by Amie Knight
Midmorning sunlight broke through my blinds and woke me. I opened my eyes and slammed them back closed immediately. I had the headache of all headaches. My leg throbbed. I moved it slightly and realized I was still wearing my prosthesis. Why?
And then the night before came back in full force. The pills gone. Mae cornering me on the steps. Her running me a shower. Coming into my bedroom to find freshly changed sheets. Her feeding me.
Her telling me she’d always fight for me. This girl. I didn’t do anything to deserve her, but there she was anyway. A goddamn angel.
I opened my eyes again, this time looking for her. But I didn’t have to look far. She was curled up right next to me. One of her legs tangled with my good one. She was facing me, her hands curled under her head like a sleeping baby. She had a few chip crumbs in her hair and I saw the bag of chips squished between us. I couldn’t help but smile even if my leg did hurt.
I moved it again and tried to sit up, realizing I was fucking buck ass naked. I’d forgotten I’d fallen asleep in my towel, and now I was lying there wearing nothing but my birthday suit and I was as hard as a rock. I’d like to say it had something to do with morning wood and less to do with the beautiful woman lying right next to me, but that was a bald face lie. It had everything to do with Mae. Everything did.
I panicked, looking around for the towel, when Mae sat up and smiled at me sleepily. Her eyes trekked down my chest and past my stomach, and right to my raging boner. For fuck’s sake.
I stretched a little like it was no big deal when really I was embarrassed. I knew after last night she wouldn’t be jumping my bones. Who could blame her? I probably disgusted her.
With big eyes she blushed and reached behind her. “Let’s cover up that anaconda, okay?” She laid the towel over it gently, careful not to touch it.
I fell back against the bed frame and laughed despite my headache. Mae hopped out of the bed and went to my dresser in front of the bed. She threw me a smirk over her shoulder and asked. “Which drawer do you keep your underwear in?”
“The top one.” I motioned with my hand. “How do you always know what to do or say?”
Red-faced, Mae reached into the top drawer and pulled out a black pair of boxer briefs, quickly tossing them to me.
“What do you mean?”
“You always know what to say or do to make me feel better. How do you do that?”
She got back in bed and rolled toward the middle and propped her head in her hand, her elbow on the mattress so she could look at me.
“I don’t always know what to do or say. I make mistakes all the time. You gonna put those drawers on?” she deadpanned.
I smiled at her. “Yeah, in a minute.” I didn’t think Mae had ever made a mistake in her life. She was fucking perfect.
I looked down at my aching leg. I didn’t want to get an infection. I needed to take the prosthesis off. My knee needed a break from it and I could get my underwear on a lot faster if I took it off.
“Holden?” Mae called me.
I looked over at her in her tiny shorts and tank top, wishing I didn’t feel like complete shit. Finally my eyes hit hers. “Yeah?”
She gave me a sympathetic smile. “You can take it off. I imagine you don’t normally sleep in it. You have to be uncomfortable.”
I was uncomfortable, but I was also uncomfortable taking my leg off in front of her. I’d never shown anyone before. I always wore pants. I always hid it like a secret. I hadn’t quite accepted it myself yet. It hadn’t been that long since it had been gone.
But this was Mae. She didn’t care. She said she would always fight for me.
I reached down and pressed the pin in near the bottom of my prosthesis and the fiberglass and metal that made up my leg slid off with a pull. I looked over at Mae’s watchful face before removing the liner that held my prosthesis to my knee. I rubbed the stub of my knee where my leg used to be and groaned. It felt good to have the prosthetic leg gone, to let my skin breathe for a bit.
“Is it hurting?” she asked.
I shook my head. “Not too much. It’s just sore.”
She sat up and scooted closer to me so she could see my leg better. I tried not to feel ashamed. I didn’t want to hide anything from her anymore. If she was willing to give me a chance, I wanted to be as open with her as I could.
Tentatively reaching a hand out toward my leg, she gave me a questioning look. I nodded even as my heart pounded in my ears.
She laid her palm right over the ugly scar at the bottom of my stump. Her hand felt cool to the hot skin and I blew out a long breath. She obviously took that as a sign to keep going because she massaged my knee. I held in a groan because it felt fucking incredible. I watched her face methodically. She looked thoughtful and purposeful, never disgusted, even though my stump wasn’t pretty. It was red and mottled and scarred and just barely healed up. The pressure of the prosthesis kept it looking pretty gruesome.
The sight of it had never really bothered me before, but that was when I thought no one would ever see it besides me and a few doctors and physical therapists.
I pulled my leg away under the pretense of getting my underwear on and Mae laid back in the center of the bed while I slid my underwear on under the towel.
She looked disappointed and I smirked over at her.
“What happened that night at the bar, Hold?”
Her question caught me off guard. I wasn’t ready to talk about that with her yet. But I knew I had to. It was something I should have done that night.
I laid back against the headboard again and gazed into her eyes. I kept myself in check so I didn’t pull her into my arms.
“I’m sorry, I—” I started, but she cut me off.
“You don’t have to apologize.” She covered my hand that was lying between us with her own.
“I don’t want you to apologize. I know you didn’t mean to do it. I just want to know what happened. Where you went.”
Fuck, I didn’t want to think of that night. I clenched my teeth and squeezed her hand. “I was in the desert.” I’d never had that happen so vividly before. It was terrifying to be in the desert and to suddenly be at the club with Adrian over me, threatening me. I’d looked at Mae and known. I’d hurt her, frightened her. It fucking killed me.
“Does that happen a lot?” she asked timidly.
I shook my head. “Never like that. Only in my dreams.” It was scary as fuck. Would it happen again?
Her forehead scrunched. “Is that why you took all the pills that were in that bottle?” She motioned with her head toward my nightstand, and I felt fucking sick. I swallowed down the bile and my shame.
My chest burned. My eyes stung. I rolled toward her until my hand was resting on the side of her throat. I directed her eyes to mine with my thumb under her chin. “I’m sick knowing I could have hurt you. I’d rather die than harm one hair on your head. Do you understand that?”
A light sheen of tears and fire reflected back at me from her eyes. “Well, I’m sick knowing how you’ve treated yourself the past week. It hurts me, Holden. It hurts me to see you like this. Do you understand that?”
I hated that I’d hurt her again. I leaned down and kissed her lips. “I’m sorry for that, too. I’m sorry for all of it.”
She backed out of my kiss and pulled out of my grip. “I don’t want you to be sorry, Holden. I want you to promise me you’ll never do that again. You know the pills scare me. Promise me you won’t do that again. Promise me.” Her chin trembled a bit and it tore me up. I’d forgotten about her friend, how she’d lost her. I couldn’t stand it when she cried, when she was upset. It fucking ruined me.
I pulled her to me again with a hand around the back of her neck. I kissed her lips softly. I’d do better for her. I’d do anything for her, this girl who waltzed into my life and made me smile. Who’d changed my entire world.
“I promise,” I breathed against her lips.
I felt her smile against my mouth. “Darn right, you pro
mise.” Her smile fell. “I think you should talk to someone, Hold. What happened isn’t normal.”
I didn’t know what to do, but I also didn’t want to see a shrink. I only wanted to talk to Mae. “I talk to you.”
“But I’m not a professional. I’ve never dealt with what you’re dealing with, Holden. I can’t help you. I can listen as a friend, but I think you should see someone who knows what you’re going through.”
I felt torn wanting to do what pleased her, but also feeling like I wasn’t ready to talk to anyone. It had only happened that one time. Maybe I’d be fine and it would never happen again.
“Maybe,” I muttered, nodding before moving in until I was over her, my body between her thighs. I nibbled her top lip.
“I love these lips,” I moaned against them.
She giggled and opened her mouth and I dove in, running my tongue along the side of hers.
“Mmm, I dream of this little cupid’s bow.” I ran my tongue over the sharpness of it. “I love this plump bottom lip. It begs me to suck it.” And I did just that, sucked it into my mouth and scraped my teeth along the fullness of it.
Mae groaned deep in her throat and pressed her body up and into mine. She ran her hands over my shoulders and down my back to my ass, which she gripped in her hands firmly.
“I dream of this.” She smiled against my lips again, and I chuckled lightly in her mouth.
“Really?” I nipped at her chin before moving lower to her neck.
She gave my ass a hard squeeze with both of her hands. “You could bounce a quarter off this baby.”
I grinned against her neck before running my teeth along the side of her throat. I still couldn’t believe how happy this woman made me. I wanted to devour her, fuck her until she couldn’t walk. I wanted to hear her cuss like a goddamn sailor. I wanted to live in her sounds and smells. I didn’t need much. Just her. She’d be able to get me through anything.
A thundering knock on the door interrupted the moment followed by, “You better open this door right now, Holden Emerson Steel.” The pounding started back gain.
“Fuck.” I looked down at Mae, whose eyebrows were near her hairline.
“Emerson?”
I shrugged. “My mom loved poetry. Ralph Waldo Emerson was one of her favorites.”
She looked impressed. “Pretty cool.”
“Open the fucking door, Holden!”
Mae looked irritated. “Angry ex-girlfriend?”
I pursed my lips. “Worse.” I leaned over and grabbed my leg, putting it on. I begrudgingly left a hot, sexy as hell Mae in my bed and headed to my dresser to find some clothes. “My sister.”
Her irritated look was gone, replaced with panic in an instant. “What? Your sister’s here?”
There was another round of pounding. “Now, Holden!”
“Unfortunately so.” I pulled some gym pants and a T-shirt on.
Mae crawled to the end of the bed quickly and kneeled at the edge right in front of me. “You cannot let your sister in right now.”
More pounding. “I will break this damn door down.”
I motioned with my head toward the front door and my maniac of a sister. “You heard her! She’s gonna bust down my door.”
Red-faced, Mae yelled, “I don’t have a bra on!”
I looked down at her in her sleep shorts and skimpy tank top and gorgeous, free tits. “I’m more than aware of that.” I winked at her. “I have a hoodie in the closet you can borrow.”
I walked out of the bedroom door, but I still heard Mae yelling over my sister’s furious pounds on the door.
“Oh my God, don’t you dare open that door, Steel! I cannot meet your sister looking like this!”
I breathed out, readying myself for the tornado that was Harper. I opened the door to a murderous looking sister.
“What in the actual fuck, Holden?” She stormed past me in heels, a business suit, and red lipstick, looking like she’d been at work. I looked at the clock. It was 11:30 a.m.
She threw her purse on my couch and headed to the kitchen. “I’ve been trying to call you for days. How could you do that to me?”
I followed her to the kitchen and leaned against the doorway and crossed my arms over my chest while she made coffee.
“Is there a reason why you haven’t answered my calls or called me back all fucking week?” She looked in my refrigerator. “Great! I’m here on my lunch break and you don’t even have any food. I was at least expecting some kind of healthy shit to get me by until tonight.” She slammed the fridge door shut and looked at me. “Well? What the hell has been going on?” She crossed her arms over her chest, mirroring my stance.
She looked pissed. I was just about to make all the excuses in the world when a hand touched my shoulder. My sister’s mad eyes moved next to me and all of her anger drained away in an instant, her eyes wide.
“The neighbor girl,” she breathed, looking Mae over from head to toe.
Mae stood there, looking flushed and beautiful, and I smiled over at her. My sister took her in with inquisitive eyes.
Mae’s hand shot out nervously. “I’m Miranda.”
She looked nervous and twitchy, so I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. She only gave me an evil eye, telling me I’d be paying for this later. I brought out the dimple since I knew she was a sucker for it.
Harper grabbed her hand and smiled knowingly at me. “I’m Harper, Holden’s sister.”
“It’s so nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Mae beamed at Harper.
Harper took a sip of her coffee. “I see I’ve obviously interrupted y’all’s morning.”
Mae blushed even deeper. “Not really. We were just sleeping, and I was actually getting ready to head back home.”
I knew what Harper saw even if it wasn’t true. My girl looked freshly fucked with her messy hair knotted on her head, her short shorts, her wearing my huge army hoodie.
Harper eyed me, pursing her lips. “I see why you haven’t been returning my calls.” She grinned wickedly at Mae and took another sip of coffee. “All you had to do was text, Hold, and I would have left you alone.”
I should have corrected her. I should have told her the truth, but I couldn’t stand for her to be hurt. She would be horrified and upset if I told her what I’d been actually doing all week. And she looked so damned happy at the prospect of me and Mae. So instead, I pulled Mae in along my side and kissed the side of her head.
Harper looked back and forth between us, her eyes dancing. “Well, I’ll get out of y’all’s hair. Let you guys get back to whatever it is you were doing.” She winked at Mae, and I thought Mae was going to fall out on the floor right there of embarrassment.
I chuckled while Harper grabbed the rest of her coffee to go and made her way back to the door she’d been banging on only moments ago. I let Mae go and followed her.
I opened the door and Harper walked through, pausing right in front me. “I’m happy for you, honey.” She kissed my cheek. “Don’t fuck this up.” She leaned over and whispered in my ear.
She walked the rest of the way out the door and yelled over her shoulder, “And don’t forget to call your fucking sister every now and then, and, Miranda, make Holden bring you over sometime for dinner,” before she disappeared down the steps.
My lips twitched as I closed the door.
I turned to find Mae standing there, staring at me.
“What?” I asked, walking toward the kitchen.
She followed behind me. “I can’t believe you let her in here when I’m dressed like this. I can’t believe you let her think we were having sexual shenanigans this morning. I can’t believe you didn’t tell her the truth.”
I grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge. “It wasn’t completely a lie. We would have been having sexual shenanigans if she hadn’t shown up.” I grinned.
“No, we wouldn’t.”
My grin fell. “Why not?” I prowled toward her until I had her pinned between me and the kitc
hen counter.
“Because we’re not ready for that again.”
I pushed my pelvis into her so she could feel just how ready I always was whenever she was around. “I’m always ready.”
“Well, I’m not.”
I didn’t like how serious her face was, so I moved out of her space and leaned against the counter across from her. “So, that’s it. We’re done?” I said loudly. I was pissed. Why did she even come over last night? Let me kiss her this morning? Just so she could fucking coddle me like a child? I didn’t need her to take care of me.
“Don’t be like that, Hold. A lot has happened the past week.” She chewed on her lip and stared at the kitchen floor. “I don’t want to be a distraction for you, something to keep you from taking pills or thinking about your leg. I want to be your girlfriend.”
I couldn’t lie. She was that to me, but she was so much more, too. I didn’t know how to tell her that even if my mind and leg were whole, she would still mean the fucking world to me. If only that were the case, then I could give her everything she was meant to have. Not half a man.
My girlfriend? I’d never really had one of those. I’d only had women I fucked. Women whose company I enjoyed shortly before I was stationed somewhere else, or deployed overseas. My skin warmed at the thought of Mae being my girlfriend. My heart felt full in my chest thinking that I could see her whenever I wanted, be with her all the time. Call her mine. Fuck, I wanted her to be mine. I could try harder for her and me. I’d make this thing work between us. I’d do whatever she wanted.
I walked back across the kitchen and grabbed her cheeks in my palms. “You could never be just a distraction. How could the last person I think about at night and the first person I want to see in the morning be just a distraction?” I pressed my lips to hers softly.
She smiled against my lips before pulling back. “Can we just take things slow this time? I want to make sure we do this right.”
She wanted slow? She was doing it for me. I could do slow. It might kill me, but I’d die trying because I’d do anything in the world for her.