by Kate Stewart
“Oh, shit,” he said with a sly grin, “challenge accepted.”
“Don’t get your hopes ups. My high school boyfriend still has blue balls.”
“Really?” Reid said as he brushed my lips with his fingers. “And your virginity wasn’t sacred?”
I sighed. “It was supposed to be. Gave it to the wrong guy. I know that’s a shitty second, but it’s all I have.”
“Damn, this is going to make me a pervert. Now it’ll be all I think about.”
“It’s not that big of a deal,” I said as he lathered me up from my toes then turned his back after he handed me the washcloth.
“The hell it’s not,” he said with sincerity that had me laughing. “I’m taking this very seriously, Estella Rosa Maria Emerson.”
“Well, calling me by my full name is definitely not going to get you there. My mother did it daily to remind me how serious she was. And now I can’t even look at you naked,” I said, shielding my face from him. “It’s echoing in my head like a broken record now. Great.”
Reid chuckled and leaned into the shitty excuse for a showerhead, his lips on my ear, and rubbed himself across my back as he slid his hand down my stomach. I lost my breath. My heart pounded as he reminded me exactly who I was in the shower with. “Reid,” I said breathlessly as I leaned into his seductive touch.
“Yeah?”
“Reid,” I gasped.
“What, Stella?” he whispered as his middle finger danced along my clit before he dipped it low.
“She’s going to forgive us, right?” He pulled away from me and I turned to face him.
He looked gorgeous, his dark hair pushed back from his face, soaked and inked, his defined muscles shedding water. “I don’t know.”
“Sorry, I . . . sorry,” I said, my eyes watering. “But what if she doesn’t forgive you?”
He pressed me into the stall, his hands at work, and doing their job well. “You can keep asking, Stella, but I don’t know the answer.”
“Fine. I’m sorry. I’ll shut up.”
“’Bout time,” he said as he cut off my retort with his hungry tongue.
Chapter Twenty
Down with the Sickness: Disturbed
Addiction sneaks up on you. It’s a subtle thing. You get a taste, you revel in the buzz, and then you begin to crave another hit. You know the high is temporary, but the craving is a bitch.
And I was beginning to crave Reid Crowne.
He was the perfect drug. And I never knew when the next hit was coming. Curled up on the shitty red couch in The Garage, I watched him with growing thirst. And it wasn’t just Reid, though he was enough. It was the need for his music. I’d never been so close to the process, and it was fascinating to watch. The birth of a new song, of something different and distinctly the Dead Sergeants. Sometimes they just jammed until they recognized a niche. And though some of the time they acted like clowns—especially Ben and Rye, who seemed to have a bad case of the stooges—they took their music seriously. And when it worked, my scalp prickled with awareness, my arms filled with goose bumps.
I knew, without a doubt, the band had a huge future, and I could feel it happening between them. Reid only reacted to Ben when he played. He would glance up at him when prompted but mostly just lost himself, and I loved it. After a few hours in the overheated shit hole they rented, the shirts came off. Reid tucked his in the back pocket of his jeans as he beat his drums mercilessly. I couldn’t help but to get a little bothered by the display of hungry, raw men in front of me.
Ben was beautiful; his nice guy disguise was deceiving as hell. It was what was in his eyes that spoke the truth about him. And his voice was capable of anything. I couldn’t wait for Lexi to witness what I was, front and center. In the midst of a love fest with the band and a lust fest with the oblivious drummer, reality bitch slapped me.
Paige: You have mail here.
Can I come get it?
Paige: Neil will drop it off.
Thanks.
I stared at my phone and waited. Was she reaching out? What could I say? Neil had forbidden her from doing more than talking to Reid in passing. It was bullshit, pure and simple. She was on a control trip, but she was losing. And I had a feeling Neil was getting the shit end of the stick. I’d finally called my parents. And after an hour of my father yelling at me, he passed the phone to my mother.
That was hell, but I managed to plead my case, and shortly after, I was getting angry texts from my sister. Apparently, they gave her an earful after they got off the phone with me. I can’t say I didn’t smile a little when I got her shitty excuses.
Ben sat next to me on the couch as they finished their last set. Reid was still screwing around with a back and forth he was working on for a new song.
“What’s up, beautiful? Who are you texting?”
“Not Lexi,” I answered with a grin.
He curled his lip and then leaned in. “He’s less bitchy these days.”
“I promise he’s not.” We both chuckled.
“I fucking heard that,” Reid said from his set, his eyes finally connecting with mine.
“Look at the two of you. It’s adorable,” Ben said, unfazed by Reid’s menacing tone. “I see a bright future for you kids.”
Reid stayed tight-lipped as I looked anywhere but at him. Reid started his beat as I leaned over to whisper to Ben. “We’re just stuck together in the corner.”
“Paige still giving you guys shit?” Ben asked. “Not cool.”
“It’s like I came and screwed everything up,” I said low so only Ben could hear. He nodded and then gave me a good view of his sparkling white teeth—not a single cavity. “It could be worse. You could be sleeping with Rye,” he said as he nodded his head toward him. Rye was ripping through chords, thrusting his hips as if he were screwing air. We both dissolved into quick laughter as Ben pulled me into his side. “His ex, Lia, I hated her,” he whispered. “I mean I fucking hated her. She was toxic and she played the victim. It was always about her. Always. I think you’re good for him. That wreck was her fault.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I know her. And he hinted around to it, but won’t fully admit it. They were arguing. He was breaking up with her again, and she pulled the wheel. Shit, I’m busted.”
Reid glared at us from his drum set and then pointedly at Ben’s hand wrapped around my shoulder.
“Want to stop pawing her, dickhead?”
“I like it when you get all alpha, baby,” Ben cooed.
So do I.
Reid stood from his stool, his hair dripping with sweat, chest glistening, and walked toward us, pushing his arms through his shirt. He pulled me to stand as he kept his eyes on Ben. “Let’s go.”
On the way home, Reid stopped at a twenty-four-hour store so I could buy some decent shampoo and other things I’d gone without since I’d been staying with him. I’d made enough tips on our last shift to put some food in the fridge, but felt the heaviness of his steps as I continued to add to the cart. We walked the aisles silently. He was exhausted, and I was on edge. I couldn’t help the feeling I was in trouble, but his eyes told me differently when he glanced my way. But the silence remained, and I got a mere ten feet from the store when I couldn’t take it anymore.
“What?”
He continued walking and unlocked his truck, putting the bags in and taking mine from my hand when I caught up with him. He climbed in, and I had no choice but to follow. Starting the engine, he glanced over at me. I was in trouble.
“I like to keep my life private, Stella.”
“Is Ben not a close friend?”
“I just don’t like my shit talked about in the open,” he said with his hands on the steering wheel, eyes straight ahead.
I shrugged. “I didn’t start that conversation.”
“I would just really fucking appreciate it if you keep what’s between us, between us.”
“Fine,” I said, unable to argue with his posture or the tone of his
voice.
He laughed, and I hated the sound of it. It was cruel. “Sure you can handle that?”
“Now you want to fight?” I snapped.
A sinking feeling hit me as he drove us back to his apartment. It was more than awkward. I couldn’t leave. Once Reid had carried the groceries in, he grabbed one of his notebooks and hit the porch.
I threw myself into cleaning, and when he didn’t come back inside, decided to bury myself in a new article. I was halfway done with “John for Mayer” when Reid came inside. I didn’t look up. I didn’t bother to acknowledge him. I just kept typing. Even when he showered and laid down on the mattress, I kept my head down. I hated my situation. I had absolutely no power, no leg to stand on. I vowed to myself then and there I would never let myself be put in the position to be at someone’s mercy, ever, for love or music.
It was as if the last of the wool was pried from my eyes. The world Reid lived in seemed ugly and cruel, and I was terrified because all I wanted to do was drown in it with him. Anger radiated through me at the helplessness and the guilt. I missed my sister. I missed my carefree life in Dallas. I missed Reid three feet away from me.
Salty tears slipped down my face and I wiped them away and kept typing. Thinking better of it, I decided to carry my crybaby ass to the porch so I wouldn’t disturb him. I pulled the buds from my ears and felt his fingers brush my ankle.
I looked over my screen to see him staring at me. “Come here.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Liar,” he said with a smug twist of his lips. “Come on, it’s late.”
“I need to check my email tomorrow,” I said, ignoring him.
“Did you save that?” he asked as his fingers brushed my calf. Every single nerve fired off and my nipples drew tight.
“Stella,” he said in a low and demanding whisper.
He reached up and closed my screen. I shot him a deadly stare. “Don’t ever do that to a writer, okay? It’s just as dangerous as cutting off a drummer’s fucking fingers.”
His low chuckle set my insides on fire, but I remained where I was as he seduced me with his lazy touch.
“But you want these fingers right now, don’t you?”
Yes. “Go to sleep, Reid.”
“Not without you, come here,” he said, inching closer, his cheek resting on the back of his hand on the edge of the mattress, a soft and predatory light in his eyes as he moved his other hand to caress my thigh.
My body betrayed me, and I sat there thoroughly seduced while his fingers drifted past the hem of my shorts. I moaned while he softly stroked the crease of my thigh, his eyes blazing.
“The Velvet Underground and Deftones,” he said on a whisper, “my favorite bands.” Breathless, I unplugged my iPod and “Change” by the Deftones sounded between us. Reid’s brows spiked as he gripped the crotch of my panties, tugging hard until I slid his way on the carpet. I felt material give and shrieked as he got me in his clutches and pulled me onto the mattress beneath him. I stared up at him in shock.
He gripped my fingers before they could reach his hair and tapped them to his temple. “You fuck me up, here,” he said hoarsely, and then put my hand flat on his chest and wordlessly pressed it there. Gripping the hem of my T-shirt, he tossed the material onto my chest before he ripped away my shorts and ruined panties. “You exhaust me. You make me tired, Stella, so fucking tired. I want you and I want to do it right, but I’m so annoyed right now. All I want to do is make you wet and fuck you until it hurts.” His fingers dipped before he leaned over me. “You keep pushing me,” he said aggressively as he flipped my bra up and slid his tongue across my nipple while he spread me wide. “You don’t want this, Stella.”
“I do,” I said as he kneeled between my thighs, gripped my ass, pulled me onto him, and thrust in deep.
Something between a scream and a moan escaped as he ripped into me, raw, primitive, and hungry. I gripped the tattered sheet as he drove in, full of punishment and warning. His intent clear, I was scared, completely terrified of what I felt for him in that moment. Because no matter how much I tried to convince myself I could get my bearings with the feelings I had for him, he brushed those bricks of resolve away like they were feathers.
It was too late.
I was in love, and he was embedded.
Teeth gnashing, he held my waist as he fucked me raw as promised, leaving bruises on my skin. Still, even with his punishment, the warmth spread. Too much to resist, he bent his head and kissed me. And we sank into it, in discovery and everything that was growing between us. Rolling his hips, he hit me deep, his length sliding against my clit. I gasped his name as he worked me, wrecked me, and I burst around him, my body shaking in release. He gripped my mouth and watched me implode, commanding my noises, my gaze. Eyes burning, he pressed his finger into my mouth, and I sucked until he pulled out, ripped off the condom, and pumped himself empty.
Breathless and lying next to each other, I couldn’t help my smile. He lay quietly, staring at the ceiling. He was thinking, heavy. I wanted to close the lingering distance between us, so I kissed his chest, and his gaze drifted to mine. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask, but his eyes told me I didn’t want to know what burned behind them.
Chapter Twenty-One
Sugar, We’re Going Down: Fall Out Boy
The following afternoon, my sister pounded on the door like the damned police. It was clear when Reid opened it a few minutes later she had interrupted something. I held my breath as she walked past us toward the kitchen. “I need one of you to cover my shift. No one else will do it, and, well, can one of you go in?”
“I’ll go. Reid has a show,” I offered as she looked around the apartment and then took a step back on a gasp. Incredulous eyes looked over at Reid as she gawked at him. “She took all the furniture, everything?” Reid stood stone-jawed as Paige walked around the apartment. “What in the hell, Reid? This is how you’ve been living since she left?” Her tears were instant as she looked over at me. “This is how you’ve been living with him?”
“Stop acting like you care. We’re fine,” I said with my arms crossed. “You’re covered. I’ll get dressed right now.”
“I’ll drive you,” she said. I looked at Reid, whose defeated posture relayed he was just dying to get out of the situation.
“Fine.” I pulled a clean black shirt out of my duffle and changed in front of them both. Paige winced and stared us down, a scowl on her face when she cornered Reid. “Why did you let her leave you like this?”
I turned on my sonic ears as I raced to the bathroom to get a hair tie. I was dying for the same answers.
“Paige,” he said, “drop it.”
“Hell no, you aren’t this big of a pushover. She took everything! This place was fully furnished. A mattress on the floor, Reid?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“How can you say that?” Paige was pushing harder than I ever had.
“Hey!” I said, carefully breaking up the impending fight. “Can we go?” I walked over to Reid and mouthed “sorry” and told him I would meet him at his show before walking out the door. I paced at the foot of the stairs for ten minutes and was about to go back up when Paige walked down.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“Nothing,” she said with a heavy sigh. “Let’s go.”
We got in the car, and I was thankful when she turned the key and the radio struck up “Heart-Shaped Box” by Nirvana. I didn’t want to talk to her, though I was itching to find out what conversation she just had with Reid. Even more curious to see if she’d made him more resentful of our situation.
For once, I kept quiet. I wasn’t in the mood to defend myself.
“He didn’t live like that,” she said after a few minutes. “Their place was nice. It was nothing like it is now.”
I didn’t know who she was reassuring, herself or me. “I don’t know why he would let her do that, even if—”
Then she had my attention. “Even if w
hat?”
“Nothing. It just doesn’t make sense. He’s a smart guy. He’s not a sucker.”
“Guilt. Maybe he was guilted,” I said as I looked over at her pointedly and insinuated she was doing the same to us. “But, Paige, the accident wasn’t his fault.”
We pulled up to the restaurant.
“How do you know?”
“I just know,” I said, grabbing my apron from her dash.
“He was the one driving,” she pointed out on her high horse.
“And she was the one who caused it,” I said in monotone. I didn’t have it in me to keep defending him to her. As much as she claimed to care about him, she never really gave him the benefit of the doubt. I had no doubt Reid wasn’t a sucker. I just think he’d been sucker punched one too many times to care about defending himself.
“I know you think I’m just some raging bitch—”
Angry tears surfaced and I jerked myself together. “I’ll never forgive you,” I whispered as I turned to stare at her. “Ever. No matter what happens between Reid and me. And it’s not because I’m sleeping on a mattress on the floor. I’d rather be there with him than doing your dishes and sleeping on your couch. You threw me on my ass and turned your back on me because I didn’t do what you told me to. I’m not your kid. You don’t get to make decisions for me. I’m your sister. And Reid might be your friend, but that’s all he is: your friend.”
Her eyes narrowed. “You just blew in like the tornado you are and screwed everything up. You aren’t an innocent victim. You’re drama and you know it. It’s my job to look after you but, hey, you want freedom, you’re on your own now.”
“Don’t I know it!” I yelled as I got out of the car and she moved to stand on the other side of the hood. “I didn’t do it to hurt you, Paige.”
“But look at us now, none of us talking. Nothing’s the same.”