Without Saddles & Racks, I had no means of making an income. I had money in the bank, but that would only get me so far. And what if Ashleigh didn't want anything serious with me? Could I still work for Saddles & Racks, knowing that the person I loved didn't love me back? I'd never been put in the situation where I could potentially have my heart broken, and it fucking scared the shit out of me.
So, I did what I knew how to do—if only for one more night.
While we waited for our food to arrive, I led Ashleigh to my bedroom and into the connecting bathroom. We began to strip off our clothes. "I say we burn these and never wear this shit again," I suggested.
"I'm going to need something to wear tomorrow." She lifted off her tank top.
"I'm sure I can find you something to wear." I discarded my T-shirt.
She gave me a what the fuck look as she took off her shorts. "You seriously think I can fit in your clothes?"
Yes, Ashleigh was curvier than me, but that was what I loved about her. See, it just comes out without me knowing. I love her. "I have basketball shorts that your fine ass will fit in. Don't you worry."
"Well, let's wait to burn our clothes after we know for sure."
I took off my shorts. "Fine, but you're not going to be needing any clothes for the rest of the night."
Ashleigh bit her bottom lip. "Good."
I groaned deep in my throat and moved to her, cupping the back of her neck and bringing her face to mine. Our lips met, and I didn't hesitate to devour her mouth, slipping my tongue inside to work with hers. It had been days since we'd last kissed with the passion and lust we shared, and I was starving for more than just food.
Backing her up, I reached inside the shower and turned on the water, hoping I would get the temperature right. I couldn't break the kiss because I needed her that much. I needed her to know that even after not showering for days, I still wanted her, and I still found her sexy as hell.
"I need to go grab a condom," I said against her mouth.
"Okay." Her eyes fluttered open.
"Get the water just right, and I'll be back." I left her and went to the stash I had for my dates, and then hurried back.
We had about twenty minutes before our food would arrive, and I wasn't going to waste a second of it. My dick was already at full mast when I returned, and I discarded my boxers and slipped on the condom before stepping inside the shower behind Ashleigh. We were no strangers to shower sex. Every morning—and sometimes at night—we showered together in Fiji. So, like a well-choreographed dance, I tangoed with more than just her mouth.
"A part of me thought I'd never get to eat a burger again." Ashleigh sighed and leaned back on the couch.
"Me too," I groaned as I leaned back.
We had both polished off our burgers and fries, and I was stuffed, but that was the best fucking burger I'd ever had. It was amazing how everything seemed different after a traumatic event.
She yawned. "It's going to be either weird or the best night of sleep ever sleeping in a bed again."
"Not just any bed." I grinned. "My bed."
"Is it comfortable?"
"Only one way to find out." I stood and held out my hand for her to take.
It hit me as I wrapped her in my arms after we crawled into my bed naked that it was the first time I would be sharing my bed—and with the woman I never wanted to leave it.
Fuck …
I woke with a hard dick.
Wasn't the first time I had since I started dating Ashleigh a week ago, but I was certain we hadn't moved a muscle the entire time we slept. Well, besides the muscle that was resting against her ass perfectly.
The problem was, I wasn't any clearer on what to do about us.
I wanted there to be an us, but there was no way I could quit my job on a whim, and I knew that a woman who wanted to come home each night to one man wouldn't be okay with dating a male escort. Everyone I knew who had tried to make a relationship work while staying in the game had failed and had their heart broken.
I didn't want my heart broken, and maybe I was a coward, but I couldn't tell Ashleigh how I felt, because even if she did feel the same way, I couldn't quit Saddles & Racks. I had no military or gun training like Gabe, Paul, and Brad, and I wasn't a teacher like Vinny. I literally had nothing to fall back on or offer Ashleigh. There was no way she would want to be with a loser like me. So, once again, and for the last time, I did what I knew how to do.
Except this time was more.
Brushing Ashleigh's long brown hair out of the way, I leaned forward and pressed feather-like kisses along her smooth, tanned skin. She stirred, moaning as she turned onto her back.
"I'm going to miss waking up to this."
I didn't respond. Instead, I moved to rest between her parted legs, and kissed my way down her throat to her breasts, giving each one attention and making her arch her back. I didn't stop my feasting, moving down to kiss her stomach on my way to her pussy.
Her pussy that I was going to miss the taste of.
Her pussy that I was going to miss having wrapped around my dick.
Ashleigh spread her legs farther apart, already knowing my intention. When I took my first swipe, she hissed and grabbed fistfuls of my hair. She tugged as I devoured her, getting my fill and trying to ingrain her taste in my memory. Adding fingers, I worked her fast, curving them just right.
"I'm gonna come," she moaned.
I didn't stop, couldn't even if I’d wanted to, which I didn't. I needed to taste her cum as she clenched my head between her thighs, tipping over the edge. And when she did, I sucked her, drinking every drop of her arousal.
"God, you taste good. All of you. Every fucking inch." I rose and leaned over to the nightstand, grabbing a condom and rolling it on.
She looked up at me in a blissful haze, and I took a mental picture so I could remember that look forever. It pained me to know that someone else in the future would cause that look and get to hear her moans, taste her skin, feel her pussy clench around their dick.
All because I was a coward and a liar.
Ashleigh started to turn to get on all fours. It was usually how we fucked because I loved her ass and watching my balls slap against her as I pounded into her.
Not today.
"No," I said and reached out to stop her. Missionary wasn't my style, but being the selfish prick everyone thought I was, I needed it for our last time.
She gave me a confused look but then turned to lie on her back. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her what I needed—what I wanted—but again, I didn't. Instead, I sank between her parted legs, grabbed her hands, and pulled her arms over her head while I moved inside of her. She closed her eyes.
"Look at me," I whispered, and as we stared at each other, I had the feeling that she knew what I was doing.
This was goodbye.
My heart felt heavy.
Never had I ever thought that Nicholas Hawkins would make love, but he did. And he didn’t just make love, he made love to me. Slow, passionate lovemaking until we both came. As we laid together, I knew it was the final time unless I hired him again, which I wasn't going to. Not because I didn't want to keep seeing him, but because I didn't think my heart could handle it. I knew what he did for a living, and I wanted to find someone I didn't have to share, even if it was his job.
And what was I going to do? Say, "Hey, we just went through some shit, but before that, I fell in love with you, and I was wondering if you'd quit your job to be with me?"
Yeah, right.
Finally, we got out of bed, and Nick found shorts and a T-shirt for me to wear.
"I look like a slob," I said, looking at myself in the mirror.
"You're beautiful."
I smiled back at him. "Thank you, but I can't believe we're going out in public with me dressed like this."
"See if your friend messaged you back, and then you can get your own clothes."
After Nick had ordered our burgers the night before, I’d sent a mes
sage to Adriane to let her know that I was back in town safe, but I had lost my phone and keys. She had sent me a message asking if I was in the tsunami, and I just gave her the bare minimum of information. I didn't go into detail because I wasn't ready to tell her, especially over social media, about the kidnapping ordeal.
"Yeah, let me go check."
"I'll see what I have in the fridge to make to eat, and also fix us coffee."
"Okay."
Nick kissed my cheek and then went downstairs while I went to his other room where the computer was. After it booted up, I logged into Facebook. There were two messages: one from Adriane, and the other from my sister. I read Adriane's first:
I'm so glad you're home safe. I was so worried about you and, of course, I've missed you! Can't wait to hear about your brains being fucked out of your head! I'll stop by before work and put the key under the teal flower pot on your patio. Call me when you get your new phone.
Adriane was the reason why I’d hired Nick. She'd told me her boss was married to a cop who had male escorts as friends—was that Seth, who had come to rescue us? It had to be, right?
I read my sister's message next:
I called the doorman at my apartment in New York. He said Doug hasn't come home. Do you know how I can find out if the bodies are him and his parents? Call me. Love you!
I sent her a message back, telling her that I didn't have my phone, but I would call her once I had one and asked her for her number. I also told her that I would see if I could find out about the bodies.
"Hey," I said, walking into the kitchen. "My key should be at my place. My friend left it under a flower pot."
"Great. I'm making us coffee. I don't trust my eggs to still be good, so after we drink our coffee, we'll stop by and get you a change of clothes."
"You can just drop me off if you want."
He turned and leaned against the counter, crossing his arms and legs. A coffee cup was behind him, filling with java goodness from his Keurig. "Trying to get rid of me?"
"No." I snorted. "I just don't want you to feel like you need to cart me around town."
"We're in the same situation, Ash. We both need to go to the DMV, and we both need to get new phones. I don't mind going with you. You know we'll be at the DMV for hours, so we might as well go together."
Of course, I wanted to go with him, but I felt as though he was saying goodbye to me earlier, and I didn't want him to feel obligated to still spend time with me. "Okay. Also, I heard from Everleigh."
"What hotel are they at?"
"Actually, she didn't say."
The coffee stopped, and Nick turned around and grabbed the mug before handing it to me. He went to the fridge for creamer. "What did she say then?"
"She said that she contacted her building, and Douglas hadn’t been home. She wants to know how to find out if the bodies are him and his parents."
The jug of creamer halted in his outreached hand for a second. "Do we really think it could be?"
I shrugged as I grabbed the bottle. "We know that they left to go to that airport."
He went to the Keurig and started a cup of coffee for himself. "Once we get phones, I'll call Paul and see if he or Joss can find out anything."
We drank our coffee and then headed back to my place. I found the key under the flower pot. "Make yourself at home," I said as I opened the door. "I'll be quick."
"I'm in no rush." Nick smiled. I was going to miss that smile.
I went upstairs to my bedroom and threw on shorts and a tank top. I brushed my hair and teeth and put on light makeup, hoping I wasn't going to have to take a new driver's license picture. Just like Nick, I hadn't taken all of my credit cards with me to Fiji. He had used his last night to get us dinner through the delivery service, so I grabbed one and then went back downstairs. Nick had made himself at home by sitting on my couch with his feet on my coffee table and watching TV. I liked seeing him comfortable in my space. I was comfortable in his home, too.
"Ready?" I asked.
"Yep." He clicked off the television and followed me to the front door. "Look at us running errands together like an old married couple."
"Who are you calling old?" I chuckled.
He laughed. "Touché. I am older than you, though."
I locked my door. "Yeah, and you'll be forty before me."
"Forty ain't old," he countered as we walked toward his Land Rover. "Some of my friends are pushing forty."
"The ones who came to Fiji?"
He nodded and opened my door. I slid in. "Yeah. Well, not pushing forty, but most of them are in their thirties." Nick got in on his side.
"I remember when I thought thirty was old. Now that it's less than five years away, I don't think it's old at all."
"Same. I'm still going to be able to get drunk and fuck all night for my Dirty Thirty in less than three years."
"I don't doubt that." I chuckled. "Do you already have plans?"
He shook his head and pulled away from the curb. "Nah, but I can tell you this, I'm not going back to Fiji."
Just like any other time, the DMV was packed, but lucky for us, there was a kiosk to get replacement driver's licenses, and it didn't take long at all. It was the fastest I'd ever been in and out of a DMV.
When we had our paper copies, Nick drove us to the cell phone store. Thankfully, we had the same provider. While he was getting his phone, I was setting mine up so I could call Everleigh and see if she had an update before I bothered Joss.
"Hello?"
"It's Ash."
"Finally, I have your number."
"Yeah." I smiled as I looked over at Nick. He had a lot to do with my rekindled relationship with my sister. "We're good now. Any updates?"
"No, I haven't found out anything or heard from Doug."
"Nick is getting his phone now, and then he said he'd call Paul to see if he could find out for you."
"Thank you. I really appreciate it."
"What are you guys up to?"
"We're staying at Excalibur on The Strip, and we took the tram this morning to Luxor and Mandalay Bay, but Dad got tired, and now we're resting."
How did I not see that my father was sick? The entire time we were in Fiji, I knew he was being quiet, but I thought it had to do with the drama and choosing to stay out of it. Maybe he just wasn't feeling well but had to put on a show because his daughter was getting married. Apparently, everyone was putting on a show.
"I can have Nick drop me off. We haven't had lunch yet, and I'm starving if you guys want to grab a bite."
I heard her cover the phone with her hand, but I could still make out what she said. "Ash wants to know if we want to meet up for lunch?" She came back on the phone. "Yeah. Let me give you our room number."
She did, and then we hung up. Nick came over to me. "I talked to Everleigh. Can you drop me off at Excalibur? I’m going to have lunch with my family."
"Oh." He pulled his head back. "Right, I have shit to do too. Like, call my boss and whatever."
I frowned slightly. The plan was to do the DMV and get new cell phones. I didn't think he'd want to spend more time with me, especially since I wasn't paying him. "I mean—"
He smiled warmly. "No worries, baby. Go spend time with your family while they're here."
"Can you still see if Paul and Joss can find out anything about Douglas?"
"Sure thing. I'll text or call you if they find anything out."
"Thank you."
We put each other's numbers in our new phones before heading back to his SUV. The entire drive to the hotel was quiet and unlike us. It was really starting to sink in that this was the end. I would get out of his car, say goodbye, and then we would both go back to our normal lives.
Nick pulled up to the main entrance for the hotel and stopped behind a taxi. "Thank you for everything," I said, not knowing what else to say.
"You know you can call me if you ever need anything, right?"
I smiled. "Thank you. I'll remember that."
/> He leaned over slightly and cupped my cheek. "Even though we almost died, I really wouldn't change anything about that trip—well, okay. I would change the ending." We both chuckled. "I had a good time, and I'm grateful that you took me with you. I'm going to miss you."
I felt my throat start to close, and tears prick my eyes. "I'm going to miss you too."
He leaned in farther and brushed his lips to mine. "Any man would be lucky to call you his, and I know that one day you'll find that guy who will come home to you every night."
I nodded, not able to say anything. The tears were threatening to spill over, and I didn't want to cry in front of him. I couldn't let him know that my stupid heart wanted him to come home to me every night.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a hotel worker approaching. Nick saw too. "I gotta go before they make me pay to park or something. Take care of yourself, okay?"
"You too," I whispered.
He leaned in again and pressed his lips to mine one final time.
Two days later, my bed still smelled like Ashleigh, and I struggled to start my day. Maybe that was because I couldn't get her out of my head. I'd only texted her once to tell her that Paul and Joss were trying to get in touch with the authorities in Fiji but hadn't been successful. For all I knew—because Ashleigh hadn't told me either way—Dougie had made contact with Everleigh, and she was going back to New York to deal with her fake marriage.
It felt like the author of that story had stopped writing the book halfway through, and there was nothing except blank pages now. Oh, who was I kidding? I didn't fucking read books, but I still wanted to know what would happen with Ashleigh and her family. I needed to know if Dougie was behind the kidnapping because it was odd to me that he went to the airport without Everleigh, even if the marriage was a sham. I thought he would need his new bride by his side to collect his inheritance.
My phone chimed with a text, and I reached over and grabbed it off the nightstand.
Mark: Are you ready to work again?
Paradise & Vodka (Saddles & Racks Book 6) Page 13