Promise Me Forever (Top Shelf Romance)

by Kate Stewart

  “I’ve tried to be sympathetic to your situation, but it’s gotten out of hand. There are many other people who need to work as well. People who can show up for their shifts.”

  He walked away, but I couldn’t let it end there. I’d beg. I had no options, and no options meant no pride. I pleaded with the manager and made every promise possible that I knew I couldn’t keep until he lost any show of sympathy and forcefully showed me, with his hand on my arm, to the door.

  The sound of the restaurant door slamming behind me as I stood on the street echoed ominously around me. This waitressing gig was my only source of income, and now it was gone. I balled my fist and entertained the idea of shattering the front window. If I could afford the hospital bill after I broke my hand, I might have tried. I knew it wasn’t Jerry’s fault I lost my job. It wasn’t anyone’s fault that I was the world’s biggest fuck-up.

  When it became clear Jerry wouldn’t offer me another chance, I started down the street. It was nearly a hundred degrees outside since we were in the middle of summer. The heat made me consider the impossible, but then a cool breeze swept by, and I decided to outrun the sun was best left to the professionals.

  My walk gave me plenty of time to agonize over what awaited me when I made it home. Maybe the sun would take pity on me, and I’d go up in flames.

  Chicago moved around me, completely oblivious to my own world crashing around me yet again. I needed a distraction. My fingers itched for my pencil and pad. I could create another world with the stroke of my hand and get lost within it.

  And by lost, I meant hide.

  The hustle and bustle of the city used to excite me but now it only made me miss home.

  But home wasn’t home anymore—not without my father.

  He used to bring me to the city, and we’d visit our favorite ice cream shop and goof around for hours, sometimes days, during the summer. Of course, that was all before my mother died and he decided he preferred to avoid me.

  I relocated permanently when my aunt and uncle kicked me out after graduation. I spent the first half of my summer pretending to wait for my first semester of college. That lasted until my aunt walked in on me stepping out of the shower and caught a front row view of the invasion in my belly.

  I was thrown out on my ass that very day, and the next thirteen months became a constant battle for survival.

  I wanted to hate my aunt and uncle more than I already did, but that would mean denying my pregnancy hadn’t been my fault.

  And Aaron’s.

  When I tried to come clean about what resulted after that night, he pretended we were strangers. Aaron’s denial was the final turning point down a path different from the one my father paved for me. Daddy’s dream that I’d go to college died by my hands. My aunt and uncle helped long before I’d gotten pregnant. The money my father hid from my aunt and uncle had only lasted me a year before it ran dry. While my father entrusted his brother to me because he had no choice, he still took measures to protect me from them. When I was kicked out, I used the funds he set aside to get by. Unfortunately, it hadn’t been enough. Turns out, my aunt and uncle’s hospitality came with a hefty price tag, which cut into the money he was able to leave me.

  I stretched every penny and saved, but none of it mattered in the end.

  Daddy had been sentenced to twenty-five years in maximum security. His sentence killed our hope of being reunited sooner than later. I remember watching my father when the verdict was delivered and later when he was sentenced. He never reacted. He sat there unmoving and unsurprised.

  He’d lied to me.

  He knew he wasn’t going to get off. He played me to lessen the pain only to amplify it the day he was taken away in cuffs for the final time.

  Our first and only visit occurred two and a half years ago. That was when he forbade me to come back.

  “I don’t want you to come back. Not for me.”

  “Why wouldn’t I come see you? You’re my dad. You’re all I have.”

  “You have so much time left. I don’t. I want you to use your time to make something better. This is it for me. Your future is the only thing I can make right. And that means I can’t be a part of it anymore.”

  I can still feel the heat from the tears I shed over him, the hurt in my heart, and the emptiness I was left with when he turned his back on me for the last time.

  After five minutes of struggling through the June heat, I reached the quarter-mile mark of my journey…the bus stop. Behind me, I could hear the rumble from the exhausted bus engine approach. My feet stopped moving, and I watched it roll to a stop. The hiss of the brakes engaging and then the door swinging open, greeted me.

  Fuck it.

  Weakly, I ascended the few steps and reached inside my bag to pay. My tattered wallet was already open and staring back at me was an empty pocket.

  The driver became impatient and grumbled, “It’s two bucks to ride, miss.”

  I nodded.

  Embarrassed and worn, I wordlessly stepped down. Bus rides were a luxury best reserved for when time wasn’t on my side. I figured we’d eat more often if I didn’t make city transportation another monthly reason to struggle.

  Yesterday, when I was in danger of missing my shift, I had no choice but to catch the bus.

  And so went the only two bucks I had to spare. I didn’t always end a shift with a pocket full of cash. Yesterday’s tips had been spent on groceries and supplies for the week and the two measly bucks I had before my shift was spent to save a job I no longer had.

  If today had gone as planned, there would have been no sun, and I wouldn’t have needed to be saved by a bus. I would have walked through a dangerous city at night with a pocket full of cash I made from tips, and everything would have been okay.

  But today wasn’t a day for plans.

  I survived the rest of the trek to the subsidized apartment building I called home. My clothes stuck to my skin as I entered the run down building. As much as I dreaded facing the music, I wanted out of them more.

  After I had been evicted from the decent apartment I rented while pregnant, I was forced to lower my living standards. The payments became too hard to make each month, and the manager was no longer willing to offer extensions without him getting blown on occasion. After I had refused him, the smell of piss stained hallways and the drug addicts that decorated them became my new reality.

  I held my breath and waded through the living dead looking for their next hit and made my way to the stairs.

  I hated the stairs as much as I hated the building.

  It wasn’t the way a few of the boards were missing or how the ones still intact creaked. It was the constant groping and pinching I had to endure from the addicts and the dealers that chose to make the hallways their storefront.

  The elevator was no longer an option.

  The steel doors that were designed to keep people from falling to their death when closed were left open when it broke down, and the owners didn’t find it necessary to have it rectified.

  “You’re home early.” I trudged into my third-floor apartment and found, Anna, my friend and neighbor, waiting on my tattered couch.

  “Uh, yeah. I kind of got fired,” I confessed and toed off my shoes.

  “Oh, no! It’s totally my fault!” She hopped up from the couch with her hands covering her mouth. “I’m so sorry I was late!”

  “It’s not your fault, Anna. You’re just a kid.” Anna was seventeen years old and the most genuine person I’d ever known. After she Caylen, she volunteered to babysit for free, which I readily agreed but under the condition that I pay her anyway. So far, I’d been able to hold up my end of the bargain—until tonight.

  “Yeah, but so are you,” she countered.

  “I’m a nineteen-year-old single mother. I’m not a kid anymore.”

  She fell silent as her face lost its normal perky hue. I kicked myself and stumbled to apologize just when her eyes brightened again. “Hey, I have a thought! In a few months, he
should start walking.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Well, you’ll have a better chance of keeping up with him. My mom had me when she was only sixteen. She says she was lucky she was young enough to keep up with me after my father up and died and left her with a kid he forced her to keep in the first place.”

  I waited for the explosion of anger and hurt that never came. “She really said that?”

  She shrugged and didn’t appear bothered, which only broke my heart for her more. “Why wouldn’t she? It’s true.” Her gaze lifted from her feet and met mine. “It’s okay really,” she assured. She laughed, but even a deaf person could tell it was forced. “I’m used to being repeatedly told how I’m a burden who ruined her perfect body.”

  I wasn’t a violent person. I preferred avoiding people who upset or hurt me, but her mother made me want my first taste of blood. Anna’s father died in a car accident when she was six. A drunk driver t-boned his car, killing him instantly. Since then, she’s been under the sole care of her irresponsible mother. Her father and mother’s families had long written them off thanks to Brandi.

  When I moved in seven months ago, we formed an instant bond. Our friendship never felt forced because we had more in common than I’d ever had with anyone, including Erin. She’d still been around until Caylen was born and then decided a baby in the mix would cramp her style. I haven’t heard from her since, and even after twelve years of friendship, I didn’t feel any love lost.

  Anna’s eyes were clouded, and as someone who shared her pain, I knew all too well the dark place she was headed. “Where is Brandi, anyway?”

  She rolled her eyes, and my shoulders relaxed. Anger was sometimes less dangerous than sadness. “Off with her latest boyfriend.” She huffed. “She is so selfish! She was the reason I was late to babysit Caylen, you know?”

  “It’s okay, Anna. That job wasn’t going anywhere anyway.”

  She frowned. “What are you going to do for money?”

  I shrugged as if I wasn’t breaking into tiny irreparable pieces. “I’ll do what I’ve always done. I’ll find another one.”

  She appeared thoughtful. “Until then, don’t worry about paying me. I’ll still babysit for you when you need to look for work.”

  I sighed and felt at least one of my burdens disappear. “You’re an angel, you know that? I promise to pay you as soon as I can.”

  “It’s no problem. I love Caylen.” I nodded. “And he loves you, Mian.” I nodded again. “It will get better.” I didn’t react that time. She’d said the same thing each time I lost a gig or the lights were turned off. I just wasn’t sure I believed her anymore.

  The sudden intrusion of Caylen’s cries filtered from the only bedroom in the apartment, which we shared. “I have to get that.”

  We laughed and ignored the heaviness in the room. After seeing Anna out, I made my way to the bedroom. Across the room, in the crib I had found for a bargain, was the reason I even still tried.

  I smiled when I saw that he had managed to kick off his blanket and continue to throw a tantrum fit for an eight-month-old. I scooped him up and cradled his warm body against my chest. He no longer screamed, but his fussing went on as he tried to eat his fist.

  “I’ll guess you’re hungry, huh, little guy?” I left our bedroom and entered the kitchen. I hadn’t had the chance to prep his bottles before leaving for work, so I made quick work of it one-handed while attempting to soothe him. After popping the bottle in the microwave, I took stock of what we had and calculated we had enough food and diapers to survive another week. Whatever I did, I had to move fast. Time moved fast when you didn’t want it to.

  Tomorrow, I’d search the papers and every square inch of the city by foot if I had to.

  There were thousands of restaurants in the city.

  One of them had to be hiring.

  I was still jobless after a week of scouring as many places as I could, as often as I could. I even took Caylen with me on the cooler days to search for work. I was now down to the last of our food with no money and no solutions.

  “Mian?”

  I recognized the voice and groaned. Joseph ‘Joey’ Jones was my second-floor neighbor. He lived here with his mom since he was seventeen and still in high school. He also had an unfailing crush on Anna and begged me to talk him up to her every time we ran into each other. The one time I asked, Anna had made it clear she wasn’t interested. “Not my type and never will be,” is what she said. I pushed through the fronts doors and quickened my pace when the sound of his footsteps grew closer.

  “Hey, wait up!”

  I could hear him breathing now so I turned and forced a smile. “Hey, Joey. What’s up?”

  “Damn, girl. I had to run after you. Did you not hear me?”

  “Nope.”

  “Oh, that’s cool. So where are you headed?”

  I shrugged. “Nowhere special.” I attempted casual but his bushy eyebrows bunched together under his backward red cap. I could even see the riots of dark curls peeking out from under it.

  “Why so secretive?” He chuckled and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his cargo shorts. I’ve known Joey since the first day I moved in, and he had offered to help me unload my meager belongings. He’s always been nice and helpful and even chauffeured Caylen and me around in his beat up old Chevrolet when the weather was too bad to trek it. I had no real reason not to trust him.

  It’s just that trusting people with your secrets made you vulnerable, and I’d had enough of that already.

  “I lost my job,” I offered. “I’m hunting for a new one.” I left out the part about me being destitute and almost out of food.

  “With Caylen?” He nodded to him strapped to my chest. The carrier had been a godsend in the form of a hand-me-down I graciously accepted from Tara who lived on the first floor. She had seen me struggling to carry Caylen and two handfuls of groceries one day and had helped me carry them. After thanking her for the help, she’d reappeared at my door with the carrier. Turns out, she had a two-year-old son who’d outgrown it. I turned it down, feeling wrong for taking from a stranger until she patted her arm where her birth control was planted and reassured me she had no plans of having another one.

  “Anna’s working today.”

  “Right.” He looked from me to the baby and then met my gaze again. “I could watch him if you want.”

  I hesitated because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Joey’s maturity level wasn’t quite there for me to trust him with my baby. “That’s okay. I’m just filling out applications today.”

  It was a lie I was hoping he didn’t see through. I was actually heading to one of the only payphones that probably still existed. I had scraped up change in a few junk drawers and planned to use it to call the last two people I ever wanted to ask for help.

  “Oh, okay then.” I nodded and turned away. “Before you go…”

  Damn it.

  “Yes?” I really wanted to get this phone call over with before I backed out altogether. Joey was threatening that.

  “Have you talked to Anna lately?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “About me.”

  “Joey…”

  “I know what you’re going to say, but maybe she’s changed her mind!”

  “Why don’t you just talk to her yourself?”

  “Because…”

  “Because what?”

  “Because she’s beautiful,” he answered softly. His eyes shone with admiration, making me wonder just how deep his crush actually went.

  “And you have trouble talking to beautiful girls?”

  I wondered what that meant for me since he talked to me just fine. I wasn’t conceited, but I never considered myself unattractive either. Feeling self-conscious, I ran my fingers through my hair in a subtle attempt to improve my appearance. I suppose it’s what I got for letting stress make me not care what I looked like.

  His laugh broke through my self-loathing, and I cut him with my glare. “O
f course not or else I wouldn’t be able to talk to you either.” I actually blushed, but then remembered this wasn’t about me. “It’s just that I see her as someone I want to…” He blushed.

  “Have sex with?”

  He flinched at the bite in my tone. “No! More than that. I just don’t know how to explain what Anna means to me.”

  Oh, jeez. He was in love with her!

  It was sweet yet incredibly tragic since I knew without a doubt that Anna would never feel the same.

  “Joey?”

  “Yeah?”

  “If it’s meant to be, it will be.” Jeez, that was lame but what else could I say?

  He nodded and studied his feet. I expected him to argue or to launch into one of his many crazy schemes he came up with to make Anna love him, but instead, he turned with shoulders low and walked back into the building.

  I stared at the door and considered going after him but what good would it do? Lying to him wouldn’t help him either.

  “And the award for World’s Biggest Asshole goes to Mian Ross,” I mumbled.

  “This is the Ross residence.” Hearing my aunt’s nasal voice made me consider hanging up, but then, my baby boy cooed and wriggled against me with his adoring and trusting eyes staring up at me. He didn’t deserve to suffer because of my pride, so I took a deep breath.

  “Aunt Gretchen, how are you?”

  “Who is speaking?” The temperature drop in her tone told me she knew exactly who was speaking.

  “It’s Mian.”

  “Mian. Hmmm. I hope you’re well,” she answered. I could almost hear her derisive snort. “Why are you calling?”

  “I—we… need your help.”

  “Mian, really—”

  “Please, Aunt Gretchen. I lost my job, and I’m out of money. If not for me then could you consider your great nephew?”

  “I’m sorry, Mian. We gave you a chance but you chose to be just like your father. You chose to sin over God, so now you have to pay your penance. Please don’t call us again.” The line died. The only family I had left and the only way for my son or me to eat tonight had tossed me away like trash for the second time.