touched me?”
I dropped to my knees at her side, and she curled her bent legs against her chest. “Syb. Please.”
“Tell me,” she choked out.
“It meant everything,” I whispered. “Even now all I want to do is touch you. Hold you. But I can’t let myself be selfish. There might be a more suitable male…” I swallowed and ducked my head. Just the thought of Sybil with someone else had me seeing red. Was this what Rexor felt like when his Rage took over?
“There will never be another male more suitable for me then you,” she said, her hand rubbing along my brow. “So, think about that. When you’re punishing yourself, you’re punishing me too.”
“Syb.”
“Go check on Raven,” she said, turning her back to me as she curled up on the pallet.
I stared at her for a long time, my muscles locked into place, until I finally managed to get to my feet. Walking away from her felt worse than Wargo’s whippings. For so long, I’d been sure of my future, my fate, but Sybil’s words echoed in my head like a chant.
Was I making the right decision?
Thirteen
Sybil
My stomach was a mess of nerves and I’d had a headache for maybe twenty-four hours straight. All of which I’d done my best to hide from Riven, who remained cautiously excited. Like me, she was anxious about meeting new people.
“What if they don’t like me?” she asked as the cruiser’s landing gear lowered as we made our descent to the surface of Corin.
“They will like you,” I told you. “Everyone does.”
She gave me a nervous smile.
Outside the window was lush blue vegetation. Some tall buildings in the distance drew my eye as it looked like a small city.
“That’s Granit,” Zecri grunted next to me.
We sat strapped to chairs alongside the one wall of the cruiser.
Haub and his guards were in the cockpit.
Riven sat on the other side of me, eyes staring in wonder out the window.
I nodded but didn’t look at him. For the last leg of our journey, we’d studiously avoided eye contact and kept our interaction minimal. It killed me to do it, but what was I supposed to do?
Zecri had made the decision about our future for me, and the thought still rankled. In fact, I knew I’d never be over it. The idea that he could just… walk away from us made me ill. No one would make me feel like Zecri did.
I had grown used to his kindness toward Riven, his care and protectiveness toward me. His steady presence which comforted me without him having to say a word. And he planned to take that away from us because of some misguided martyr complex. I curled my hand into a fist on my thigh.
“When we step out of this cruiser, don’t leave my side,” Zecri’s deep voice said in my ear.
Oh, so now he wanted me beside him? I ignored him.
“Sybil.”
“Yes, Zecri,” I said quickly.
He sighed and I felt the tension rolling off his body. “Will you please look at me?”
Keeping my face carefully blank, I met his gaze.
When he saw the look in my eyes, his expression crumbled, a rare emotional tell. “Syb,” he murmured. He wrapped his fingers around my neck, and I couldn’t help the way my eyelashes fluttered at his touch. His lips brushed my forehead and I shivered. “I’m so
rry,” he whispered.
“What are you sorry for?” I heard myself ask.
But I never heard the answer. The cruiser shuddered, and Haub called out our landing was imminent. Within seconds, we jolted in our seats as the cruiser touched solid ground.
Riven was straining in her seat already, eager to get out of the spacecraft where we’d spent too long cramped up.
Haub had sent a message to the Drixonians on Corin, so they were expecting us, which eased my nerves somewhat. But not enough.
Our seatbelts unlatched, and I grabbed Riven’s hand as the Uldani powered down the cruiser.
Zecri stood at my back.
I knew because I was always aware of his presence no matter where he was.
As the doors to the cruiser opened, a ramp descended to touch down on the green dirt.
I inhaled deeply, nearly weeping as the fresh air surrounded me. I could smell dirt and fresh plants, and even a slight smoky smell on the breeze.
“This is where we leave you,” Haub said from behind us.
I turned to find him standing with his crutch, his guards at his back.
He smiled, but there was a sadness to it. “We might have some communication with the Drixonians, but we’re not welcome on Corin soil.” He shrugged. “With good reason.”
Zecri stood motionless, his gaze steady on Haub.
I waited to see what he’d say, what he’d do.
He hadn’t been so great at hiding his emotions like he’d been when we first met, and I could see his inner turmoil flitting through the tightness in his features.
Haub had saved us, but he was still an Uldani.
A muscle in Zecri’s jaw twitched before he inclined his head slightly. “Consider your reparations to me made, Uldani.”
Haub’s lips curled into a wider smile. “Not even close, in my mind, but I appreciate the sentiment, Drix.” He nodded to me and Riven. “Take care of yourselves.”
“Haub?” Riven called.
“Yeah, little one?”
“Thank you,” she said with a firm nod.
Haub’s lips parted, and he sucked in a deep breath before swallowing thickly. “You’re welcome.”
Zecri stepped to my side, and with a firm grip on the back of my neck, propelled us forward out of the cruiser. I glanced over my shoulder at Haub, who merely gave me one last kind smile. As soon as our feet touched the ground, the doors closed.
For a moment, I panicked. We were alone on a strange planet. What predators were here? Were there dinosaurs? Giant eagles ready to swoop in and snatch us with their talons? But then in the distance I heard a distinct buzzing sound. The vibrations grew to a dull roar until black and blue figures burst from a cluster of trees.
I sucked in a breath as a dozen or so Drixonians came into view, their hair streaming behind them as they rode motorcycle-like hover vehicles. They rode in formation with a massive Drixonian in front. He bore a red armband trimmed in gold and a gold ring gleamed from his septum.
He drew to a stop in front of us, and the hover vehicles kicked up swirls of green dirt. He grinned at Zecri, but before he could get a word out, a blue form streaked past him. Long white hair streamed from the Drixonians head as he slammed into Zecri, knocking his grip from my neck.
“Z!” he cried out as they embraced.
Suddenly two more Drixonians burst from the pack. One had a bright orange mohawk and the other had his machets out.
I braced for a moment, but his lips were turned up in a smirking grin as the four piled onto each other.
I caught a few glimpses of Zecri’s face amid the four-Drix hug and smiled to myself. It was then Riven stepped out from behind me, and the leader’s gaze dropped to her before his eyes went wide. “Holy fleck,” he choked out.
The ripple of murmurs went up among the Drixonians and then suddenly they all bowed their heads and crossed their arms at the wrists. The words She is All flowed like waves as Riven took another step forward with Teddy clutched to her chest.
The three Drixonians who had greeted Zecri stared in stunned silence until they, too, bowed their heads. The leader stepped forward his gaze locked on Riven until it shifted to Zecri. “You, uh, want to tell us some things?”
“This is Riven,” Zecri said. “She’s the daughter of Graven and a human female named Beth, who died shortly after her birth. Sybil is her mother. She’s who’s taken care of her and protected her on that flecking planet for five cycles.”
The leader’s intense violet gaze turned on me. He then crossed his arms and bowed his head.
I sucked in a breath, absolutely not expecting that sign of respect. With his head still bowed, he spoke. “I’m Daz Bakut, the drexel of the Night Kings here on Corin. Thank you.”
Uncomfortable, I glanced at Zecri, and he gave me a short, reassuring nod. “Um, yeah. Y-you’re welcome.”
I nudged Riven forward and she came through, giving Daz her best smile. “I’m excited to be here,” she chirped, and I swore every Drixonian fell for her then and there.
I petted her on the head, and she looked up at me with a beaming smile. “It’s pretty here,” she said in a whisper that wasn’t really a whisper.
“It is,” I answered.
“This is our home now, right?” She glanced to Zecri. “Right? We’ll be safe here.”
I nodded, and Zecri made a strained sound in his throat before answering. “Yes, Riven.”
“Let’s get to the village,” Daz said. “There are many others I’d like you to meet.”
* * *
I expected a handful of shell-shocked women. What I did not expect was a welcome committee complete with decorations, a buffet table, and gifts. The village was adorable with a wide dirt road lined with huts, and in the center was a large tree, the thick trunk surrounded by benches.
I accepted a soft, off-the-shoulder sweater from a sweet woman named Anna, a bottle of spirits from a purple-haired woman named Tabitha, and then a massive hug and a basket of baked goods from Frankie.
“I’m Daz’s mate,” said the petite woman with long dark hair and big brown eyes. She was pretty, clean, and happy, and I could barely believe my eyes. I had never been the most talkative person, but I’d been able to hold my own. Now, I could barely get any words out, so overwhelmed with the friendly chatter all around me. So many humans. So many happy humans. Turned out I was the one who was shell-shocked.
A tall black woman with braids must have sensed my impending breakdown because she shooed everyone away. A massive Drixonian followed us as Miranda drew me away from the crowd.
“But R-Riven,” I stuttered.
“She’s with Zecri and doing fine,” Miranda said in a soothing tone, petting my hand. “I’m sorry, I know this is a lot. Frankie insists on a big welcoming party, even though several of us have expressed our dissent.”
“No, it’s lovely, and appreciated. I’m just surprised. I spent ten cycles on Vixlicin, and there were no parties there. I was sub-human.”
Miranda’s jaw tightened and she met the gaze of the big Drixonian following us over my shoulder. I turned to find him standing with his jaw locked tight and his eyes narrowed. “I’m sorry,” I whispered to her. “But do you know him well? He looks angry.”
Miranda laughed, a pretty sound. She was beautiful, with a wide smile and smooth skin. “That’s my mate, Drak. He looks like that a lot, but mostly when he hears things he doesn’t like, which is any female being treated poorly.”
“Oh, uh, hi Drak.” I waved to him, and his harsh features softened as he gave me a brief nod in greeting.
“We have a hut set up for you and Zecri already. Riven can stay there with you too, so—”
“Oh, I don’t think I’ll be staying with Z.”
Miranda’s perfect eyebrows dipped. Did they have tweezers here? Because her arch was amazing. “What do you mean?”
“We’re not … mates.”
She only stared at me. “I’m sorry?”
“We’re not mates.” The words t
asted bitter on my tongue.
Her eyes narrowed slightly, and she cocked her head, studying me. I felt like she could see all my inner thoughts and squirmed. Finally, she shook her head and shot me a smile. “Sure, whatever you say. The males will take care of getting Zecri a place then. The hut is yours and Riven’s. You can go there anytime you need a time out. There are a lot of big personalities here. I’m sure it’s overwhelming.”
“It is, but in a good way.” I turned to watch the females milling about, laughing, and chatting with the big Drixonians. Some were affectionate with either other, clearly mates, and I felt a pang in my heart. “Are all the females mated here?”
She nodded slowly. “They are.”
“Oh.”
She gripped my hand and led me back toward the crowd. “Let’s get Riven and I’ll show you your hut, okay?”
Suddenly a screech sounded from one of the huts, and a small blue figure burst out into the village road, careening right toward Riven. “Hey,” I jerked on Miranda’s hand in panic, but she held me fast.
Her smile was kind, which instantly made my heart slow its rapid drum beat in my chest. “Bazel must have seen Riven.”
“Bazel?” I asked.
And then the figure came to a halt in front of Riven, and my eyes widened. Another young female Drixonian stood staring at Riven, who stared back, clearly shocked. “Oh my God,” I murmured, clasping my hand over my mouth.
“She’s Anna and Tark’s daughter, half-human and half-Drixonian just like Riven,” Miranda said quietly.
My eyes filled with tears as the two females took each other in. “I’m Bazel,” the older girl announced loudly. “Will you be my friend?”
Riven blinked rapidly, her knuckles nearly white as she clutched Teddy. Her mouth opened a few times, but no sound came out, until she managed to say, “Can Teddy be our friend too?”
Bazel beamed. “Sure! Come on, let me show you my toys. Uncle Hap makes me all kinds of things.”
Riven’s eyes took in the crowd, and I knew she was searching for me when her gaze landed on me.
I smiled through the tears and gave her a nod. Satisfied she could play with her friend, they clasped hands and ran off.