by Pat Henshaw
I refused to cry over this. To him or to anyone. Good old Ben Behr was a stoic son of a gun. I had a reputation to preserve, dammit.
“I’m too good? Really? How so?” I told myself I could take this. Just breathe. Keep on sucking in air. My ancestors would have bitten on a bullet or a piece of rawhide or something equally macho. All I had to do was breathe.
“When I started thinking about moving to Stone Acres, I knew I’d be dealing with a bunch of country people—yokels, as Glen and others called them. I expected some not-too-bright guys would be working on the restaurant, and I’d just have to put up with them and their rural ways. I didn’t expect—I don’t know, to make friends or find a lover here.”
He winced as he moved his foot a little and grabbed the bottle of water I’d put on the side table. I mirrored his wince internally as I understood where he was coming from and how much I fit the profile he’d drawn.
“Then I saw you and immediately fell in lust. You are… breathtaking. So handsome and so alive that you made my heart stop.”
I guess I must have been gaping because he reached over and nudged my mouth closed.
“Don’t give me that look. You’ve got to know how gorgeous you are, Ben.” He took a swig of water, recapped the bottle, and put it next to his thigh on the couch.
“Anyway, we get along really well and have fun together. I started to think we could be close friends. Then long before you met her, Raven asked why, if I like being with you so much, I didn’t work a little harder at making you mine. I explained how you were straight and not one of us. She laughed and asked if I was sure. She’s the one who goaded me into kissing you.”
He ran a hand down his face.
“And damn if that wasn’t the nicest kiss I’d ever gotten. Do you remember?”
Shit yeah, I remembered. I broke eye contact and nodded.
When I glanced up at him, he looked puzzled, like he didn’t understand what he was going to do with me.
We sat in silence for a few minutes, him watching me, me peeking up at him now and again. I didn’t have anything to say. This was his show. Whatever he had to say, I had to listen. That’s the way it worked.
“As we got closer and shared more stories, I realized you were well-connected, not like me who only has business friends, a cheating ex, and one jazz-singing fellow wanderer. I realized before I started showing off trying to impress you with how business smart I am that you’re more educated, more life savvy, and more grounded than I’ll ever be. Your business is more essential and worthwhile than mine is. All around, you’re a whole person while I’m just half of one.”
Well, it wasn’t exactly like something I’d said to some girl I’d dated, but I guess we all needed to stomp on someone else’s heart in our own unique ways. My bitter thoughts didn’t help ease the pain, and I had a hard time keeping a stiff upper lip.
He sighed and moved his foot just a little. His sharp gasp told me two things: it was about time to give him a pain pill, and he wasn’t comfortable sitting during this conversation when he wanted to be pacing.
“I grew up the only child of two very wealthy and successful parents.” He shifted again but didn’t stop talking. “I went to a private school with a bunch of other conceited ingrates who thought they were better than everyone else on the planet. Nothing at school disabused us of that notion. I didn’t graduate from high school or go to college because when I was sixteen my folks and I were in a car accident. They had no siblings, and their parents were dead.”
Oh shit. “I’m sorry, Mitch.”
“Yeah. So am I. But it is what it is. Can’t be changed.”
Still, I felt really bad for him even though in effect our teen years had been somewhat similar. Except for Abe and Connor, I was pretty much in the same boat. Like he said, it was what it was.
Since he’d been wincing more and more as he talked, I got up, grabbed the glass, filled it with water, and palmed his vial of pills. When I handed him the water and pills, he took them and put the pills on the side table. He drank the water practically in a single gulp. When I grabbed it to get him a refill, he shook his head. I refilled it anyway, handed it to him, and sat down across the room.
“It took years for me to recover from all the injuries. My folks didn’t make it.” He was silent a moment. “During that time, my best friend visited once or twice, finally told me he couldn’t stand to see me looking so gross, and stopped coming. So I was left alone with the underpaid and underappreciated staff who my folks and I had looked down on for so long.
“I was also left with the feeling that I’d missed out on life even though I’d grown up snorkeling in the Bahamas, going on safaris in Africa, and hot air ballooning in Albuquerque. There was something real I was missing. That’s why I dreamed of opening a family restaurant, where all ages could come and have fun. Where moms and dads could have a good time with their kids before it was too late.”
He picked up the pain pill bottle and shook it. The soft rattle sounded ominous. My heart ached from his story, and I marveled that he’d survived and wasn’t bitter. I’d had my share of accidents as a kid, resulting in breaks and tears, but I couldn’t imagine going through the rehab he had.
“Oh, don’t cry for me, Ben Behr,” he added. “I know you probably don’t get the theater reference, and you know what? It’s okay. You get the essence of what I’m telling you, which is the point. I mean, what would you have done in my place?”
He didn’t stop to let me answer.
“You would have picked yourself up, dusted yourself off, and joked with the nurses and doctors, shooting the shit with them over some football, baseball, basketball, or hockey game. You would have laughed at yourself as you stumbled and fell through physio. And you know what? That’s what I love about you. You are everything I’ve ever wanted to be.”
I started laughing. When he looked hurt, I stopped.
“You don’t know that,” I scoffed. “Gimme a break.”
“No. It’s true.” He sat like he was about to stand up, but settled back down before I had to get up and stop him. “You know how I know this?”
I shook my head and looked at him skeptically.
“Joey outside Billie Jean.” He sat back like he’d made his point.
“Yeah, what about him?” I’d talked twice with the caretaker who told me Joey would be fine even though his brother was going to juvenile hall for pickpocketing. Joey had agreed that school and a warm group home were better than living on the street.
“Both Raven and I’d seen Joey in the alley before. Raven had given him money, and they’d talked. I’d nodded to him a few times but had never really engaged much. We had done little to help the kid even though I support a bunch of shelters and halfway houses. But you, you see the kid once, hook him like a fish, and work to switch him to a better pond.”
He ran a hand through his hair that still had bits of leaves and pine needles in it from his fall. I got up and started for the bathroom and a brush.
“Hey. Where are you going? We’re talking here.”
“You’re talking here,” I muttered. I needed a break to get my emotions back under control. He was making too much of what I’d done.
I returned and handed him the hairbrush.
“Here. Get the stuff out before it becomes permanent.” I glared at him even though I wanted to go back to cuddling and maybe even kissing. He was making me uneasy now.
He gave out an unhappy sigh but brushed his head savagely, collecting a small pile of debris in his lap and on the bristles of the brush. With a sharp knock on the table next to him, he slammed down the brush. He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair, which fell back into an unruly mess around his head.
Then he glanced at me and whispered a fierce “Thanks.” After a pause, he calmed down to add a softer thank-you. I could tell he felt better and less frazzled. I nodded.
He stared at me a few moments, then glared down at his foot and sighed again.
“
I thought I was going to impress you by showing you the clubs and how much real estate I owned in the city. I thought you’d take a look and you’d instantly fall in love with me. Like you gave a damn about what I owned. You have a house that looks like a home!”
True, if you thought shabby and lived-in was homey. At least the infrastructure was new and up to code. And what did he live in? A townhouse that looked like a magazine spread. But since he didn’t have any family left, maybe the comparison didn’t mean much. Before I pointed that out, he kept talking.
“You have brothers and friends and probably are as wealthy as I am. You saw through Glen and appreciated Raven’s singing within seconds of meeting her. I suddenly realized you had so much more than I’d ever be able to give you. You weren’t going to be attracted because I owned Rita or fancy handmade suits or even the clubs.”
He was so upset I was completely stunned. A big-city entrepreneur felt humbled by a small-town contractor? What a laugh. But he didn’t seem to be kidding.
“Then you helped Joey, Ben, and you went out in the storm to find a Cub Scout. Last night, I realized I have nothing at all to impress you with.”
He picked up the bottle and shook out a couple of pain pills. He looked like he was going to cry when he tipped them into his mouth and washed them down with the water.
“Mitch, baby.”
The last word got his attention. He eagerly reached for me, then winced with a groan.
“Don’t move.” I waved for him to lean back and let the pills work. “You don’t have to impress me with stuff. We started off getting to know each other as potential friends. We did things together and had fun, real fun. Then you kissed me. No guy had ever kissed me or put any move on me that wasn’t a bro hug. I was scared shitless at how right it felt, which you could have figured out when I didn’t slap you or punch you in the face. You had to know things were going pretty good, didn’t you?”
He stared at me, nodded slowly, but watched me like a hawk.
“Then I got to know you. You’re motivated and driven to succeed no matter what obstacles are put in front of you. I admire that. It makes me want to do better myself. You’re also strong and dependable. You don’t pull back from work and call in someone else instead of getting your hands dirty. That’s one of the things I always hated about the women I dated. You’re never a wuss.
“But the best thing about you is you’re so generous and giving. You want others to succeed too, and you don’t mind helping them. Like Connor, who you’d never met before coming here. You listened to his dreams and are making them come true.”
I could see he was starting to fight the pain pills to stay awake, so I got up to help him lay back on the couch.
When I touched him, he grabbed my hand, holding on like he’d never let go.
“What’s even better than all those things,” I said, watching his eyes flag, then fall, “you’re sexier than hell and can kiss like a world champion. Making love to you was, well, like walking up to God and having him put his hands around me. It was beyond good, beyond wow, up there in heaven.”
After his head was resting on a bed pillow and his foot was propped up, I covered him with an old family quilt and tucked him in as he clutched my arm. I moved his hips over a bit so I could perch next to him. As he gave out a sigh, I ran a hand over his face.
Then I kissed him. Really and truly kissed him.
Neither of us had said it yet, but we were in love. The words would come soon. Right now we needed the peace and security to relax and get comfortable in our relationship.
13
I SLEPT that night on the mattress top in the living room in case he needed help to get to the bathroom. We both knew it was easier for him to stand and get up off the couch, but he grumbled that he wanted me sleeping next to him.
I told him we’d see how he was doing in the morning. At least we got to sleep the night together in the same room.
The next morning broke sunny and beautiful, with birds singing and squirrels racing around outside.
Mitch said his ankle felt much better. After I helped him up, he tried putting a little weight on it, but finally let me help him to the bathroom, where he cleaned up. He had a couple of livid bruises on his hip and arm from the fall, but his ankle had gone from basketball to baseball size.
I fixed us breakfast, lugged the mattress upstairs, and put the front room back in order.
“You know, if I had some better crutches or a cane or something, I could walk around by myself.” Mitch was staring at his leg and foot propped on some couch pillows.
I wondered if this was the first time since his long hospital and rehab stay that he’d been sidelined.
“I’ll call Abe and Con and see if they know where I can get something. How about that?”
I thought he’d lighten up a little knowing he’d be mobile, but he was still frowning.
“Can we talk?” He asked it as if I was going to run away.
Hadn’t we said everything that needed saying last night? I’d awakened thinking everything was good between us. What’d I missed?
“Okay.” I dragged out the word as I sat next to him. “What’s up?”
He glanced over at me and then glared at his foot.
“So what did we decide last night?”
I put a hand on his cheek and leaned in to give him a kiss. We both groaned, and his hand came up to grab mine. Before we could ramp up to second gear, he ended the kiss.
“Good, that’s good. So we’re boyfriends, which is a horribly juvenile term but the only one I can come up with.”
“Yeah. You’re my first boyfriend.”
We broke up laughing at that.
Catching a breath, I agreed the term was stupid. But until somebody came up with something better and everyone knew we were a couple, well, we were stuck with it.
We talked about how we’d combine our lives. We agreed our main place would be here at my home, with Mitch’s townhouse being our occasional weekend getaway and his work stopover. He needed to be here most of the time to get the steak house ready for a grand opening in a year. He also agreed to let me update both houses so we’d be more comfortable.
“I’ve got to ask, Ben. Are you ready to go public? Or are we hiding?”
He was watching me like he didn’t want to be the one making the decision. Fuck that. I was all in and grinned at him.
“When was the last time you hid, Mitch?” I laughed. “I’d say we’re probably going to parade it, seeing as how Stone Acres isn’t all that big. It’d be like trying to hide Rita. We are what we are, baby.”
He chuckled and grabbed me. So much for the rest of the morning. We were too busy sealing our pact.
AT LUNCH he asked, “How about we start slow and invite your brothers to dinner?”
I scoffed at him as I cleaned up the mess around us. “Slow? What’s your definition of slow? I thought we were going pretty fast there earlier.”
Though I got where he was coming from. Before we went out in public as a couple, I needed for Abe and Con to know the news about their brother and his new boyfriend.
I spent the afternoon finding Mitch some comfortable crutches and setting up dinner with Abe and Con. We’d see how well Mitch could walk around today and reschedule if we needed to.
My brothers had been curious about why I wanted to take them out to dinner, but since I wanted to surprise them, I didn’t say anything.
Turned out the surprise was totally on me.
As we walked to the table at Stacey’s Steaks outside town, Abe looked up and said to Mitch, “How’s it going?” as if it was an everyday thing to see me anywhere with my hand on a guy’s back. Or maybe he couldn’t see the hand I was using to steady Mitch.
Con grinned at us and commented, “Both of you are looking good considering how much you resembled drowned rats the other night.”
I pulled Mitch’s chair out for him and got him settled before I gave him a kiss.
“Aww. Isn’t that sweet?�
�� Con turned to Abe and held out his hand. “Told you.”
Abe took a twenty out of his wallet and slapped it down on Con’s palm.
They’d had a bet on me and Mitch getting together? And for a measly twenty?
“Hey, now. I think we’re worth more than a Jackson!” I protested.
They both guffawed.
“It wasn’t about who, little brother. It was about when.”
By this time, Mitch was chuckling so hard tears were running down his cheeks, and he was shaking.
“Welcome to the family.” Abe turned toward Mitch. “You break his heart, I kill you. Just so we understand.”
Mitch might have been laughing, but Abe was dead serious. I felt like I was a teenager.
“Now, Dad,” I started, but Abe cut me off.
“You break his heart, little brother, we’ll be having words.”
Mitch sputtered to a stop. “Wait a sec. That’s not fair. I break his heart, and I’m dead. He breaks mine, and he gets a scolding? You can’t be serious.”
“Like I said, welcome to the family.”
Fortunately, the waitress came by before there was any shouting. After she left, Con turned to Mitch.
“Just so you know, we’re a fierce lot, us Behrs. Grizzlies take lessons from us.”
Before I could say anything, one of my buddies and his wife were on top of us, raving about how we’d found the boy and commiserating about Mitch’s injury. While we were talking, Mitch had grabbed me. Our clasped hands stood out on the pure white tablecloth.
Other than glancing at them and smirking at each other, neither one of the couple commented. But I could hear the grind of the rumor mill starting.
After they left, we were periodically visited by couples and singles stopping by to thank us for the rescue and sympathizing with Mitch on his fall.
During one of the lulls, Abe turned to Mitch and said, “You know, Stacy’s here is your biggest competition near Stone Acres.”
Mitch stopped eating and looked around.
“No, not really.” He plucked at the white tablecloth. “I’m thinking more along the lines of a family place. Somewhere kids can go to play games like pinball and Mario Brothers. I see every kid, no matter how young or old, getting a deputy badge and some coins for the machines while their parents eat a decent steak dinner. If there are going to be tablecloths, they’ll be wipeable plastic or red-and-white-checkered ones. You don’t see any kids in here. Or in Adam’s place for that matter.”